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CuteLilRedhead
01-03-2011, 02:05 PM
This is my story. It may not be important or even interesting but I am lucky enough to say I have a story.
Who am I? I have never known the answer to that question. I am a human. I am a waste of space. I am a mistake. I am a whole lot of misery for a whole lot of people. I haven't done anything special nor do I think I ever will. This may be depressing but I'm not here to sugar coat the truth. This is me in all of my glory. Take me or leave me but either way i am still here.
I may not be much of anything but I am strong. I know that. I have taken a lot of shit and I am still here.
Lets begin with telling you how my problems all began. My father. If that's even worthy enough to be a title for him. I usually call him my sperm donor, but for this we'll stick with father. He was a jackass, dumb-ass, and asshole all wrapped into one. He drank beer a lot. He was probably drunk more times than he was sober. He was a liar and a man whore. And I hate him with every fiber of my being. I hate the part of me that resembles him.. My nose, my smart ass personality, and my tendency to do stupid shit without thinking about it. There are some people who just shouldn't reproduce and my father was one of them. Funny how he has four kids. Anyway, I first realized what an asshole he was when I was 12. I still went to his house but there was never really any talking. It was "Hi, Dad." then downstairs to play video games until Sunday evening when mom came to pick me up then there was "Bye, Dad." Like I said, not a lot of talking. Then when I was 16 me and mom moved to Florida. That's when I stopped talking to the man all together. Then when we came home that Christmas I got a text message that read "Merry Christmas." From Dad.... The man had the nerve to send me a Merry Christmas after he forgot about my birthday? Happy Sweet Sixteen to me! I didn't care. What was he to me? Well, he was the first guy to ever break my heart. Still today if i talk about him aloud I cry. Stupid Anna! You know that they are just words! Stop crying! You know that words can be twisted into a fantasy! You're stronger than this! You're stronger than words!
... I guess not.
Next came Tony. He was a real charmer. He was trouble from the get-go. He had a girlfriend and she hated me. If there was a chance for her to push me into the fires of Hell, she would in less than a heart beat. But I wasn't after her. I was after her man. Tony and I became friends. Good friends actually. His dad loved me. His dad's girlfriend loved me. And his best friend loved me. They all three hated the girlfriend. She was too controlling. But they put up with her because Tony loved her. Whatever. I was the girl that listened to him. Talked to him. Made him laugh when she had brought him down. I thought that I was winning my way to being his girlfriend. Nope. He loved her enough to make me the 'other woman'. I didn't care though. He said he loved me and that's all I could really ask for until I heard him say the same words to her... That killed me. Well me and him were friends for 3 years until the day he told me that he didn't love me anymore and that we could still be friends. Yeah, rip my heart out and tear it into two and we can still be friends... I put up with it. I put on that smile that hides all the pain and agony that you feel inside and I was a good friend. Until the day he stopped talking to me. I'm not sure why but I figured it was me. From that point on, I have been numb in a relationship until Jeremy.
Jeremy is my newest heartbreak. He was my longest real relationship. He was my first... well... everything. I am still in love with him. But he has put me through my own personal Hell. But I know he loves me. Well sometimes. You see, he has a bad temper. Not like a hitting temper. If he ever hit me he'd have a bad situation on his hands. But when he gets mad, his personality changes. He tells me things that hurt deeply. And he has cheated on me and lied to me and broken every promise he ever made to me. But I love him. And I will love him forever and a day.
I am Anna and I am not much of anything. But I am a lover and I know my love will be good enough for someone, someday....