samantha1617
03-04-2014, 03:45 AM
I would welcome all feedback, and critiquing. This is an excerpt of a book I wrote, and I'll post the whole book if you like the excerpt. (Sorry for the shortness, and the small paragraphs and one liners. It's half dialouge, and the book has more details, just this parts kinda short.)
The Touch of Dragon's Wings
I looked up at the sound of the roar, it echoing through the canyon. My fingers crept their way to my necklace, holding tight to what I knew. It was too late, but I reached out my mind anyways. I gasped as my mind pulled back from the dragon's mind. Frost Wyrm. . . I thought, and looked around me, searching for a cave. I spotted a spot, deep enough to provide some sort of cover, but not enough to protect me completely.
I ran for it, removing my hand from my necklace, gasping for breath as the Wyrm touched down. It sniffed the air, and immediatly found me. I cursed, knowing I forgot what a brilliant sense of smell Frost Wyrms' had. I reached out my mind again, and saw it was young, not quite an adult, but old enough to be on it's own.
It growled, and I steadied the connection, feeling for it's motive. Hungry. He thought at me, sensing me. He was wise for it's age, althought dragon's are wise at any age, he was more so. Why are you here? You should be in the Artic. I asked him, wanting to prolong the inevitable.
I was forced out of my hunting grounds, I had nowhere else to go. He responded.
What is your name?
Ik'thar. What is yours.
I sensed his instincts subsiding, and I knew he wasn't going to eat me. I almost broke the connection, but it was impolite to do so, young or old dragons alike felt disrespected.
Leleanda.
I walked out slowly, and he lowered himself to show he wasn't going to hurt me. Frost Wyrms don
't get much contact with humans and elves, so where did you learn this? He peered at me, and i noticed something peculiar. One of his eyes was the usual glowing blue of a Frost Wyrm, but the other was green. He wasn't all Frost Wyrm.
You are correct, I am not full-blooded. My mother was Frost Wyrm, my father Earthen.
I nodded to him and put a hand on his shoulder, feeling how tense he was. You don't get much contact with people, do you?
No. Most Humans run at the sight of a dragon now, but you are an elf, and Dragonborn at that.
He knew, well of course he knew, but it was suprising how well he communicated. He knew I meant it respectfully. The Earthen were an impossible old species of dragons. I knew some existed but still. . . I couldn't believe it.
I must go in search of food, but if you like, I can take you to a town Leleanda.
I nodded to him, and climbed onto his back, and he took off softly, and I smiled. It was great to be flying again. He flew fast, and I could tell he was tired. We soon came upon a village, and he snorted. I will land a little ways away, so I won't frighten them. I didn't respond, and I didn't need to.
We soon landed, and I thanked him for his help and told him where I had seen a herd of wild sheep. He thanked me for the information, and left, and I walked into the village, smiling. I was making new friends all the time.
The Touch of Dragon's Wings
I looked up at the sound of the roar, it echoing through the canyon. My fingers crept their way to my necklace, holding tight to what I knew. It was too late, but I reached out my mind anyways. I gasped as my mind pulled back from the dragon's mind. Frost Wyrm. . . I thought, and looked around me, searching for a cave. I spotted a spot, deep enough to provide some sort of cover, but not enough to protect me completely.
I ran for it, removing my hand from my necklace, gasping for breath as the Wyrm touched down. It sniffed the air, and immediatly found me. I cursed, knowing I forgot what a brilliant sense of smell Frost Wyrms' had. I reached out my mind again, and saw it was young, not quite an adult, but old enough to be on it's own.
It growled, and I steadied the connection, feeling for it's motive. Hungry. He thought at me, sensing me. He was wise for it's age, althought dragon's are wise at any age, he was more so. Why are you here? You should be in the Artic. I asked him, wanting to prolong the inevitable.
I was forced out of my hunting grounds, I had nowhere else to go. He responded.
What is your name?
Ik'thar. What is yours.
I sensed his instincts subsiding, and I knew he wasn't going to eat me. I almost broke the connection, but it was impolite to do so, young or old dragons alike felt disrespected.
Leleanda.
I walked out slowly, and he lowered himself to show he wasn't going to hurt me. Frost Wyrms don
't get much contact with humans and elves, so where did you learn this? He peered at me, and i noticed something peculiar. One of his eyes was the usual glowing blue of a Frost Wyrm, but the other was green. He wasn't all Frost Wyrm.
You are correct, I am not full-blooded. My mother was Frost Wyrm, my father Earthen.
I nodded to him and put a hand on his shoulder, feeling how tense he was. You don't get much contact with people, do you?
No. Most Humans run at the sight of a dragon now, but you are an elf, and Dragonborn at that.
He knew, well of course he knew, but it was suprising how well he communicated. He knew I meant it respectfully. The Earthen were an impossible old species of dragons. I knew some existed but still. . . I couldn't believe it.
I must go in search of food, but if you like, I can take you to a town Leleanda.
I nodded to him, and climbed onto his back, and he took off softly, and I smiled. It was great to be flying again. He flew fast, and I could tell he was tired. We soon came upon a village, and he snorted. I will land a little ways away, so I won't frighten them. I didn't respond, and I didn't need to.
We soon landed, and I thanked him for his help and told him where I had seen a herd of wild sheep. He thanked me for the information, and left, and I walked into the village, smiling. I was making new friends all the time.