The Shadow Lands

[KittyKatAlly]

Hello all. This is one of my first real tests of my writing ability. I am interested in CONSTRUCTIVE feed back on not only the quality of the writing but also paragraph construction and the flow of the story.
So please enjoy :)

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The sound of the waves crashing against the dark rigged cliffs was deafening, the wind could almost lift you off your feet as if you where nothing but a leaf. lighting flashed bright and dazzling and thunder rolled louder still then the waves of an angry ocean. Five black hooded figures made their way across the muddy winding cliff tracks. Their capes billowing roughly, wildly around them. The only light to see by, a single small lantern held by the front figure. Taller then the rest he was clearly the leader. Walking tall and proud like a predator on the hunt. The figures behind all walked single file neatly from tallest to smallest, obediently following to wherever it was they were being lead.
As the group rounded the last corner of the treacherous long track, a large foreboding manor suddenly appeared. The menacing structure to any un-trained eye would look abandoned and left to be reclaimed by the natural world around it. Though that was not the case. A soft light from the manors highest room showed that someone or something still dwelled within. The tallest hooded figure walked the few steps up the front porch and knocked thrice on the door with a heavy ornamented handle, each knock sending a loud rumble through the manor. Not a moment later the door slowly opened letting the small band of figures inside. No one could be seen as they entered, almost like the door had opened itself. The entry way was large a grand staircase at its back. A large round table was all that decorated the room a lone candle stick at its center.
The hooded figures surrounded the table, the smallest of the group lifting a basket and placing it in the center next to the candle. As the smallest placed the basket into the middle, something stirred with its confines. A small whimper, a small cry. The hooded figures stood back from the table and bowed deeply, dropping to one knee and lowering their heads. After a moment they arose and headed for the door. Once outside the hooded figures turned and watched as the door close behind them with no sound. Looking up at the highest room the hood figures could no longer see the soft glow emitting from the room. Nodding once the tallest then started to lead the small band away, back into the darkness, down a small muddy cliff track.

Crying. The sound of a small child in despair filled the darkened manor. The candle, the only light source flickered out leaving the room darker then would have been thought possible. A glow appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Slowly, as if moving though water, it approached the table. As the glow neared the edge it started to shift. Growing, stretching, taking the form of an elderly woman bathed in a white glow, a gown of flowers and hair of grass, skin of bark and eyes of nothing. The woman curled her finger at the basket, summoning it to her. The basket shook for a moment before the wicker moved re-shaping itself to form legs. The elderly woman smiled as the basket crawled towards her. Reaching its destination the basket sat itself down, the wicker placing itself back into its rightful place.
The sound of crying did not falter as the basket settled. The elderly woman looked down at the infant and smiled. Reaching out a long delicate finger, the woman stroked the infants cheek lightly, barely brushing its skin. Instantly the infant settled. As if the woman's touch had soothed all its troubles. Looking over the now settled child the woman could see that it was but a little girl. Skin like the colour of honey and hair as dark and thick as chocolate. The women smiled all the more as she continued to look at the infant. Then nodding once she again beckoned the basket to follow her as she made her way back to the stairs. The child didn't not stir as the wicker formed its legs once again followed the woman to wherever she may go.
The manor moaned and sighed as the elderly woman lead the basket down a dark hallway. The only light to see by came from the woman herself. At the end of a hall stood a large heavily decorated door. Opening the room the woman looked around. It was empty, like so many of the rooms in the manor. The woman shook her head, and clicked her fingers twice. Immediately the room was filled with everything a child could ask for. Nodding, pleased with herself the woman lead the basket over a small cot in the center of the room. Bending to pick the child up the woman placed her on the plush mattress and covered her with a thin silken blanket embroidered with a garden of flowers. "Sleep well my child." whispered the woman, her voice as soft as a summer breeze through the willows, "You will be safe here, that I promise you."
The woman then faded back into the small soft white glow, coming to rest on top of the mobile hanging over the child as she slept. Keeping watch as the storm raged on into the night.

[KittyKatAlly]

6 Years Later

The sun was beginning to rise, casting a warm soft glow over the ocean and land. Blue, pink and yellows spreading across the sky dancing like the wings of a butterfly. Standing at the edge of a dark ragged cliff, the manor caught the first of the mornings rays. Its black stone walls reflecting the sun like a mirror.
Light filtered through the thin light drapes covering a large window landing on the over sized bed that was pushed against the far wall. A small figure stirred from under the bed covers. Sitting up and rubbing her eyes the child yawned before a smile spread to cover her small features. As fast a lightning she was up and out of bed racing to the window. Pressing her face against the glass she gasped in awe. In all her six years she had not seen a sun rise and never thought she would. It was said the kingdom was cursed, to only be granted a few short years of sunlight and warmth before being plunged back into the darkness of night again. She had not been told why this happened and every time she tried to ask her guardian told her that one day she would understand and to be patient.
Giggling with excitement she began dancing over to her closet. She dressed quickly in a summer gown of soft petal pink with a light brown ribbon tied around her waist, she quickly stepped into her small brown slippers and ran to the entrance hall. Perhaps if she was quick she could go outside and enjoy the suns presence before her guardian awoke and told her to remain indoors. Slowly opening her bedroom door, the child peeked out seeing if the hall way was clear. Opening the door just enough to squeeze through she tiptoed into the hallway and to the top of the grand staircase leading to the entrance hall. Crouching down next to the top of the ballistae she peeked down scanning the entrance hall for any sign of life. Seeing none she giggled and tiptoed down the stairs. Once at the bottom she dove under the table and crawled around to the front. Taking another look around, she crawled towards the front door, peeking into the sitting room and dinning room as she went. Seeing no one she grabbed the door handle and twisted slowly, making sure that it made no sound. As she opened the door getting the smallest of looks into the front yard the door slammed shut a large burly hand having pushed it closed. Looking up slowly, a look of innocent guilt written all over her face, the little girl blinked up at the overly gruff and burly man that was in charge of the kitchens in the manor.
Looking down at the picture of innocence in front of him the manors chef chuckled. Raising an eyebrow at the child and looking pointedly at the dinning room the chef once again looked at the child.
Hunching her shoulders and looking down, the little girl pouted, her plans for the morning having been ruined. A soft cough from the burly man had the little girl sighing and walking towards into the dinning room. A large oversized table sat at the front end of he room stretching down the length of the room a small bar sat at the opposite end with a small green room off to the east side and the kitchen to the west. All windows in the room where covered by the same heavy drapes as the rest of the house. A place setting was set up at the far end of the table closest to the bar and kitchen. Taking her seat the little girl waited patiently for the chef to bring out her breakfast. The chef returned within minutes with a plate full of food. The little girl picked up her fork and poked the food in front of her. The colourful display of fruit dipped in honey, normally her favourite dish, just wasn't invoking the normal amount of joy in the little girl. Finally picking up a piece of watermelon and popping it into her mouth the little girl chewed slowly trying to work out how to get outside to enjoy her first real day of sun.

In the highest room of the manor a small ball of light morphed in the figure of an old woman. Looking out the window across the now light covered land. A small smile graced her lips at the sight before her. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, the old women blow through her hands towards the window. The small amount of breath floated through the window and turned into a full gust of wind and started to sweep across the grounds turning the barren ground lush with grass and wildflowers, once the wind was done with the manors grounds it began to spread through the land turning what was dead living again. Smiling at her work the old women faded back into the ball of light and floated out of the room.

Finishing her meal, the young girl looked around the room wondering if she could possibly try another attempt at getting outside. Looking around herself again she could hear the chef in the kitchen singing to himself as he went about his daily duties. Slipping from her chair she walked to the door leading to the entrance hall. As she stepped into the entrance hall a ball of soft light swirled around her ruffling her dress and hair. Giggling the girl swatted her hands around her face wiping her hair back into place.
The soft glow touched down onto the floor and slowly merged into the old woman. The old woman looked down at the smiling child with kind eyes and motioned for her to go back to her place in the dinning room. Her smile turning into a pout the little girl moved back to her seat and sat looking down at her plate. The old woman sat on her right and looked around at the drape covered windows. Looking again at the little girl she smiled and clicked her fingers. At once the drapes pulled back securing themselves to the side of the windows flooding the room with early morning light. The sudden brightness startled the young girl. She looked up her mouth open with surprise at what she was seeing. A broad smile soon appeared on her face as she giggled and ran into the green room her eyes wide with excitement at how the plants seemed to reach out to the suns rays. The old woman followed her into the green room and sat on one of many cushioned wicker chairs all the while keeping her eyes on the little girl pressing her face to the windows. The little girl suddenly turned around and looked at the old woman her eyes pleading.
"Please may I go outside grandmother? It looks awfully grand out there." The little girl asked her hands together in front of her begging. The old woman chuckled.
"Of course may dear child. Let us go and feel what the day star has to offer us."

[KittyKatAlly]

As the sun rose into the sky banishing the darkness the bells of the high tower sung across the white marble keeps and grey washed houses of the Cloud City, signalling all that the long night had finally ended and the days of the sun had began. The citizens of Cloud City emerged from their beds, opened their windows to the warm rays of light and gathered on the steps of the palace church to celebrate the end of the dark days that had plagued them. The royal family stood on the steps of the high gods church with the rest of the court watching the first sunrise any of them had seen in six long years. Yellows, pinks and blues shimmed across the sky as warmth filled the air, many had doubted that the sun would ever return to the land after the long night began, and many more doubted the land would recover from its time spent under the never ending moon if it did indeed return.
Among the royals that stood on the steps was a young prince no older then eight seasons old dressed in all his finery the little prince looked asleep on his feet as the priest began their prays to the sun, asking it to be kind to the crops and to stay for as long as the gods allowed. Only a few in the kings service new that the gods did not control the suns return to them and they would be powerless to stop it from leaving them again when the time came. Those that knew this where forbidden to speak of it fearing more panic in the city the what had been when the long night first came six years before.
As the priests chanted the prince looked across the gathering of people that had come to see the ceremony of the sun, as his father had called in. The prince knew that the day stars arrival was important, all his teachers had said so and though he could not remember ever seeing it before it did not inspire him the way his tutors had said it would. The whole process was a waste of his time in the princes mind, he would rather be in bed or at his combat lessons leave the day star gazing to the poets and peasants. A yawn almost passed his lips as the priest continued with the speeches the only thing stopping him form outwardly showing his boredom for what it was, was his fathers stern look when he heard any sound from him.

The ceremony ended not long after the sun first rose, the court retiring to the great hall for a morning feast that was to last the day and well into the night. The king sat on the dynast watching as his queen made the rounds of the room, speaking with friends and friends of friends enjoying the general festivities of the day. The side doors to the hall had been opened to let in the first days light and many of the courtiers where lounging on the balcony enjoying a taste of its warmth. The king had initially wanted the feast held outside under the suns full grace but his queen had reminded him that after so many years in the dark the day stars brilliant light may be a bit much for some of their more sensitive lords and ladies. Looking at the room now he could see that his queen had been wise in her suggestion, only the young had gone to sun on the balcony while the old hid inside away from the life giving warmth. A shout of amazement drew the kings and every other nobles attention outside A group of young nobles where standing at the balcony's edge pointing at the barren gardens below. The king rose from his seat and beckoned for his queen to join him on the balcony to see what all the commotion was about, she met him half way taking his arm so that he could lead the rest of the way. Reaching the edge of the balcony the queen gasped at what lay before them. A mist had blown in where no mist had ever blown in before, a strange golden glow was woven in to the white mist and as it touched the ground the grass began to grow like it had before. Rose bushes bloomed and the trees grew their leaves then as quickly as it came the mist was gone leaving everything as it had once been. Tears ran down the queens cheeks as she stared at the gardens below, they had been her pride and joy and it had killed her inside to see them wither away under the long night. The king hid his shock well the only clue was the stiffening of his back and a slightly tighter grip on his queens hand. The queen patted his arm smiling at him through teary eyes asking him just to accept this gift that had been given to them. The king nodded his head, it had been years since he had seen this kind of magic and he could not be sure if it had something to do with the never ending night or if it was someone else taking pity on the kingdom, it did not matter all that mattered was he was grateful. The kingdom would be grateful as well if the mist had worked the same magic on the fields and orchards, he would have to find a way of getting the people to think it was his mages that did this or even the gods. Happy peasants where well behaved peasants and in times like these that's what the kingdom needed.

After the ceremony had concluded and his mother was satisfied he had eaten enough to feed a small village the prince had wondered off into the barren waste that was the garden. Courtiers annoyed him beyond belief, always trying to please him and have him sit with their daughters, like hounds after a rabbit. Coming to the central courtyard he took a seat next to the dried up fountain so he could tilt his head back and let the day stars rays dance on his face. The prince was so caught up in the warmth of the he felt he didn't notice the mist rolling in until it had completely covered everything surrounding him, he almost fell into the fountain when it started to flow again, sapphire blue waters raining from its peak. He stared on in wonder as the grass grew beneath his feet and the plants around him came into full bloom like his books had shown him. Maybe this is what his tutors had be talking about when they had said he would be inspired by the day star. Bending down to pluck a piece of grass the young prince grinned, he had never seen the like and he was fascinated. A moment later he heard his mother calling for him, pocketing the blade of grass he hurried back to the hall, back to his duties.