Nocturus
05-28-2010, 06:50 PM
Inner Demons:
When I close my eyes my defenses are broken
and you think I'm breathing; but really I'm choking.. on pain.
And inside I'm screaming but you find me silent
My inner demons; dark spirits, so vi-o-lent. Yeah.
They tear at my soul and they leave my heart bleeding
My demons; they break it and yet it's still beating
each day.
My rage and my sadness
they add to my madness
and I'm getting worse
everyday.
My sanity is slipping a-way.
I know in my soul; there's no room for my sins
and yet when I fall they start fi-l-ing in
they feed on my failure; my envy and greed
then they leave me hollow with need.
I open my eyes and the demons retreat
and when they close again those dark spirits I'll meet
I stare at the wall
and I don't blink at all
Fearful of my inner demons
scared of confronting my sins.
-----------------------------------------------------
My Smile is a Broken Mask:
I can't stand the truth, I'd rather a lie;
cause each day grows closer the day that I'll die.
I bottle the tears, I fight back my pain;
I hold it all in against monstrous strain.
Each day I wake up a little bit worse,
my flaws building up 'til I feel I could burst.
I put on a smile, a mask for my face;
as a thousand white lies slowly take up my place.
The world I see, it doesn't see me;
all it can see- is my effigy.
I bite my tongue as I go through the day.
And when the night comes the truth eats me away.
I lay down to sleep and instead start to weep;
as all in a rush all my fears start to creep.
I envy my friends for the lives that they're livin',
they don't seem to see just how much they've been given.
Avarice swells in the hollow of my heart;
I want EVERYTHING they have, and that's just a start.
I bite down on my pillow, and I start to sob;
as sloth drags me further from school or a job.
I begin to look back on events of the day
and find SO many people I wish to make pay.
Wrath is the one thing I hold back the most;
as I pray to the father, the son and the ghost.
In the daytime I choke down my food like a drug,
to fill up a void that my soul loves to lug.
But at night I feel sick with myself and the planet.
Why did God look at me, at birth and say; "Damn it!"
What have I done to deserve what I've got?
I bust my ass daily, but it's all for naught.
Pride doesn't touch me, and lust holds to dreams;
I drop all the pretense and fight not to scream.
Sleep overtakes me, a nightmare of course.
Silently screaming 'til my mind becomes hoarse.
I spend all my nights tossing and turning;
while inside my head I'm torturously burning.
Though my body slumbers my soul knows no rest;
My own inner demons, with no pause, I must best.
Through the window the the morning's light falls upon me,
and from sickle-sharp claws do I tear myself free.
This day I wake up just a little bit worse;
holding myself at the seems not to burst.
I pick up my mask, but it's cracking apart;
my smile is slipping due to pain in my heart.
I piece it together and put it in place;
discarding harsh truth for the lie on my face.
~it's just another day.
-----------------------------------------------------
Icy Hollow:
An icy queen hath stole my heart, I showed her love, she played her part.
Was it game, sick joke, or lie? I try, yet can;t begin, to cry.
My tears have dried up, as have my hopes. Aspirations dead and gone.
Fantasy hath forsaken me, and yet I still move on.
How harsh a truth is life, my friends; that even deaths no honest end.
Suicide? I think not, it goes against all I've been taught.
And honestly I've not a notion; to end by blade or deathly potion.
To think of death one first must have a need; strong emotion on which dark thoughts can feed.
None have I.
My tears have faded, smiles hath eroded; into only anger may I now be briefly goaded.
Aah; love.
That barbed and twisted arrow through the heart of all mankind.
I wish that I could hate her, yet can't get her off my mind.
We never met in person, but I dreamed about the day...
She'd come and make me feel like I belonged in every way.
I really do still care for her, at least... I think I do.
It's hard to feel emotion when the pain has run you through.
In my chest a hollow lies, where once a heart did beat.
I wait until the day when I can feel again; killing time until the icy hollow ends.
-----------------------------------------------------
Resurrected From Apathy:
I am the hollow one, and I am my mother's son.
Now I'm breaking free of me, and all that I used to be.
I'm killing off my past, to forge a future;
and I'm patching up my soul.. look see the suture.
-C-
Welcome to my resurrection, welcome to the end.
Welcome to this new beginning that's right around the bend.
I am the Phoenix, this... the flame.
I'm burning up my mask and holding up my name~!
Everything before this is nothing but a dream;
a nightmare full of pain and sadness that makes me want to scream.
Lovely fakes and bad mistakes; from which I've yet to heal.
A lifetime full of agony; that I only now refuse to feel.
I'm digging through the ashes, and searching for myself;
that itty bitty piece of me that still cries out for help.
-C-
Welcome to my resurrection, welcome to the end.
Welcome to this new beginning that's right around the bend.
I am the phoenix, this... the flame.
I'm burning up my mask and holding up my name~!
I'm stuck in this life, twixt heaven and hell.
And I'm starting to find I must fend for myself.
And I MUST face the day, and I've GOT to be strong;
cause there's no turning back if I get it all wrong.
-C-
Welcome to our resurrection, welcome to the end.
Welcome to this new beginning that's right around the bend.
We are the Phoenix, this... the flame.
Let's all burn up our masks and start holding up our names~!
Listen past the apathy; sirens are blaring.
Warning us all that we need to start caring.
Come now; lift up your swords, put your life on the line.
Quit sitting around waiting on the divine.
The power of God, can help you, it's true;
but look first inside, cause there's power in you.
Shatter your mask of lies...
We're saying our last goodbyes.
Goodbye to our fears.
Goodbye to our pain.
Say farewell to the tears that we shed in the rain.
Take a good look now, inside the mirror;
until the you you crave to be becomes clearer.
You've got the image, and you've got the power;
Don't sit and let life pass you by by the hour.
We are the Phoenix... This the flame.
Burn up those masks and hold up your names~!
-----------------------------------------------------
Choices; a song for a friend of mine:
1.
2..
3...
Look ahead and you'll see choices.
Just drown out the nagging voices.
Girl; cast away all pain and fears.
Cause we're there in spirit to dry your tears.
This life we live is bittersweet.
Don't let it knock you off your feet.
Cause you're a beauty and a wonder.
Don't let your thoughts... cloud up with thunder.
Your friends are always at your side.
know that you embody all our joy and pride.
So don't give up and don't give in.
Just go for broke and there's no way that you can't win.
Behind you lie some lucky breaks;
and on occasion, bad mistakes.
But look ahead and you'll see choices.
~choices.
Just pick your your path and see it through.
And know that we believe in you.
Although life threw you a surprise...
Keep looking past the doubt that's showing in your eyes.
And if you need us, say so, we'll be there
Please know that you'll be kept safe... in our prayers.
Though your life may be turned upside down
Don't let that pretty smile turn into a frown.
Please know that we love you.
Please know that you should love you too.
You're amazing yet so humble;
Don't let others try and make you stumble.
~Just look ahead
Just look ahead at all your...
choices.
-----------------------------------------------------
The Rain Makes me Remember; a poem for the 'keyword' poetry contest I entered:
I awaken in darkness, a melody in my ears doth ring.
I eat my toast and leave my home, not knowing what the day will bring.
I sit out at the bus stop and I stare up at the clouds.
Musing at an entry that will never be allowed.
Heaven has disowned me, though not for deeds I've done,
but for the fact this life I've lived is a solely empty one.
The driver draws me from my thoughts and calls me on inside.
I sit down in my seat and I daydream through the ride.
I stare on out the windowsill and smile oh so lightly.
I think about this world which has yet to treat me rightly.
Suddenly musical notes strike at my ears.
I fight my emotions and hold back my tears.
It's just the rain outside the bus, nothing more and nothing less.
I sniffle and shudder and feel the pain build up in my chest.
My dreams are messing with my life and tearing me apart.
Like the olden fairy they make teasing me a work of art.
The music of the rain is torture, reminding me of better days.
But my smile widens and I stare up high, waiting for the sun's sweet rays.
I wait for the light to fill me and heal me.
I wait for the bus to reach it's stop.
I wish for a day when I'll feel happy.
A day when for ONCE I'll stand on top.
A day when my nightmares will once more be sweet dreams.
A day I'll hear conversations instead of just screams.
The rain always makes me remember...
The way things used to be.
It makes me feel the pain of loss until my soul begins to bleed.
Family, friends and loved ones drift by like passing ghosts.
I feel a single tear run down my cheek and bite my lip as more draw close.
The bus comes to a stop and the driver calls me once again.
I head out into the world, shoulders cocked and stuck out chin.
My bottom lip bit tightly between two pointed teeth.
Forcing back the pain which has settled back beneath.
I smile and I nod my head, and think no more of those long dead.
I mask my pain until it rains or I'm once more sleeping in my bed.
-----------------------------------------------------
Miranda; a Poem of Adoration:
So sweet the words which fall from twixt thine lips
beauty enough to send the foolish to their crypts
your sweetness brings me to tears
your kindness allays my fears
you really are an angel; hair of fire, heart of gold
even if my own were frozen your radiance could end the cold
I want to know you're happy, can't bear it when you cry
I wait with baited breath, my dear, for these next years to pass us by
I know that times are tough right now, but keep your chin held high
quite soon we'll share a life, my friend, instead of just a sky
some say that ignorance is bliss
but bliss is knowing you exist
your voice, it fills my waking thoughts and carries me to sleep
and when I think of you, my dear, my nightmares utter not a peep
peace has overtaken me just by knowing you
I'd give my life in place of yours, rest assured my words are true
life is a road we each must take
pick your path and never break
don't let worry bring you down
don't let the world make you frown
even in your darkest hour let your smile shine
disheartened you're still beautiful, but happy you're divine
if any bad dreams dare darken your night
send them my way and I'll give them a fright.
-----------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
When I close my eyes my defenses are broken
and you think I'm breathing; but really I'm choking.. on pain.
And inside I'm screaming but you find me silent
My inner demons; dark spirits, so vi-o-lent. Yeah.
They tear at my soul and they leave my heart bleeding
My demons; they break it and yet it's still beating
each day.
My rage and my sadness
they add to my madness
and I'm getting worse
everyday.
My sanity is slipping a-way.
I know in my soul; there's no room for my sins
and yet when I fall they start fi-l-ing in
they feed on my failure; my envy and greed
then they leave me hollow with need.
I open my eyes and the demons retreat
and when they close again those dark spirits I'll meet
I stare at the wall
and I don't blink at all
Fearful of my inner demons
scared of confronting my sins.
-----------------------------------------------------
My Smile is a Broken Mask:
I can't stand the truth, I'd rather a lie;
cause each day grows closer the day that I'll die.
I bottle the tears, I fight back my pain;
I hold it all in against monstrous strain.
Each day I wake up a little bit worse,
my flaws building up 'til I feel I could burst.
I put on a smile, a mask for my face;
as a thousand white lies slowly take up my place.
The world I see, it doesn't see me;
all it can see- is my effigy.
I bite my tongue as I go through the day.
And when the night comes the truth eats me away.
I lay down to sleep and instead start to weep;
as all in a rush all my fears start to creep.
I envy my friends for the lives that they're livin',
they don't seem to see just how much they've been given.
Avarice swells in the hollow of my heart;
I want EVERYTHING they have, and that's just a start.
I bite down on my pillow, and I start to sob;
as sloth drags me further from school or a job.
I begin to look back on events of the day
and find SO many people I wish to make pay.
Wrath is the one thing I hold back the most;
as I pray to the father, the son and the ghost.
In the daytime I choke down my food like a drug,
to fill up a void that my soul loves to lug.
But at night I feel sick with myself and the planet.
Why did God look at me, at birth and say; "Damn it!"
What have I done to deserve what I've got?
I bust my ass daily, but it's all for naught.
Pride doesn't touch me, and lust holds to dreams;
I drop all the pretense and fight not to scream.
Sleep overtakes me, a nightmare of course.
Silently screaming 'til my mind becomes hoarse.
I spend all my nights tossing and turning;
while inside my head I'm torturously burning.
Though my body slumbers my soul knows no rest;
My own inner demons, with no pause, I must best.
Through the window the the morning's light falls upon me,
and from sickle-sharp claws do I tear myself free.
This day I wake up just a little bit worse;
holding myself at the seems not to burst.
I pick up my mask, but it's cracking apart;
my smile is slipping due to pain in my heart.
I piece it together and put it in place;
discarding harsh truth for the lie on my face.
~it's just another day.
-----------------------------------------------------
Icy Hollow:
An icy queen hath stole my heart, I showed her love, she played her part.
Was it game, sick joke, or lie? I try, yet can;t begin, to cry.
My tears have dried up, as have my hopes. Aspirations dead and gone.
Fantasy hath forsaken me, and yet I still move on.
How harsh a truth is life, my friends; that even deaths no honest end.
Suicide? I think not, it goes against all I've been taught.
And honestly I've not a notion; to end by blade or deathly potion.
To think of death one first must have a need; strong emotion on which dark thoughts can feed.
None have I.
My tears have faded, smiles hath eroded; into only anger may I now be briefly goaded.
Aah; love.
That barbed and twisted arrow through the heart of all mankind.
I wish that I could hate her, yet can't get her off my mind.
We never met in person, but I dreamed about the day...
She'd come and make me feel like I belonged in every way.
I really do still care for her, at least... I think I do.
It's hard to feel emotion when the pain has run you through.
In my chest a hollow lies, where once a heart did beat.
I wait until the day when I can feel again; killing time until the icy hollow ends.
-----------------------------------------------------
Resurrected From Apathy:
I am the hollow one, and I am my mother's son.
Now I'm breaking free of me, and all that I used to be.
I'm killing off my past, to forge a future;
and I'm patching up my soul.. look see the suture.
-C-
Welcome to my resurrection, welcome to the end.
Welcome to this new beginning that's right around the bend.
I am the Phoenix, this... the flame.
I'm burning up my mask and holding up my name~!
Everything before this is nothing but a dream;
a nightmare full of pain and sadness that makes me want to scream.
Lovely fakes and bad mistakes; from which I've yet to heal.
A lifetime full of agony; that I only now refuse to feel.
I'm digging through the ashes, and searching for myself;
that itty bitty piece of me that still cries out for help.
-C-
Welcome to my resurrection, welcome to the end.
Welcome to this new beginning that's right around the bend.
I am the phoenix, this... the flame.
I'm burning up my mask and holding up my name~!
I'm stuck in this life, twixt heaven and hell.
And I'm starting to find I must fend for myself.
And I MUST face the day, and I've GOT to be strong;
cause there's no turning back if I get it all wrong.
-C-
Welcome to our resurrection, welcome to the end.
Welcome to this new beginning that's right around the bend.
We are the Phoenix, this... the flame.
Let's all burn up our masks and start holding up our names~!
Listen past the apathy; sirens are blaring.
Warning us all that we need to start caring.
Come now; lift up your swords, put your life on the line.
Quit sitting around waiting on the divine.
The power of God, can help you, it's true;
but look first inside, cause there's power in you.
Shatter your mask of lies...
We're saying our last goodbyes.
Goodbye to our fears.
Goodbye to our pain.
Say farewell to the tears that we shed in the rain.
Take a good look now, inside the mirror;
until the you you crave to be becomes clearer.
You've got the image, and you've got the power;
Don't sit and let life pass you by by the hour.
We are the Phoenix... This the flame.
Burn up those masks and hold up your names~!
-----------------------------------------------------
Choices; a song for a friend of mine:
1.
2..
3...
Look ahead and you'll see choices.
Just drown out the nagging voices.
Girl; cast away all pain and fears.
Cause we're there in spirit to dry your tears.
This life we live is bittersweet.
Don't let it knock you off your feet.
Cause you're a beauty and a wonder.
Don't let your thoughts... cloud up with thunder.
Your friends are always at your side.
know that you embody all our joy and pride.
So don't give up and don't give in.
Just go for broke and there's no way that you can't win.
Behind you lie some lucky breaks;
and on occasion, bad mistakes.
But look ahead and you'll see choices.
~choices.
Just pick your your path and see it through.
And know that we believe in you.
Although life threw you a surprise...
Keep looking past the doubt that's showing in your eyes.
And if you need us, say so, we'll be there
Please know that you'll be kept safe... in our prayers.
Though your life may be turned upside down
Don't let that pretty smile turn into a frown.
Please know that we love you.
Please know that you should love you too.
You're amazing yet so humble;
Don't let others try and make you stumble.
~Just look ahead
Just look ahead at all your...
choices.
-----------------------------------------------------
The Rain Makes me Remember; a poem for the 'keyword' poetry contest I entered:
I awaken in darkness, a melody in my ears doth ring.
I eat my toast and leave my home, not knowing what the day will bring.
I sit out at the bus stop and I stare up at the clouds.
Musing at an entry that will never be allowed.
Heaven has disowned me, though not for deeds I've done,
but for the fact this life I've lived is a solely empty one.
The driver draws me from my thoughts and calls me on inside.
I sit down in my seat and I daydream through the ride.
I stare on out the windowsill and smile oh so lightly.
I think about this world which has yet to treat me rightly.
Suddenly musical notes strike at my ears.
I fight my emotions and hold back my tears.
It's just the rain outside the bus, nothing more and nothing less.
I sniffle and shudder and feel the pain build up in my chest.
My dreams are messing with my life and tearing me apart.
Like the olden fairy they make teasing me a work of art.
The music of the rain is torture, reminding me of better days.
But my smile widens and I stare up high, waiting for the sun's sweet rays.
I wait for the light to fill me and heal me.
I wait for the bus to reach it's stop.
I wish for a day when I'll feel happy.
A day when for ONCE I'll stand on top.
A day when my nightmares will once more be sweet dreams.
A day I'll hear conversations instead of just screams.
The rain always makes me remember...
The way things used to be.
It makes me feel the pain of loss until my soul begins to bleed.
Family, friends and loved ones drift by like passing ghosts.
I feel a single tear run down my cheek and bite my lip as more draw close.
The bus comes to a stop and the driver calls me once again.
I head out into the world, shoulders cocked and stuck out chin.
My bottom lip bit tightly between two pointed teeth.
Forcing back the pain which has settled back beneath.
I smile and I nod my head, and think no more of those long dead.
I mask my pain until it rains or I'm once more sleeping in my bed.
-----------------------------------------------------
Miranda; a Poem of Adoration:
So sweet the words which fall from twixt thine lips
beauty enough to send the foolish to their crypts
your sweetness brings me to tears
your kindness allays my fears
you really are an angel; hair of fire, heart of gold
even if my own were frozen your radiance could end the cold
I want to know you're happy, can't bear it when you cry
I wait with baited breath, my dear, for these next years to pass us by
I know that times are tough right now, but keep your chin held high
quite soon we'll share a life, my friend, instead of just a sky
some say that ignorance is bliss
but bliss is knowing you exist
your voice, it fills my waking thoughts and carries me to sleep
and when I think of you, my dear, my nightmares utter not a peep
peace has overtaken me just by knowing you
I'd give my life in place of yours, rest assured my words are true
life is a road we each must take
pick your path and never break
don't let worry bring you down
don't let the world make you frown
even in your darkest hour let your smile shine
disheartened you're still beautiful, but happy you're divine
if any bad dreams dare darken your night
send them my way and I'll give them a fright.
-----------------------------------------------------
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