Anne Bonny
12-09-2009, 05:17 AM
I just don't understand.
We were a happy group once, a flock I thought. A family. You chose me, you took me home. I sang for you and you kissed me. We were happy. I gave you everything, all my love, my heart, my life. I would have given you the sun itself if I knew how. But I must not have done enough.
You moved away, slowly, quietly. I sat in my cage, waiting for you to come say "Hello!" like you used to, so I can say it back. I watched you walk by, in a hurry, always in a hurry. Our eyes never meet anymore. Did I do something wrong for you to put me in this corner? For you to cast me out of your flock? I cannot live alone. I cannot bear it. I love you. I miss you.
I try everything to get you to remember me. When I cry out for you, I get a response. Even if you yell at me, I know you remember me. I'm sorry if I make you angry, but it's the only way you talk to me anymore. I tried singing to you like I used to. I tried saying hello as you hurry by. You do not notice those things anymore. So I scream in my misery. I don't know what else to do.
I remember the first feather I pulled out. It disgusted me to hold it's shaft in my beak, and my leg stung for some time after. I was ashamed. But I felt something besides sadness, loneliness, and boredom. I did it again. And again. I cannot stop, though my legs are cold and I am ugly. I see it in your eyes when you feed me; you think I am ugly too. I was once beautiful, with long green and grey and blue feathers that shimmered in the sunlight. I used to take care of myself. But you do not seem to love me anymore. Why should I take care of myself then? Does it matter if I am ugly and cold? I don't know.
I wish for us to be a family again, but maybe I've forgotten how. Once, so long ago, you reached for me and I bit your hand. I was startled and excited that you wanted me, and in my surprise I hurt you. I am so sorry. I love you, and I never mean to hurt you. But I don't understand you anymore.
If I am a burden, I am sad for it. But didn't you take me in to your home? Didn't you promise to love me forever? I thought you had. I must have misunderstood. I am just a simple bird, and you are a complex, busy person. I am sad, and sometimes angry. But I will never stop loving you.
We were a happy group once, a flock I thought. A family. You chose me, you took me home. I sang for you and you kissed me. We were happy. I gave you everything, all my love, my heart, my life. I would have given you the sun itself if I knew how. But I must not have done enough.
You moved away, slowly, quietly. I sat in my cage, waiting for you to come say "Hello!" like you used to, so I can say it back. I watched you walk by, in a hurry, always in a hurry. Our eyes never meet anymore. Did I do something wrong for you to put me in this corner? For you to cast me out of your flock? I cannot live alone. I cannot bear it. I love you. I miss you.
I try everything to get you to remember me. When I cry out for you, I get a response. Even if you yell at me, I know you remember me. I'm sorry if I make you angry, but it's the only way you talk to me anymore. I tried singing to you like I used to. I tried saying hello as you hurry by. You do not notice those things anymore. So I scream in my misery. I don't know what else to do.
I remember the first feather I pulled out. It disgusted me to hold it's shaft in my beak, and my leg stung for some time after. I was ashamed. But I felt something besides sadness, loneliness, and boredom. I did it again. And again. I cannot stop, though my legs are cold and I am ugly. I see it in your eyes when you feed me; you think I am ugly too. I was once beautiful, with long green and grey and blue feathers that shimmered in the sunlight. I used to take care of myself. But you do not seem to love me anymore. Why should I take care of myself then? Does it matter if I am ugly and cold? I don't know.
I wish for us to be a family again, but maybe I've forgotten how. Once, so long ago, you reached for me and I bit your hand. I was startled and excited that you wanted me, and in my surprise I hurt you. I am so sorry. I love you, and I never mean to hurt you. But I don't understand you anymore.
If I am a burden, I am sad for it. But didn't you take me in to your home? Didn't you promise to love me forever? I thought you had. I must have misunderstood. I am just a simple bird, and you are a complex, busy person. I am sad, and sometimes angry. But I will never stop loving you.