"The worst pain you can feel is not physical. Loneliness. It is mental, emotional. The words hurt like a slap, but the melancholy is like stabs. It rips you apart ever-so slowly from the inside out and overrides all happiness. You feel as though you'll never feel happy and joyous again. Like you'll just keep sinking, and sinking into yourself until you are nothing more than an empty shell of what used to be.
You try to think of times when you once did feel happy, and you cling desperately to the fading memories like a life support. You're having a mental warfare within, but outside no one around notices. And if they do see past your carefully-built facade, they ignore it. They don't want to be troubled by you and your depression.
You reach out to them in the hopes that you can leave your heavy solitude, and they continue to push you away from them like your a beggar on the street. 'Please, I just need a friend. One friend, please help, me!' You sit outside the window of reality, the rain clouds pouring down upon your head. You look through the glass, and you see the smiling faces of the others. You feel like you've been there before, but by then happiness is just a distant memory, so far out of the reach of your mind yet still there somewhere. They don't see you or notice your pain.
Your sanity wavers, and your drowning. It's hard to breath as you cry yourself to sleep every night, and it gets harder. When you get over the insomnia, you are only to be faced with the horrid nightmares that cause you to scream and cry and comfort yourself because you have no one. Sometimes you have peaceful, dreamless sleeps, and when you wake up, it's just another nightmare to face. You wonder how you ended up here in this deep pool of sadness.
As the days go on, you stop caring about it so much. People call you cold because you're always lashing out at them. But it's the only way you know how to cope. You're surrounded by people everyday, and yet you still feel alone. There's no way to get away from it, the loneliness. Just when you think you have escaped, right before you find happiness, you turn the corner and slam right into the negativity and you're alone again. It forces you to your knees, and you sob for the umpteenth time.
When you cry alone, you only sink further. When you cry around others, they tell you to get over it. They don't understand, and they never did. You're screaming, now, just to be heard over everything. You can't hear, or see like you once did. Everything is gray and dark. The world has lost its color, and you feel as though you're to blame.
You don't remember when everything changed. It felt as though you had just awoken one day, and everything you once knew was different. There was a time when it first started that you had tried to fix everything, you tried to climb out of the once-shallow pit. But it only grew deeper over time, bringing you down with it. You would try climbing up, and right when you reach the top, you come tumbling back down into the awaiting arms of darkness. It comforts you, soothes you, and yet you still feel pain. Your friends and family had left you in the hole, walking over you as you pleaded for help. You were forsaken by all.
You gave up after a while, and stopped pursuing others' comfort after the countless times that you didn't receive it. They only make it worse, make it hurt. You feel useless and weak. Like the fifth wheel attached to the slowly moving vehicle known as life. You stay, though, even when others push you away, even as you're slowly dying on the inside. All the tears and the pain; you put up with it.
You can still just faintly remember happiness, and it brings a sad, painful smile to your face every time. You grow lost in a reverie of when you were younger, and you see yourself smiling and giggling and happy like all children should be. Naive. You've changed since then, but you want to be that way again, so you stay. You know something good will come even if you can't see it just yet. All you can do is hope and pray that that day will be soon. It could always be tomorrow, after all.
You go to sleep now with a sense of purpose. You are strong. You go through the ever-lasting sadness because you want to be something, somebody again. You nursed your own wounds when you realized that no one else would. You smile for the first time in a long time.
Everyone else are the weak ones. They hadn't been through what you had, hadn't seen what you see, hadn't felt what you feel, and they would have given up way in the beginning. You didn't. You want to find your happy ending. You need to know why you were born, and what purpose you have to this world. You'll find out soon, you're sure of that. You can suffer a little longer if it means that you won't have to put up with it soon enough. You can have a happy life.
But these are empty promises. You force them upon your mind as you slowly go insane. Happy endings aren't true. Happiness does not last a life-time; it lasts only for a few precious moments. Melancholy can linger for long periods of time, for forever, boring into the soul and marking it as theirs'. Life isn't like the fairy tales that your mother used to read to you when you were a young child.
Death is a sad thing, but everyone dies eventually. Everything has an end. That was how the cruel game of life worked. You just pray that you can finally do something with your existence before then. The only thing you can do is hope for tomorrow to be better than today. It's all you've got left, after all.
Broken bones and bruises only hurt for a short while. They heal easily. But loneliness will drown you slowly over time, eating away at your mind and body. It's impossible to forget it and move on. There is no cure for it, and it spreads like a cancer. It can be gotten rid of at an early stage, but most have locked themselves in solitude by then and try to fix it themselves. That only makes it worse, and it grows faster.
Loneliness; it kills you day after day. Strips you bare and leaves you lying there, cold and hungry in a bleak landscape. You wander aimlessly and continue to find nothing until you finally can't take it anymore, and you give into the madness or end the suffering. Loneliness; ...it's the worst pain you can feel."
~ Me, The_Eternal_Lullaby
Originally Posted by johnnymcmurphy
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