Psychobabble

[Aurelia Courville]

Of course he'd say that. He was being paid to say things that made no sense, but in such a way that it sounded like he knew what he was talking about. So I told him something he most likely expected, but didn't want to hear, "Don't give me your



Psychobabble Bull


You're making my head hurt worse than my heart."

http://i655.photobucket.com/albums/uu274/ranilove2616/psychobabble-1.jpg


Original work. also posted on RPGC (http://www.rpgchat.com/showthread.php?86086-Psychobabble). Questions, comments concerns feel free to PM me.

[Aurelia Courville]

At some point, I realized death by drowining was not the way to go...

I lay there with him on our plush queen-sized bed. His short brown hair curled around my finger. His brown eyes locked on mine. The little hairs that made up his beard—more of a perpetual five o’clock shadow than a full one—tickled the bridge of my nose, but I didn’t want him to move away. I felt safe here, just he and I. Our bare skin touched one another; our body heats the only thing keeping each other warm. Legs and arms intertwined.

He hummed a little tune. One I did not recognize, but that wouldn’t matter, within mere minutes I was asleep and dreaming of things that would never be.

By the time his song was over, I had awaken again, though I was sure this was just another dream—a nightmare—I had awaken to a cold, dark and empty room with nothing but the soft hum of the TV in the other room.

I was shivering now, more from the thought of being alone in the dark then from the cold. Pulling the corners up around me, bundled tight, I cried myself to sleep.


I woke up feeling drained a few hours later—or maybe I’d slept through the whole day, I can’t really remember anymore. The sun still wasn’t up, but I couldn’t bear sleeping in that bed any longer. I knew he was gone. There was something in the way he touched me that told me so. I decided instead to wash away all feelings in a nice hot bath.

The atmosphere was calming. A dim orange glow about the small bathroom, the remaining space filled with the low, slow, piano. Classical. Turning off the rush of water I stepped in, slowly, letting my body get used to the warmth inch by inch.

I was so tired, exhausted really. Sitting now, I leaned back letting the heat of the water work its magic on my aches and pains. Each bruise I could see in the dim light bringing back memories of the night before. They weren’t necessarily bad bruises or memories, if you looked at it from a certain angle. Sex injuries, you know. But to me, for right now, they held about as much pleasure as getting punched in the gut.

I sighed.

“How stupid can a girl get?”

Wash cloth in hand, and the smell of some kind of exotic Moroccan scent mixing with the sandalwood bubble bath, I lathered myself up. It felt as if I were washing off years of shame, heartache and abandonment issues with each stroke. If anyone could have seen me at that moment, they would have witnessed someone who looked like she had given up all hope in the love; someone who had given up—lost herself in the big bad world.

With all of this in mind, I submersed myself in the tub, my legs curled to the side so I was completely under, as if baptizing myself a new. I’d lay there for awhile and let out a stream of tears I hadn’t realized I was holding in.

At some point I realized death by drowning was not a good idea. Instead I dragged myself out of the bathtub, forgoing the towel and instead, stood in front of the mirror fully exposed and dripping wet.

“Cordy, don’t forget to love yourself.”

[Aurelia Courville]

He stared at me for a long moment, and I let him. I was going to let him work for his money god damn it. He took in a breath and started in again.

“I want you to do something for me; do you think you could try?”
“Maybe. It depends."
“I want you to trust people—“
“No.” I cut him off. “Trusting people is what got me here in the first place.”

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1mf4pDyZ91qa9jx4o1_500.jpg ( http://syin.tumblr.com/)

[Aurelia Courville]

Can’t you recognize the difference between love and pity?

Cordelia are you okay?”
“Well hello to you too.”
“Hi. Now answer my question.”
“How is that the first thing you ask me? And with such urgency too.”
“You’re calling me at nine o’clock on a Wednesday. Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“…”
“That’s what I thought. I’m coming over.”
“No you don’t have to do that. I’m… I’ll be fine.”
“If you were ‘fine’ you wouldn’t be calling me. If you were ‘fine’ you would be at work. You are not fine. I’ll be there within the hour.”



Thirty minutes later my sister, Celia, was knocking on my apartment door. She worked nights as a bartender at one of the only 'GLTB' friendly bars in town, it explained why she was able to come all the way to my house after wondering why I wasn't at work this morning. It still didn't explain why she looked liked she'd stepped straight out of an Uppereast side party.

For the two years separating us we normally looked like twins, but on days like this, when I felt like a pitiful mess—a disheartened fool—my sister would look like a model standing next to me. She opted to keep her hair long, just past her shoulders in wavy black tresses. Her style was impeccable. A pink (probably real) silk Marc Jacobs dress and a black silk cocoon blazer and black pumps; simple and tasteful. I on the other hand looked like I’d just stepped out of Woodstock; still fashionable in that bohemian kind of way, but the disheveled hair and puffy red eyes and no make-up took the fashion away.

I opened the door a crack, posed with my hip cocked to one side and an unwilling smile on my face. “I told you, you didn’t have to come.”

There was amusement in her bright eyes and I opened the door all the way stepping aside to let her in.

“I take it this has to do with that guy, right? What’s his name Marielle?”
“Stop it. It’s Marcellus and you know that. But yes, if you must know, it is because of him.” I shut the door and followed her into my tiny closet sized living room. “But it’s not what you think. I did this to myself.”

She stopped, turned to me and sighed. I looked back at her.

Celia closed the gap between us in two quick strides. “Cordy,” her voice alone comforting me and I leaned in for a hug. “You fool. Can’t you recognize the difference between love and pity?” I stopped the hug mid lean and looked at her questioningly.

“You know you really suck at this comforting thing.” she laughed at that and pulled me in to a real hug.

“I’m quite sure that the solving of your emotional problems will enable you to lead a happy normal life.” she murmerd into my hair.

I rolled my eyes, and pushed out of her hold. What was she, my shrink?
“Oh piss off Lia.”

[Aurelia Courville]

My good mood vanished, replaced by the urge to flee. I waited for him to say something else, anything to get me to stay in this room.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say.” He had sighed, his low voice loaded with worry, sorrow and maybe a little guilt if I were reading it right. “I don’t even know why you’re here. You seem to know everything I’m going to say before I even say it, and even things that may catch you off guard, you shoot down with ease.”

“I like being difficult. Besides, I’m paying you to do your job, I’m not going to do it for you.”

“My job, is to make people self-sufficient. I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself.”

“Your job just got a lot harder.”

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0ji81j66b1qa9jx4o1_500.jpg ( http://syin.tumblr.com/)

[Aurelia Courville]

Maybe I should have stayed in the bathtub?

Lia had managed to persuade me into getting into a car with her for a—as she would put it—‘adventure’. In other words, we were going shopping.

“A little retail therapy,” she’d stated as we rode along in her all but quite Volkswagen, “is the best kind of therapy. And the only kind where you get what you pay for.”

I’d smiled, despite my unease of being out in the too bright day. It was a blatant contradiction to my mood, and I was having a hard time letting my own disposition switch to match it. The song that blasted through her stereo was from her European dance mix she’d loved so much and I had to fight off the urge to flick it off. It was a catchy tune, I just wasn’t in the state of mind to enjoy it.

We were on the highway now, and I paused when she’d sped right past our exit. “Uh… sis?” I’d asked cautiously. I had a tendency to be too much of a back seat driver, and though I had been trying to fix that, today, I just wasn’t making the effort. She’d looked at me out of the corner of her eye and I could tell she was trying not to smile. Uh oh , she had something up her sleeve. “No, seriously, what are you doing?”

“Just sit back and enjoy the ride sweetheart.” She’d said in an all too cool tone of voice. When had she ever known me to just sit back and enjoy a ride? I was always trying to be in control of my life. “We’re making a little detour. Picking up a…er… mutual friend.”

Mutual friend my ass. I knew whatever was going through her mind was not something I wanted to be privy to at the moment. I closed my eyes and willed this all not to be happening. Maybe I should have stayed in the bathtub?

Eventually she did take an exit of the highway. Her ‘detour’ had taken us thirty minutes out of the way. And that wasn’t even the bad part. I sunk down further and further into the passenger side seat and groaned audibly to show my annoyance and frustration. How could this day get any worse?

I was pretty sure the only ‘mutual friend’ we had all the way out here, wasn’t exactly a friend.

This ‘friend’ was our mother.

[Aurelia Courville]

A beat, and then, "I'm sorry, our time is up." Funny, he sounded so sincere. "I have to go out of town on Wednesday." but, "But, I'd really like to continue our session as soon as possible. I can tell Natalie to reschedule Wednesdays' appointment for tomorrow, and give you my personal cell in case you need anything while I'm away. Would that be okay?"

No "Yeah. Not like I will but whatever helps you sleep at night." He smiled crookedly and shuffled through his draws looking for a business card.

"You really do like being difficult don't you?" another flash of his pearly whites and I looked away.

Oh god, I'm falling for him. Trying to keep my voice even I replied, "It's what I do best." fight it, Cordy, it'll never work out between you. He had found a card, scribbled what I assumed was his cell number on the back and blew on the ink to dry it before handing it over to me. I stood up off the leather chaise lounge chair, breathing deeper than needed to keep myself from throwing up from the fluttering feeling in my stomach. I tentatively took the offered card and held it in my fisted hand as i crossed my arms over my chest.

"I really do hope I hear from you." Now why'd he have to go and say silly things like that.


http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l51erjxiGe1qa1yb2o1_500.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/nataliekucken/4497992548/)

[Aurelia Courville]

What have those boys done to you now?

Grateful that I had at least brushed my hair and put on the bare minimum of make-up (a slight brush of mascara and lip-gloss) and only at the behest of Lia, I stepped out of the car.

I was immediately hit with the mix of smells from childhood and my thoughts vacillated between rage and debilitating heartache. I had never thought that after high school, I would ever have fallen so low to have to come crying back to my mother for help. Yet here I stood looking at the house I'd grown up in, staring up at my loving mother whose smile alone made me want to run up and bury myself in her arms. She had an apron on, and I could smell the scent of cinnamon making it's way from the kitchen. She was baking cookies; oatmeal raisin, my favourite. Damn Lia and her sneaky ways.

"Hi mom." I tried to hide the pitiful tone in my voice, but was sure she'd heard it despite my efforts. She held out her arms and I could feel the draw strings pulling me to her.

"My poor poor baby. What have those boys done to you now?" though the words were almost lost as she said them to my hair, the meaning was clear, she hugged me too tight and stayed just a second too long. It made me feel even worse for making her worry.

"I'm sure whatever Lia told you was an exaggeration if there ever was one. I'm fine." I tried to put an emphasis on the last word but my mom wasn't buying it. Her face dripped disbelief and I frowned. "I'm fine."

"Well if you're fine, I suppose you won't want the cookies and ice cream I spent--"
"Well let's not get ahead of ourselves here!" I interrupted and this time my mothers smile was one of happiness and not pity.