Mr.Cynic
02-25-2016, 05:21 PM
Rated M: Drugs, adult material, romance, violence, gore, swearing, and other gnarly stuff. Absurd Satire and Twisted Humor -guy-
Society dubs them Social Justice Warriors. What if the greatest philosophers and theist of the world, were simply that? True Warriors. What if all the great wars, were defeated by great philosophers and not violence? Too bad that's not what history says.
Guns, and atomic weapons destroyed wars. So, there's that. The end of the world is nigh. And there's nothing we can do about it. What if, both the Rapture, The Summon of the Eledritch Horror and some other world ending events began to occur.
And all you had were these fucking twats to save your asses. Well, too bad, all you have are these fucking twats.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIuJVYNvC-s
The End is Nigh: Kind of
The world is about to end, unless, these assholes can stop it from being destroyed. It starts all off in the beginning as both the zombie apocalypse, the summoning of the Elderitch of horror, and something about demons and the Anti-Christ.
The Plot
All the world ending events are beginning to happen. Unless the greatest Social Justice Warriors can defeat the enemies before the world ends. The SJW, were an ancient power long ago, who used their ways of philosophy to have everyone basically ignore and argue over who is correct.
The SJW must fight their ways through zombies, cultist, more cultist, demons, and anything else you can think of with their powers of their philosophical ideas. Their powers mighty.
The Cast
*If you have other ideas, I am more than willing to take them
Existential Nihilism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_nihilism)
Clyde
Your Fearless Leader Artair "Can I finish my coffee first?" (http://role-player.net/forum/showthread.php?t=79774&page=2&p=2728970&viewfull=1#post2728970)
His More stable partner Mable "Guess I am actually doing this" (http://role-player.net/forum/showthread.php?t=79774&page=2&p=2728994&viewfull=1#post2728994)
Absurdism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism) - Minkasha (http://role-player.net/forum/showthread.php?t=79774&page=2&p=2730444&viewfull=1#post2730444)
Cosmicism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmicism)- Open
Radical Skepticism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radical_skepticism) - Clyde (http://role-player.net/forum/showthread.php?t=79774&page=3&p=2735515&viewfull=1#post2735515)
Feminism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism) - Miss Devil (http://role-player.net/forum/showthread.php?t=79774&page=3&p=2735513&viewfull=1#post2735513)
Christian (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christianity)- Open
Jewish (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judaism)- Open
The Rules
Follow all of RPA rules, you know all of them by now. So I don't feel like repeating them. That's a long list
Have fun with the idea, This Is Not a RP, to piss people off. This RP is created simply to have fun. You can be as radical or mild as you like. The RP is designed for a few laughs.
No God Modding
GM Word is Law, I am a lot heavier on my critique and analysis of characters, don't fight or argue with me. I don't look for complete character sheets, I look for who is willing to own up to their mistakes and edit when asked.
PLEASE Please please, Communicate with me. If you have somewhere to go in the next 2 weeks, please go ahead and tell me. I understand when circumstances don't allow you to, so as soon as you can please inform me
Again Have Fun
Also, No Character Sheets in Spoiler Tags. Thank you.
The Character Sheet
Name: [your name of your character, it's 2016, and a modern RP, so keep that in mind]
Role: [you may either choose your own idea or choose from one of the slots, your choice, will replace a slot though]
Age: [20+]
Gender ID- [how do they identify]
Sexual ID- [how do they identify]
Marital Status: [yes that's right. You can be single, divorced, widows, or married to one of our wonderful cast members, remember to ask someone first]
Appearance: [I will accept, realistic 3D pictures, or realistic drawn images, but nothing too cartoony or too animey. And I will accept Realistic Portrayals of People. No actors on the.....well okay I will make an exception if you choose smart.]
Personality: [normally I am looking for a fully fleshed out character. I still am, but really break the mold here. These are extreme characterizations. So think Saints Row 4, or something like that. I want to see fleshed out characters, but take their role into consideration of their personalities as well. Don't be afraid to make this strange]
Powers: [your powers, are directly Shit Talk Powers. That are from your philosophical views. Make sure they fit the role you chose. For example, maybe a feminist will make a male demon feel bad for terrorizing a woman or something like that]
Equipment: [no weapons, but just ordinary items they carry everyday]
History: [I like fully fleshed out characters, with backstories. For goodness sake, don't go "she was bullied and that made her sad". If you mention it, I want to know how it affected her and I want to know why it's important to building this person]
Theme Song: [last, but not least, their theme songs. Optional. But heavily recommended]
Misc: [anything else I forgot. Add their relationship with their married spouse or something here. Maybe they have a mental illness, etc.]
Mr.Cynic
02-27-2016, 01:27 AM
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around, how none of these existed, and then suddenly they all exist. So that makes everyone wrong. And, how has the universe not exploded after this very confusing philosophical paradox has occurred?”
Name: Artair [Au as in Austin and Tear, as in to tear something] Nicolai Schlachter (https://www.howtopronounce.com/schlachter/) <- clik the thingy to hear how it's pronounced
Role: Existential Nihilism
Age: 26
Gender ID- Comfortable Male
Sexual ID- Pansexual
Marital Status: Married - 4 years with formely known Mable Iris Norton now Mable Iris Schlachter. They currently do not have any children. But have two cats Juniper and Phelix.
Appearance:
Standing at 5’8” this man is swallowed by a green trench coat that doesn’t look like it even fits or belongs to him, you’d be correct in your assumptions. He’s thin faced with a tired expression, will often times been seen wearing a gray, worn baseball cap over his crew cut. He has brain hair and is as white as a cracker. He’s often seen smoking or smelling of tobacco or sometimes he has the signature smoker’s cough.
http://oi65.tinypic.com/2cy5e9g.jpg
Personality:
Cynical is a word a lot of people who don’t know him use, cynical, selfish, rude, self righteous, with a God complex, thinks he’s better than everyone else. Mable sees something different, someone selfless, someone who is transparent and can see right through Artair. She’s a selfless, idealistic, hopeless man, who's too optimistic for his one good it gets all twisted in his head into cynicism because he cannot meet his own expectations.
Perfectionist and a control freak is another description you could consider him. Control is the way he organizes things. Unlike most men who are robotic, taught to not feel, Artair is actually extremely emotional. His need for control, and taking control of things is how he maintains, copes and keeps his emotions hidden. Except to Mable. Who sees directly through his attempt.
Mable the main breadwinner. She has a job. Has stable finances. He’s been in and out of employment. In and out of hospitals as well. But at least he has one supporter. That’s Mable if you’re not getting it yet.
He’s often alone. Socially isolated. But by no means is he depressing, quiet, or a debbie downer. It’s funny how one man symbolize so much duality. He’s funny, exciting, intelligent, engrossing to those who do know him. He smiles. He seems happy and thoroughly enjoys life. Though alone he’s a different man. An interpersonal man. Tired of people. Tired of the world. Angry. Frustrated. He never takes it out on Mable of course. But he’s tearing apart it seems.
This is where all of his beliefs stem from. Riddled. Suffering from Chronic Depression and assortment of other things. He found that if he stopped searching for a meaning in life and gave himself the ability to craft his own meaning, that was one way to combat his depression. By giving himself a meaning he needn’t think so much on what little meaning he had.
For him Nihilism gave him some kind of hope.
Still he suffers with addictions. On and off again smoker. Dealt with alcoholism in the past. Dealt with the death of family before. He never wants to take what is personally him, what is weighing him down onto people.
He tries to be an empathetic person. Who can love. Support the people he cares for. He still doesn’t always see the meaning in “I appreciate that” or “Thank you”. But he’s a man with a strange duality to his presence for those who meet him.
He loves the first morning smoke. Cats. Well all animals. He loves long walks, sometimes fantasizes about just going on a long walk and never returning. Yet, ironically, he hates giving up. Refuses to give into suicidal ideation and refuses to let someone spout nonsense to him to help heal him.
He’s becoming confident in the idea that he has no meaning or purpose from a higher being. That was until zombies, demons, eldritch horrors, and other fucking shit started walking around.
Powers:
Demoralizing - He can give a philosophical spanking with words, that makes a creature realizes its non importance in the universe and how taking over the world will be pointless. This is an absolute power. Based on if he can persuade them or not.
Aura of Pity- A passive ability, but creatures around him, may have a chance to feel pity for him and completely give up the fight.
Hurt Feelings- Sometimes during a verbal philosophical speaking to, he may actually hurt these creatures feelings. They automatically lose the battle due to uncontrollable tears.
Equipment: A fresh pack of cigarettes, his wallet, house keys, his cellphone, and his to do list
History:
Being born worthless, now there’s a concept right there. I’m all kinds of sick and cliche, yet I’m alright with that. Now more than I was before. I am gaining a bit more understanding of who I am. Not fair to Mable though that she’s the only person I got to talk to.
Someone once told me I was the type of person people either write off right away or get to know and I like. So I suppose that’s correct. I’m like social cancer. Suppose I am okay with that now more than I was before.
I grew up poor. I mean the kind of poor where you put mustard on two pieces of slice bread, no lunch meat, and call it a fucking sandwich. The kind of poor where dad was in and out of the iron bars. And mom slept around for extra money while working as a clerk at a convenience store.
Guess that’s where I learned most of the roots of my Depression and nasty head stuff. I was always told that I wouldn’t amount to a shit streak on underwear, I am paraphrasing. I was always told, in nice ways how I was a burden and wasn’t exactly the way people wanted me to be.
At seventeen, I drowned all that stuff away in self destructive feats. I am nothing new. Nothing special. I already recognize that. This is who I am good at being at. Because it’s familiar to me. And I recognize that I don’t always challenge myself in these moments. Doing anything new. But change doesn’t excite me nor motivate me.
Which means I am guess I am stuck in a rich text of fucking circles. I use to have an older brother. That’s when all the self destruction started to happen. He got drafted, no actually the son of a bitch decided he was going to join the military. Got pulled into the Afghan, Iraq bullshit, and he died serving. He died honorably son. They say it proud.
A bunch of diplomatic bullshit in my personal opinion. That was hard. Because I was neglected further than what I had been neglected. My mother never looked at me the same way she did before. I mean she still looked at me like I was the living, breathing equivalent of after birth. What I mean was it’s when I became invisible.
Not just existent and not wanted. Invisible. So I drank to oblivion. The kids at school thought, you know I was becoming a man. I was just sad and hurt inside. Still am. But people don’t see that side of me. They see this hard personality. Rough around the edges. Opinionated. Selfishly so sometimes. And think, there’s a guy who thinks highly of himself.
I drank for four years of my life. Drank myself to oblivion before I tried committing the deed. Because I was young. I was young and searching for a meaning without realizing it was me who needed to give myself meaning all along.
It helps, when you find someone who looks at you. Mable. There’s someone who I respect. I admire. When I was going to rehab, she use to work at a clothing store a block away, but she’d always get coffee at this coffee shop. I use to go after rehab.
Get myself a glass. And here this beautiful woman. Long flowing hair those tight leggings, with those boots I call her ugly boots. I remember striking a conversation up with her. I have the memory of a cow, so I don’t remember the exact conversations we had waiting in long ridiculous lines for cheap tasting overly priced coffee.
I don’t if she pulled it out of me, or one day I just pulled it the fuck out of myself, but I asked her if she’d like to date me. From there we did. She was always a little cautious. Something like that, we dated for about two years. Been together for 4. She’s the thing that keeps me going.
It’s unfair to her. Honestly it is. It must be taxing coming home from her office firm, to deal with me. I honestly hate dealing with me as well.
But honestly I am nothing special. I am just the usual. The same person I always have been. Recreating the same fictionalized narrative of myself I want to be.
Now though something happening outside of myself. The sky suddenly ripped open and became a spitting vortex of shit coming out of it. I’m now in lead of the Social Justice Warriors and I don’t even know how that fucking happened.
Theme Song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6Dfo4zDduI
Misc:
Mr.Cynic
02-27-2016, 01:49 AM
“So there’s a demon at our door and the sky is spitting fiery vortex of the end of the world,”
“Okay, and? I am trying to get ready,”
“So, this doesn’t change your views at all?”
“No,”
“We still going on our date?”
“Yep,”
“Okay I’ll tell the demon to go away”
Name: Mable Iris Schlatcher
Age: 24
Role: Atheism [the irony]
Gender ID - Cisgender Female
Sexual ID- Heteroflexible
Marital Status: Married to Artair
Appearance:
She has the looks of a manic pixie dream girl, with fluttery skirts, with this retro 70s grunge look, with her wild, wavy brown hair. Her green eyes are electrifying and she doesn’t seem to care much for what is fashion forward. She stands close to Artair’s height at 5’7”, long legs, and a quirky sense of beauty. It’s still questionable how a girl like her, became married to a man like that. Hey, more power to her.
http://oi68.tinypic.com/k4x2f.jpg
http://oi63.tinypic.com/25ggvhc.jpg
Personality:
Be who you want to be, If God approves. Be a Unique little star, If Others approve. Be a Strong Independent Woman, if The Feminist approve. So she guesses she’s known of those things because despite her dark wardrobe she’s a girly girl. She likes skirts. She likes when Artair takes orders, he doesn’t always, but she appreciates when he does so.
She recognizes that she’s materialistic. Likes to consume and buy herself nice things. You know the typical stereotypical girl stuff. But it wouldn’t be a stereotype if there wasn’t some truth to it. So, what if she behaves like every vapid girl with no brain?
She has a job. A nice desk job at an office. That at times makes her feel worthless. Or that she doesn’t matter. It tires her out, but she enjoys the work she does do. It’s all worth it in her opinion. Some people turn off their brains to watch a movie.
Some people distract themselves with a video game. Everyone has their distractions. Hers is buying useful items, for the fun. And not things like toilet paper. But like a cute sweater for Artair or a cute top for herself. It’s less about the item and more about the memory that will go with the outfit. As in Artair might wear this top on our anniversary.
Or this scarf will remind me of the time, he’ll say something so him.
She’s not vapid. Or shallow or negative. It’s how she expresses her creativity. She’s not a fashion designer, but does she need to be, to create things or ideas with clothes, jewelry, or makeup? She wish all people would understand that.
She’s an intelligent woman who doesn’t get a lot of free time to sit down and draw or write. So she makes the most of it, by going dance, living up some life. She has that right.
She loves music. Clothes. Jewelry. She loves working too. She hates doing housework though. Housework is boring and completely not fun. Artair can be the house bitch, he likes things clean. Fine with her. She especially hates doing dishes. She’ll cook here and there though.
Powers:
Lack of Power- Because she’s an Atheist, she can claim to not believe or give into the demons, zombies, and other creatures. By not giving them power, the creatures feel a sudden unworthiness and commit their own suicide. This is an absolute power, but requires a very powerful key phrase, must be said exactly, “You don’t exist, and you’re not here right now”
It also requires the dismissal hand motion. If they try to argue, “Bye Felicia”
History:
Religion actually was not a favorable subject in my family. Funny because there were enough Christians and Catholics to shove a bible down your throat. You came out of the womb, pop, and they expected you to kind of know and follow it. Too bad they didn’t know would space out during Church time. It all seemed so silly to me. There was no tangible proof. And this boring man spoke in circles for hours. My ass would always hurt and I would always think, there has to be something I could be doing.
I grew up with sisters. They were always kind of bitchest. But I was forced into all the things. The Church plays. The drama clubs at school. Only because they were my sisters and that’s, I guess what non twin sisters did.
My sisters always wanted to be famous or always wanted to be pretty. Do things on the runway. More power to them. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to on a feminist agenda, I didn’t want to because it never interested me. I was always awful at it.
Always been clumsy. Always never remembering my lines. Never knowing where to my put foot, here and there. I was always rhythmically challenged. To my sister's delight to make fun of me when we got home. Joke was on them because I might be the pretty princess who likes pink. But I would rough them up better than a boy would.
Oh I am so dirty and sly.
When I finally left home. Left my home in Virginia, I moved to Seattle. Nice busy city life. Different from the non busy city life. But I was free my sisters. And my parents. Taking college for accounting and business management. I was going to the top, not because Female power. But because that’s what I was good at.
I never felt the need to identify myself as a woman. I was a Woman. And Anything I do automatically becomes womanly.
I think my family always will wonder why I married Artair, I think I wonder that myself sometimes too because he’s so opposite of me. Not all the time, we get along quite well, we’ve gone way past the honeymoon stage. I’ll be honest at first I didn’t really like him. We met at the coffee shop, and yeah our conversations were engaging.
I was concerned at first. A guy recovering from alcoholism and so toxic to himself, might not be the best match. But he grew on me. He calls it his social cancer. When I did know him, he was funny, intelligent, didn’t treat me like everybody else. And I did fall in love.
Now he’s stuck with me. And I guess I am stuck with this end of the world thing too. As a Social Justice Warrior.
Theme Song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3gw0iD5y0Q
Misc:
Miss Devil
03-03-2016, 04:49 PM
Name: Rochelle Anna Bellarose (Ann)
Role: Feminism
Age: 23
Gender ID- Female
Sexual ID- Straight
Marital Status: Taken
Appearance:
Her hair is a dirty blonde with highlights and the length falls around her mid back It is straight unless she curls, waves it with the lovely powers of her irons. Her eyes are a blue with a bit of hidden brown that can only be seen when she is wearing dark colors. Her height is about 5 feet 2 inches. She weighs approximately 120 pounds.
She can seen wearing skinny jeans with a flannel and band tee.
Personality:
It’s been commented before that she can be a fickle personality. To some people, she is the sweetest nicest, woman you’ll ever know. She gets along with a lot of her female friends, but can often be cutting about the men they choose to date with. Though she swears she’s only doing it for their own good.
She’s a selfless individual, who does for the greater good. That is her overall mission in life, to help those less fortunate than hers. Which means she is pointing out the truth. Considered critical and cutting, she can switch between her selflessness to being cunty.
Generally this is when she feels the need to overstep her boundaries. Helping her friends. She sees it as saving them, keeping them from making a big mistake. She hates seeing people subservient to their partners. And feels a relationship should be equal, with the woman at the helms of the relationship.
She views herself as a spokesperson for all women and she takes it very seriously. Once she commits to something, she commits heavily to it and her beliefs. She is heavily against the general public's, social construct of who a woman is.
Strong, fiercely independent. A strong woman, who takes no orders from anyone, but herself. She states she doesn’t need a partner, but a partner makes her life better. She views herself as romantically in charge of her relationship and won’t let another man take advantage of her and her life. They already have a chokehold on her wages, on what she wears, how she wears it, she won’t let them take over in a relationship.
Adversely against the notion of good woman housekeeping, her man is not kept. And she is not a kept woman. You do for yourself. Opinionated and heavily forcing her ideas, she takes charges, and doesn’t back down.
Powers: Law and Woman: A demoralizing ability that makes any, male demon feel like it was a misogynist asshole. It will automatically lose the round to attack, lending her allies the ability to attack first before the demon or any male creature gets a chance to do so.
Law and Woman Part 2: Can rally any female enemy to fight at her side for a limited amount of time. This limited amount of time is dependant on how many woman she has rallied with. 1, the powers are limited to 10 minutes, 2 or more 5 minutes.
Equipment:
Purse (Phone, keys, wallet, headphones that are probably tangled, chapstick and makeup, and tampons and pads)
Clothing which consists of winter coat, gloves, hat, jeans, and hoodie, and a long sleeve t-shirt.
History:
The rumors you might have heard about me, are true. I am a feminist. I was raised in a small community, in the mid-west, in the state of Ohio. My mother was basically treated as though she were a slave.
Once I asked my grandfather to assistance me with laundry, the basket was heavy, and basically got the response “It’s not a man’s job, that’s for a woman to deal with.” From then on my opinion of the opposite sex has only gotten worse.
While in sophomore year of high school, I was approached by a footplayer who forced his attentions onto me. He molested me on the back porch at a friends house who had thrown an after party since the football team had one.
Rosemary’s Local Flowers, Littleton, Ohio
Why would anyone open up a floral shop, in Littleton? If the name wasn’t a dead giveaway, it was a small town, with a smaller population, that didn’t even get its own little acknowledgement on Wikipedia. He checked. He was busying up the roses, that nobody was going to buy. It was January 11th, no one wanted to buy flowers on the 11th of January.
February was the busier month because of Valentine’s day. Yet, the only people who walked into the florist, were generally young teenager girls dreaming up their weddings and what kind of flowers they would have. But of course no one would marry here in Littleton. There’s nothing for a long mile of road, till you hit one of the major cities in Ohio.
They live in the bum fuck of nowhere and he was becoming displeased with this very notion that there was nothing to do in the bum fuck of nowhere. Other than to complain about the bum fuck of nowhere. He saw the hazy shadows of people coming towards the door. Time to put on his happy face and pretend that he cared.
A snicker came from the doorway as single female entered the small flower shop. Her hair was pulled back in a slick bun high on top of her head as though she was too good for the world around her. Her eyes quickly flickered over to the man who was adjusting the roses. She quickly averted her gaze and went to look at the different inventory that they had.
“How can I help you?” he asked moving from the roses, only because the kids thought because they had no cameras they could steal the nick nacks. And beyond that though, it felt awkward on his tongue to be both pleasant for good customer service and at the same irritated that anyone bothered to walk in.
Her eye went from the tulips to his face. Her eyebrow arched as she looked him over appraisingly.
“No I am fine,” She said dismissing him from her presence.
“What brings you in then?” he asked, with the same plastered smile on his face, like if it were plastic. It felt unnatural and unpleasant to smile this much at one time. It went against his interpersonal introverted nature.
“To perhaps get of the cold. What business is it of yours?” Her tone clipped.
“The fact that I work here, the fact that the little hellions from the high school keep stealing items that don’t belong to them,” he replied, she was kind of irritating, so he stopped smiling all together.
“Well if you [I]must know, I am here to get flowers. Duh,” She rolled her eyes and went back to browsing the shelves, but not before she checked him out once more.
“Flowers, for what? You know that is my job, to help a customer out,” he replied crossing his arms, exactly who was this teenage bitch?
“For my aunt if you again must know. But really it’s none of your concern I can figure out what I want on my own.” She continued her perusal of the different flowers.
“My job makes it my concern,” he huffed, before walking off, “I’ll be over here, when you want to take the stick outta your ass.”
This felt familiar, he couldn’t put his finger on it, but he swore he had this very argument with someone a few months back. Except that he tried to let that go. He didn’t like to hold onto arguments.
“Good for you, I already know what I want.” She said pointing to a display of yellow tulips. “I shall take six of these, a handful of the yellow roses, if you have any in stock.” She glanced around once again before adding, “And some baby’s breath.” She noded and waited.
“What’s this for?” he asked her, showing a card, “I need to know so we can put the right order on the package.”
“She is sickly, has been hospitalized recently” She stated clearly with a certain distaste.
Well now. Now he got to show off his smarty pants side. You know about flowers. He turned to her.
“Have you considered something without pollen? Most hospitals are concerned about allergies and as much as roses are a good choice because they expose less pollen. Have you considered a nice houseplant? That would mean a lot more than roses that eventually die. And who do you think changes the water? Not the patients. Less work for the nurses, we got small houseplants on that side of the shelf,” he replied.
“It’s just something pretty for the moment:” She said snappishly. Her thoughts for a moment flashed to a few months to her encounters with the football jock. She almost shuddered at the thought.
“Houseplants can be pretty, the cactuses are pretty to look at when they bloom their flowers,” he replied to her with a straight face. She was not a pretty cactus though, she was just an ugly thorn bush and he wasn’t having fun stepping in it.
“Maybe you are right,” She said her eyes meeting his, seeming slightly glazed, for but a moment before she dropped them.
He didn’t say anything as he walked over to the shelf and picked out a pot.
“I like these, they don’t need a lot of attention or a lot of water,” he told her, seemingly ignoring whatever this teenage moment was.
“Yeah that’s should work. Thanks,” She muttered almost to herself.
“No problem, that’s going to be 9.96,” he told her. Making his way over to the register to input the numbers. She followed behind him her eyes staring almost directly at the floor.
She took out her wallet and handed him a twenty, waiting for her change.
He imputed the twenty dollar bill into a calculator, opened the old register up, grabbed ten dollars and four pennies.
“Here,” he told her.
“Thanks,” She mumbled taking her change, her face somewhat flushed as she took her plant.
---
He was starting to get tired of the teenagers waltzing into here. But the adults never waltzed into here because it was a small town. Again, no one wants a fucking wedding in Littleton. Couldn’t Rosemary see that? He was watching these boys in their baggy pants, just looking around here. They been here for half ‘n hour, laughing like dorks.
And he raised his eyebrow. Than one of the idiots, swiped the smallest houseplant they could in his backpack. What the fuck? You’re stealing a fucking houseplant.
“Hey!” Neal called out, but the boys were already bolting out the door. He was going to fucking catch them, switching the open sign to, be back soon. He bolted out the door, nearly catching those idiots, but the kids blindly ran through the crosswalk, while traffic was coming.
“FUCK YOU!” he shouted, “I’m coming for you! I’ll find where you fucking live! And fuck your shit up!”
She saw him run out of the store screaming at the kids who shoved by her. She impatiently stood in front of the floral shop waiting for his return. Her foot tapping furiously on the pavement.
He huffed and kicked a pebble down the sidewalk. This is why he hated teenagers, who is ghetto as fuck to steal a houseplant. Oh and his day got better as she was here. Freaking toothpick stabbed in his side.
“What do you want?” he asked her, casting a glance at her.
“Another plant…” She huffed impatiently.
“The other wasn’t good enough?” he raised an eyebrow, “I don’t get regular customers.” Either no one walked in and the ones who did come in usually stole something and never came back. Particularly because someone’s nice car met it’s end with a baseball bat the last time they stole from the shop.
“Needless to say, the gift wasn’t well received.” She said her cheeks tinged with a hint of blush.
“Just sounds like people don’t have taste,” he replied biting his lip, “My suggestion was the perfect suggestion and people are just going to have to accept that.”
“Perfect?” She said her eyebrow arched up.
“Well yes, I am the working at the flower shop, they are not, I am the expert and the face of flower authority and they are just going to have to accept that,”
“Well tell that to my aunt,” She said with a smile.
“Call her up, I will,”
With a smile still on her face she reached for her phone, prepared to dial.
“You sure?” Her eyebrow still remained arched and it was almost as if she was holding back laughter.
“Call her up,” he was being serious, he didn’t like the idea that someone was questioning that he would. He never once did not accept a challenge someone gave him.
She pressed dial before handing the phone to him.
“Have fun.” She said with a slight giggle.
He raised an eyebrow. No one could out class or out beat his words of silence.
“Hello? Rochelle, what is it honey?” came a reply quite inquiry through the phone’s speakers.
“Hello, Mrs….well I honestly don’t know your name, Mrs. Aunt. My name is Neal Frost, and I have heard from um the young woman that you don’t like the gift I suggested,” he replied.
“Well, it was just too prickly for my taste,” her voice was hoarse.
“Probably prickly enough if you cannot accept the gift of someone who was clearly trying to get you a gift. And clearly you didn’t consider the asthma in the hospital the other people might have in a hospital. Most hospitals don’t really allow flowers these days,”
“Put my niece on the phone!” She demanded before breaking into a fit of coughs.
“Here,” he handed the girl the phone.
“Yes?” she said taken the phone and speaking into it. Her smile slowly dimmed and an appearance of irritation became clearly sketched onto her face.
“I am sorry. I will get something else I promise. Yes. Okay. Yes. Like I said I understand. I am sorry. Bye.” She hung up the phone and then started laughing again.
“You pretty much pissed her off. She is demanding what I originally came to get, which are by the way her two favorite flowers.” She flashed him another smile.
“The hospitals banned flowers, I am just doing my job,”
She just simple shrugged.
“It’s life. But can I have the yellow tulips and roses?”
“Not in a hospital,” he replied, “what do you people not get about a legal ban on flowers?”
“That hopefully she will die and I won’t have to deal with it anymore,” She responded with a smirk.
“Then I’ll get you those things at her funeral,”
“Yes, which should be soon at this rate.”
“Good,”
She continued to smile at him.
“Perhaps I shall see you around. The name is Rochelle Anna Bellarose. But most people call me Anna.” She said as she made her way towards the door sort of waving behind her.
____
Bobbi’s Burgers
He was sitting on a bench outside the grease hell that was Bobbi;s he didn’t even know what he was doing this. She was beyond his age, but he was sitting here waiting to get early onset diabetes.
She first noticed him sitting down waiting. She was only maybe a second late, normally she would have been there a half hour early but she had to stay after to discuss a project with a teacher. As she approached him, she saw that he was wearing a brown cardigan with a blue polo shirt, black slacks, and a pair of black converse.
“I am so sorry,” She said as she was almost directly in front of him.
“I wasn’t paying attention to the time anyway, I been here since I got off work,”
Her face flushed with a tinge of pink again and she smiled at him.
“Really? So long?”
He stared at her, the pink flannel shirt made her actually look like a young woman for once. He just squinted an expression before saying nothing at all.
“Ready to get coronary artery disease?” he asked her, standing up, heading towards the door.
She nodded as she followed held the door open for herself.
She was really weird, as she rejected his advance by opening her own door. Ah jeez, what did he get himself into? Let alone he might get arrested at some point tonight. Though he honestly didn’t care. They mutually agreed that a date would be an acceptable payment for her aunt’s bitchiness. Turns out Aunts are evil, scary, and kind of stalkerish as she came storming, as sick as she was, into his floral shop about two weeks ago. Chewing him out.
“Corner’s a better choice,” he said, to hide the fact that they were here together, he guessed.
“Good idea,” She mumbled as she walked over to an empty corner booth that seemed out of the way from everyone else’s view. She took a deep breath to settle her nerves.
“So,” he said, taking a card off the table, the menus were lying on the table, the place definitely had more of an old fashioned diner vibe than the newer modern eateries.
“Yeah so, I think I know what I will have.” She said without really glancing at the menu. It was a burger place after all. How hard is it to pick out a burger?
“You ever been here before?” he asked her raising a brow.
“Nope.” She responded confidently. “But I know I want a burger. And this is after all a burger joint right?”
She was most definitely an idiot.
“Yeah if you order a burger here, people are going to look at you like you’re an idiot,” he replied, “look, the menu, has a selection on it and you checkmark it off. Do you want a beef patty, a bison patty, chicken or turkey, etc. Than what kind of cheese and whatever.”
“Oh,” Her response was slow but she looked for a marker or pen to check off what she wanted, chewing on her lower lip. Noting the container of pencil she reached over and began checking off what she wanted.
“But I do know what I want,” he replied, taking his pencil and check marking down the list.
“I hope I did this right.” She said placing down the pencil and watching what he did with his list.
“Probably,” he responded, “What do you do?” he frowned at the table, “beside high school.”
“I enjoy spending time at rallies.” She said.
“Rallies?” he asked her.
“Yeah.. I believe that woman should be treated equally as men.” She stated making direct eye contact with him.
What have you gotten yourself into Neal? You stumbled into this pit hole. Should get out now. Yet, he was curious as to what made her beliefs these beliefs.
“How did you get into that?” he asked her.
“Life,” She said averting her eyes to look at her fingernails.
He stared at the table.
“Life?” he asked her, the waitress came over and smiled at them both.
“I’ll take your cards now, what would you like to drink?” the waitress asked them.
He waited for her response.
“Water,” She responded looking up at the waitress before looking back at her fingers.
“Ice tea,” he replied.
“I’ll get that to you two in just a moment,” the waitress dashed off, and he stared at her again.
“So, Rochelle, what’s life got you against men?”
“Anna, please” She said correcting him. “And a lot, too much for just one conversation.”
“So, why did you agree to this little thing, if you’re not going to answer a few poking questions? You can ask me a few poking questions if you like,”
“What you are asking is a question that I am not sure you want to truly know the answer to.” She glanced up at him. “I don’t think you would want me to turn into a watering pot.”
“It be nice to see you actually have leaves and aren’t some sun dried up thorn bush,” he replied, why was all his metaphors end up into the flower category?
“Well, rape is not a conversation you have at the dinner table.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears but a small smile touched her lips.
Ah. The big R word. Should he take it so casually as he did, with a relaxed stare, and a stunted glance.
“Probably not, but if there’s ever going to be anything between us, you cannot safeguard yourself from me forever, I appreciate that you mentioned it at least, thank you, we can talk more about it later,”
She nodded once in agreement before letting the topic go.
“I think we should talk about why you work in a floral shop.” She said teasingly.
He shifted his napkin in his hands.
“Because it’s a quiet job, and no one bothers me,” he replied, “well sometimes. Really because I end up in fights in any other job.” he kind of gave off a nervous, ha and the waitress came back, setting down their drinks quickly before disappearing to assist with some other customers.
“Well it can’t be too bad, better than school, I would think,” She smiled trying to ease any tension he might feel.
“Maybe it’s because I am quiet and don’t stand out, but my temper is not something easy to handle,” he kind of laugh at the stupid things he had done in the years of his personal rage. His father would tell him because he was a raging homosexual. That always pissed him off the most.
“I am sure you didn’t truly mean any harm, unless that person deserved it.” She chuckled at the thought of their second meeting.
“I break property not people,” he kind of smiled reminiscently at the first time he found himself at the police station.
“That look says you’ve done some pretty fun things in your lifetime. I could almost be jealous.”
“It’s not fun,”
That’s just the lens of a teenager. To think something like that was fun.
“Perhaps you are right. But at the same time maybe living life and knowing you are still alive is better than the view of being halfway towards your gravestone.”
He didn’t respond at first.
“Maybe,”
She simply shrugged, as her stomach growled.
“I wonder how much longer this food is going to take.” She said as her cheeks again colored a shade of pink.
“Well they make the buns and everything from scratch, probably not longer, depends if you like your meat well cooked,” he replied with a smile, “They always give you a basket of fries. I can barely even finish the burger.” he laughs.
“Good, I am almost glad I missed lunch today then.” She said jokingly, though her day had been pretty crazy, with tests and what you would expect from a high school student.
“I forget to eat, I get so busy in my designs, and get so focused on it, that I totally forget. Time flies by, shoom, and then I am like why do I feel like a ghost murdered me,”
“Yeah I totally get that, school has been so overwhelming, what with the advance placement testing coming soon.” She smiled at him and attempted to swallow a nervous giggle.
Their plates were slid onto the table and the waitress smiled.
“It’s really sweet of you to take your sister out, I wish a lot more families would do that,” she said, “If you need anything, don’t feel free to ask me.”
Anna blushed fiercely. And refused to say anything to the waitress. Instead she ignored her to take a bite of the burger she order.
“Oh um….thanks….she’s not my sister,” he said a little nervously. The waitressed raised an eyebrow and gave a judgmental stare, before walking off.
Well that was awkward.
“What do you got there?” he asked Anna about what she ordered,”
“A hamburger with bacon, cheddar, onions, and some barbeque sauce.” She said taking another bite. She chewed for a moment before swallowing.
“What did you get?”
“I have myself a black bean burger, with brussel sprouts, mustard, and relish,” he said, “with mushrooms and black olives. Because.”
“Oh, yum.” She said as she continued to eat away at her burger, taking sips of water to wash it down. “Are you a vegetarian?”
“Vegan actually,” he replied, cutting his hamburger in half.
“Oh?” Her eyebrow arched up wards for a minute as she processed the thought.
“How long have you been a vegan?”
“Five years,”
“What triggered the decision?” Curiosity, egging her on.
“Don’t really know,” he replied, “I guess I was challenged to do it, and I liked it enough that I do it for health reasons. Feels better this way.”
“Ahhh,” She said with a nod as she started in on her fries leaving her burger about a third of the way eaten. Her water had been almost depleted and she took a moment to let the thoughts process.
“Don’t worry I am not one of those idiots who shove some stupid doctrine people’s throats. People are stupid that way they think they know more than what they know and fail to realize their own mistakes. They fail to realize their own knowledge has a limitation and that we will never get a straight answer, we believe ourselves better than we are,” he frowned, for a second, but took a bite of the corner, and grabbed a fry while it was still hot.
She bite into a french fry taking the time to process what he was saying.
“Would you prefer I was a vegan and could match your eating habits?” She asked thoughtful for a moment.
Now he was irritated.
“Didn’t I just tell you I don’t care what other people do,” he snapped at her.
She looked down at her plate taking a bite of her fries.
“Yes..” She said back with a biting tone, before going back to eating.
“I am not here to push my doctrine on people,” he told her, “Don’t ever think I am that type of person. Those type of people disgust me the most.”
Was it sad, he was full off a few bites? Maybe he should eat for her sake so she doesn’t think there’s something wrong with him. But he generally doesn’t eat that much. This burger would last him at least three days.
She took another sip of water before pushing the fries away from herself.
“Mmm, the food was perfection.” She said licking her lips.
“Do you maybe wanna get outta here? After we pay of course.” She said taking out her wallet.
What was he doing here? It was more irritating to him that he even went along with this plan. He didn’t know what was wrong. Or how his mood shifted so quickly from positivity to hyperactive anger. He simply bit his lip drawing blood.
“No, no I don’t think so, I’ll pay,” he told her, getting up.
“But,” She said holding up her money.
“No, I’ll pay, you’ll pay next time,”
“Deal.” She said nodding and putting her wallet back in her jumbo purse.
_____
The truck stopped in front of the two story home. Anna unbuckled herself and opened the door to the truck and slipped out into the fresh air. She had a bit of a kink in her neck and was kind of warn out from the exhausting trip.
“Finally,” She grumbled, “Home sweet home”
He was not looking forward to unpacking everything, a thirty-six hour drive all the way up here. Disgusting to say the least. He was tired, and his legs were sore. He stretched.
“Can we not deal with the boxes till later?” he pathetically whined.
“Yeah, we can just deal with it later,” She said sarcastically making her way towards the front door of their new home. “Though we probably should bring in the mattress and maybe the blankets and pillows. I could almost kill to sleep on a real bed.”
“Too much work right now,” he responded, “Let’s eat something first. Come on I want to eat.”
“Fine, fine,” She grumbled slightly annoyed.
“What do you want?” he asked her.
“Food first, then we can grab the mattress from the truck. The rest can be dealt with later.” She nodded unlocking the front door. “I wonder what kind of places they have to eat around here.” She said, turning the doorknob and entering the home.
“I just ask what do you want for dinner,” he said taking out his phone, “I’ll look at the phone.”
“Pick something that delivers,” She said.
“Finnnee, pizza it is then,” he said, “I’ll look on yelp for good reviews.”
“Good,” She nodded before plopping down in what would be their living room floor.
“Ughh, could that trip have been any longer?” She stated, letting out a long sigh.
Always with what she wanted. He smiled at her though.
“Such a long trip. These Italian Bros have a good rating, I’ll call them,” he said.
“Yes and please babe, no mushrooms.” She said leaning back and laying on the carpet floor. It was lush and comfortable. She was almost tempted to grab her blanket and pillow from the truck and take a little power nap.
Why couldn’t they have Chinese? He let the phone ring and just frowned. He was not the beefy, macho man to be pulling furniture into the truck. His dad helped them load up the truck, who the hell was going to help them unload? Because the both of them were going to be struggling.
“I forgot to tell you but I hired some people to come in and help us move all the furniture in,” She said as though it was more of an afterthought.
“Oh,” so more money off of his credit card. Excuse him their joint account under his name.
Not that he was really complaining. He didn’t really have a problem with it, it was just not really what he wanted to hear. He was struggling with his own payments and trying to make ends meet with the floral business. Yeah, stupid right. He was still working that stupid job. At least with their new location, the real estate property they bought was considered a live in business.
Thus he can set up a shop in his own house. Which they agreed to.
“Italian Bros,” said a voice on the phone.
“Hi, yes,” he began, “Do you guys do cheeseless pizza?”
“Yeah, sure, what you want?” the Italian said on the phone.
“What do you want Ann?”
“Anything, so long as we don’t get mushrooms.” She looked up at him from her place on the floor.
“I’d like half pepperoni, with cheese, and sausage. And half cheeseless with olives, mushrooms, and peppercinis, with bellpeppers, if you have all of that,” he responded.
“Yeah no problem,” the man on the phone said, “I need your address, it will take 45 minutes.”
“Address 415, S Aubrey,”
“Yeah okay, that’s going to be like 20.05,” the man said on the phone, “nice doing business with you.”
Anna licked her lips and her stomach growled rudely, “How long?”
“45 minutes,” he told her.
“Ughhhh” She groaned from her spot on the floor. “Well I guess I will go grab my blanket and pillow from the truck,” She grumbled getting up and making her way to the front door.
“Yeah, I am going to check the storehouse,” he told her, he wanted to get a good look at it when there was general peace in the air. He’s not even sure how he got involved with flowers, he simply did. Now he could plan to do more big vendings. Such as weddings and proms. He started his own floral business online, which was getting a bit of business and located that they’d get a physical shop in Seattle. Hopefully with all the social media and modern techno babble. Loyal customers would tell their city slicker friends to come to him.
“Okay, tell me if you need help with anything,” She said as walked out the front door and towards the truck, opening the door grabbing her fluffy pillow and the blanket she had used during the trip and brought it back inside the house.
______
She stared down at the word, “Pregnant” and seemed almost to be in some form of shock. The test slipped out of her hands and landed on the floor with a small sound. She had been sick for the past few days and thought that maybe just maybe this might be the reason. Her period was only about a week late and she thought it was due to stress.
“Shit,” She stated before biting her bottom lip. She took a deep breath and called her OBGYN and schedule an appointment to be seen as soon as humanly possible.
Upon arrival to her gynecologist, she explained the situation. She peeped in a cup and again the test came back positive. The doctor suggested an ultrasound. And there inside her was a little tiny bean of being, that had taken root inside her uterus. They gave her a picture of it, and her thoughts were only how Neal was going to take this.
She came home and made her way into the kitchen, hoping Neal would take the news well.
“Well tell the vendor I don’t give a gob shite what he wants, and that he’s not suppose to take down the orchids like that,” he huffed on the phone, he had this hatred towards dealing with weddings, but they made the most money out of it. Beside it was what he was using to pay towards the ring.
She gave him a faint wave not sure he even noticed her.
He gave a brief head nod.
“Look this wedding is in the next few weeks, if we don’t get this right, I am going to fucking hang someone with a noose made of thorns,” why were all his metaphors plant related?
She waited patiently for his conversation to be finished while chewing viciously at her lower lip. Would he be ecstatic or would be like the end of the world?
“Fine, fuck, just get it fixed,” he said, “Talk to you later. The misses is here.” He hung up the line and looked at her with an exhausted expression, that said, I am in a murderous mindset right now. If one more stupid person comes up to me today I am going to blow a casket.
“Hey Frosty,” She said jokingly, as she watched Charlie run around outside.
“Charlie!” he barked, Charlie came bounding from the backyard, barreling through the dog door at his side, he pat his head, “Did daddy leave you out there for too long? Yes, Ann, you need? I needed to chew out some vendor because he ruined the orchids Jessica ordered. Ruined my orchids. Was about to take Charlie for a walk.”
“Well, you know how I went to the doctors today to get checked out..” She said watching his face intently.
“Yesss,” she knew he hated when she stopped mid point. Just make the point already.
“Well I have some news.” She stated.
“I’m pregnant.”
He choked. Couldn’t that have waited? After he proposed to her. He walked past here, grabbing the leash for Charlie’s harness. As he strapped the dog in the harness. He didn’t say anything and he had a fairly good poker face about it too.
“That’s nice,” he told, “Going to take Charlie for a walk now. K.”
“Yeah sure.” She nodded before turning to the sink. “I thought I would get started on making dinner. Anything you want?”
He raised an eyebrow, she was offering to make him something he wanted to eat? He gave her a callous expression. She was the one to usually make the orders around here.
“Whatever you want,” he told her.
“Fine, pasta with a tomato sauce okay?” She continued chewing on her lip.
Why was she asking him? She was never this unsure before. He wasn’t happy she was being insecure. He liked her to take more charge. Because it usually meant he didn’t have to deal with anything. It easily could simply slide off his agenda.
“Something wrong?” he asked her.
“I am pregnant,” She stated again looking at him as if he wasn’t himself anymore.
“Okay? And? I am trying to figure out your point exactly,”
“Nothing, go take Charlie out before we have a mess to clean up.” She stated as she began to take out pots and pans from the cabinets.
“Well clearly you fucking mention it because of something else, don’t ignore me, what is your point Ann?”
“That we are about to have a fucking baby!” She stated having the urge to throw one of the pots at him.
“And why is that so important! How do you want me to react! Happy! Glad! It’s fucking inevitable isn’t it at some point a couple been together this long is going to have one. Is it suppose to change anything? Because I don’t see it changing anything, it’s just another addition, and just another thing that happens. Why make a big fucking deal about it? When everyone everywhere is having fucking babies somewhere!”
“Just go and walk Charlie, dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes.” She stated.
“Fuck you! You’ll be lucky if I come back in 30 minutes,” he told her, directing the dog to the front door.
“And you’ll be lucky if I even make enough for you!” She shouted at him.
Currently I have just come out to my Frosty that I am almost two and a half months pregnant.
Theme Song: xx (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS7sz8xcjTM)
Mr.Cynic
03-03-2016, 04:52 PM
Name: Neal Weston Frost
Role: Radical Skeptic
Age: 27
Gender ID- Bi-Gendered - But generally goes by “He”, bi-gender, but heavily swings to Cis Male
Sexual ID- Has an aversion to sex; Heterosexual
Appearance:
Bright gray eyes, with flecks of green, give you a quirky, smug smirk, and the folding of his arms tells you he greatly disapproves with this tragedy that’s about to unfold. He’s often seen wearing his brown cardigan sweater and whatever else he finds to layer with it, be it button down shirts or t-shirts if he’s having a lazy day. He’s not real prim about his appearance, but likes to keeps himself neat. He stands 5’5” and is compact.
http://oi68.tinypic.com/nlee5g.jpg
Personality:
You don’t think I know do you? You think I don’t see right through you? Some say he’s a pushover, that he easily rolls over and let’s himself get bulldozed. But he’s smart enough to realize it, other people are the one who put the victim label on him. He doesn’t label himself as a victim. He’s too stubborn for that, and he’s too stubborn to really get ran over. Ann thinks she bullies him into submission and maybe just a little because he doesn’t want the conflict or the argument.
But he’s extremely respectful and easygoing. It isn’t that he does it because he completely broken person or that because he cannot be seen that he’s being manipulated. He knows their relationship is toxic and negative, but he doesn’t mind. Because he respect Ann’s limitations.
Everyone is flawed and even he himself is flawed. To search for the perfect human being is the failure a lot of people go through. Maybe his failure is that he’s too casual and easygoing. Maybe his flaw is that he sees Ann’s limitations and does nothing about it, or wants nothing better for himself.
For the most part, he’s a sweet, kind individual. Who is very laidback. Not laidback in the sense of happy go lucky. But in the sense that it seems like he has a bulletproof vest of verbal abuse. It seems to slide off him like he’s doused in gasoline. But just because he’s the sweetest person you’ll ever meet. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have general flaws about himself either.
He has a wicked temperament, that he keeps under wraps, but was the initial breaking of Ann and his relationship. And he can be a rough and tumble person. He has the face of an angel and for the most part a personality that he is crafted to reflect this. But he can just as quickly get into fights and curse someone else out.
Stubborn and refuses to give up, he has a wicked sense of right and wrong and can be just as highly opinionated as Ann can be. He simply knows how to craft himself better. And knows how to keep himself filtered better due in kind to his interpersonal and introverted outlooks.
He has no personal beliefs of his own and is a hail mary of making everyone look like a complete and total idiot. Because they are, in fact, he knows they are. While some people may body shame. He intellectually shames those with philosophical and theistic beliefs. Because no human being will ever have the secrets of universal knowledge.
Just as we are flawed physically and limited by our physical impossibilities. We are limited as well by the knowledge we can have and figure out. And there is a limitation to knowledge as well.
He likes strawberries, and can be at times a counterbalance to Ann because he does behave a little more flamboyant than her. He likes to cuddle, and can be kind of touchy feely. He likes to hug his friends and likes to garden, actually the garden in Ann and his backyard was designed by him. He dislikes candy. Too sweet he says. And he hates smart people just as much as he hates dumb people.
Powers:
Skeptics Silence- he has the ability to refute the claims of others and silence them for speaking up to 5 minutes at a time.
Skeptics Armor- because of his radical views he is immune to any enemy’s attack lower than his intelligent level. It simply does not harm him. This is a passive ability and is always active.
Equipment: A pack of spearmint gum, his wallet, house keys, a doggy poop bag [he just forgets to remove it from his pocket], multitool pocket knife
History:
I didn’t think my life was going to go this way. But that’s the human nature, isn’t it? We’re always going to do something in life we didn’t think was going to go a certain way. I grew up in Ohio, it’s not a very fancy place, a lot of fields, a lot of cows, and a lot more fields, and a lot more cows. I think the population of cows, outweighs the population people.
I grew up in a traditionalist home. Not a religious traditional home, I simply mean a traditional home. Mom’s sweeter than American pie and maybe just as humble. The all American 50s Nuclear family, mom, dad, and I. Dad was more American than the American flag, patriotic, and all up for every war that ever happened. Despite the fact he claims he’s a vet, he didn’t actually fight in any wars. He was on the battlefield for 2 days, before he got shot up and brought back home.
But gotta love those American soldiers. And his little boy was going to put on the little tin man hat and go marching out there soon some day too. That’s how I grew up. Got be strong like your old man. Got to be the all American Soldier Boy. The boot of America, I say.
Too bad his little boy turned out to be a little pansy. He’s gotta be a little gay right. One of those flamboyant son of a bitches. Going to all the clubs with the glow sticks. Not this pa’s boy. Not this pa’s boy, we’ll make him straight. My first ever girlfriend was Clementine Anderson, that’s her name and I am sticking to it.
She wasn’t the girl anyone else liked though. Frizzy, wavy hair, the color of a carrot, it wasn’t even red. With freckles, and a bracelet. We’ll say my first ever experience with sex never went too well either when her braces got caught on my sweater. From there I become equally an embarrassment for every woman I ever met.
Dad thinks I am still gay cause my relationships never went so well. Except, when I met Ann. That’s a whole different story though and she’s a whole different bitch. Love her to pieces, but she’s a bitch, let’s face it, she’s a bitch and she can be embarrassing and humiliating. Not that I think I deserve it, she’s got some redeemable values in there. Somewhere.
Mom says it's because I idolize female strength. Dad says it's cause I am gay and looking for a man in woman suit.
I met Ann at the farmer’s market. Don’t ask me why Ohio has a farmer’s market, they just do, and it’s a real big gathering of folks. It’s a place for Ohio to feel more like a city like New York or Chicago with their pretentious farmer’s market, than someone stepping foot on some dirty farm.
She was sixteen at the time. Oops. She wasn’t particularly interesting and I think I even forget her after that. Till she came waltzing into the floral shop I worked at. Oh yeah, dad had a big beef about that too. Ha. Beef. Made a cow joke.
All I remember was it was a little stalkerish her early pursuits of my affections. I think I only agree to the date she begged, practically asked for, because I had hope that she would bugger off than. Except the date, went as well as you’d think it go.
I’m heated. Opinionated. So is she. And I think that’s what sets me off about her. I am not American pie. I am not as humble as American apple pie. I am the complete opposite I am as humble as burnt apple pie and that’s okay I guess with me.
Ann is not humble. Not in the least bit. She’s brash. Wicked spitfire. And to be honest, now that we’re actually consenting adults I kind of get off on it.
We moved to Seattle. About two years back. Got our own little place and a dog. Dog’s better than Ann most of the time. Like taking Charlie out on a walk more than her. Yet, I cannot detach myself from her. Ann that is.
I love her. I love her opinionated toxic fire. It’s really hot. I was planning to engage to her, but the fiery vortex in the sky demanded more attention than that. So we been doing this Social Justice Warrior thing and Ann’s been behaving more like a bitch lately. So goes life.
Theme Song:
You think I meek. You think I am weak. But you have a lot insecurity yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRLAlvS5w7Y
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