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Alexandraa
10-01-2013, 10:00 PM
(Alright, so I started this way back in May..and I stopped because I thought it was too mediocre and I just had no time to work on it.(I have a total of 8 chapters done already..or pieces ) I thought about starting it back up, due to popular demand.. and I was just wondering if I could get some feedback(positive and negative) Thanks )


“Mariah! Get back here!” I cringed at the sound of her voice.

I kept pumping my legs; forcing them to keep moving even though they wanted, more like needed, a break. My thighs and feet began to burn, my stomach has started to cramp and my throat was dry but I couldn't risk slowing down. They can still, easily, catch me.

I ran through our neighbor’s yard. Jumping over discarded toys that their kid forgot to pick up from the day before, when I was babysitting them. I leapt onto their picnic bench, looking behind me, before jumping the fence. I didn't see the sharp metal wire poking up and slammed my hand – hard - on top of it. It kind of felt like one of those needles you get when you get the flu shot or something. Except this “needle” was bigger and broke through more skin. I bit my bottom lip, blinking back the tears.

I wiped my bloodstained hands on my jacket and kept running. There were only two officers chasing me now. I could have sworn I saw three... That immediately put my senses on high alert.

I couldn't risk being ambushed. They'd show no mercy. To them I'm guilty. Anyone who runs is guilty, right? But I wasn't. I swear I wasn't. But they wouldn't believe me.

No one ever does.

And with this being my third strike, I knew they'd throw me in jail without even batting an eyelid. Since I’d just turned 18, I'd probably be tried as an adult. The thought of that helped me run even faster.

I saw the park up ahead and knew I could easily lose them here. I ran across the street, almost getting hit by a car. With barely any breath left in me I managed to form an apology, but the guy was too busy with making sure I was OK to even notice. I could hear the cops yelling for someone to grab me, and ran into the open fields.

The park was surprisingly busy today which only added to my advantage. I ran through the swarm of people and started to slow down. I spotted the cops looking through the crowd trying to spot me. I looked to my left and saw the wide open field.

No. They'd know it’s me. I had to be smart about this if I wanted to leave unnoticed. I heard sirens and saw two police officers step out the cop car. My heart started to race. I jogged over to a bush and threw my bag in it. I ripped apart an old shirt and wrapped a piece of it around my hand; the blood stained my hand turning it red. No amount of whipping would wash it away. I'd have to do that later.
Taking off my jacket and revealing my black tank top; I searched threw my bag grabbing a light blue V-neck shirt. I took my hair out its bun and switched my running shoes to sandals.

Time to act “normal”.

I walked into the park smiling. I sat down next to a little girl who was picking grass out the ground.

“Hello there.” I said smiling. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the police officers, still searching.

“Hi.” She replied.

“Why are you here all alone?” I looked and made eye contact with one and felt my heart drop. Had he noticed me? Should I run? Oh god what if he noticed me.

“Nobody likes me.” I looked at the little girl.

“I'm sure that's not true.” She shook her nose sniffling.

“Johnny said so.”

“Who's Johnny?” Out of my peripheral vision I could see the officers advancing towards me.

“My brother, he said no-one likes me.”

“Well I like you and I'm a somebody, so that makes Johnny wrong.” I said smiling. She looked up at my with her beaming eyes, smiling ear to ear.

I thought about making a run for it but without my stuff? I could always come back... That's if I didn't get caught. So many thoughts were running through my head that I hadn't noticed how close the police were until they were standing directly in front of me.

“Well well well. Look what we have here.” I felt defeated. My heart was pounding and I felt tears forming in my eyes.

“Look I-” the little girl jumped up with joy.

“Daddy!” She jumped in his arms laughing. He spun her around kissing her on her cheek.

As they were doing all of this, I stealthily maneuvered away into the woods. I sat, hidden, in a bush, in front of a tree. They continued their search and after a good 10-15 minutes they called it off and left.

I sighed in relief.

I was free. Finally I smiled and changed back into my jacket and running shoes. I brushed my auburn hair into a nice tight bun. Throwing my backpack over my shoulder, I made my way out the park.

I needed to get out of town. It was only a matter of time before they put out an APB and have every cop in town, searching for me. And with this being a small town, someone was bound to spot me and by morning I'd be locked up. I needed to get on a bus and out of here as fast as possible.

I pulled out my phone: 4:32.

I could make the 5:30 bus. The bus terminal was only 10 minutes away. I searched for my wallet in my back pocket and as I stared at the green bills a feeling of guilt and shame washed over me. No matter what anyone had said or accused me of. I was not a thief.

Until now, I thought.

But this was different, I told myself. They were going to lie and put me in jail for something I didn't do. I had to think of taking care of myself first and question my actions later.

I counted the bills. I had more than enough money. For now anyway, soon I'd run out and have to find a job. I walked through the busy terminal; blending in with the crowd.

Number one goal: Do NOT draw attention to myself.

As I stood in line to get my ticket I shuffled around in my pockets. I stuck my hand in my back pocket and smiled when I felt the folded up picture.

I unfolded it and stared at it. I stared at me, well a different version of me.

A smile crossed my face, ”don't worry, soon enough it'll be mine.”

I stuffed the picture in my pocket and moved ahead in line.

I bought my bus ticket and walked through the bus terminal finding my bus.

I found the bus faster than I thought I would. I showed the driver my ticket and go on. I sat in the back away from everyone else. Once the bus started moving and making its way onto the highway, the realization that I was finally free washed over me. I had never felt as happy as I did at this moment.

I placed my bag beneath my feet and used it as a foot rest and used my jacket as a blanket.

I tried falling asleep to get some rest but I was to giddy with excitement. I've been waiting for this day for 3 months, the day where I'll finally get what's mine...

What she stole from me, and I made a promise to myself that she will get what’s coming to her. All of it belongs to me. Why her? She doesn't deserve it! I do!

I dug through my backpack and took out my binder. I flipped through pages and pages of research I've been doing over the past few months. I took out the pictures and started memorizing faces and the names that go with it since I'll be a part of their everyday life by this time tomorrow.

The least I could do was know their names.

Sunrose
10-03-2013, 03:00 AM
okay, I'm not very good at being a critic, But I want to read more :) I like it, I am curious as to what made her run and such about Mariah's background. I'm going --this draws me in, and that is something you want when writing, to draw the reader into it and not want to put it down.

Alexandraa
10-03-2013, 03:38 AM
Perfect! That's exactly what I'm trying to go for, I wanted the first chapter to be the most cryptic one leaving you full of unanswered questions. I'm my worse critic. When I read what I write it just sounds so boring and bleehh, so its nice to have other people's opinions. I'm glad you like it so far though. I have 8 parts done so far, hoping to finish and move on to another one soon(:

Gillykat
10-03-2013, 03:04 PM
This was awesome. Your words moved smoothly and I don't see many mistakes.

DarkShadow
10-03-2013, 03:54 PM
Make more. I demand it.

Alexandraa
10-04-2013, 02:01 AM
Hmmm...I might post one more chapter...not sure about all I have...wouldn't want someone taking it and claiming it as their own..

Sunrose
10-04-2013, 02:31 AM
Hmmm...I might post one more chapter...not sure about all I have...wouldn't want someone taking it and claiming it as their own..

Sad that people would do that to make a buck.

If you get this published, please let me know...I want to get it so I can finish the story

Alexandraa
10-04-2013, 02:59 AM
It is. I would love to share it with everyone.

---

“Next Stop: Austin, Texas!” The driver belted over the intercom.

I woke up from my dream-like state, yawning. Everyone else around me seemed to be doing the same thing.

Once the bus came to a stop. I put my jacket back on and gathered my belongings. I got up and walked behind everyone else who was walking off the bus.

Once I stepped off, I was greeted by the harsh rays off the sun. It blinded me for a few seconds, cupping my hand over my eyes, I looked around. The bus soon took off out the parking lot. I looked around at everyone else, watching what their next move was. Some walked into the parking lot greeting the people; who I'm guessing they came to visit. Meanwhile, others walked into the building behind us or got into a cab taking them to their next destination.

I took off my jacket feeling my body respond to the sudden weather change. I went inside the building, searching for a bathroom where I could change in.

It was pretty packed to say the least.

I maneuvered my way around the crowd, looking around for the bathroom with the help of the pedestrians and workers in the building. I finally found it, all the way out back. No sign. No anything.

If you asked me, it was pretty stupid of them to put it back here let alone not even put a sign up saying it’s here.

Annoyed I walked into the empty bathroom.

I walked over to the sink placing my backpack on top. I took my hair out the pony tail; combing my fingers through it.

I so need a shower, I thought to myself.

I splashed some cold water on my face after throwing my hair in a messy bun. As I was drying my face with a paper towel, I heard the bathroom open and close. I looked at the reflection in the mirror.

The first thought that went in my head was prostitute.

The mini, strapless, black dress and black 4 inch heels gave it away. She walked in front of the mirror adjusting her top. Pushing her breasts up so much it looked like they were going to pop out any minute.

“You like what you see?” Taken aback by the question, I stared at her dumbfounded.

“Oh don't act shy now. I saw you looking, don't worry you’re not the first one, I don't blame you.” She said with a light laugh and winked at me.

I laughed. “Oh no. I was just admiring your taste. That dress is amazing.”

“Oh I know and it was worth every penny.” She smacked her lips together loudly after applying some bright red lipstick.

She placed it back in her clutch bag and then looked me up and down.

“You’re not from here are you?”

“Why do you ask?”

“What you’re wearing is kind of a dead giveaway.” I looked down at my pants and converse. “I'm not saying what you’re wearing is bad! It's just… It's always hot here and you rarely see people with pants and a sweatshirt on.”

“Go figure.” I mumbled. As if the heat outside hadn’t gave it away.

She chuckled as she applied more lipstick and adjusted the top of her dress. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

“Wait!” she turned around.” Do you by any chance know where the nearest motel is?”

“Oh there's one 3 blocks away. All you have to do is take a right when you leave here, and walk straight you can't miss it. Oh and there's this amazing diner right next to it, serves the best food ever. It's called ‘Holly's Diner’, tell her Taylor sent you.” I took mental notes of what she was telling me.

“Thank you.” She smiled at me before walking out the door.

I followed shortly after. It took longer than before to find my way out of this place. The noise alone was enough to give me a headache, but the smell of everyone's sweat fused together just made it that much worse.

Once I was finally free, I took a deep breath, breathing in the clean, almost fresh air. I followed the directions Taylor had given me and made my way down the street. She was right it wasn't hard to miss. The diner was closest and since I was more hungry then tired, I decided to grab something to eat first.

“Holly's Diner” was shown in bright neon lights above a small one story building. A little ding went off as I opened up the door and seconds later a tall blonde girl came walking over with a huge smile on her face.

“Hello. Welcome to Holly’s Diner. I'm Sara and I'll be your waitress for this evening. Are you alone or waiting for anyone?” She asked in an overly happy voice.

“Uh- it's just me...”

“Ok! Would you like a seat on the bar?” I looked over. It was empty with the exception of two police officers.

“Uhm... sure. Can I have one on the end? I'm feeling kinda sick.” I lied. After running away from police officers, the last thing I wanted to do was to eat next to one. Also, I didn't know if the search for me had reached beyond Colorado and I didn't want to risk it. I saw the end was empty, and close to the bathroom so I thought that would be a perfect and semi-believable excuse.

She walked me over to the seat; offering me a cup of coffee. I shook my head. Not only was it too hot outside for that but the smell alone was enough to make me wanna vomit.

“Could I have a bottle of water instead for now?” She turned around opening up a mini fridge on the counter, pulling out a bottled water.

She handed me it along with a menu.” Take your time and when you’re ready to order just holler at me.”

I nodded my head whilst taking a sip. I watched as she walked away. I made eye contact with one of the police officers and quickly looked away.

Way to act casual. I thought to myself.

I looked around the place for Sara. I waved my hand once she saw me; she nodded her head and walked over towards me. She took my order and walked through the door which I'm guessing led to the kitchen. When she walked out the two officers called her over. I grabbed a pamphlet off the counter and pretended to be interested in it. I looked over and saw the officers showing her a picture. She looked up at me with a surprised facial expression.

I looked away and at the wall, filled with picture of faces I wasn't familiar with.

“Excuse me Miss.” I looked up at the officer standing next to me.

“Uhm… ye-yes?” I could feel my heart quicken and pulse rise.

He set a photo down in front of me. “Is this you?”

I looked down at the picture.

Those familiar hazel eyes and smile looked back at me. Everything was identical. The hair, the dimples, the facial structure…

I nodded my head.

“You need to come with us back to the station; we have a few questions for you.” I got up and followed them out the diner and into the cop car.

Wondering what was next in store for me.

Sunrose
10-04-2013, 11:51 PM
Oh my, they caught up to her :sadsmiley: or the trying to get to the other one who took everything from her. Oh my, I am just loving this story! Keeping watch for the next part.

Alexandraa
10-05-2013, 04:06 PM
Last and final post.

---

They stuck me inside one of those interrogation rooms that had nothing in it besides a table and chair. They wouldn't tell me anything besides “my parents were worried about me”, which confused me more than anything. Why would they miss me...well Mackenzie?

I stretched my arm across the table, resting my head on top of it. I began to tap my fingers on the surface of the table top. I was beginning to grow impatient playing the “waiting game”. It feels like I've been waiting for what seems like an eternity. They took all my belongings so I was unable to check the time or entertain myself with a game on my phone.

I got up and began pacing the length of the room.

What if they know who I really am? I thought to myself. They could be using the “your parents are worried” as a ploy to keep me here.

I sat down once I heard a knock on the door. In came two different police officers.

“Look… I didn't do anything-” I stopped once I saw who was following close behind them.

Julie and Adam. My heart began to race. When I was thinking of the first time I'd see my biological parents, I definitely didn't picture it being here.

A smile lit up on my mom's face once she saw me. She rushed over and engulfed me in a hug. “Oh my God! I can't believe they found you! I've been worried sick about you. Why did you leave? Are you ok?”

I patted her on the back not sure what to say. I looked up over her should and saw my dad glaring at me but once he saw me looking at him a smile replaced it.

What was that all about?

She stepped back, holding me at arm’s length, examining me from head to toe.

“Mackenzie darling, you need to stop with these disappearing and reappearing acts. It’s putting too much stress on your mother and you know she's in no condition for it.” Adam replied.

Oh. They think I'm Mackenzie. This is going to be easier than I thought.

“I'm sorry dad. I didn't mean to I-” He waved his hand.
“I know it’s not. It’s that damn boy. I told you he was bad news but you didn't want to listen to me. I don't want you to see him again. He's a bad influence and that's the last thing you need.” You could hear the anger rising in his voice.

What is he talking about?

“I know I know. You were right, he's bad news. That's why I left him and came back home. I knew what a mistake I was making. I'm sorry for worrying you both. I promise it won’t happen again.” I said, acting like I knew what they were talking about.

He nodded. “Officers, can I speak to you for a moment in the hall?”

I watched as he left the room with them.

My mother kept going on about how much she missed me and how she's glad I'm ok. I gave the occasional nod and response so that she thought I was paying attention to what she was saying. But my mind was elsewhere.

They didn't shut the door all the way when they left. I stole a glance every now and then. It looked like they were having an argument. What seemed odd though was my dad was doing the yelling and they were just standing there not saying or doing anything. They just stood there with their heads bowed. He pointed to the room I was currently occupying with my mother while rambling on about something.

“Alright let’s get you out of here and back home. You look like you could use something to eat and a shower.” I laughed at that.

“Yeah you’re right I could.” It’d been almost a full day since I last showered and I felt disgusting.

We left the room and to the front desk to check myself out and get my things. On the way there I didn't see my dad anywhere in sight but I did see those guys my dad was yelling at out in the hall. They were having what looked like a heated argument. I made eye contact with one of them and they glared at me. I shrugged it off and walked over to a fish tank. I tried naming the ones I recognized.

“I hope you’re happy, he found out!” My heart stopped.

I turned around with my hand on my heart. “What's your problem? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“I need those files back.” He looked mad.
“Wait. Wha- What are you talking about? What files?” I asked confused.

“You know what I'm talking about!” He hissed, while looking over his shoulder.

“You said they'd be back in my desk by now.” I was confused more than ever right now. “He's starting to ask questions. Where are they?”

I rolled my eyes.” I don't know what you’re talking about, now if you excuse me-”

He grabbed my upper arm and dragged me out the room and into a deserted staircase. I looked around shocked, seeing if anyone else was witnessing this, but to my dismay everyone else was too caught up in their work to notice.

“Get your hands off me!” I yelled while shoving him away.

He closed the door. “Mackenzie. I'm done with these games of yours, it's getting old.”

”I don't-”

“Don't give me that ‘I don't know’ bullshit', You know what I'm talking about! You know where they are and you know how important they are! Now tell me where the hell you’re hiding them at.” He spat in my face.

I looked down at the floor not sure what to say. I mean what could I say? I didn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about.

He slammed his hands on the wall beside my head causing me to flinch.

“You know I thought you were smarter than this! I showed you them for a reason. We made a deal. I showed you them and you'd leave for good.”

“I'm sorry-”

“Don't be sorry. Just leave. Like we planned.” He brushed his hand across my cheek. “I don't want you to end up like them. It's not safe for you here. Please just leave.”

Ok. Not only was I confused but I was now officially creeped out.

“I need to go now.” I pushed pass him.

“Mackenzie.” I heard him call after me as I ran out the door and back to the lobby.

“Oh there you are!” My mother exclaimed. “I was wondering where you ran to! Your father's waiting outside, the car is here to bring us home.”

A black limo was waiting out front and I followed her lead and climbed inside. I sat down on the leather cushions and dug in my bag for my iPod. I plugged in my headphones resting my head on the seat with my eyes closed.

Everything seemed very strange and one thing that was for certain was that I needed some answers. Who was that man? What files was he talking about?

And where the hell was my twin sister?