“Hey little guy” Lulu whispers to the mouse. “Roland? Right? Pretty sure that’s what that crazy fucker called you.” she asks him with a shaky smile, giving him the thumbs up sign, as she creeps up to the edge of the shelving to ensure they are still alone. A small sigh of relief escapes her lips, as she confirms that she is in fact alone, with the exception of the mouse.
Glancing in his direction, “Don’t suppose you know the way out of here, do you?” she asks him, her voice tinged with sarcasm. “I need to get out of here, but would rather not go the way Jan went. ” she mutters more to herself than anything. Although the thought crosses her mind that if Roland did actually answer her questions, would she even be surprised? Probably not.
In her stationary search of the store room, trying to see if there is another exit, a small squeak from Roland brings her green eyes back to his small beady black ones. Has he moved? He seems to be closer to her, but maybe it was just her imagination. Shifting her weight slightly she moves from her crouched position to just sit flat on the floor. Her butt landing on the floor causing a small cloud of dust to puff gently around her. “Well I guess we might as well stay here a bit, right buddy?” she laughs mirthlessly at him. His small nose twitching giving the impression he agrees with her.
“you know, I used to have a mouse once” she tells him. “her name was Peanut” she tells him, watching his little nose twitch, his little whiskers glinting in the murky light. “she was black with a cute little swatch of white on her shoulder. She was adorable and if squinted my eyes just right, you could see that her white patch was actually in the shape of a heart” she told him, recalling the little pet she had.
“we used to have great times Peanut and me. I used to smuggle her to the back yard, and let her play in my sand box. She used to like to run around my doll house too! climbing on the tables and chairs. She was like Godzilla! ” she continued on, her face softening into a smile recalling her rodent friend. “my mom used to get SO mad when I would let her play in the laundry baskets full of clothing. But she liked it ya know? the clothes all warm from the dryer, and truth be told, I think Mom wasn’t really mad? Just kinda pretended to be.” the image of the mouse peeking out at her from underwear and t-shirts flashing through her mind, causing her to chuckle, unexpectedly. “don’t have to tell you though, good things just never seem to last, do they Roland” the small bit of warmth generated by the memory, suddenly draining away as fast as it had appeared.
Watching as his nose keeps twitching, she continues talking to him as if he had asked her a question “What happened to her? You ask? Well let’s just say it was ugly and that was the last pet I ever had” a frown replacing the smile recently etched on her face. “I won’t bore you with the details little guy. That story didn’t have a good ending” Closing her eyes for a minute, the memory comes back as if it just happened.
“is that mouse in my laundry again?” she asked me for the hundredth time from the kitchen.
“Yes ma” was the reply, “Peanut likes it in there” added after the fact as I play with my small toys on the floor, quickly glancing to make sure she was still in the basket beside me. My face beaming upon confirmation that she is in fact, wriggling as only a mouse can through the warm clothes from the dryer her nose twitching along.
The rusted sound of the screen door slamming shut behind me means that he is home. The instant flood of tension in my stomach twisting to terror as I realize I shouldn’t be here. I forgot the time and stayed here too long, playing. I should have been in my room by now. I knew better, but what is time to an eight year old? What kind of day would today be?
“hey” is the grunted greeting in my direction. I don’t respond. The stink of him hitting my nostrils as I try to be still, so still. Sweat and alcohol. Alcohol and sweat. It’s overpowering to my small nose, which means he’s close. Too close. If I don’t move, he will ignore me. Some days. Maybe this will be one of those days. His breathing is raspy and heavy, his enormous bulk overshadowing me in the space, making me want to flee. It’s too late now. To move now would be disastrous.
The silent prayer begins… Go away, go away, go away… I chant to myself the words spoken silently and swiftly as to be one word, goawaygoawaygoaway, without a pause. I still haven’t moved, frozen, waiting. My breath is caught in my chest almost to the point of painful. The sound of shuffling feet tell me he’s turning away, maybe today will be different than most I hope. The small sigh of relief has almost escaped my mouth when his meaty arm reaches out in my peripheral vision and grabs a shirt from the basket.
“Peanut” I scream at him, my voice shrill and terrified the silent prayer forgotten in my fear for her safety. His bellow of disgust and anger roar in the small space between us as his hand fly’s in my direction. Calluses and grease intermingled to form a skin tone the color of wax. The connection is powerful and direct and the blow to my face sends me reeling backwards in the room. I land on my ass and slide on the tile to crash into a nearby kitchen chair propped against the wall. It effectively stops me and I know the bruises on my back will very visible. I am unable to move and my breath hurts and won’t come right, stiches up my side burning as I try desperately to breath. My eyesight is fuzzy and my mouth tastes funny. That flat copper taste that tastes like pennies. A taste unfortunately that I know well enough. My mouth is full of it and It makes me nauseous, instantly. Even in my pain, I know better than to cry that will only make it worse.
Through my blurred vision I watch stunned, the struggle to breath still an problem as he grabs Peanut in the clothing making sure I see her within the fabric of a faded and worn blue T-Shirt. She squeaks in fear at being plucked from her playful haven, but I am helpless. He turns to look at me sprawled where I landed from his attention. The horrific mask of glee on his face only cements the fact that these are her last moments on this earth. With a sickening pop, and a crunching noise resounding in my ears, I can’t even scream as he laughs and tosses the bloodied shirt at my feet, the remains of my friend destroyed within the folds.
“told you before, keep your rat outta the laundry” he grunts heading to the pantry, passing my mother as she heads to me to fix the damage, once again. I know she’ll pay the price later for helping me, the only thing she can hope for is that he’ll pass out and forget but I doubt it.
Breaking out of her nostalgia, Lulu remembers where she is. “don't you worry Roland. I won't cry!” she tells him, her eyes glistening a bit. Something sounding like bitter laughter escaping her lips after the statement, doing her best to believe the white lie she just told the small mouse.
“Believe me, ALL my tears are long gone now” moving slowly off the floor, she leans herself closer and moving with aching slowness, she reaches out her slight hand to him. “it’s you and me buddy, let’s get outta here safe, ok?” and grasps him lightly in her palm.
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