Attack! of the Void Dimensional Rupture!

[Kalm]

Large amounts of offensive language/material can be found in this story.
It also makes no sense, and will attempt to kill you just for having an imagination.



Attack! of the Void Dimensional Rupture!


Chapter 1- "Fun in July"



One day it was sunny, but then the bad guys came!

"I will stop them!" Gyr cried out, and he turned all six of his orbs into shovels.

He picked up one of the shovels and dug four and a half holes. These are the ones they fall in.

"Fall into these holes!" Gyr cried out.

"They did not fall into them." Kalithias stated. He was telling the truth, so he gained 20 positive energy. This put him at max energy... still.

"I agree." Loegas agreed, and he was also telling the truth. He gained nothing.

It had turned out the bad guys had not fallen into the holes, they tried to kill Gyr.

"Fuck!" Gear? cried out.

"I got this Loegas agreed." He did not cried out.

Loegas blew up magic presence into spell damage. Dirt, breeze, wetness, luke warmivity, an ice cube, a battery, a claymore, me, ten lords-a-leaping, a glass half-full of ass, and the meaning of exist circled around the bad guy, killing Gyr.

"Fuck!" Gyr died out.

"He'll be allright." Kalithias gained 35 negative energy.

Later that day, they were all at the bar having frosty chocolate milkshakes.

"Man, that was a close one," the bad guys said. "yeah, that was I'd call a stick situation." They agreed.

MY PENIS HURTS.

The bad guys looked around.

"WTF?" THey abbreviated, siping from the hollowed out skulls of the three dead heroes.

"I'll take care of this." Kalithias wrote down. He went and killed eleven of the bad guys standing confused of Dead-Gyr.

"Ultimate pencil break!" Loegas yelled out. He did not kill Gyr, or copy him?? The other seventeen bad guys died, and the rest ran away.

"Man Gyr sure is a fucking dumbass dieing like that." Loegas said while choking a god to death.

"I had thought that you murdered him, but I guess not." Kalithias replied. "Can you bring him back to life?"

"Yes," said Loegas. "but I need a lot of Life presence, I mean light presence.

The stood there for two hours.

"You gonna do it?" Kalithias asked?

Loegas looks around. "There really isn't a lot of light around." He mutter-red.

Kalithias raised an eyebrow wink. "We're in a field dude the Suns right there its noon in July."

"You mean noon in JUNE!" Loegas laughed. "Also, wolves drug his body off like half an hour ago."

Loegas picked up the grey materia, and Kalithias gained more energy, he was still at max level. They left for another place.

"Whaaat is this place!?" Loegas cried I mean yelled out in great fear, while putting Miracle Whip on his hot dog.

Kalithias looked around, they had been traveling for nearly two seconds.

"It looks like a field." he said.

It was noon-a-clock. The bad guys come at noon.

"Loegas said!"

The Hot Dog was delicious, but it could not bring Gyr back to life.

"It looks like it was a complete success, but it simply just could not work." Kalithias lost five energy.

The day had been a good day for our heroes, whom had just found out that the bad guys came back with a hundred best friends.

"This might be hard and suck." Loegas' sword thought.

There was also a boss to fight, and the boss was Gyr. The boss fight started.

"Why did you join their side!?" Kalithias asked and yelled while fighting with very little energy.

"I don't know." Gyr cried out and then killed them.

"Oh wait he did mean July didn't he." Loegas lamented.

END




And there it is, now quickly delete this thread before I post more.
Because there is so much more, and it is so very painful.

Example! A brief look at what is to be expected from continued exposure to the VDR...
(Which basically means I took a line or two out of random parts of the next few chapters, hopefully causing more confusion and pissing more people off.)

Enjoy/Ignore



Using his powers, Zinowa ate his breakfast instantly.

"About time you two got here." he rasped. "I killed five of their allies waiting for you, but they ran away, so thats why you don't see any bodies and I'm not a liar. Why is Mathias naked?"

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn." Konoe said.

Konoe left, and Draken went with him to keep him safe. Zinowa and Blaine looked at each other.

"Uh oh!" Razeal exlaimed. "I spilled my oatmeal!"

James backed away, finally letting go of the pocket knife.

"We have to go." Loegas bleepered. "It's time to get ready for the fabled day."

I felt fear, yes. This was a side of Xevas that I didn't expect. After what felt like forever, I found myself alone and lost in nothingness. I fought what I couldn't see whenever I felt pain.

Gyr crashed and died, then won the race and slowly drifted to a stop. Accepting his trophy, infinite money, and free hot girl sex all at once.

"Stinging unbearable agonizing pain." he giggled. "Hi Mathias."

Captain Burgerhead is high, kids.

Draken shockwaved Blainey with a blast of hurtful mysterious energy.

Exploration of The Grid begins.

[Kalm]

Thank you for your comments, I'm sorry but I only have just enough time to scream another action-filled episode into this computer as loud as I can. I'll have to wait until next time to answer your questions and read your fanmail.

(FYI, Tiamat is in fact a massive black dragon. Maybe just slightly larger than a two-story home idk I haven't figured it out yet.)


Chapter 2- "The Battle"



"Good morning!" Tiamat chirped.

Zinowa grunted and turned over in his race car bed. He sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"What time is it." Him muttered after a heavy yawn.

"Eleven-o-clock at night!" She said cheerfully, holding a plate of breakfast out for him.

Using his poweres, Zinowa ate his breakfast instantly.

"Good morning." His mouth said. "Are you read to go?"

"Yes Sir!" Tiamat replied without hesitation.

"Then gear up, lets get this party started." Zinowa rosed out of bed with a wicked grin on his face.

Tiamat hummed happily and skipped out of the room. A few moments later Zinowa stood in front of his mirror, which should not exist yet, and inspected his battle armor.

"Kalithias... what an odd dream," he thought to himself while silently fixing the bow-tie on his breastplate. "And those other two... Gyr and Loegas... it all felt so real. What could it have meant?"

His thoughts were interrupted at the sound of Tiamat re-entering the room. He turned and found her wearing heavy makeup, kitty ears, and a see-through night gown. She was also gagged and handcuffed.

Zinowa shooked his head and sighed. "I didn't mean gear up for THAT!" He laughed.

Tiamat hung her head at the mistake and slowly turned to leave.
"Wait," he stopped her. "we actually got a few minutes and I kinda like the way you surprised me. Come over here..."

Meanwhile, in another vague location...

"Why the fuck are we doing this at midnight!?" Mathias blurted out.
Rave and Konoe both turned two him, sharing an exhausted sigh.

"We're fighting on their turf," Rave explained. "because of that we have to go by their rules, and this is the time they chose."

Konoe nodded in agreement, but Mathias just shook his head in and moaned in dismayness.

"They're evil, why are we doing this their way at all!?" He turned to Blaine, who was standing apart from the three, staring into nothing. "Don't you think this is stupid?"

Blaine didn't respond, he continued to stare off. "Why would I have thought it was June?" He said to himself quietly. "What the heck IS a June?"

Konoe approached him sexily from behind and placed a hand over his shoulder. "I understand," he said softly. "we were all in this much shock our first time seeing Mathias naked.

Blaine turned to face him. He stared blankly for a few moments before finally speaking. "Did you know I really hate machines?"

They wrapped their arms around each other and sobbed.

"Man... that was intense." Zinowa said in between breaths. He was doubled over, and sweating!, a whip in one hand.

Tiamat stretched out on her side and grinned. "Good to see I did so well." She said slyly.

Her eyes fluttered and she stiffled a sigh. Once again she found herself let down and wishing it lasted longer.

"What the fucking fuck." Mathias broke the silence.

Everyone stared in utter disbelief.

Zinowa finally looked over at Tiamat. "It's midnight isn't it."

Tiamat nodded slowly. Suddenly Draken fell from the sky.

"About time you two got here." he rasped. "I killed five of their allies waiting for you, but they ran away so thats why you don't see any bodies and I'm not a liar. Why is Mathias naked?"

"Die beast, revenge for what you did to the city of Foner!" Rave brought the massive sword, Grand Star, down upon the head of Tiamat.

"OW THAT HURTS LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!!"

Tiamat died after and then saying.

Zinowa was happy, he did not love Tiamat anymore.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn." Konoe said.

Later that day they were all standing in the same area after not moving at all. Konoe's swearing caused them all to experience small seizures.

Finally, Draken and Mathias snapped out of it and began to fight because they are hateful rivals.

"You killed my family!" Mathias yelled angrily.

"So," Draken responded. "you're naked."

"Oh," Mathias stopped and said, "I guess you have a point."

He pulled out a gun and put it in his mouth. He pulled the trigger and his brains left his head forever.

"Holy Shit!" Konoe stared, amazed that what he was eating was in fact not butter.

Rave tried to kill Zinowa and failed.

"You'll have to do better than that!" Zinowa scoffed, still having a seizure and unable to move.

Rave became frustrated, so he went home.

"I'm going to the store to get more headlight fluid." Konoe said. "I'll be back in a little while. Whats a headlight?"

Konoe left, and Draken went with him to keep him safe. Zinowa and Blaine looked at each other.

"Didn't you purposely and secretely give me these dark powers to save me after being fataly injured by Tiamat in the city of Anuro while it was being destroyed just because the power also has the essence of your father sealed within it whom was one of the dreaded sword wielders of the Dark Age and you intend to use my body to bring him and the legendary sword Noem back into our world?"

"...... Yeah." Zinowa replied.

Blaine glared darkly into the soul of his hateful rival. "I had a dream a few pages ago that was really weird."

[Kalm]

Sup.




"Cocaine." The people spoke, none wanton for their passage.

Caleb agreed. He stared at his knee.

"I sure did have a weird dream he said allowed."

"Niggerfaggot." Matthew victoriously replied.

James snapped the rubber band on his wrist. Nobody understood the real truth.

"Ugh oh!" Razeal exclaimed. "I spilled my oatmeal!"

The real life guys stared at him.

"I thought you were mute." Matthewed.

Razeal head cut off from Draken.

"Hell ya! Bitch give me yo blood!"

"Shit!" Caleb shitted, shitting his shit.

"Fucking roaches!" Matthew thought very loudly, in a different dimension.

"All the rich energy in this blood will turn me into a deity for a length of time." Draken explained as the blood from Razeal's body formed a stream flowing to the Crimson.

"Fuck dude please don't kill me I will be your slaved I want to be evil." Caleb calmly begged like a bitch.

Draken laughed darkly with his eyes closed, draining the last bit of blood and relishing the pleasure of his growing power.

This was interrupted by the sudden, sharp, stinging numbness he felt from the back of his jaw to the top of his head. His eyes opened wide, he stared forward blankly in shock.

James backed away, finally letting go of the pocket knife.

"I didn't even think that'd work."

Draken fell to one knee.

"Oh god." Caleb bitched. "This is just like that one dream I had the other night."

"Dream..." Loegas muttered. "I see whats going on here." He slowly stood up. "Draken, you are here because you saw Mathias naked?"

Draken coughed up a pile of blood, which instantly began moving toward his sword.

"Yes." He replied.

"I guess it's starting." Konoe said blankly.

"Starting?" Matthew asked? He looked away, pondering for just a moment before lighting up with realization time.

"That's right." Loegas continued. "We need to get moving."

He opened up a tiny dark hole that sucked Draken into it and vanished.

"Way cool." Matthew said AGREEFULLY!

"I fucking killed that mother fucker." James thought to himself in amazement.

"We have to go." Loegas bleepered. "It's time to get ready for the fabled day."

"Fabled day?" James and Caleb stupidly asked like they were gay idiot moron heads.

"Yes." Matthewly rightfully andly smartly told em wasup.

"Chapter 3 is starting on the next sheet of paper! Fuck its already too late!"

"Who let the dogs out?" Konoe joked.

CHAPTER 3 ~ Dimension Shit

Matthew- (Holy Crap, that Mellow Yellow can!)

Loegas- "Wake up, Chapter 3 is here."

*Everyone starts to move around from under blankets scattered across the room*

Konoe- "It's finally here? Final- E, you said it was going to be on the next page two days ago."

Loegas- "Yes, two days have passed since the last page was written. I think so anyways, time and space are pretty much fucked now that Chapter 3 is here."

Matthew- "It may have only been one I don't remember, niggerfaggot."

Caleb- "Well okay fuck yall then I'm out."

*Caleb gets up to leave and James looks at him like hes a faggot bitch.*

Caleb- "Every time Matthew's imagination is involved I end up getting hurt."

Matthew- "But Caleb, I love you. I promise I won't hurt you. I'm a liar."

*A black hole grows in the middle of the room and disperses after a few moments. Draken appears in the shockwave of energy slightly younger and differently clothed.*

Matthew- "I didn't feel like describing clothes."

Caleb- "See, this means I'm going to get hurt."

James- "You?"

Draken- "It's cool I'm a good guy now."

Matthew- "See? He's a good guy now."

Loegas- "He died from James' wound and was reborn in the null void where he lived a new life in an alternate dimension. I don't know how I know all of this, and I somehow just farted out a new galaxy."

Draken- "Been a long time since I breathed air."

Caleb- "So you're not mad about James killing you?"

*James punches Caleb in the arm, breaking it in four places and fracturing his collarbone.*

Matthew- "Holy shit. James you leveled up like crazy dude."

Caleb- "Fuuuuuck!" You said I wouldn't get hurt! You lied, this hurts!"

Matthew- "Well I said I wouldn't hurt you. Guess I didn't say anything about James..."

James- "Yeah idiot, so keep your mouth shut."

Konoe- "Killing Draken gave James a ton of experience."

Loegas- "Like quite literally a ton. Like if this was Wow, he just went from like level 3 to 56 overnight."

Matthew- "Oh my God. He's almost ready for Outlands!"

Loegas- "Exactly."

Draken- "To answer your question, I spent the last three hours of my life thinking only of the most physically and emotionally painful ways to torture you to death."

Matthew- (Omfg Tim and Eric Crows.)

James- "Three hours?"

Draken- "I don't die easily."

James- "Well I guess that explains why everyone randomly started moving more slowly. Also my body feeling lighter and it being hard not to break anything."

Caleb- "I'm blacking out."

Konoe- "I'll start healing him, but with this enternal bleeding and hemrogging, it will take some time."

Loegas- ".............what?"

Konoe- "Yeah I know that sounded really stupid..."

Loegas- "I'll go outside and gather some Light presence. We should have him moble within an hour, can you help heal James?"

James- "Uh... can I?"

*Everyone looks at Matthew except Caleb, whom has passed out.*

Matthew- "What? I don't know I'm just making it up as I go."

Blaine- "I'll help, we need to get him moving. Alyssa can provide the finishing touches when we meet up with her in our world later."

*Blaine joins Konoe in standing over Caleb, channeling energy into him.*

Draken- "So you've been here this whole time?"

Blaine- "Yeah, you didn't notice me?"

Draken- "No, man even with Razeal's blood I would've been screwed with three of you here."

Matthew- "And me."

Draken- "Yeah and Matthew."

Blaine- "Yeah you were like two seconds away from getting Ragnarok'd. Big dude over there got to you first though."

Konoe- "You could have gained two full levels from killing him."

Blaine- "I know, shame. So who's gonna tell Mathias he started a dimensional war by getting naked?"

Konoe- "We forgot about Razeal. About him being dead and headless, on the floor over there."

*Loegas walks back into the room surrounded by light, and points his arm at Caleb. The light channels into a beam and bursts from his arm into Caleb*

Draken- "Also, I forgot but that guy's family is dead."

Caleb- "Thank... God."

Konoe- "He's coming to, that was a strong heal Loegas."

Loegas- "Yeah but it has it's drawbacks."

James- "Why is it so dark in here?"

*Loegas busts open a window and channels all of the dark energy into his body and out of his other arm, destroying the house next door.*

Matthew- "Awesome."

Blaine- "How is that a drawback? What the heck is he supposed to replace me or something??"

Konoe- "Razeal is still dead."

Blaine- "Oh yeah crap. Can you revive dead people? Nobody can do that in my dimension."

Loegas- "Well yeah, but he's been there a while now and the whole head thing... well, I've seen some horrific stuff we don't wanna go there."

James- "He's covered in flies. Completely covered. Where did all these flies come from? I hear sirens."

Loegas- "Oh yeah shit I blew up that thing we need to split."

Matthew- "Fucking cops."

Draken- "Yeah this whole house is full of coprses shit is about to get real."

Blaine- "The dimensional war is in affect. That means the cops are now the bad guys so we can and will kill them."

Matthew- "Yeah news flash cops have always been bad."

Draken- "When did this dialogue become scripted?"

NEXT CHAPTER 3-2 Fuck the World

[Kalm]

Oh no, my story is about to fall off the front page again!


More must be posted, immediately.

Immediately after I do drugs.




K, now imma post.




"Get out of my head, brains!" Baleb nelled, at da pop a is sungs.

Toby laughed, when Matthew read that loud. It was then decided,
Jim.

"Wake up, Caleb." Gilgamesh 'ed.

Caleb sat up-

It's a bad day for Hannah.

"Smokin Hot." The Void Dimensional Rupture continued to interrupt.

"Damn we have to kill dude." Gilgamesh dimensioned. "That dude."

"What my God." Caleb blasempeded.d

"Oh, thou awake?" Gilga meshed.

Caleb looked yonter, desert shit.

"No oh." Caleb could say.

Gilgamesh replied with. "Yes. Desert time all around us."

"Shit feels so weird. Is this being what what huh?"

"Yes." Gilgamesh sayeth. "The Void Dimensional Rupture has grown large, and spreads closer here."

"............. what?" Caleb confused."

"Part Four is coming up next. A lot has happened in Part Two, while you were dead." Gilgamesh stataled.

".............w............. what?"

"Yeah you're pretty messed up. I guess you can't tell this is Mathias either can you."

"What the fuck, that makes even less sense, all of this doesn't make no complete sense."

"Chapter Four,

-_ Exactly"_-



Mathias- "Also, this is in script form now."

Caleb sighs.

Caleb- "Fuck lol. Well let's go I guess."

Mathias- "Ha ha. That's the spirit, let's go!"

*Later that day.*

Caleb- "............what?"

Mathias- "Huh?"

Caleb- "What are we doing?"

Mathias- "Um..... going somewhere?"

Caleb- "Oh.... well okay then. My body doesn't work."

Mathias- "Right, that sucks."

Caleb- "Did you like start a war or something?"

Mathias- "Kinda."

Caleb- "Yeah, right. You're naked. I see now."

Mathias- "Yep."

Caleb- "Why?"

Mathias- "Not sure really. I sort of can't help it."

Caleb- "So what's going on here then?"

*Desert Rains Activate!*

Mathias- "Oh that's not good."

Caleb- "It's pouring down rain in the desert and I can't move."

Mathias- "Yeah you're about to die again. Your life sucks."

Caleb- "So stupid."

*Meanwhile, at the Wall of Dust Mess.*

Gyr- "I'm bored, let's finally do something."

Kalithias- "Energeletic."

*Kalithias and Gyr burst out of the ground behind the cool hideout in a red and blue fighter jet.*

Gyr- "Approaching boss fight of Chapter 7."

Kalithias- "Energegeegee. This makes no sense. Locking targets onlinicin. Maximum energy."

Gyr- "Hell yeah. Kill his face right off."

*Doom Gaze swerves through the air sluggishly. Kalm and Konoe both wait patiently on the ground. Kalm is winded from the long fight, but is read for another round. Konoe is in top shape for combat, but his energy reserves are mostly depleted from healing Kalm and hindering Doom Gaze. DG.*

*Speaking of Doom Gaze, he's all checking out oure heros right now!*

DG- "Damn. Kalm is at 14 and Konoe is at 6. They aren't gonna freakin die fast enough."

*Doom Gaze lands on the ground.*

DG- "Stupid faggots. Ya'll got death timers n' shit."

Konoe- "Oh...... crap."

Kalm- "Yes. It has to die right now."

*Kalm drops his shield and the weighted crown on his sword. He points it toward Doom Gaze, held in both hands.*

DG- "Lewl, my buds are here you're dead."

Zephyr appears right behind Konoe.*

Golem Tank- "Confirmative."

*Suddenly the Swat Cats pass by low and past on their jet.*

*Missles pew pew! Boom Golem Tank dead. Oh snap machine gun too! Bbbbbb lieperns Doom Gaze ouch fall down.*

Kalm- "Okay then."

*Three seconds earlier.*

James- "Watcha doin?"

Matthew- ".......................... is everyone high?"

*James takes off his helmet and stares into the Void Dimensional Rupture.*

James- "I believe so."

Matthew- "............ What Chapter is it?"

James- "I'm not sure, it's been three years."

Matthew- "Okay then, thank you."

*James puts his helmet back on and rises up from the ground, Hellreaver in hand.*

James- "Matthew-san, we need to go."

*Matthew looked up slowly, lost in confusion. His distracted sense of mind was finally broken. He focused on the half full green bar over James' head.*

Matthew- "Whoops, all my brownies turned green."

*He cast a weak healing spell on James. They continued their delicious journey.*

Jesse- "We also live inside Matthew's head."

Jonathan- "Someone please get him therapy."

Gyr- "Allright up ahead is a desert where it's raining a lot for some reason.

Kalithias- "Time to blow that shit up."

*Meanwhile, in a desert full of rain.*

Mathias- "... and that's how Fruity Pebbles are made, bitch."

Caleb- "Awesome, you're like my best friend now, Mathias?"

Mathias- "Undefinitely Caleb, undefinitely so."

*Mathias is riding Caleb like a surf board through the desert tidal waves.*

Caleb- "Wicked Cool."

Mathias- "Quicked Wool."

Caleb- "Are those missles?"

Kalithias- "Yes."

Mathias- "Don't worry, I will stop them with my naked!"

Gyr- "So what happened in Chapter 3-2 anyways?"