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View Full Version : Metalmania: The Metalocalypse Has Begun [M]



VardenV2
01-26-2010, 07:01 AM
The skies crackle a deep red. Looming black clouds pour torrents of bloody rain onto the burnt husk that was once the earth. Lightning fizzles in and out of the clouds, illuminating the chaos below. In unison, numerous booming voices come down from the heavens:

"GO FORTH, FINISH MY WORK, AND CLEANSE THE WORLD OF THIS FILTH THAT DARES DEFILE THE SACRED WAYS OF ROCK!"

A select few look up into the heavens, touched by their message. These chosen Champions of Rock bow their heads and receive the blessing of the Metal Gods. Their instruments seethe with power. Weapons of rock are placed in their hands, and powers far beyond imagining have been granted to the chosen ones. A crackling beam of red lightning pierces through the clouds and strikes the Champions of metal upon their bowed heads. The voices ring out again saying:

"Hvengelmir Devilfist, I assign you the task of slaying that which is known as, Disney Singers. The most dreaded of these is one known as Miley Cyrus, and her intrepid trio of idiocy, the Jonas Brothers. Do not take this task lightly. The power of over advertisement, endorsement and the hopes of millions of adolescent girls has certainly made these opponents strong!"

"Members of Mass Media Void, you have proven yourself powerful in the ways of Metal and industry. I assign you all the task of destroying the attrocity known as Country Music. There will certainly be many foes along the way. Trials await you that have never been seen before. You will encounter beasts of a kind you have never seen, all the while, converted beasts of hell and metal will pester in order to prevent you from destroying their twisted makers!"

"Frank Gannon. I have watched you work for years and I see that your skills are great. Travel these lands and seek out the other champions. You will recognize them when you see them. Many beasts await you on your path, but I have no doubt that you will prevail. Gain followers and lead an army of brutality to aid the fellow Champions in their quests."

"Grinlock. You have earned the title of soul-beater. Now I call upon you to continue your trek down the path of brutality and stem the tide of battle. Many questers will need an experienced hand such as yours. Travel the lands, search for key items to aid your fellow men. I trust that your ability to beat souls will not prevent you from destroying whatever you encounter."

"Ahhhhh, Gabriel. I give you the task of removing the stain that is Rap from the face of the earth. Teach the world the ways of awesomeness and brutality and peace shall reign at last. Seek out relics of power and other Champions to aid you in your quest. The powers of Rap and pop music are not weak, and will take an army of Metal to slay. I bestow this task to you."

"GO! AND ROCK THIS WORLD WITH A POWER THAT NO MORTAL HAS EVER SEEN!"

With that, the storms clear, the wind stops, the screams cease to echo and the lightning slowly fades. Each champion rises, weapons, instruments, and powers in hand. They are ready to go forth and purge the world in a wave of brutality and metal!

StormWolf
01-26-2010, 07:19 AM
The booming voices of the Gods of Metal shook the very fabric of reality that surrounded Hvengelmir. He knew their call and he bowed to his mighty Gods without hesitation. His long golden hair was matted and red from the blood rain, his skin had a tinge of red from the rain, giving him the appearance of a mighty warrior. Upon hearing his part in this Metal Crusade, Hvengelmir rose after being struck by the godly bolt of pure brutality.

Hvengelmir's blood burned with hatred of the Disney Singers and their feeble fans. Their booze-free concerts and events were a disgrace to the very name of music.

"Gods of Metal! Hear my Oath now! I swear by the Hammer of Thor that I will complete this tast for you!" Hvengelmir raised Mjolnir in the air, his thick, muscular arm popping with veins and surged with raw, hardcore power.

The sky cleared, leaving Devilfist soaked in blood and filled to the brim with the mighty hatred for inferior music and fans that only Metal can bestow upon a mortal. Slinging his guitar to his back and holstering his sawed-off shotgun, Matilda, on his thigh, Hvengelmir Devilfist marched towards the sounds of screeching pre-teen fangirls off in the distance.

"What blasphemy is this??!!" Hvengelmir roared, the inside of his mouth like a furnace, smoke wafting from his mouth and nostrils. "These weakling musicians have tit-less fangirls!?!!?! What has this world come to!!!!!????"

The brutal voice of Hvengelmir carried along the wasted city and reached the ears of the nearby fangirl mob. They reared their pig-tailed heads to see the Metal Viking of Doom, Hammer in hand. These fangirls leared from their over-guarding parents that singers like Hvengelmir hated the world and used their music to try and summon the Devil. With their retarded innocence, they charged.

The high-pitched shrieks of the rabble rushing at Hvengelmir made his ice-blue eyes tighten with hate and irritation.

"Let us do battle, then!!! For VALHALLA!!!!"

Lord Tully
01-26-2010, 04:30 PM
Grinlock looked to the heavens as the voice of the Gods boomed down upon him, "Yes my lords I hear you!!" And with that he lept on to his mighty steed (A kick ass metalized moter cycle) and rode fast into his quest, but stopped almost immediatly when he realized that he didn't know what to look for.

"Hold on one fucking moment," he shouted to the sky, "Mind telling me what 'key itemes' you were thinking about? Or did you just want my to wander around aimlessly like an asshole, until I tripped on something useful for this quest?"

VardenV2
01-26-2010, 08:41 PM
The booming voice replied:
"Grinlock, you shall find your items when you least exect it. However, I DO have a task for you. The first item you must find is the key to the sacred tunnels of The Underpath. Ride your motorcycle, travel to the deep south. Find the ancient ruins of Mashed Potatoes Johnson there will lie the key. Once you have obtained the key, open the living rock and enter into The Underpath. Do this and you shall revive the ancient Murdertrain, the means of travel for your fellow men. Beware of the deep south. Country and blues music runs strong throughout the land... As do hillbillies!!"

Crypes
01-26-2010, 10:34 PM
"Hmm, help metal become the unquestionably dominant music of the world? Well, it will help sales quite a bit...." He said, standing up after the vicious strike of lightning. "Now, where would I find a champion of rock that's trying to destroy an inferior form of music?" He muttered, looking around the abandoned alley he happened to be walking through at the time. And then it hit him harder than the lightning bolt when he saw it. A poster that read, Jonas Brothers, one day only! Frank grinned and pulled out his cellphone as he started walking to his car.

Behind the stage of the concert, a sound technician felt his phone vibrating and answered it, wondering who the unknown caller was. His eyes immediately turned red, and he was compelled to pick up a sand bag and slam his partner's head with it. As soon as the deed was done, he cut the sound from the control laptop and went on youtube to play a certain song for the idiot fans. It sounded something like this...

"You people give us something more than just record sales. You give us something to hate. And we hate you! You brainless mutants!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_sioHsT7GQ)

Now, please give a hand for Jack Black! Who has agreed to narrate this passage! (Simply because he's so good at telling stories of metal.)

"As the metal started, the stage hands began to panic in fear of the metal's power! They tried to stop the metal! But they failed and were stricken to the ground! Hahahah! Frank's new employee fought tooth and nail to defend the laptop! The metal would not be stopped! Leftover microphone stands were used by the thrall to beat away those in league with the defilers of metal! But one of the defilers decided to get smart! He dropped a stage light from above, to kill the metal's defense! He and his blood were spattered on the ground, and when all seemed most grim, the defilers stepped into the blood to be bloodrocuted by the powerline that had fallen with the light!

And then in the distance, the beast of metal appeared. It's engine roared! It's spiked wheels threw cement as it charged through the cultists! It left a trail of blood and destruction as the driver spotted the champion of metal he sought! The vehicle slid to a stop in front of the champion, chassis whipping around to send a crazed fangirl flying! The passenger's window opened and the man inside said, as calmly as could be,

According to the Gods of Metal, I'm your new manager. Need a lift?"

StormWolf
01-27-2010, 02:25 AM
The Metal Viking counter-charged the rabble of Jonas Brothers fangirls. His blue eyes like ice from the northern darkness he called home. Hvengelmir took Mjolnir in both hands, the warhead of Thor's mighty hammer crackled with the power that was Metal.

"May the Power of the Odinson..." Hvengelmir leapt into the air, his heavy and muscular form easily going over the inferior and frail bodies of the Jonas Fans. He raised his hammer high over his head, glowing white with the power of the Thunder God of Metal. "Smite you!" Hvengelmir roared as he landed. The hammer made contact with the earth, sending a shockwave of pure, awesome brutality out around the Metal Viking, the fangirls flying far, hitting the remains of buildings or hitting the asphalt many meters away.

The fangirls swarmed Hvengelmir, and he kept them at bay for a long as he could, swinging his hammer at the proper hight to hit the pre-teen bitches over the head and send them flying with a clap of thunder. Still they came, drowning him in their sickly sweet smell and their skull-shakingly high pitched screams. He was about to be over-run when....

"You people give us something more than just record sales. You give us something to hate. And we hate you! You brainless mutants!" The power of Dethklok's symphony of brutality empowered Hvengelmir. He slipped his hammer into it's belt-loop and pulled out his guitar, going insane on the strings, playing one of his favorite guitar solos, Crush My Battle Opponents Balls (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1uDpVeG8Cw&feature=related).

With every strum Hvengelmir made over is guitar, bolts of Thor's lightening rained from the sky, hitting the fangirl closest to the Metal Viking, causing the victims of the lightening to explode, leaving noting but a smoldering crater.... until the remans came raining down.

With Dethklok playing in lieu of the pathetic excuse for music that was the Jonas Brothers coupled with the raw and awesome destructive power of Hvengelmir's shredding, they retreated in the same manner they came, screaming about how they wanted the Jonas Brothers' babies. One of the fans remained. She turned and pointed at Hvengelmir.

"You... Demon! You destroyed a perfectly family-friendly event with your music! Why!!! Why!!!!???!! WH--??!?!?!?!??!" Before she could finish, a brutal automobile slammed into her, sending her flying. Hvengelmir looked from where the car came, seeing a bloody swathe of the hypnotized fangirls. The Metal Viking chuckled. Get them while they run. Nice move.

The tinted windows of the car lowered, revealing a calm man of high stature. Hvengelmir could smell the devilish intellect off of him.

"According to the Gods of Metal, I'm your new manager. Need a lift?" the man said. Hvengelmir surveyed the ride, one eyebrow quirked,

"Uh... yeah, sure." Hvengelmir said in his deep growl of a voice before climbing into the passenger seat. Hvengelmir held out a hand to the driver, or manager. "I am Hvengelmir Devilfist, the Metal Viking of Doom."

Lord Tully
01-27-2010, 03:27 AM
"A chance to kill Hillbilles? Hell yes!!! That almost as good as going after those shit heads the Jones Brothers, who defiled the work of the Masters." He looked around at the people slowly inching away from the Scottish man yelling at the sky. "We what the fuck are you looking at?" He ask as he mounted his motercycle once more and rode hard to meet those banjo playing fucks head on.

Before he had even crossed a few state lines a metalized limo dove up beside him flatening a few Europop listening pedestrians as it approched. One of the windows came down and a man inside shouted, "According to the Gods of Metal, I'm your new manager." Grinlock simply replied "Fuck off monkey suit, I don't need a fucking baby sitter!" and with that he brought his new sword down upon the hood of the car sending it into a front flip and going to top speed for the nex state border, mortal police tend to frown on that sort of thing.

VardenV2
01-31-2010, 03:45 AM
"I understand your commandments my lord. I shall go and do your will," stated Gabriel as he heared the booming voice from the heavens.

He rose from a kneeling position and glanced upwards to the sky. He tightened the belts holding his guitar and machine gun. He grabbed his massice scythe and looked at the gleaming blade. Many filthy followers of rap would be vanquished by the powers of metal.
Raising the black scythe into the air above him and closing his eyes, he sprouted dark vulture wings from his back. They flapped, kicking up dust, rubble, small bits of gravel, and the burnt remains of faces he had recently melted. Gabriel rose into the air and his eyes glowed a deep red. With one strong push from his wings, he soared across the horizon, in search for the first haven of rap.