View Full Version : [PG-13] The Journey IC [Not accepting]

11-04-2010, 04:15 AM
"Guys! Up! Look up! The chandelier! Break the fuckin' link! He yelled to them in hopes they could hear over Yeta slamming into the walls and scraping against the icy floor.

Jill looked at the chandelier. The link was obviously sturdy and frozen most likely. Great. How the fuck were they going to do this? Arrows obviously wouldn't work, neither would fire arrows. Her height made her more of an easy target for the boss meaning it would take her forever to get up there. There was only one solution!

Dodging an attack, she slided all the way to Ash and she pulled out her clawshot. "Here hold this..."

"What?!" But before they began bickering, Jill forcefully placed Ash's hand on the handle of the clawshot. As Ash got distracted by defending herself, Jill secretly pointed the clawshot to the link. "Oh my god! What are you doing?" She spoke quickly.

"Hold on tight!" Jill laughed and pressed the button.


Angelic Asylum:

Ash was flying! Actually flying! Until of course she landed on top of the chandelier with such force that she saw stars. "OUCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT HURT?!??!!" she screamed down as Yeta bellowed and began to follow after the duo still on the ground.

"SHUT UP AND BREAK THE LINK!" Jill screamed while dodging another attack.

"I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE!" she shouted back before pulling up her hood and sighing. Fine. Looking up at the huge link, it was embedded in ice. It'd take a shitload of fire to not only melt the ice but also the mass amounts of metal. So much, in fact, that she didn't have enough components.



Jacob shuffled through his pocket for a piece of charcoal as Jill was being chased by the mass that was well... still is some giant mass of bitch. It wasn't long as he found a broken piece of charcoal. Small but still usable of course.

"Jill! Catch!" He threw her the piece of charcoal so she could get it to Ash. He would take his chances in getting Yeta's attention in simply calling her fat. He hoped it would direct her more to him and give Jill time.

With some added lead being shot out as well as fat jokes, it surely brought Yeta closer... but maybe a little too fast as Jacob halted from shooting and ran like a bitch.


Surprisingly and without fail, Jill managed to catch the charcoal in her hands, but proceeded to slide all over the place as she struggled to maintain her balance. Luckily, with Jake's magic of insult, Yeta was easily distracted and aimed her attacks for him. Giving Jill the chance to use her clawshot and send herself off to Ash. As she finally reached up to Ash, she handed the mage the charcoal.

"Ash, isn't this so AWESOME!?" She questioned, "It's just like the good ol' days!" She began to ramble on and on as Ash tried to concentrate on her spell.

Angelic Asylum:

"YEA! It's FUCKING GREAT ISN'T IT?!" she yelled out sarcastically while she fumbled with her components. Truth be told, it WAS a lot like when they were all together. Except instead of Gil or Sandra they had an irritable tall guy but uh... that's okay!

"Now how did that spell go?" she stared off into space for a moment trying to remember. "Oh. Oh right." Looks like someone would have to study if they got out of this alive. She glanced down and noticed that Jacob was attempting to keep the beast woman in the center of the chandelier, but it was obvious they were running out of time.

Muttering the words to her spell, she held both of her hands as close to the ice embedded metal as possible and watched the last bits of charcoal burst into flame. The flame grew as she continued to focus on it and it seemed as if everything around her faded and muted out, leaving nothing but her spell and the task at hand.

The ice melted the quickest, but the metal was more difficult. It started to glow and Ash felt the first creak and groan of the ancient chandelier. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to keep the spell going for as long as possible, but finally the fire died out.

"Fuck. I guess that didn't work."

That was when there was another creak and a jolt. Looking up she noticed the link slowly coming undone and she grabbed onto the chandelier for support. "Um..." And then it all came apart, and Ash went crashing to the ground.


"Shit!" Jacob slid into the wall as he slipped on the ice tryign to escape Yeta. What were they doing up there? Seemed cutting the link was taking too long. Any longer and his corpse would be spread out across the floor. Not a pretty sight at all.

Yeta closed in for the kill when suddenly, thankfully, astonishingly, the fucking chandelier came down on her ass! Jacob at this time curled into a ball as it slammed into the hard icy floor.

Opening his eyes, he came in contact with a sharp ornamental rod sticking from the outer ring on the chandelier. It was only inches away from his face. Having almost pissed himself, he stood and walked away from it, softly repeating "Fuck... fuck…."


"Fuck. I guess that didn't work."

Jill's expression became dull and annoyed, "Great," she responded. She looked down and watched Yeta chase Jacob around the chamber. She felt the chandelier lower itself as it creaked and groaned.


Jill looked at Ash and before she said anything, the chandelier came crashing to the ground. The only thing heard in her ears was herself screaming fuck along the way down. As soon as the chandelier hit the ice, there was much rattling and vibration from the crash. Did they kill the boss? Jill opened her eyes, feeling a great amount of pain shooting around her body. Yeta groaned loudly causing Ash and Jill to jump; apparently the chandelier did hit the boss! Woo hoo!

Jill grabbed her sword and made it stand upwards (not realizing she even stabbed Yeta in the head). She used her weapon to make her get up and finally, she sheathed it. "Phew! That was so fucking AWESOME!" She helped Ash get her ass up and they both got off the chandelier.

Dark smoke surrounded Yeta, and she transformed into her old self. The ice cold chamber turned back into the master bedroom. As Yeta laid there on the floor, Jill walked up to shelf that held the Ouija shard. "Looks like I'll be taking this." As soon as she grabbed it, it floated in her hands.

[DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA] You found the Ouija Shard! This is one out of the six pieces that you need to collect in order to destroy Sandra the Mary Sue!

The ominous voice disappeared and the Ouija shard, before Jill managed to hold it, slipped out of her hands and fell on her foot. "OW!" She cursed under her breath and put the damn object in her bag. "Welp! Lets get outta here." She walked past her two teammates, ready to open the door. "We gotta give this to Princess Zelda!"

"You know, we could just go through this blue orb that appeared after Yeta, er, passed out. I think it takes us back to the main entrance," Ash spoke up.

"Ash, that's nonsense, only Zelda games have that."


"....Nevermind! You're right!" Jill ran over to the blue orb, followed by Ash and Jacob and they both went back to the main entrance. Leaving Yeta...erm...well dead? Sleeping? Unconscious? ...We'll just say she's sleeping.

Angelic Asylum:

How the crash to the ground didn't kill her was beyond her reasoning, but she managed to limp through the broken shards of glass and pulled the pointy bits out of her arms and legs. She looked like one giant paper cut. "Owwww... Goddamnit..." she followed behind the other two, bleeding and muttering the entire way.

They left the snowy castle... place and this time climbed back up the hill, injured and pissy, and went through all the motions all over again. This time the trip was fairly calm and decent. It wasn't frighteningly cold, nor was there anything obstructing their way, like avalanches. Which was good - their horses ran off and they had to walk the entire way.

Finally back into the main city, Ash stopped dead in her tracks. "WAIT!" everyone stopped and gawked. "I HAVE TO STOCK UP!!"


The thought of supplies passed through Jacob's head as he was in need of more ammo. Maybe some new weaponry would come in hand like a shotgun. However he was mostly hungry than anything else. You can't really eat ice monsters and there wasn't much to hunt for on the way back...

"I agree with Ash! I'm also fucking hungry!" He became frustrated towards the growling stomach of his. "I swear I'm gonna kill everyone here if I don't get my way!"
He kept up with the others and continued bitching merely to himself as the others didn't have much to say on it.

"What the fuck is next anyway?" He finished after that. He was glad to be out of the hellish ice castle. Nothing but a bitch that was...

11-04-2010, 04:15 AM
"I agree with Ash! I'm also fucking hungry!" He became frustrated towards the growling stomach of his. "I swear I'm gonna kill everyone here if I don't get my way!"

"All right! All right! Calm down," she responded and turned away from them. Castle Town was awfully large, but she was pretty confident that there had to be food around…somewhere. "I don't know what's next after this…I suppose we get something to eat first, stock up, and see the Princess." Jill rubbed her belly, "I'm craving a giant cheeseburger, so let's find some food." Though, where was she going to find a place that sells cheeseburgers was beyond her knowledge.

The three of them walked, and walked, and walked some more. Or it was more like walking in a giant circle and ending up in the same focal point--the main fountain. Impatient and cursing about, it was Ash who had to ask for directions and a map to the other areas of the town. Eventually, they found a tavern to settle down and eat.

"Finally!" Jill exclaimed and dropped her sword and shield, running over to a table. "I'm so hungry." The bartender served the three warriors water for now and then they proceeded everything on the menu. Well, nearly everything…

"And then, after we eat, we can go into that store with the awesome deals and awesome music..." Jill gave a huge grin in excitement.

12-26-2010, 08:32 PM
Jay stood outside playing a set of ritual drums for show. Keeping beat to entertain others as his little monkey danced and ran around trying to attract and amuse those it could. His cloth clothes were of different colors but seemed all to blend well together in its design. He had been here for days, sleeping outside and trying to bum money off of people to get his food and travel money.

He was a monk of a modern order, removed from his brethren for his difference. His light brown hair lengthed down to the bottom of his neck, he bounced around in a sort of dancing motion with his little monkey as it ran up his leg and stood on his head. He looked on trying to pick out any cute girls he could find walking by. Maybe he could charm one enough to convince her to take him to her place. Free sleep, free food, bath, and a possible booty call.

It didn't take that long before he spotted a cute little elf, wow a short elf that's a first, from what he could see. Though before he could try to catch her attention she had made her way into a restaurant with her companions. He'd try to catch her attention later, oh who was her other friend, interesting he'd try to get both their attention if he could manage it.

12-26-2010, 08:58 PM
"Ugh... do we have to go there again?" Ash asked, asking for her third glass of water. What?! She was thirsty! "The last time we went there we had to drag you out by your ears cause you kept doing that stupid dance." The song practically haunted her nightmares.

They ordered their food and stunned the staff by just how much food they could eat, specifically Jill who sweetly asked for two double cheese burgers and cheese fries with an angelic smile on her face.

After they ate and paid (convincing Jill to actually leave a tip and stopping Jacob from poisoning the neighboring table's wine), they hurried to the creepy shop. "How did you eat all that?" Ash asked incredulously while Jill burped loud enough to offend an elderly couple passing by. "What?!" she responded. "I was hungry."

That was when Ash heard the music, glancing to her right she noticed the drums and... "OH. MY. GODDD! It's a MONKEY!"

12-26-2010, 11:22 PM
"But it would have been funny..." Jacob finished whining over the attempted poisoning. The trio walked out into the open and he wanted no part in going to that inane childish shop that jill went crazy over. Besides, he had enough ammo, especially if they were heading out to the desert. They had a stockpile of ammo there.

Approaching the haunting shop, Jacob began to hear a soft melody growing louder. Was it the horrid shop welcoming them or was... oh something else! There was a colorful man with a dancing monkey. He took the assumption that the two would be all over the monkey and the man would get the attention needed. Meanwhile Jacob would just lean against a conveniently placed structure.

Attention was overtaken and Jacob found himself wandering over towards the train station, looking over a schedule displaying the times of the arrival and departure. A train heading to the desert was leaving in two hours while another was leaving early the next morning. "To hell with leaving in the early morning..."

12-26-2010, 11:52 PM
Jill kept walking towards her favorite shop, failing to notice the man with the monkey. She danced as she bought items that were on sale and once she got what she needed, she danced back out of the store holding bombs and arrows.

"That store is so AWESOME! Everything is constantly on sale and--" she paused to see Ash standing in front of some gay looking man playing drums while a little monkey danced.

A little monkey…dancing.

"Oh. My. GOD!" She ran over to stand by Ash's side to watch the monkey dance around. "It's so CUTE!"

12-27-2010, 12:21 AM
The little Capuchin got excited as two women approached him squealing. The little guy didn't understand their words, but the mannerism's were enough. He turned his attention directly to them, began bouncing up and down, and waving its hands around. Jay picked up the beat on his drums, and the monkey spun its way up Ash's cloak and onto her shoulders bouncing around more on her shoulder. He cooed happily and batted his little monkey eyes at Jill playing on his cute appearance.

Jay worked more forward, kept the beat, but tapped the drums softer so he wouldn't be deafening the women. "Well, well. He doesn't warm up to strangers like that. He usually just dances. He must like you girls." his sandals flopped against his heels and the street as he stopped in front of them. "I hope he isn't a bother being on you like that Miss." he said to Ash.

12-27-2010, 12:33 AM
Ash giggled as the monkey hopped about on her shoulder and let it nibble on her gloved finger. "Oh it's no problem! He's adorable!" And if it shit on her she'd set it on fire! =D

As she took the things Jill fetched for her in the shop (she refused to go in there because of the music) she handed Jill what she owed and pulled out an extra gold coin. "Here you go," she said as she handed it to the monkey, who collected his prize and returned to the man. "What's his name?" It was rare to see a creature like that around those parts, giving her the inclination that the monk liked to travel.

As cute as the monkey was, she kept a close eye on their surroundings. Who knew if this guy was a spy for the enemy. That's all they needed after that long ass battle with that er... thing.

12-27-2010, 12:51 AM
"I ain't staying the night to wake up inthe morning so damn early, fuck that shit." Jacob walked back to the group slowly while reminding himself of his hatred over getting up early. "I sleep for as long as I want and anyone that attempts to wake me will get... Course." Jacob wasn't surprised by the two being sucked in so quickly.

He decided to give them some time to play with the monkey while looked through each chamber in his four revolvers. Things looked clean well enough but he wanted to take a closer look as he spread the pieces all over a merchants table. "The hell are you doing?" asked the surprised and angered merchant. Jacob reassembled his revolvers at a surprising time and looked to the man. Jacob just nodded at the merchant with no reaction and left, walking back to the two and the man and his monkey.

12-27-2010, 01:08 AM
While Ash asked the man what's the monkey's name, Jill was ready to visit their next destination: the desert. Her armor was slightly different, it was a two piece to keep cool, but it was covered by her cloak for now.

She didn't hold any particular interest for the man, it was mainly the monkey being so fucking cute. But, alas, it was time to venture off. Jill looked around to spot Jacob walking towards them, "Welp! It's time we head to the desert since that's the next place the Princess told us."

She looked at the man, "Take care!" And she walked off.

12-27-2010, 01:29 AM
"Thank you Miss." He took the coin from his little monkey. "This little guy's name is Rockso." The little guy took to Jay's shoulders as well and lowered himself down with his arms around Jay's neck, riding almost piggyback style. Rockso looked between the two girls and almost seemed to wink at Jill.

"Huh, the elf girl really is cute." he thought to himself. "Oh please don't let us hold you up if you have some place to go." The monkey slapped him in his head, his way of telling Jay not to let cute girls get away. "Thank you for the coin Miss, it was very generous of you." "Hmmm Princess huh?" he pondered the possibilities as he backed away and back to the business center where he stood earlier.

12-27-2010, 01:57 AM
"Alright alright, lets go. Jeez," she rolled her eyes and pulled up her hood. "Well, seeya around!" she waved goodbye and walked towards the inn where their horses were being kept. "We better get a good few barrels of water for the trip. Between us and the horses in the heat..." she shrugged and tried to ignore the suspicious looks of those around her. Stupid robes.

"We can order it from the inn!" Jill replied happily, skipping ahead. "Besides, I might have a spell for that!" Oh good. Just what they needed - more of Jill's white magic skills. "Riiight well... just make sure you uh, practice that before you do it. I don't want to be hit by lightening or something."

12-27-2010, 02:15 AM
"Right let's get aboard the train and get settled. The horses and supplies go in the back... But hold on a second." Jacob walked back over to the merchant he ran into earlier and then socked him in the face. Jacob then ran back to the two and hurried them aboard.

"No time to waste so let's get on and find a car to settle in on!" Jacob was excited to finally leave and was hoping the train would even leave earlier than expected. Sadly the conductor said no and Jacob became all mopey while watching old people board the train at a snail's speed.

"Oh God, why?" Jacob slouched as the three went looking for a room to share with another group.

12-27-2010, 02:32 AM
As they boarded the train, Jill found good seats by the window with the pleasant view. Yet, taking off seemed to take forever. God damn elderly.

"I like trains!" Exclaimed a young girl who ran up the aisle between the seats. Turning around, she ran back down exclaiming the same thing.

"Yeah we get it."

"I love trains! Don't you?! They're so much fun!"

"Yeah…yeah…" Jill looked away from the girl, but she continued talking about trains. She rolled her eyes and looked at Ash, "Can you set her on fire?" she smiled. ~

12-27-2010, 02:59 AM
"I like trains!"
"Yea, yea good for you."
"I like trains!"
"...That's great."
"I like trains!"
"Alright, I've had it," she snapped, letting a fireball form in her hand. That was when she noticed him - some angry looking guy with a leather jacket. "Oh. Haa... hi!" She extinguished the fire with a small puff of smoke. "Come here...often?"

"...Whatever," he muttered, slinking off with the girl. "Weirdo." she muttered behind his back. That was when the train began to move. "Woohoo! To the desert!" The desert... with those robes. Shit.

12-27-2010, 03:14 AM
"About fuckin' time, fuck." someone sushed Jacob right after that moment and he stood immediately and asked who did that. He looked to a geezer sitting behind them and asked angrily "Was it you, old man? You wanna go? We can take this outside if you want."

"What is with the losers here?" Jacob sighed and began walking towered one of the exits. "I'm gonna checkout the rest of this hunk of steel and maybe find some action..."

12-27-2010, 03:50 AM
"Man, what's up his ass?" Jill asked as Jacob left. "He's always pissy!" The girls gossiped for a bit until they decided it was best to showcase their ability: sleeping.


The train came to a sudden stop causing the three heros to fall off their seats. "Oof, what the hell?!" Jill got up from the floor and glanced outside, "We're not even near the desert."

Just then, one of the doors open and the cheerful girl ran out followed by her group. "We're under attack! We need help!"


12-27-2010, 03:57 AM
They stumbled out one by one and noticed that the sun was blotted out by a gigantic metal...thing. It was easily the size of a building and had metal teeth. Every time it moved steam shot out of it's joints. "Um. What is that?" Ash pointed to the robot creature and it gave an angry mechanical roar.
"Looks like a giant metal... thing," replied Jill.

Then they looked to the three losers about to fight it. "We can't take it alone!" said the train-girl. "Please, join us and use your powers against it!"

"Yeaaa..." Ash rose an eyebrow and looked back at the train. "Um... We gotta go." She nudged Jake and Jill and gestured to the door.

12-27-2010, 04:33 AM
Jill ran to the conductor and told him to continue on his way. Meanwhile Ash went back inside and Jacob remained just for a minute as the gang looked for an extra hand. "Well I won't deny you the hand..." Jacob armed himself and let loose a volly of lead at the monsters head, causing the monster to collapse suddenly and slowly vanish with cheerful music right after.

"But it'll cost you the ride and your knee caps." Jacob opened the train door and retreated slightly inside so he was still able to get good aim at them. He then fired six shots at them, each nailing the goofy-dressed trio in the knees. Jake waved to them as the horn blew and the train quickly speed off.

12-27-2010, 04:51 AM
"Well, that was handled well!" She sat back down as the train started to move.


Finally, they reached their destination! And boy was it hot and dry and disgusting and humid. Ugh. Once they got outside, Ash was already complaining about the heat.


"It's not that hot out," Jill replied.

"Not that hot!?"

Jill only shrugged, she was always used to the heat. The three of them walked to the carts to pick up their horses, ready for another adventure.

12-27-2010, 04:59 AM
The sun was beating down on them with such ferocity Ash was getting dizzy. "Fucking hell," she muttered, wiping the sweat from her brow. Her robes certainly were not helping the situation. It was so stifling she could barely breathe.

"Alright... fuck this." Ash dropped the belts from her robes containing her spellbook and components, and lifted the robe off her body, revealing the armor (http://www.freakygaming.com/gallery/game_art/guild_wars/necromancer1_shakespearian.jpg) underneath. It was a black leather and accented with metal plates, with long boots. To be honest, it was a bit revealing for her which is why she wore the robes over it - but desperate times and what not. Replacing her belts, she walked out to the horses, where everyone clearly noticed the change.

"What? Fuck off."

12-27-2010, 05:14 AM
"Finally..." Jacob gathered his things like the others and walked to the horses on the back car. "Nice outfit." Jacob heckled to Ash, finding the armor to be something else out of his world.

"This is just the outpost so don't get too comfy. We may as well grab a map and head on our way to the town that way." Jacob was excited to see what was at the shops and could hardly contain his excitement...

12-27-2010, 05:32 AM
Just as Ash was taking off her robe, Jill felt the need to do the same as well. She pulled off her cloak to reveal some studded leather armor (http://wiki.guildwars.com/wiki/File:Ranger_Tyrian_armor_f.jpg), which was nothing too revealing. After she packed her cloak, she equipped her bow and her sword and shield.

Luckily, they found a map, which she gave to Jacob since he seem to know his way around. As she got on Epona, she looked over to Jacob. "Welp! You lead!"

12-27-2010, 05:39 AM
Ash glared at Jacob as he got on the horse. "Why do you get to ride in front?! I wanna do it this time!" she whined, grouchy from the heat. Her robes were packed into a compartment on the horse and she began to braid her long hair up into two buns. "You're such an asshole!"

It took them about an hour to attach the water and items onto both of the horses and that left them even sweatier than before. Except for Jill of course, who seemed to be basking in the heat and enjoying her armor change.

12-27-2010, 06:37 AM
"Oh I hardly even had a ride with her so shut up woman, get on my horse!" Jacob helped Ash up and the horses were off to town. They all seemed ready as it were but they may need more to survive on as magic, blades, and bullets won't always save one from the dry land. Jacob was hoping and pretty certain that the shops in town had all they need.

"We will need a lot of supplies seeing how we are going through the desert and all." Wasn't too long till they reached the large town since it actually was only ten minutes away. "We'll need to hitch these horses somewhere for now and see about a wagon to hold all the crap we may need. What do you two think? Besides there is also a mage's shop called the 'The Red Hot Staff'." Jacob waited for a response before moving further.

12-27-2010, 07:30 AM
Jay found himself too curious, and too interested in the two ladies in the group. He hadn't been out in a new area in a while. Rockso had hidden up underneath Jay's shirt to hide from the desert sun. He had fallen asleep up until the commotion earlier and temporarily lost track of the three until he saw Ash and Jill both slip off their outer clothes to reveal their well slightly revealing armor.

The train started going into a slow crawl when he started heading to the back of the train to get his horse that had been eating happily from the bucket of oats that Jay had paid for with the coin Ash had given him. "Come on boy before this thing really gets moving." he said to the horse as he pulled it towards the door and opened it up. He mounted the horse and jumped out the last car while the train was still crawling. He looked around and caught a glimpse of the direction they went in and started to follow them until they got to the town. He had some coin left over to get a few things here and there. He wasn't all that hot in the desert since his clothes were very light.

12-27-2010, 10:02 PM
Jill followed Jacob to the town, which wasn't far off anyway. She enjoyed the sun rays on her skin, feeling as though she was defrosting from the icy temple. As they entered the town, they hitched their horses and proceeded to observe the place.

"Well, since I have no idea what's here, let's head over to the…Red Hot Staff," she said in an almost serious tone. "What kind of name is that anyway?" Regardless, they headed over there, at the same time, Jill was looking for a shop that sold items for her class.

12-28-2010, 12:34 AM
The Red Hot Staff? "Isn't that a sexual innuendo?" she asked skeptically with a raised eyebrow. She didn't want to accidentally walk into a brothel, like that one time...

As they walked closer, she realized that it was a shop for magical items and spells. "Oooh!" Ash clapped her hands together in excitement and ran in, dragging Jill behind her. "I bet I can get all kinds of spell components here!"

The shop was filled to the brim with odd smells and sights, from the decaying foot in the corner and the obligatory jar of eyeballs on a metal stand. Ash browsed around, picking up items such as snake venom and scorpion legs. "You can probably find some white magic crap here too." Stupid tree-hugging hippy mages.

12-28-2010, 01:10 AM
"My name is Witch-Doctor Menny Cox, how may I be of service?" The red man asked Jacob while monitoring Ash squealing in the background and hopping about. "Uhm... Wow interesting name. No just keep your eye on that one." Jacob replied and made his way over to Jill.

"This place is odd... Even the name of the town is weird." Jacob revealed to Jill the name on the map. "Or Al Town?" Jill responded and Jacob nodded in response. "The shop I think you are looking for is the 'The Big Hard Saber' Uhm want me to come with? So far I haven't seen any women here and the men look sleazy..." Jacob and Jill headed for the door to see what else was around.

12-28-2010, 02:34 AM
"Or Al Town?" Jill was silent for a moment. "It sounds like…nevermind."

"The shop I think you are looking for is the 'The Big Hard Saber' Uhm want me to come with? So far I haven't seen any women here and the men look sleazy..."

"Big Hard Saber?" Jill questioned again. 'Just what kind of town is this?!' she thought. "Uhh, sure." She needed to upgrade her white magic and her traps anyway, might as well take advantage of the opportunity.

They walked out of the Red Hard Staff and headed towards the other scandalous mage shop. It was filled with people wearing white or ivory robes with red triangles at the hem. It was the exact opposite of the other shop. It was filled with "good" herbs and potions. Jill looked about and smiled, "Oh my GOD! I just don't know what to get!" She ran around the store wondering which spell to upgrade.

12-28-2010, 04:33 AM
"I'm gonna be like the most powerful black mage ever!" Ash went on to the shopkeeper. "Yea, uhhuh, good for you," he replied, obviously not interested. "Like the bestest best black mage there is!" "Yup, yup that's great."

Ash picked up a few more poisonous flowers and enchanted vials of sand. "Sooo... how many spells do you have?"
"Uh, I don't know, lots and lots?"
"How many herbs to do you have?"
"Er, millions. Billions?"
"What kind of hexes do you use?"
"Oh! Well that's kind of interesting, I actually like to use - "

That was when Ash saw Jacob and Jill wandering into the neighboring shop. "I gotta go!" she threw some money at him, grabbed her items, and ran out.

The other shop smelled like flowers and happiness. It was disgusting. "UGH!" she barged in, a black spot on their rather pristine surroundings. "How can you even spend longer than ten minutes in here?... WHAT?" she glared at the shopkeeper who looked absolutely horrified.

12-28-2010, 05:06 AM
"Ash, go checkout a wagon for us, I feel we may need it for extra storage. Meanwhile I'm going to checkout the gunshop." Jacob left the two to attend to their own things while would checkout the selection. Making his way over, he saw various types of people. Gunslingers, rangers, knights and many more. The only problem with this was they were all dudes. "So this is a dude ranch... wow."

Jacob made a purchase of a lever-action rifle with a belt of rifle rounds on it. It fit nicely and didn't weigh much besides the bag of extra boxes of ammo and cleaning supplies. Jacob then overheard a ranger and the shopkeeper speaking of women.

"Hey guys! Guess what?" the crowd in the gunship all replied with the obvious and the ranger continued. "There's women here! They reside in the Saber shop!" The men all stood, cheered, and booked from the gunship, telling all of the women. Jacob was left to either steal everything or go tell his friends. He then just stood there in confusion...

12-28-2010, 05:33 AM
After browsing the shop, which consisted of Ash complaining about the smell of happiness and flowers, Jill was able to update her curing spells (it was said that the burning sensation wasn't as bad) and buy a new trap that she needed to learn on her own (which she'll do tomorrow).

She paid the shopkeeper and the two women turned around to spot a gang of men staring at both of them.

"Umm…Oookay." The girls walked out ignoring them and managed to pick up a wagon for their usele--useful shit. Though, while they were setting things up, the men outside kept looking at them.

"Damn, this place is dominated by penises."

12-28-2010, 05:42 AM
"Ash, go order us another wagon," Ash mimicked, pulling the hair over one eye like a certain tall blonde cowboy. "What am I, his bitch? Fucker," she muttered, setting a random tumbleweed on fire. "He could order his own goddamned wagon," she continued to complain, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they already got the wagon and were being gawked at by creepy, smelly fat guys.

"Penises? Yea. Speaking of that... you think anything about this place is kinda... weird?" She gestured to the small group of men trailing behind them. "Think we should show them why it's not polite to stare?" She grinned.

12-28-2010, 06:01 AM
Jay had followed them into the town and hitched his horse away. He wondered if there were any other cute girls in town. He kept an eye on where the little elf girl went to before he headed to the town bar to look for some chicks.




He made his way to the shop that Jill went into. He might find somethings he could use. Oh god all the dudes seemed to have made their way in here now! The men in this town were like goblins. They were everywhere! Were those two women the only two in here with actual boobs! He took what money he had and found a few healing items, prayer beads, blessed water, and phoenix tears. It took the last of his money, every last coin. He needed to find some more, but he could use this to heal some people and try to get some money by healing them make some form of profit.

By the time he was done all the guys had left the shop. They were outside in a large group. Ok ok, this was annoying. He wanted to try to get in with those three to get to those girls, and these ugly fucks were just getting in the way. "Hey Rockso, care to give me a hand." The monkey popped out of his shirt and cooed with a happy expression and climbed down his clothes and into the crowd.

"AAAAGGGHH...That's fucking gross! Get this over sized rat off me!"
"OH MY GOD VILE LITTLE BASTARD!" cried out some of the men in the group as the others started making room between them and those that cursed out loud.
Rockso had gone into the crowd climbing up one man and hopping from man to man, smearing his shit in their faces, giving a few nice brown mustaches. Though with some, the smell and look, was an improvement. Jay would find his way walking through the crowd up to the two ladies. "Well fancy meeting you two here. Who knew we were heading the same way." Rockso made his way up Jay's pant leg pulling out a small towel that it used to wipe the shit from his little hands and threw it to the ground. The men behind them were still mad, but Rockso just puffed out his cheeks and let off a long raspberry at the group of men and grinned, showing his little teeth.

12-28-2010, 06:34 AM
Jacob gathered the rest of the store supplies into a wheelbarrow and rushed his way through town to find the girls. "Ash better have gotten that wagon or else I swear I will...shit." Jacob was shocked by the gathering crowd of women-hungry men.

He made his way into the center where not surprisingly were the girls and oddly monkeyman. "Okay so you two know what is happening and what is your name, Monkeyman? You know what? Let's talk later and kill now cause I don't think we will be leaving alive unless we take action." Jacob wasn't ready to have his companions raped by a group of slimeballs...

12-31-2010, 05:07 AM
"Well fancy meeting you two here. Who knew we were heading the same way."

"Hah, well how do you know? We may just end up going the total opposite direction," Jill responded sarcastically. Before any other reply was made, Jacob came back to the group looking pissy as usual.

"Okay so you two know what is happening and what is your name, Monkeyman? You know what? Let's talk later and kill now cause I don't think we will be leaving alive unless we take action."

"You always want to kill! Ugh!" Jill turned around to see the creepy old men still standing there covered in shit.

"Great heavens! Just look at the time!" Exclaimed on horny man.

"Ewww…" Before things grew worse, Jill pulled out a pouch of old dead leaves and let them scatter on the ground in front of the men.

"Oh god. That trap again," Ash spoke lowly. The men stupidly ran towards the women and over the leaves. Ash looked away as soon as she heard the earth split and splatter with vines causing the men to get wrapped around them or stabbed to death. "Yeah, I saw that one coming."

The vines disappeared and the dead creepy men fell to the ground. Jill looked back to the crowd, "So are we ready to go?"

01-01-2011, 01:39 AM
"Haaaha, what idiots," Ash shook her head and looked towards the desert. "Yea, I guess. Are we sure that we'll be going in the right direction? Don't really wanna get lost in this fucking heat."

"The map clearly says west from the town!" Jill held up the piece of cloth that the princess had given them. It was covered in hearts and her phone number. "Um... okay, fine, just checking." Ash gawked quizzically at the map before pulling herself up onto the horse.

"Hey Mister Monkey man! Are you coming? I'm gonna set the town on fire!"

01-01-2011, 04:03 AM
He gawked at how the leaves turned to vines and sliced through several men that approached. He'd seen nature magic at the monastery for healing, not to hurt people. Well you see something new everyday don't you?

Some of the things going on had held him off from telling the man with the guns his name, as it moved a bit faster than he had thought.

"Hey Mister Monkey man! Are you coming? I'm gonna set the town on fire!"

"Fire?" He looked at Ash with a dumbfounded look for a second. "Is that really necessary? I know black mages are notorious for such cruel acts, but these men are just in lack of the sight of women is all. You can hardly blame them, men will be men." He looked at the glare she gave him, telling him not to "stand up" for these pathetic perverts. "Well then again if you really must, I guess I have no choice. The next train won't be coming for quite some time, and I'd rather not sit in the sun and roast alone." Well this gets him in the position he needed to be in, in their little group. Just one step to getting into the positions he wanted to get them in.

"And I'd rather you not keep calling me Mr. Monkeyman. My name is Jay."

01-01-2011, 04:57 AM
As Ash and Jay were busy trading looks over the subject of razing the town, Jacob was busy shuffling with the ammo and other goods he retrieved. He would love to obliterate this place just to be safe from any gun-slinging reprisals, however, this place was rich with goods and they may as well get what they can.

"Before you go burning this place to hell, let us take what we can from here and bring it with us on a wagon or two. It'll help us being out here in the heat and all. So let's split up and gather whatever, where is the wagon anyway?" Jacob was ready to get up and get out and the train tracks were looking dry of anything fresh coming for hours. "Welp, on the map it shows a native territory ahead. May as well stop by there and say hello. Looks to be the 'Coo-Coo tribe', like the name, they are messed up and all. But the nice thing is they have gambling and pretty much anything and everything you could be looking for in rest and relaxation. Some crazy drugs and all too."

Jacob noticed the men were out of complete sight, great time for them to get to stealing some supplies. "By the way, what are those numbers on the map?" Jacob was curious, his ignorance was presented. "It is her phone number..." Jacob was confused by the words Ash spoke and as the group began to split to start stealing, he took a couple steps and then froze in place, shouting "What the hell is a 'phone'?"

01-02-2011, 10:03 PM
"It's uh…a thing you can communicate with," she responded. "You know…a phone?" Though, with his baffled expression, Jill gave up explaining what it was to him. "Let's just go." She looked back at the Monkeyman. "You too Monkeyman! If you don't want your monkey becoming cooked," she didn't care if he had a name. She didn't want another creeper joining the team, Jill figured after they were done in the desert they'll just ditch him off to the roads.

She walked up to their wagon and made sure all of their items are inside. There was water and food, extra ammo and items, and before she got inside the wagon, she looted the dead bodies for extra rupees. "Okay! We're all set here. Ash and I will stay in the wagon where it's shaded, and you gents will stay in the heat and control it. Just follow the path on the map."

Both the girls waved to the guys, "Bye!" And they jumped inside the wagon.

01-02-2011, 11:32 PM
The wagon was loaded with stuff they scoured from the town. Most of the leftover creepy men simply got out of their way while they helped themselves to whatever they wanted. This was probably for a few reasons:

First of all, the monk had a shit flinging primate. Secondly, the elf turned a bunch of crappy leaves into a death trap. Thirdly, their gunslinger was prone to random acts of violence for almost no reason. And finally, they had a mage who specialized in the dark arts.

Probably not a good idea to get in their way.

As the wagon began to make its way out of the town, Ash waved goodbye to the remaining townspeople before throwing charcoal at them and setting the whole place on fire. What? She had to live up to her evil reputation damnit!

"Hey, you!" she called out to the monk, peeking her head out of the wagon. "Can I freeze your monkey and use him as a cooling agent if it gets too hot?" She grinned.

01-03-2011, 08:25 AM
Jay figured he couldn't stop them from doing what they were doing, so why not join them. He specifically went back to the shop he was at to grab a few more healing and ritual items, along with the money he spent, with a massive interest increase. He had grabbed a set of lightly weighted gloves. Heavens knew his hands would be slick at some point, he'd need something to keep a good grip with.

He came back to where they were meeting up. He whistled for his horse as he placed a few bags in the back of the wagon, and one on his horse. "Heavens what am I getting myself into." He mounted his horse and started muttering to himself, "I know I hoped for some more excitement, but this is a bit much just starting off."

"Okay! We're all set here. Ash and I will stay in the wagon where it's shaded, and you gents will stay in the heat and control it. Just follow the path on the map."

He snapped out of his daze for a moment to look at Jill from his horse. "Oh no, I'm no good with wagons, I can just ride behind on my horse here. I figure sticking with you is safer than being a bystander anywhere you go." Rockso hurled out of one of Jay's sleeves and sat on top of the horses head.

"Can I freeze your monkey and use him as a cooling agent if it gets too hot?" Rockso gave a despaired look feeling what Ash said wasn't a good thing.

"Oh no, no no no. If anyone's doing any magic on my monkey is me. After all I have to make sure my healing spells work somehow right?" hell a little animal testing didn't hurt anyone now did it? Especially if it was meant to heal! "If it gets to hot, you can freeze a cactus and rub that against you."

01-04-2011, 06:46 AM
The wagon was stuffed with all that they needed, however, Jacob was mostly concerned about his gear in the back. He retrieved a great amount of ammo, extra revolvers in case he needed to throw them at the enemy, a rifle, and a gatling gun which could only be mounted on the wagon. He wished there was a way of strapping it on him but sadly it needed to be cranked and reloading the damned thing was a bitch.

"You two be careful back there with my shit! Anything happens then there will be blood." Jacob then kept to himself as the horses trotted forth across the desert, following the two sets of train tracks but seeing no train ever passing them by.


The hot day had passed and Jacob's light layer of clothes kept him warm thanks to the heat from the sun. Same couldn't be said about the two in the back of the wagon and he wasn't sure how the monk was holding up.

"Ain't that some funny shit? Hot durin' the day and cold during the night, eh ladies?" He smirked at them. In the distance was the native camp which was well enough alive as there always were a consistent amount of visitors all hanging around the Coo-Coo beer and smoke tents.

"This is where we stop for the night unless one of you wanna take over, but I somehow doubt that. Anyway, we can catch some shut-eye here and be safe of any goons looking to take care of the obvious price on our heads." The camp was only a half mile away and they'd be there soon enough. Jacob couldn't wait to have some fun as he's been sober since... well he couldn't remember really...

"Hey, you guys ever notice how strange this world is? Almost seems like some jerkoffs designed it and hadn't a clue of how technological advancements should have been proportionate to most areas, kinda like this phone thing you been talkin' 'bout and how only the desert area seems to use guns and such tech...eh what the fuck would I know."

01-18-2011, 07:06 AM
Jill yawned when she heard Jacob talk about… well whatever he was talking about. "I'll tell you one strange thing about our world. It's too fucking perfect thanks to Sandra the Mary Sue!" She sat back down in the wagon and crossed her arms, "Now shut up and keep going!"

They traveled in silence, or rather Ash and Jill were gossiping about the people they hate. They got louder and obnoxious until…

"Damn, would you two just shut the fuck up!"

"You shut the fuck up!" Jill responded. "Just get to the CooCoo Tribe already." After much bitching and arguing, the party made it to the small tribe of…CooCoos.

01-18-2011, 07:16 AM
"Good thing I have these thick fucking robes!" she snapped back at Jacob who was mocking them about the cooler night weather. What an ass.

As they gossiped on and on about Sandra the Mary Sue and the Gil monster, Ash couldn't help but notice something... odd. "Hey Jill?" she asked awkwardly. "What's a CooCoo?" Jill just shrugged. "Fuck if I know."
"Right..." Ash sat back in the wagon. "Why would they live out in the desert?"
"God Ash, I don't fucking know!"
"Okay okay. Fine."
"Hey Jacob, what's a CooCoo?"

01-18-2011, 08:01 AM
Oh my bloody butt fucking schlong slapping god. He'd rather take a kick to the nuts rather than listen to these chicks rattle on like they were. Was getting laid worth the torment? Of course, when he held back to get a look in the wagon at the two. Why yes, yes it was well worth it.

Thank god, a few moments of silence at one point.

"Hey Jacob, what's a Coo Coo?"

He rode his horse up beside the front of the wagon and started lightly tapping his head against the back of his horses neck. The universal man body language of "MAKE IT STOP!"

01-20-2011, 03:14 AM
"Hey Jacob, what's a Coo Coo?" Ash whined to Jacob. It was nothing but whining! Of all the times, it wasn't this annoying. Was it that time of the month? No, that's when they et all pissy like.

"A Coo-fuckin-Coo is a god damn native! I said that several times before! Haven't you ever heard of a fuckin' native? God damnit! Are you two fuckin' deaf? You are killing me and Jay here! Oh my God! Fuck! Okay we're here." Jacob's tone and attitude immediately changed from a bomb exploding to a happy child being given a piece of candy.

Jacob found a place next to some other wagons and got out, leaving the horses to be fine with a trough in front of them. "Let's go get fucked up for the night!" Jacob shouted in a highly energetic manner. He wasn't sure where to start as there was so much. Gambling... or getting shit-faced and high as a kite. Or just enjoying the inane and obsurd culture of the CooCoo tribe along with the belly dancers and such...

01-20-2011, 03:28 AM
The girls were silent after Jacob snapped at them. It was only seconds later that they bursted out in laughter. Hah! As if they were going to listen to the men.

"Let's go get fucked up for the night!" Jacob exclaimed as he jumped out of the wagon.

"Wait, what?! That's what we came here for?" Jill asked irritably. "We have a world to save. And a temple to attend." But no one was listening to her, the men were already gone. The girls hurriedly got out of the wagon and caught up with them. Jill continued, "And what makes you think we're gonna go drinking with you guys? Monkeyman, for all we know, could be a rapist. And you will probably end up killing us after we pass out."

01-20-2011, 03:32 AM
"Ew and these people smell like poop and aren't wearing any clothing!" she complained, shying away from the CooCoos who were staring at her with suspicion. Just like always. "Plus I don't think they like me."
"Who DOES like you?" Jill asked sarcastically.
"Yeaaa suuuure..."

But the boys were already ahead of them again. "Waaait! Shouldn't we at least get a room?! I don't wanna sleep in a tent again!" It was so uncomfortable and her bodyguard woke her up in the middle of the night attacking the wind. Sigh.

01-20-2011, 07:53 AM
"Oh no, I'm not the one you need to be looking out for. I'm but a humble monk...who likes fine women and drink." the last part he muttered as he trailed off for a moment. "The monkey is the one you need to look out for. Rockso here," he pointed down to the lump under the back of his shirt, "like's to sneak around. He likes to grope pretty women in their sleep."

When they approached one of the better drink houses Jay made his way inside very quickly. He, by appearances was a monk, but had been in a sense labeled a heretic by his order when he started taking interest in women. When he found out he had to sleep with a man to reach the next rank in monkhood, well he said fuck that shit, took his monkey and ran. Since then it's been drink, town hopping, and the occasional woman.

01-21-2011, 03:59 AM
The inside of the saloon felt somewhat magical when entered. A mix of culture filled the cloudy place, the mix of smoke and dust created a fog in the bar. A fog not too thick, but kept those from seeing all the seductive and deceptive evils that spanned the saloon. Skimpy shot girls filled orders to perverted drunkards. The bar stools mostly filled with smokers and the aggressive types who would love to pick a fight. Prostitutes stuck themselves like leeches to sex hungry low-life men and women. The quiet types sat in the corner, keeping to themselves while keeping an eye out for whatever may interrupt their calm as the center of the place concerned themselves with the belly dancers around them.

"Howdy stranger!" A slim shot girl welcomed Jacob through the thick smoke. It was obvious she was wearing a corset to keep an attractive shape. However, Jacob wasn't into sand orks. He pretended to charm her and tossed a coin onto her platter while taking away two shots of the strongest whiskey. He automatically retreated into the corners, relaxing and admiring the view of the place while slamming the shots.

Several sticks of special incense were untouched on a small table next to him. He took one and lit it with a dim candle. It was a combination of several leafy goodies and peyote mixed in. The natives had a way of dragging customers in with crazy ideas such as these sticks. The wanted smoke began to emit from the lit edge and slowly added to the majority in the bar.

01-21-2011, 05:53 AM
Welp. The women had no choice but to follow the men. Jacob, of course, knew where he was going--straight to the saloon with all the bitches and hoes. The smoke filled air made her nostrils and eyes dry as the desert. "Oh okay. And what are we supposed to do here? Sell ourselves?" Jill spoke up loudly.

Her voice, of course, was distinctive. If anyone heard it, they just know it was her. And as soon as Jill spoke with her obnoxious tone, majority of the people in the saloon stared at the Elf and the Black Mage. The music stopped playing, the belly dancers stopping performing, and the shot girls stopped dead in the tracks. One of them even dropped their tray when they spotted Ash.

Jill laughed, "Hah! That's right bitches! Just when you thought you were the center of attention, we showed up!" She said rather proudly.

Ash leaned in towards Jill, "Uh, I don't think we have that kind of attention," she whispered.

Jill remained cool of course and stepped deeper into the saloon. Once she did, everyone else proceeded with caution as they resumed with what they're doing. Ash and Jill sat at a table alone, whispering to each other about being on the wanted list for murder and other wonderful things.

"Welcome! Can I help you?" said a smooth voice.

Jill looked up to see a woman with wavy red hair. Though, her hair color wasn't really a distraction--it was her cleavage popping from her corset. "Uh, no. I hate whiskey and I think we're fine here. Right Ash?" No answer. "Right Ash?" Jill looked over to see Ash staring at the woman dumbfounded. Jill snapped her fingers at her face causing her to focus again.

"Oh! No, I'm fine!" Though Ash immediately bowed her head, her cheeks quickly turning red.

The woman grinned as she eyed Ash, "So you're the one on that wanted poster?" She looked at Jill, "And you're her assistant?" She laughed. "You two don't look so dangerous in person."

01-21-2011, 06:09 AM
Wanted poster? Fuck.

Stupid stupid stupid! Of course there would be WANTED POSTERS in a SALOON practically brimming with bounty hunters. "That's not us," Ash replied, slowly pulling her hood further down her head. "There are plenty of mages - " black mages "and elves" - short elves "wandering about these days." Together. Yea, totally believable.

Ash tried to pry her eyes away from the gorgeous red head and scanned the crowded saloon for her infamous glamor shot. She couldn't help but notice the sidelong glances. Where the hell was that monk and the cowboy?! Oh, there was Jacob, drinking and sitting in the corner like a lose -

Ah, and there it was, right above his head. Their big ass pictures taken right before their jailbreak. How did he not notice?? It wasn't even a GOOD poster. There was Jill, holding her number sign upside down and sticking her mutant tongue out like rock star. Then there was Ash, looking disgusted with a curled upper lip and a raised eyebrow. Not their finest moment. And the price! Whew. She never thought she'd be worth that much in gold coins.

Ash leaned in closer to Jill. "We have to get out of here," she whispered since that red head was still gawking at them. "Leave the two idiots if we have to!" Of course, Ash didn't really commit murder. But when you're apprenticing under a strict master and they find you with his dead body, well, it doesn't really look good.

01-21-2011, 07:24 AM
Jay had wandered into one of the farther edges of the saloon. He preferred to drink by himself, or with a lady. He knew asking one of the two, he had placed himself in the presence of, to drink with him now would no where near be a smart move.

The smoke that thickened the air of the saloon was wondrous to him. He even picked out a few distinct scents from scents similar to those at the old monastery...buncha butt fucking monks, literally. He loved every scent that wasn't attached to that place. Eventually one of the shot girls walked around and placed a tray down in his view. A pretty thing she was, "No whiskey miss, however if you have any tequila I will take four." Tequila made a man want one of two things, to fight, or fuck. Was either so bad, hell if his luck played well he would do both tonight!

He placed some of the coins he had taken from the shop on the tray as she set the shots down in front of him. "You sure you can handle four of these shugah?"
He laughed, "The question you should ask is not whether I can handle the drinks. But if you can handle me on the drink." He grinned slyly.

01-21-2011, 08:37 PM
Jacob sat idle before noticing Jill and Ash looking tense at a table nearby. There was some shouting outside that was softly heard by him and only the worst of ideas hatched in his mind. The drugs had yet to affect his body, which allowed him the ability to keep his senses up to par in case things got nasty.

Two half naked Coocoo warriors and a cloaked figure approached Jill and Ash's table slowly.When finally arriving, One Coocoo warrior spoke up and declared the two were to be placed under arrest. Jill stood, appearing pissed off as usual, and tried to speak but was shushed as the man spoke above her.

"The price for your acts in this area will permit you for a specially chosen death by a group, but before that, you will be dipped into a giant vat of mayo as torture." The cloaked figure stood behind the two Coocoo warriors, as if expecting retaliation. Jacob wondered if that may have been one of the spies or 'eye's of Sandra.

The music still continued and attentions were still taken away elsewhere while one of the Coocoos took out some rope to tie Ash and Jill's hands with. Jacob stood and immediately walked over to the table. His plan was to get the two out of the place in hopes they wouldn't turn into berserkers and get themselves filled with lead. He would act as a bounty hunter from another place and pretend to be simply stopping by for some rest.

Jacob flashed his many revolvers to the Coocoos and the probable spy while adjusting his coat. "These two are my property as they are being taken to town not far from here for a crime." One Coocoo raised part of his uni-brow to Jacob and then proceeded to ask, "And who are you?"

"I'm a bounty hunter! Don't I fit the description?" He tried to amuse them but it didn't work as the Coocoo stated, "You look more like some outlaw who is trying to protect his friends...". Jacob continued his confident deceptive act with, "Nope... I'm a bounty hunter. Just taking these two in." He then took his hands and gripped the back of Jill and Ash's neck. "These two will pay for what terror they have wrought together. If you don't believe me then you can take it up with me outside."

The two Coocoos stood aside with the spy just watching. Jacob jerked his head to the two as if to tell them to get up and go outside to the wagon to prepare to leave before anymore questions are asked. 'Where was Jay, anyway?' Jacob wondered...

01-22-2011, 07:22 PM
Jay was completely off in left field through all the smoke and people. In the time the girls had been arrested and then saved, Jay had taken his four tequila shots with another shot girl walking by with more. Oh with this today was going to turn out fun one way or another.

As Jacob prepared to leave with the other two temporarily bound, a figure walked through the door, gently pushing it aside. From the looks of what he carried on him, he was a seasoned bounty hunter. He bore a steel mask that looked like a cross between a metal gas mask and multi function steam punk goggles. A click and his breathing was heard through the mask. He caught wind of what was said between him and the CooCoos as he came in. "Huh, really now?" an older voice rang through the mask. "Ah yes I saw you walking into town with these two. A lot of us have been looking for you young ladies." he chuckled as he stopped a few paces beside Jacob. He cocked his head to the side. "Odd really, most bounty hunters take their targets straight to where they need to be. Or are you just that confident or...cocky. To think you can walk in here with two unbound bounties have yourself a few drinks and trust they won't try to run off?" Jacob had turned to look at the masked man who spoke to him and immediately he saw a rifle on the mans back, a sod off shotgun to one side, and a double barrel Peacemaker to the other. These were just what he carried on him.

A high squeal rang through the saloon as the red head shot girl came running up to the man "THAAAANNNNIIIIEEEEE!!!!" She practically tried to tackle him, but only managed to make him move one step to the side. "Ah Laverna my dear, I haven't seen you in over a week. I need to come around more often for you."

Sandra's spy looked at Thane, "You know this man sir?"
He pulled the mask up and off his face to let the smoke past, and show his older face, he appeared to be in his mid thirties, his skin looked rough with some mild traces of youth fading. "Nah, never seen him before today. Just saw him walking around town with these two, there was another with them around here. Some guy in a weird getup with a monkey."

01-24-2011, 05:00 AM
Oh, what the fuck was going on? Jill thought. Everything was going great when they encountered Laverna--the gorgeous red head. Then they were arrested by half naked men. Jill was ready to headbutt one of them just as Jacob walked up to them to save their asses.

Not that they needed it.

Jill didn't bother to listen to the horseshit talk Jacob was giving. Though, she was really curious as to why he saved them. He could've easily ignored them and continued on with his life. Hmm…Perhaps he did have a heart somewhere.

As they were about to leave, they were encountered by a strange man in a strange getup. What was with the gasmask? The more he talked the more he angered her. "Ugh! Mind your own--"

"THAAAANNNNIIIIEEEEE!!!!" She practically tried to tackle him, but only managed to make him move one step to the side.

"Ah Laverna my dear, I haven't seen you in over a week. I need to come around more often for you."

Jill grinned at Ash, "Looks like the red head is taken." Ash gave a frown of disappointment, but still remained pissy from their current situation. Jill eyed the man as he began talking again. He was so…old. And Laverna was all over him. Why?

"Hey old man, you should quit watching us!" She growled.

01-24-2011, 05:14 AM
Why was she with HIM? He was old. And he wore a stupid mask. "Why the fuck are you wearing that thing?" she asked, eyebrow raised. Welp, better think of some good spells NOW because this would probably get ugly. "And I'll tell you all once - I didn't kill anyone, Jill didn't help me do it and if we could break out of a max security prison I'm pretty fuckin' sure we can take you guys on. So how bout we just all go on our way and forget this ever happened eh? Ehhh?" She grinned.

No one seemed particularly amused. Rather they all just looked at her as if they were wondering if she was serious. "Ah, I see we're going to do this the hard way then." Ash shrugged and looked at Jill. Hopefully she was ready for some ass kicking - creepy mask man seemed like he wanted to prove how big he cock was in front of the hot redhead. And Jacob was... well, Jacob. He liked to shoot things.

01-25-2011, 02:23 AM
After Ashley finished, there was a short pause till an empty beer bottle was thrown across the room, between the confronting group. An adrenaline rush ran through Jacob as he watched the bottle pass them by in slow motion. At that given moment and abusing the ability, Jill stepped in and slashed one of the Coocoo's, nearly cutting him in half through the abdomen. Ashley lit the other on fire and Jacob sucker punched Sandra's spy. The Spy retaliated by tossing a chair at him but he managed to dodge it until receiving the spy's boot to the face.

Once the char and glass bottle met the walls, all hell broke loose and everyone was at each other's throats. Random folks began punching one another in the face, some thrown through the windows and others flown down the bar table. The women even entered in the massed brawl with whatever they could get their hands on.

Jacob grimaced after the boot to the face and went to reposition his mushed nose. The spy came back to piss Jacob off once more by slicing at him with a fierce looking dagger. Much to Jacob's surprise, as he jumped back to dodge, he noticed a lock of his hair had been cut. Enraged at the thought of someone cutting his hair in such a manner, he took the butt of his pistol to use as a club and began battering away at the spy.

In the background it was heard that someone shouted the words 'Mortal kombat!'. They were immediately shot however as their was no time to pause...

01-25-2011, 04:28 AM
The fighting went on for several minutes with the girls slashing and lighting people on fire, and the gun fanatic, as Thane guessed he was from the constant glimpses at pistols and other guns inside the man's jacket, tried to beat the crap out of the spy. A few minutes turned into ten, fifteen minutes. A few buzzed and drunk men tried to come up on Thane only for him to give them a glare as they backed off and started beating on other people. He was a regular here, and even the drunkards didn't try to fight him unless Thane was in the mood to fight. Windows crashed, and the front door splintered off it's hinges.

Jay had been drinking in his little corner as everything seemed to go by so slowly for him. It was the tequila, he loved it but damn it hit him like a train wreck. He was only seven shots in too, then again this was some damned good tequila, went down like fucking water! His blissful slow motion view was interrupted when the girls around him screamed when one of the brawlers came to force Jay into the bar room brawl by flipping the table, and Jay's remaining three tequila shots, over onto the floor. Jay gave a stank face looking at the beautiful liquid now spilled useless on the floor. His face then turned to the man. In a swift movement he was out of his chair, and the chair was against the man's head. "THAT WAS MY TEQUILA MOTHER FUCKER!" he blared over yelling enough for the three girls and the man to hear him. Of course the man wasn't given any time to register this as Jay kicked him in both kneecaps and began going monk style foot work on the fucker's face.

Thane looked around, this was going on longer than usual. He pulled his double barrel peace maker from his duster and pointed it through the hole in the wall where the door used to be. Anyone in the barrels general path, split open a wide berth when the saw him pull it out. He cocked back both hammers, put his fingers on both triggers and angled down to the floor of the saloon. A loud crack and bang blew through the saloon as the peacemaker jerked upwards sending the bullets straight through the doorway as they left the barrel. The recoil made Thane's body jerk to the right as he leveled it down and cocked back both hammers again.

The fighting dulled down immediately, with a few others still brawling in the corners. As attention slowly came to him he pulled out the sod off and pumped it. He had his peacemaker aimed down at the mage, and the sod off at the gun man. The pipsqueak he didn't need to worry about, it seemed like she had only knives, he could gun her down before she got to him.

"Well then, I guess since my question was never answered, I should just gun you down, and then these two. The two have a point after all, transport is too risky, the reward dead is good enough anyways." He looked at Jacob. "Though you...might be worth some money down the road...maybe I should leave you be for now." He was cut short by Jay running up behind him digging his heel into the back of Thane's neck sending the bounty hunter flying face first into the wooden floor.

"ROUUUUNNNDD! TWOOOOOOO!!!!" Jay yelled out with a fist in the air, Rockso on his shoulder doing the same gesture. A pause, and then a loud cheer from everyone else as they began fighting again.

01-26-2011, 12:50 AM
Now was their chance for an escape.

Ash and Jill were already on the floor as they somehow bumped into each other during battle. Once the old man was on the floor thanks to Jay, they crawled through the heat of the scene and towards the entrance of the saloon. The girls didn't bother to think of the men--they were more concerned of themselves and staying alive.

Monkeyman was a creepy monk and Jacob had an addiction for killing. What use can they possibly have?

After much avoidance from the Coocoos, the drunkards, and the old bounty hunter, Ash and Jill were back outside. Both of them running frantically towards the wagon. Of course they were heaving along the way as they were never skilled with running. Jill took the reins from the horses as she began controlling the wagon.

"Wait! What about Jacob and Jay?" Ash panicked.

"Our duty was to go to the temple here, not waste time and try to get ourselves killed!"

"So...So you're going to hijack the wa--"

"Yes." And with that, she signaled the horses to gallop away from the CooCoo tribe. The wagon bounced and rattled as the horses sped, causing Ash to hold on to dear life.

Meanwhile, back at the saloon, the barfights finally settled down and there was a moment of silence. One drunkard peered up, his fist raised to hit another man, "Wait a minute," he spoke up, "What were we fighting about again?"

Laverna stood over Jay and Thane, giving them the perfect view up her skirt and cleavage. "I don't know," she responded and smiled, "But I do know that those two girls got away."

01-26-2011, 03:36 AM
"JILL! YOU FAILED YOUR DRIVERS TEST!!" Ash reminded Jill as the carriage careened through the village at full speed. "SLOW DOWN!!" The last time Jill took them driving she crashed two horses into a brick wall. It... wasn't pretty.

They chaotically managed to get the horses to slow just a bit as the left the village and traveled out into the desert. "What a shame. I'm gonna kinda miss them. But not that monkey. Or the blonde one's attitude. Or the monks wandering eyes. Actually..." she thought about it for a moment. "Nevermind. Good riddance!" At least they got a chance to show them that men weren't needed to "save" them like they were some pathetic damsels in distress.

"Do you know which way the temple is?"

01-26-2011, 04:26 AM
After seeing the bounty hunter being flown through the room thanks to Jay, Jacob gestured a thanks to him and gave the bounty hunter a foul response. After that it was back to the fighting with the spy. Jacob pulled out a revolver and after kicking the spy away, opened fire on it till he was disarmed by some chain weapon from the spy. "Fuck you!" Jacob had nothing else to say and grabbed the spy, and threw it out one of the broken windows. Much to Jacob's surprise, his armed was grabbed by the spy and sent outside as well. What carried on inside was unknown to him as he was concerned fighting the spy outside.

The sun began to rise slowly, giving way that the wagon was truly gone and he must have been left behind... or it was stolen. At that moment of thinking, Jacob received another kick in the face, only to retort to such an aggressive remark by giving a good solid punch to the spy's stomach.

This didn't do well enough and the spy was more interested in finding Jill and Ash anyway. Jacob immediately began shooting at the evading spy as it ran to steal a horse from someone. The gunslinger managed to fire a shot at large bag hanging on the back of the saddle which contained some powder. Things were a little better now and a trail was made as each time the horse galloped, a pinch of the stuff would be dropped on the ground. He was sure he could grab the monk and follow the trail to find the two that left them.

Jacob's next move was to go inside the saloon and find the monk, telling him what happened and that they needed to get going soon...

01-27-2011, 07:05 AM
Thane had gotten up off the ground to settle the bar fight one last time.
Jay however was staying right where he was on the ground, quite enjoying the view he had of the lovely red head. He couldn't help but nod in approvement of her figure, and choice of undergarments. She looked down at him with a smirk, "Like what you see love?" in a seductive tone. "Do you see me making any attempt to get off the ground?" he replied back without hesitation.

Thane rolled his eyes, this guy didn't seem like the type to roll with bounties. Acquaintance of chance most likely, no point in bothering the man. By technicality, he and the shot girl were an item, but he didn't interfere with her other duties. If she chose to take the drunk fuck upstairs well that was money in her pocket.

She looked down at him as he slipped himself onto his feet. "You're a little young, but cute. Care to come upstairs?"
He rocked back on his heels and then flat on his feet. "That would be an amazing idea!" he said in agreement.

However his attempted flirting with the woman was cut short when Jacob came barging in grabbing him by the arm. "We gotta go. The girls took the wagon and left us high and dry here!"
"Wha?" Jay replied not quite registering man speak at his point. When he had tequila..the only thing that he listened to was anything that had tits and a vagina.

"The girls, Ash, Jill...they took the fucking wagon."
"I have a horse!"
"Well where is it?!"
Jay paused for a moment dragging out his response. "Where-ever I put it last?"
"Just go get your god damned horse so we can go after them!"
Jay looked at Laverna, "Can I get a raincheck on that offer? I'll make sure I'm back around these parts to take you up on that." She nodded and rubbed a hand on his shoulder, "Don't keep me waiting too long darlin'"

"Right! To the horse!" he spun around and marched out of the saloon. Problem was...where DID he put that horse. Didn't matter he was drunk! "There it is!" He ran up to a hitched horse that looked nothing like his old one.
"Monkeyman...eh, Jay. I don't think that's your horse."
"Fuck you yes it is! At least it is now! Come on get on one! Not our fault that the other owners can't keep better track of their shit!"

01-27-2011, 08:37 PM
Once they were a good distance away from the tribe, Jill eased control of the wagon and the horses galloped steadily.

"Do you know which way the temple is?"

"No idea."


Jill pulled out the map and laid it out on her lap to see their current location. They were, well, in the middle of no where basically. At least they were far away from the Coocoo tribe, that was their main concern. Finally, Jill spotted a symbol that represented a cave's entrance which she figured that had to be the location of the next temple. "Well, I found it here," she showed the map to Ash and pointed to the little mark, "We have quite a bit of traveling to do. So it's a good thing the wagon is ours!"

01-27-2011, 09:15 PM
"I'm automatically suspicious of anything that involves caves," Ash muttered, glancing wearily at the map. "Just how good of a spelunker are you, anyway?" Something about going deep underground with nothing but a rope attached to her waist didn't sound like fun. And it would probably be hot. And dangerous. Dangerously hot.

"And we also have to remember that we won't have Jacob as backup anymore. Just you and me - so no wayward spellcasting or sword flinging," that scar across her chest was just one slight reminder of what happened when Jill got overly excited. It was too bad they weren't with them anymore. Ash had kinda made it a goal to kill that monkey before their journey was over.

01-28-2011, 12:02 PM
Jay and Jacob rode on with their stolen horses, following the trail unknowingly left by the spy who was still too far to see ahead of them. However a small visible cloud of dust may have been the spy, and ahead of that was the girls they were hoping to find. Jacob was thinking it may have been best to tie Jay's horse to his since Jay was fatigued it seemed from the tequila shots. Every now and again, Jay would wake up and shout something absurd or speak about a girl from previous engagements.

Jacob's somewhat well enough memory of the map allowed him to know where they were heading. It was good and bad to realize this as he knew where they were heading but where they were going was towards a bottomless pit.

"I hope the girls can actually read the map correctly cause they seem to be heading for a giant hole in the earth. They'll think they are going to some caves but they are mistaken." Jacob wasn't sure if Jay was alert at the time but wanted to inform him anyway. Due to some weird sciency mumbo-jumbo, a mirage created what looked to be a mountain with a cave but in fact, it was actually well packed sand twirling in the wind from some power deep in the void. He didn't understand it any better than anyone else...

'I hope they don't think that is the temple cause the temple is past that!' He worried himself as they closed in on the spy who was still some good distance away.

02-02-2011, 06:03 PM
They kept riding in the desert until Ash noticed one suspicious figure following them. "Uh, Jill?" Jill didn't answer, "There's some odd person on a horse that's been following us for quite a bit."

"Ugh! It's probably one of the jerks from the saloon. Just burn him alive!"

Ash happily did so. Of course they didn't realize it was the spy they killed, but…one less down!

The continued their journey and finally reached the mark of the map. It was a small but dangerous mountain with several caves that lead into darkness. Ash and Jill got off the wagon and observed the place before they headed inside. "Well, this certainly doesn't look safe." The walked on ahead and stood in front of the cave entrance.

"I know," Ash spoke up, "Why don't we throw a rock in there to see how far it goes. If it doesn't land we just won't go!"

"Okay!" The girls both searched for a sturdy rock. Once Jill found one, she threw it as far as she could inside the cave. The mountain flickered like it was part of an old television screen, but the girls didn't seem to notice. Instead, they noticed how they didn't hear the sound of a falling rock. "Hm, let's throw another one." They grabbed another rock and Jill threw it again, this time the flickering became apparent and they didn't hear the rock land again.

Ash grinned, "Heh, oh I see." Jill looked at her, "It's not a cave. It's leading to a bottomless pit. And the mountain flickers whenever we throw rocks--I think it's an illusion."

"Then where the fuck is the temple?!" A strong wind rushed on by causing the illusion to disappear and what Ash said was true. They stood by a nearby cliff that lead into a giant whirlpool of sand. The wind finally died down and they both noticed a stone standing on the edge of the cliff. Jill walked up to it and read it:

"Here rests the Temple of Sands
Where awesome treasure lies
No one will ever get to it
Unless they're the bringers of rain."

Jill crossed her arms, what a shitty riddle. "Well that's simple and to the point! We just need it to rain here." She looked at Ash, "Well…get to it!"

02-02-2011, 06:16 PM
"What?! ME?" Why was it always her? "I don't even know if I can make rain." There was silence for a few moments, consisting of Jill and Ash staring at the stone tablet. "...Well," Jill spoke up. "You have that big spellbook... That's a start."

"...." Ash sighed loudly before tossing her spellbook to the ground. "FIIINE. Let me check." She knelt down in the sand and lowered her hood so it didn't get in her eyes. Opening the book to a random page, she scanned the odd language with her fingers.

"Lets see... rain... Oh wait no that means pain. Pain, pain, pain..." she checked off each spell. After a few moments, Ash perked up again. "Oh here it is! Rain!" Propping the book up with her arm, she read closer. "Um, the only thing is, it's supposed to cause a hurricane. Do you think that matters?"

"Hmm..." Jill though about it, pacing back and forth. "Well, WE'LL be inside the temple and it should die down by the time we're done! So why not?"

"Good point!" Ash grinned and listed the spell components while trying to find them in the many pockets of her robes. "I KNOW I packed a vial of spring water in here...."

Once the spell was cast it immediately got darker. Clouds covered the sky and the crack of thunder could be heard. "Oooh it worked!" And then it began to pour. "Neat!"

The temple slowly rose from the sand, glittering with gold plating even in pouring rains and increasingly high winds. "LETS GET INSIDE BEFORE WE GET BLOWN AWAY!" Ash called to Jill and they ran as fast as they could for the entrance.

02-15-2011, 11:50 PM
Jay had been out for most of the trip. His body just wholly dead weight on the back of his horse. The jostling, trotting, and sometimes running of the horse damn near made him fall off several times. For whatever reason, rather than leaving him to bake in the sun, Jacob had stopped after the third time of failing to wake the poor drunk bastard up, and putting him back on the horse again and again, had decided to save time and trouble. They might need someone fast on their feet like had seen Jay move in the saloon, so he had tied the drunk fuck to the horse.
If Jay fell off, well he'd be dragged behind the horse.

He was unaware of anything and everything in the world around him, stuck in a wonderful dream land, a sick patient suffering for alcohol poisoning and being treated in a hospital. For some reason in his dream the hospital was staffed by nothing but gorgeous women going on about how they never leave and how he was the first male patient they'd seen in years.

One nurse had come in to change his sheets, gown, and IV. And well just from her amazing appearance got a look at a bit more impressive side of Jay. She had hurried to his door, looked down the halls and glanced back with a devious look as she locked the door. Gownless she approached him and pushed him back towards his bed. He fell back for what seemed like an eternity, why wasn't he hitting a bed yet? He felt in a constant state of falling and felt water on his face, was the roof leaking?

His eyes snapped open, he had fallen off the horse and hit the sand, now growing wet soaking up long desired water into the deserts dry mouth. His head pounded and his skin burned from the sand grinding against him. "HOLY APE SHIT MONKEY BALLS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" he yelled out through the sudden torrent of a surprise butt sex style hurricane.

02-22-2011, 03:21 AM
Humbly awaiting Jay's awakening and a raunchy statement, Jacob sighed and simply responded with "Magical hurricane..." Jacob Fixed his hat, pulling it down more over his face as the wind began blowing the rain all around the place. Either this was some sort of trickery from a desert mage, or it was Ash fucking around with her book.

In the time previous to this, Jacob noticed that the mountain ahead of him had flickered several times. It was the mirage for the temple. Now a hurricane was growing over the land and the duo most likely vanished into the temple before the storm became worse.

Jacob enjoyed the rain once in a while and looking at dust devils but this was something else. The sand began to whip at them as the wind became wild. The horses had a hard time dealing with the sudden weather and pulled away from the storm. Jacob knew it would be too much to get the horses over to the temple in time as either they wouldn't go or they'd get blown away.

"Follow me! I know of a nearby underground prison. In there we'll find a tunnel that leads to the temple, or rather, the bastard maze that some lost crusader made." Jacob turned the horse from the storm and began riding in the direction of the prison.

02-24-2011, 07:27 PM
The temple was covered in thick sand with a few platforms to jump on. The sand was enough to suck anyone in, which Jill found out the hard away immediately. The stench of the temple consisted of desert with mildew since water from the hurricane was dripping from the ceiling. It made the sand disgusting and harder to get through, leaving them no choice but to climb across the platforms.

Jill struggled to jump across the platforms, while Ash used a spell to glide over to the other side. Lucky bitch. Ash waited impatiently for Jill, telling her to hurry the fuck up when Jill was just hanging on to one of the higher platforms. Well, finally, Jill made it to the other side and met up with Ash. When they both walked deeper inside the temple, they noticed a skeleton with a sword and shield marching around.

"Um, Jill…there's uh…"

"I…I know."

"It's…it's moving…"

"I…I know…"

They both stared in silence and Ash looked at her, "Well I'm not going to kill it!" She hissed. Jill shot a glare at Ash in anger, "Well! I summoned the hurricane! Now it's your turn!"

"No way!"

02-24-2011, 07:37 PM
"YES WAY!" she yelped, loud enough so that the skeleton immediately turned toward them and marched forward.

"Oh great job, dumb-dumb, now he knows we're here," Jill shoved Ash, sending her tumbling backwards. "OW!" she whined and recovered as gracefully as she could. "That's not nice! You're a bitch!"

"No, YOU'RE a bitch!"
"Nope, you totally are."
"No you're - "

The skeleton roared in anger and lunged forward with his sword. "Damnit Jill, hurry up and kill it before we end up the same way!" While Ash managed to dodge his attack, he did manage to rip part of her sleeve. Clearly, this undead soldier meant serious business.

"Ugh! Alright alright!" Jill cautiously pulled out her sword and sidestepped about, looking for the best way to destroy it. "I thought only blunt objects could get rid of skeletons! Aren't mages supposed to carry a staff or something?"

"Well, they did let me use one back at school but I didn't feel like carrying it." What? It was heavy!

03-01-2011, 02:08 AM
His horse dragged him continually as Jacob lead them away. Always pausing for just a short enough second for Jay to sit up only to be dragged along the wet sand by his ass. Fuck now he had sand in his underwear and it was wet. Do you know how hard it is to get wet sand out of underwear!!! He arched his back and let his forearms act like sliders on the sand to keep his ass off the ground in some weird parody of a sex position.

He gave up trying to get up on the horse, his balance was barely good enough to keep him on his arms like he was. "So this maze, is it big? Creatures, nasties, bones, bodies. The typical kind of thing you only hear in twisted fairy tales and legend?" he said over the howling wind.

"Yeah something like that I guess."
"What's in there?"
"Walls a lot of walls."
"I'm talking about things other than walls."
"Hell if I know. I only said that from what I heard. It's safe to assume something is in there, most people that go in haven't come out."
"Let me guess, and those that did, came out too insane to repeat what was in there right?"
"Eh, something like that I guess."


03-01-2011, 05:19 AM
"Yeah so that is what we are dealing with. However, we will most likely catch up with the girls soon enough. After all... I want my damn weapons that I stole." That gatling gun would be great if used against the beasts that await them all at the bottom of the dungeon. Jacob only hoped it was still intact and in the wagon, if not then he'd find it somewhere since it was rather noticeable and heavy enough to not be picked up so easily by the strange hurricane.

The duo finally made it into the start of the prison. So far it was empty, but for how long? Jacob was unsure of what exactly awaited them and if they alerted something int he dark by the noise they made. Thankfully the horses were able to squeeze in there with them as the prison opened up more, offering lots of room for them to wander in. "Something tells me we are gonna have to deal with some shit, sooner or later." Jacob continued riding onward slowly. The dark was somewhat of a benefit for him as he could see better int eh dark due to him being light sensitive...

03-01-2011, 06:06 PM
She quickly dodged another attack and continued speaking to Ash, "You didn't FEEL like carrying it?!"

Ash took a step back to let Jill and the skeleton fight, "It was heavy!"

Jill swung her sword and the skeleton jumped back, "Ugh! You pussy!"

"Who? Me or the skeleton?"

"Both!" She raised her Hylian shield as the skeleton attacked in return. The clashing of his sword against her shield was quite rattling and almost stunned her for a moment. Before he attacked again, she jumped out of his way and swung her sword on his backside several times causing it to shatter into bones.

"Is he dead?"

Jill placed her sword away, "Yeah, I think so."

Just when she said those words, the skeleton jumped back to life causing the girls to scream. "Oh GOD! How do we get rid of it!" Ash panicked.

Jill obviously didn't know what to do, so the best solution was to use a bomb and blast the fucker. She pulled one out, lit it, and jammed it in its mouth as the skeleton roared. The girls ran off as it exploded into dust. They finally reached the next room, yet when they did so, they found themselves in front of two skeletons.

"God damnit."

03-01-2011, 07:35 PM
"Ugh fuck this shit," Ash declared, grabbing her spellbook out of her satchel and bashing it against the skeletons heads. Their skulls shattered in a dusty pile on the ground, leaving their bodies to wander around aimlessly, their arms outreached and swiping at air, still trying to catch the girls.

"I think now would be a good time for those bombs!" Ash suggested, backing away from the headless skeleton guards. "I agree!" Jill...er, agreed, using a swift hand motion to place the ignited bombs into each ribcage. The following explosion was that of legends.

"Well! That was fun! Lets keep going!" Ash confidently strode forward into the room now that it was clear of undead henchmen. "Is there some kind of puzzle or something that we have to solve here? If there's quicksand you can go first."

Jill remained calm at the entrance with her arms crossed. "No but there's totally a horde of mini skeletons following you around right now."


03-08-2011, 08:35 AM
It got dark quickly as they crept further into the passageway. God damnit to all hell and bloody bits, Jay was never much good in the dark. It would take him damn near forever to get used to it enough to even make out vague shapes and passages. Not to mention the headache from the slowly retreating alcohol, and the bumping against the earth he took, was playing with his balance just a bit. Thank god for now he was still on the horse as they went through a straight hallway.

As they continued on it opened up more, making Jay rely more on what he heard to keep himself close to Jacob. Jay was blind as a bat in the dark, but well his ears stuck out a bit for good reason. There seemed to be sounds of something scittering across the floor away from them. The horses came to a stop stamping their feet on the ground breathing heavily in the widened room. Jay tried prodding his horse further, "Come on you, move." It sounded like Jacob got off his horse, and Jay did the same. His horse didn't seem intent on moving anywhere from where it was currently, all the same Jay reached around for anything to tie the reins to. "Great, dark as all hells, and nothing solid within reach." he said, voice echoing through the room, seeming to mock his tone and voice. "So where to from here? I can't see a damn thing." the room seemed almost like an amplifying room. He didn't speak too loudly but it increased the volume and carried it down the hall at the other end and down its turns and splits. If anything was there it now knew it had company.

03-09-2011, 02:57 AM
In response to Jay, Jacob lit a match on his stubble left cheek and began walking ahead. He was silent as he walked, stepping lightly with match in hand and ready to replace it with a new. Listening for any possible footsteps as they made their way deeper, Jacob looked to his surroundings. It was kind of eerie in a way with being in an old worn down prison. The barred gates were rusted and the cells contained nothing but blood stained walls.

'The hell did we step into?' Jacob thought to himself and then looked to Jaty while lighting another match. "We need something to make a torch out of 'cause I'm gettin' low on matches." He whispered to Jay in hopes of keeping silent. Before Jay could reply, a sudden scraping sound was heard coming from a prison cell to their right.

Jacob and Jay stood in place, shocked at whatever was coming close. Sadly it was hard for them to see as another match was going out. "Fuck! FUCK!" Jay shouted, stuck in the darkness. They were in deep enough to where no light could assist Jacob. Another match proved useful as Jacob raced to spark it, hearing footsteps getting closer.

Immediately lighting the match, a skeleton was visible standing before them. Jacob was startled as well as Jay with his shouting of "Kill it!" By that time, Jacob had emptied his revolver into the skeleton, not making a single hit for obvious reasons, however he kept pulling the trigger which only earned him a clicking noise as the hammer hit nothing.

"Hey! Hey! Woah! Chill out!" The skeleton crossed his arms in front as protection. It sounded like he meant no harm as followed by stating that several times. The pile of bones then reached to take Jacob's dying match. He proceeded to stuff himself with hay found from one of the cell's and lit it on fire with the match, tossing it to the side whilst having a head on fire.

Now the halls were lit by a skeleton with a burning skull. "This is just fuckin' stupid." Jacob replied to the awkward moment as Jay agreed with more profanity. "I'll light the way!" The jolly sounding skeleton raised his arm in defiance. "How the hell are you even fucking talking? I must be back at the bar..." Jay only shrugged to the mystery at hand...

03-13-2011, 03:46 AM
Jill and Ash smashed most of the mini skeletons and kept on walking, only to be followed by another horde of them. Jill yelped as one of them yanked her cloak and attacked. Ash quickly set them on fire, causing them all to burn to dust.

"Man this place is so eerie," Jill spoke up as they walked further inside the temple. "It's filled with…dead things." And sand. Lots and lots of sand. The girls hated sand!

"Welp! At least the boss will be dead already!" Jill gave her a serious stare as Ash laughed at her own joke.

"I think I'm starting to regret ditching the boys back there. They could've been our bait for this place," she said as they entered a dim lit hallway. She grabbed a blue lantern that was floating by the wall and they kept walking cautiously using the lantern for guidance.

Though, the lantern wasn't much help either.

"Well, that's a shitty lantern," Ash complained. Just as she said the words, the lantern pulled away from Jill's grasp and smacked her head.

"OW! It attacked me!" The lantern was about to hit Jill again, causing her to raise her shield in defense.

"Leave the temple…NOW!" It spoke.

The girls screamed once more causing them to run down the narrow hallway. "Oh my god! Is that a ghost!?"

"I think so!"

"Oh GOD! I touched a GHOST?! AUGHH!"

03-13-2011, 05:23 AM
"Was it slimy?" Ash asked, intrigued and managing to dodge a swipe at her head. "Ugh! What an asshole! How do we kill it?"

"NO MAN CAN DEFEAT ME!" it bellowed, swinging it's lantern violently. "I AM NO MAN!!" Ash responded, feeling empowered for all of five seconds before it landed a blow on her temple. "Whew... gettin' dizzy..."

"You better not pass out bitch!" Jill yelled, attempting to cobble up some holy spell of some sort. "You have to keep it distracted while I spell cast!"

"WHAT?! I'm no one's bait!!" Ash pouted, fumbling in one of her pouches for the proper spell components to cast a Sight spell. That way at least they would be able to see their target. "If only the fucking thing would stand still..." she muttered, grabbing hold of some orange peels. Vitamin C... vision spell... obvious really.

03-16-2011, 01:14 AM
"I don't get this shit." Jay said lowly, trying to keep his voice from echoing in the narrowing hallways. "How is this thing." he gestured to the flaming skeleton, "Even in existence? I was taught about them in the monastery, but I'd never seen them! They're supposed to be figments in books to make a monk believe more in what he's taught!"

"You're a monk?" the skeleton's head turned around to look at him as it continued to walk forward.

"Great fuck that's creepy." Jay mumbled. He didn't know how many of them like this thing there were, he checked a few of the bags and pouches along his belt line to make sure all his ingredients, stolen and bought, were there.

"You don't look like a monk...why do you have hair?"

"I...used to be one. I left, grew it out."

"Why'd you leave?"
"Why does a skeleton want to know?"
"Conversation? It gets lonely down here."

Jay kept quiet for a while until he heard a rustling in one of the rooms down the way. "What's that?" he asked while he walked up to the room he heard the noise from.
"I wouldn't open it if I were you" chimed the skeleton.
"I'd listen to him Jay." but it was too late, he had turned the handle and opened the door.

He was frozen at the sight of a slightly muscled figure with a metal pyramid, for lack of a better description, where his head should be. What was he doing? "Oh my god HE'S HAVING SEX WITH A DEAD WOMAN!" Jay yelled out in shear reaction. The body dropped an the front of the pyramid turned to look at Jay.

He reeled back "Oh shit" from a bag out came a phoenix feather, shot across his front to open a pouch that held an ink bottle. The tip dipped and and he scribbled something on the back of each hand. He opened another pouch and pulled a vial of clear liquid out and shoved the feather inside. "What kind of unholy hell hole is this!" He clasped his hands around the vial, but was jerked back by Jacob when a very VERY VERY large machete came down right where Jay had been standing.

03-16-2011, 06:56 AM
"I don't know how fast this fucker can move, but I'm sure we can out run him!" Jacob was hoping Jay wasn't targeted for rape... as well as himself. The skeleton had already made it half way down the hall while Jay and Jacob had unshaken themselves from the shocking scene. Jacob turned and began running down the hall with Jay following close behind.

"I don't think he's gonna catch..." Jacob turned to look behind him, seeing no Pyramid headed man but just emptiness. He turned back as Jay yelled to "watchout"! The fucker had reappeared right infront of them with giant machete in hand. Round after round, empty shells fell to the ground but to no avail, the man stood infront of them, preparing his weapon for swinging.

"Once he tries to hit us with his sword, let's jump him and take that damn pyramid off his head! I feel we may find something shocking... or be able to plant a bullet in his fucking skull!"

03-23-2011, 12:28 AM
When Ash casted the vision spell, they were both able to see the ghost. Jill remembered these things! They were poes; mean little fuckers if you got too close to them. Only these poes were tall and skinnier than the previous ones she seen before. Jill stepped forward and took a swing at the ghost, now being able to attack it.

It swung it's blue lantern again, but Jill raised her shield in defense. It took several swipes with her sword until the poe fell on the ground revealing a dark orb in the center of it's chest. Without thinking, she pulled it off causing the poe to scream in pain and finally it turned into dust.

"Ew, why did you yank out it's heart! You're so barbaric!" Ash exclaimed.

"Am not! It revealed itself so might as well! Here, you take it," Jill threw the orb over to Ash.

"Don't give this to me! I'm not holding it!" She threw it back at Jill.

"Augh! Fine!" She placed the orb in her pouch, "Hopefully it has good value."

After their adventure with the poe, they continued their journey inside the temple. They were still unaware of what the boys were dealing with.

03-23-2011, 12:48 AM
"Hmm... then again, maybe I could use it for a spell..." Ash pondered, trailing behind Jill as they wandered further into the temple. "Speaking of spells! We have to stop. I need to study."


"You heard me! I forget the spells once I've cast them, and it's been awhile since I've looked at my book!" Ash gestured to bag hanging by her hip. Each spell would also drain her energy, but at least that got replenished by a good nights sleep - unless she over did it.

"You couldn't have done that BEFORE going into the temple?" Jill put her hands on her hips, clearly annoyed. "Well!" Ash rose a finger to demonstrate her point, before lowering it slowly. "...I forgot."

"....Whatever. FINE! Stay here and get killed. I'm scouting ahead." Jill picked up her equipment and ran off into the shadows, searching ahead for future dangers. "Psh. Bitch," Ash muttered, sitting in a corner of the room and opening her book for some study time.

After about thirty minutes, Ash heard a familiar sound... Almost like a scraping on the stone floors. "Huh. Weird." She shook her head and kept her focus on her spellbook. Then, a thunking and clanking sound interrupted her thoughts again. "Heh. Clank clank, thunk scrape, Pyramid Head has come to rape." Ash quoted before giggling at her own joke.

The sound, however, was getting closer. Ash snapped her book closed and placed it back into her bag before standing up and peeking behind the corner. Nothing. She shrugged and paced about, bored. Where the hell was Jill? She thought she heard SOMEONE in the distance...

"...bullet in his fucking skull!"

"...That's not Jill." Maybe the boys were catching up to them? She turned to walk in the opposite direction when she was suddenly face to face with someone very tall, very bloody and very... pyramidy.

"THAT'S NOT JILL EITHER!" Ash yelped in alarm, jumping backwards just in time to dodge the Great Knife. "JILL! JILLLL! JILLIAN!!" she screamed, running away from the creature as quickly as possible.

"WHAT?!" Jill jogged back, clearly annoyed. "Do you wanna wake up the whole - OH MY GOD."


03-23-2011, 01:09 AM
Jacob and Jay had been running for their lives, literally after Jay tried to pull the damned pyramid thing off its head, only to find out, well it was flesh welded to its neck. Essentially this thing was it's head. "Fuck me in the ass with a flaming rusted fork!" Jay cursed as they ran, Jacob had been firing bullets behind them. They ran blindly, Jay pulled a corner and let Jacob and that thing get ahead while he pulled up the rear.

They all ran into an open area while Jay worked on an incantation for something he remembered, involving the vial and the phoenix feather inside. Well what do you know they ran into the girls it seemed since he heard Ash running and screaming for Jill like a scared lesbian lover.

He finished his incantation. "By the flame of the noble phoenix grant my righteous fury. Encantus" He tossed it in the air, caught it in his hands as it glowed and broke the vial in his hands. A moment of delay and his hands erupted in a white flame, and thanks to the scribblings on the backs of his hands, they weren't burning him. "Come here you big bastard!" He ran forward and jumped on Pyramid Head's back, from a distance it might look like Jay was trying to take advantage of the creepy thing, with the way his hands kept groping at its chest. He grabbed hold of the metal pyramid, and the flames from Jay's hands left and encompassed the creatures whole body.

He was lifted and thrown from its back at at the feet of his companions. Pyramid head seemed unphased by the "holy" flames that engulfed him. Great, now they had a flaming mystery psychopath with a really huge flaming machette. Fuck this wasn't going to end well.

03-24-2011, 01:49 AM
Everyone froze in place as they watched Jay cast his spell, even Pyramid Head stood in place in wonderment. After the spell had been completed and Jay heavily groped the Pyramid man (setting it a flame), Jacob noticed that a crowd of skeleton warriors were watching as well. One even stood by him with an axe, ready to hack once the magic trick was finished.

Things didn't turn out like they should have. The magic show ended quickly, resulting in a pissed off and flaming Pyramid Head. Immediately responding to the skeleton next to him, Jacob sucker punched him, taking the axe and began hacking at a conveniently placed wooden support under a stone column. It only took two good whacks to break the thick wooden pole and there he watched as the column crushed the support and began falling towards them. A shadow from the stone began casting itself over the Pyramid man. The burning creature looked up at the column as if somehow able to see it, knowing the fate of its demonic self he only stood and awaited death.

Dust swept from under the falling column, blinding everyone from the moment. Hearing a heavy thud, the dust soon cleared only to have the damned beast still standing and the stone to his side. Everyone broke out back in battle except for Jacob and the monster with a geometrically-shaped head. Jacob cried out "Aw fucking hell!" and took the axe in both hands. He prepared a throw, taking a stance and throwing the battleaxe at the creature before it took another step.

The throw was safe and the axe stuck into the metal-headed fucker. Screaming violently, it turned to ash and evaporated before the once again frozen crowd.

"Heh, who would have known that an axe would have done the job..." the dumbfounded JAcob cracked up before helping to finish off the remaining guards.

03-25-2011, 02:05 AM
"Heh, who would have known that an axe would have done the job..."

Jill leaned over and tapped Pyramid Head with her boot, she shuddered, "Well, at least he's dead." She took several steps away from his corpse and looked at the boys, "How did you guys get here anyway?! We thought we ditched you!"

"Ditched us?!" Exclaimed Jay.

"Well, you guys were sooo distracted back there, we could have taken care of the temple on our own!" She sighed, "Whatever! Pyramid Head is dead and we need to venture forth. I couldn't find the map for this place, what about you?"

The boys shook their heads 'no.'

"Great… Welp! Looks like we better get going! C'mon Ash," Jill and Ash both started walking away, leaving the boys behind.

03-25-2011, 02:27 AM
"Huh. I figured it'd be harder than that..." Ash shrugged to herself and joined Jill ahead. "Soooo now that we're all together... where the fuck are we going?" With no map they were basically walking through some dank, nasty maze full of dead people. Not exactly a romantic evening.

"We have to get to the boss!" Jill said cheerily. "Right. So then where is it?" Ash sighed. It was like playing tug o' war with with a rhino when it came to asking her questions. "Oh I don't know! But they're usually at the bottom so lets just keep going down!"

Ash looked about the dark corridor and observed with disdain it's dripping walls, spiderwebs and random stray bones laying about in the sand. "Well, I see a whole lot of stuff right now and stairs aren't one of them."

04-20-2011, 05:30 AM
Jay walked along with them after that little shaky moment with the pyramid headed creature. It was odd, he was told that usually was supposed to kill off the undead and unholy...however it seemed to only piss it off. He really looked around the place and noticed how "familiar" it was.

"Geez, dark, dank, smelly, and filled with things I don't want to know, kind of reminds me of looking up a barmaids skirt." he said jokingly, his shakiness from the run in with Pyramid head wearing off. Humor was his way of coping.

Jill seemed to have shot a nasty glance with almost a traumatized look at the idea of this place being compared to ANY womans nether regions. "What? You'd be surprised at what you'd find up a barmaids skirt. I know I've been shocked once or twice." sometimes looking up random skirts, you'd on a rare occasion find something that really should not be there. A lesson Jay learned the hard way.

"Auughhh, you're disgusting for a monk!"

"Ex-monk!" he corrected. "I don't practice anymore. I just take advantage of some of the things I was taught."

"Next he'll probably say he uses the monkey to help him pick up women? 'Hey ladies, want to see my monkey?'" Ash laughed.

"Actually yes. It's quite interesting how often it works."

04-22-2011, 02:25 AM
After the chatter, Jacob continued lazily walking and finally came up with something to say five minutes after.

"You know what would be funny? Is if we didn't have to walk this shit... or rather the boss not even being here..."

The group shrugged off the pointless comment, making their way further into the hellish maze. Jacob was certain he had and would always describe every dungeon as nothing more than 'hell', that is until they actually enter into a dungeon that is hell and would say nothing of it...

"Halt!" The sounds of clattering metal surrounded the room as several lines of well armed Roman-Catholic Crusaders entered. A cross bearer stood between them all with a figity priest with a speech impediment.

"Perhaps you should check to see who we are dealing with by checking under these skirts." Jacob nudged Jay in response towards the knights wearing dresses.

The word "SILENCE" quickly followed after and the priest began to speak of his insidious plan.

"Our Lord wishesh to SHPEAK with you, yes. We will TAKESH you to him so you may hear what he has to say. We will guide you to hish domain. If you act up then eshpect lotsh of SHTABBING!" The knights then pulled out their sword and pikes, keeping the four at point. The priest waved the group to follow. "Come come... There ish an elevator over HERE!"

Jacob jumped up and joined quickly. "An elevator? Count me in!"

04-22-2011, 02:44 AM
"Uh huh, uh huh," she kept saying to herself as Jacob talked. Who gave them the right to speak anyway? Ugh. The temple was maze-like, but they already knew that as they continuously went around in circles.

After SOME progress however, they came across weird looking men in dresses. From the way they were dressed and the way the priest spoke, Jill struggled to hold back any laugher. Ahh, such maturity.

She honestly had no idea what was going on though. First, there was a horde of skeletons, then somehow they came across pyramid, now these fools. The temple indeed was quite a strange one. "How did an elevator… Nevermind, just take us to 'your lord'," she said mockingly.

04-22-2011, 02:54 AM
"Yea you know what? That wouldn't be so funny, actually. I hate this fucking temple, sand is getting into my gloves." The only good thing was all the spell components! Sand, dead scorpions, bits of bone...sand! It was like Christmas! In a desert!

Her mutterings were cut short by the weird looking Crusaders, clearly not the least bit uncomfortable in the stifling heat. Perhaps it was the skirts they were wearing. When the leader spoke she couldn't understand a word he was saying - other than stabbings and lords.

Maybe Ash was crazy, but when SHE saw the men wearing dresses, she automatically thought "ooh more target practice!" but APPARENTLY that wasn't the case. Jacob immediately perked up at the mention of an elevator and began to follow the Crusaders, the others joining him. "Wait! Guys! Just cause there's an elevator doesn't mean we have to - Ugh. FINE." She hurried after them, almost tripping on her robes.

04-22-2011, 07:17 PM
What was WITH THIS PLACE! Skeletons that lit themselves on fire, necrophiliac pyramid men, and sword wielding men in skirts! What...the....hell! And since when did dungeons have ELEVATORS!

Ugh this priest...or whatever the hell he was. That speech impediment! "Wow man, what happened to your voice? Did you have a stroke or something, or are you like my old mentor and suck too much cock?" he laughed as he followed the rest of them. A few swords touched the back of his neck at the comment.

"Ladies Ladies...no need to get rough." they pressed a little harder with some to his backs. "A little excited are we? Sorry I don't do cross dressers, though I can point you to my old monastery...they'd just LOVE to have you."

They pushed him into the elevator with the rest of them, needless to say Jay's mouth would get him in trouble. The door of the elevator shut and they began to go down with with this weird priest. "So I take it they consider themselves manly men in manly skirts? Do they sing like the strange men in tights that live in the woods too?" needless to say he had way too much of a mouth when he was trying to cope with nerves.

"You'll do well to keepsh you moush shut"

04-23-2011, 07:14 PM
Only fifteen minutes after did they finally touch the ground. It was the bottom... rock bottom that is. It was cold, dark, full of bats and various bugs crawling about. Torches lit the way into a curvy hall and so the journeymen followed in after the priest. Jacob kept his eye on the crusaders, noting that a swift kick to the groin may be plausible.

"ENTER! If you dare..." The priest was more excited than before and it was becoming obvious they made it to whoever was behind this.

Two large wooden doors slowly opened just enough for the group to enter. Inside were mountains of shiny gold, jewels, and other assorted worth. Making their way in further, a giant golden cross was seen that stretched froma throne on the ground going almost to the ceiling of the cave.

"Holy shit!" Jacob shouted, following an echo. The priest laughed and pointed to the throne to which an individual was standing.

"I am Paladin Franco and leader of this mighty crusade that has brought the bounty you see before you!" He stood, looking to be a menacing ten feet tall and bearing heavy carapace-like armor. In one hand he wielded a large mace and in the other a massive shield. Did he always keep this on him? Eh who cared. Jacob only wondered if under the sugarloaf helmet of the giant's was an ugly and burnt face.

"The perfect one has put out a great bounty on you and I shall be the one to earn it. Welcome to my abode and enjoy your stay for now you die!" Various cave entrances were suddenly flooded with a monumental amount of crusaders.

In response, Jacob simply stepped up.
"Easy peasy..." He then quickly equipped his guns and stood with his arms crossed.
"Lemon squeezy."

"GET THEM!" The paladin shouted as the hundreds of crusaders began charging across the huge room of gold.

04-30-2011, 04:55 AM
Great another trap, just what she wanted. The treasure that surrounded them reminded her of a dragon's den, but what caught her eye the most was the Ouija shard that floated on a platform behind the paladin. Jill sighed as he spoke, not paying any attention.


"Wha--OH!" Jill ran away from the crusaders as they were coming towards her. Quickly looking through her pouch, she noticed she ran out of leaves for her vine attack. "Welp! So much for that! Looks like no nature spells for me! Or healing for that matter!" If the time was right, she would have danced away.

She looked over at Paladin Fuckass and nearly felt sick from vertigo. The bastard was huge, just how the hell were they going to knock him down? Well, his armor was similar to a turtle shell with just a little bit of spikes sticking out from it's back. She was tiny and hardly noticeable. Jill ran under the Paladin's legs as she pulled out her clawshot. She timed it just right and shot the chain towards one of the spikes, causing her to fly upwards.

Just as she grabbed onto his armor, she began to climb up on his back, holding on to dear life. "Don't look down…don't look down…" she kept muttering.

04-30-2011, 05:40 AM
Ash turned her head to stare at Jacob. "Easy peasy lemon squeezy? THAT'S your badass battle cry? Really?"

Ash didn't have much time to argue, however, due to all the guards swarming in. "Fuck!" she quickly tried to get back before she was overcome. Soon Ash was involved in a horrible pattern of beating a guard with her spellbook in her right hand and trudging through her spell components with her left.

That's when she saw it - a slimy, gooey black tentacle from at least two weeks ago. No wonder her pouches began to smell awful! Ash supposed Jill had a good reason for scolding her when she would pick up bits and pieces of nasty items along the road. No matter! It would come in handy! "HEY! You guys may want to watch where you step!" she called out a warning before flinging the tentacle to the ground and muttering a few choice words in the language of magic.

Suddenly, giant black tentacles began to shoot out of the ground, grabbing random guards who were unlucky enough to be in the way. Some were impaled completely, others just held in its vice like grip, unable to get away. That would make it easier for the boys to attack them, at least... but the spell wouldn't hold forever.

Shaking off her dizziness, Ash took a deep breath, before violently beating a guard down with her book. Wait... didn't she own a dagger?

05-04-2011, 07:12 AM
Jay was the only one of the four to actually have a pair of crusaders escort him from behind, with blades to his back. Was this really necessary? Sure he insinuated their little priest man was gay, so what? It wasn't Jay's fault the guy talked funny!

Blah blah blah...the general "I will kill you now" speech...wait there was something different. "Excuse me price..perfect one. He was too drunk to have registered that at the saloon. You guys have BOUNTIES on your heads?" oh fuck the things Jay gets himself into for a nice set of tits.

"Uhm yeah." Ash said before the fighting started. Jay just kind of stood there dumbstruck as Jill and Jake both started doing their thing. Greeeaaaat...now he was going to be a wanted man too. Ah hell there was going to be no talking his way out of it, might as well make it worse right? The two guards behind him started to move to restrain Ash, however Jay dropped down and did a move similar to a donkey kick, nailing both of them in the nuts. He hopped to his feet and took one of the staffs they had and cracked them both across the head.

"No use moping about this kind of thing. I'm probably waist deep in shit already." he ran into the fray, right into Ash's black tentacles running along their lengths and jumping from tentacle to tentacle kicking and cracking various crusaders in the heads with his feet.

05-05-2011, 02:08 AM
Retreating from some crusaders, making a chase follow to the top of a golden mound, Jacob stood in shock as a massive tentacle rose from under several chests. Turning away, he noticed the room began to fill with them.

"What the fuck? These things better not touch me or else..." Jacob spoke in response to the tentacles whipping at the crusaders who chased Jacob.

For some reason, the paladin remained untouched by the tentacles as if unable to be touched by darkness with him bearing such great holy power. Seeing Jill act upon the giant man, Jacob joined in from a distant. He began by sliding down a mound of coins and firing rapidly at the paladin's face, hoping to create a decoy for Jill.

05-10-2011, 09:56 PM
Up, up, up, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3PRXFLJYcw) she went daring not to look down. She was way up high from the ground thanks to the paladin's height. Chaos spawned all about the room as she heard gunshots, noticed tentacle monsters, and just overall shouting from the crusaders and her friends.

Welp, she can't help them now! They were either fucked or doing well in battle. Meanwhile, Jill was getting closer to the colossal's (well, compared to her tiny size, it was a colossus) head. She pulled out her master sword when she was a good reaching distance. Even though he was wearing a helm, the back of his neck was still exposed. Jill held onto his armor tightly as she raised her sword and stabbed his neck.

The paladin gave a blood curdling scream, attempting to reach behind it's back to see what caused the pain. Jill stabbed him once more, causing the paladin to cry out in pain again. Enraged, the paladin spun around to see if there was anyone behind him, but to no avail.

"Sir! On your ar--!" One of the crusaders tried to call out but was rudely interrupted by a tentacle beast suffocating him.

Understanding what he meant, the colossal finally found Jill and picked her up; leaving the sword inside his neck. "Har har har! Think you can kill me little girl?!" Jill said nothing, but instead pulled out her bow and arrow aiming it for his eye. "Try with all your might! You cannot defea--AHH!" The arrow in his eye caused him to release Jill from his grip and stumble around the room. "My eye! AHH!" He pulled out the arrow, letting more blood drip down his face.

"Shit, shit, shit!" She muttered. She grabbed her clawshot once more, but there was nothing to catch. Wasn't there a float spell? Ah, hell, she forgot that one too.

05-12-2011, 01:53 AM
On the ground, Ash had her own problems. The tentacle spell finally diminished, leaving the still-alive Crusaders that were once in its grasp completely free - and pissed. In such an enclosed space with so many enemies, it was difficult for her to keep her concentration long enough to cast any spells.

"Kalith kar - OW!" she paused to take down a guard with her dagger - sloppily but it did the trick. "Ahem. Kalith kara - OW FUCK!" one of them used his sword to hit her right across the chest. Over the same place Jill had accidentally struck her, coincidentally. It certainly hurt worse the second time around, and bled just as badly. So much for her stupid armor! She knew there was a downside to all that cleavage!

"Fuck this shit," she muttered after stabbing him in the forehead. How disgusting. "Kalith karan, tobanis-kar!"

Bam bitches! Magic missile! The bright light shot through a straight line of crusaders and just barely missed Jacob's overcoat. Er... whoops.

05-12-2011, 03:00 AM

05-14-2011, 03:01 AM
Jumping from tentacle to tentacle, leaping over reaching swords and spears, smacking down on heads and jamming helmets into armor. It was laboring, but the tentacles weren't interested in him, they seemed to know who to go for. Hell they seemed as if to work with one another as if they were part of a larger entity, ensuring when he leaped from one, another was nearby to catch him.

It was so odd watching black magic work so well. He'd always heard how it always went out of control. Eh, it seemed to go well now what could possibly go wrong!

He jumped from head to head, back to tentacles, and leaping over reaching weapons again when he saw the monster of a man flailing around in pain. He ran up the length of an extending tentacle and leaped and slid down the length of one reaching near the paladin for it to launch him into the air as he neared the end, the only thing missing was a Tarzan call. Oh wait...

"WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOHMYYYYGOOOOOD" eh close enough. He smacked against the crotch piece of the armor and clamored for a hand hold. The irony of the situation was not lost on him. Some thing told him to hold on and climb when he stopped thrashing, and climb he did. UP UP UP the giant cod piece and to the stomach. He flung himself up and to the sides grabbing every fold in the armor he could until he saw from above the monstrous man toss Jill away.

As she fell he had to time it. He threw himself up with a jerk and kicked off the armor. An empty vial, or seemingly empty vial, crushed in his hand. "Aevoros!" Several discs of air beneath Jill's line of descent compressed and would make for their method of slowing their fall. The spell alone was enough to save her, but he had a habit of showing off for a pretty girl. He caught her in mid-fall and several light impacts on the dense air slowed them until they reached the ground at the giant's feet. Jay landed on his feet and put Jill on hers.

"You ok?" he asked.
"Yeah just fine, thanks." she said, "I guess" she trailed off.

05-15-2011, 04:41 AM
'Jesus, I'm running low and only if I believed in you maybe I'd have better luck' Jacob thought to himself while reloading more rounds into his revolvers. Line after line, round after round, empty shells fall. It wasn't long till the mere hundreds now (compared to the previous thousand) were closing in and at arm's length.

Jacob noticed something striking, a burning smell from behind him. He sniffed several times, feeling the warmth as well. "What the hell?" He looked to see his coat missing a spot on the side. The area around the vacant spot showed signs of scarring. With half melted bodies behind him and a trail leading to Ash.

"Thanks a lot!" Turning back he met a blade to his left arm. "Augh! Fuck!" Jacob dropped a revolver and attempted a retreat back to Ash. He was bleeding semi-badly; not too much gushing out but a lot of pain and a big stain int he coat.

"Don't you have some spell that affects the area?" He then turned to where Jill landed with Jay. "Jill! Take that blade and jam it into his Achilles' heel! Aw fuck it I'll do it!" Jacob took to his right and aimed for a few seconds. A weird semi-visible energy swirled around him and surprisingly he pulled a last resort revolver from his boot with his left hand. The blood increased but the outlaw couldn't feel it a tiny bit.

The swirling grew and increased in speed, hair blowing everywhere and loose coins catching up around him. With a massive burst of energy, Jacob unloaded upon the massive beast. First crippling the heel of the beast by bypassing the armor and then the other, causing the paladin to collapse to his knees. In a hyper-like motion, Jacob reloaded and fired his twelve chambered rounds into the chest plate. Each bullet backing the next, causing a massive force to create a hole in the armor. The last two bullets pierced the large heart and blood began to pour from the wound in spurts.

With another two chambers filled, the swirling continued and Jacob's aim took on two targets. Both being the eyes... er an eye and a socket spewing a vitreous liquid. Anyway, the triggers were pulled and each round was fired in a millisecond. All that lead was launched into the screaming paladin's head, causing a radical set of explosions in his brain. with the swirl fading, this entire action that Jacob had just committed only took two seconds. With that completed, the beast's head came crashing to the ground, now lifeless.

"Well I'm spent." Jacob responded with no more ammo in hand. The remaining crusaders seemed to not care of their fallen leader and continued to charge the journeymen... probably out of vengeance.

06-08-2011, 02:47 AM
"You ok?" he asked.
"Yeah just fine, thanks." she said, "I guess" she trailed off.

The awkward moment between them was, well, awkward. She never wanted him touching her or even talking to her again. It was just weird.

Jill watched Jacob's adrenaline rush and decided it was best for him to take down the rest of the colossal. The mother fucker died finally, but his peons were still running about as if they could stop them. "Oh, c'mon already!" As the group of crusaders ran towards them, Jill pulled out one of her healing potions.

"Is that a healing potion?!" Ash snapped.

"Yup!" she responded and THREW IT ON THE GROUNDDDD. The vial glass shattered and the potion spilled. Once the crusaders stepped on the drink, they all bursted into flames.


Ash scoffed, "And you want me to drink THAT?!"

Jill pulled out another healing potion, "Well, yea, you're bleeding."

06-08-2011, 02:53 AM
Ash stared at the potion. Some blood started to drip on the floor. "...It's green and lumpy."

"Well, YEA. There's willow bark in it and algae."



"Yea, you know what? I'm not drinking that."

"You'll bleed to death!"

"I'll take my chances."

"With DEATH?"

The two began to bicker as they usually do, amongst the absolute carnage. There was no one left alive; even the giant beast was completely still and silent in the great hall. It smelled heavily of the sea (thanks to the tentacles), blood and gun powder.

Finally Ash sighed and took off her robes to reveal her armor. The gash was deep and ragged and looked rather uncomfortable. "Look, I'm sure if I just get this stitched up I'll be fine. Is the room spinning or is it just me?"

"Oh my GOD bitch, just DRINK IT."


As they continued to yell at each other, it became apparent that something amongst all the treasure was glowing brightly, as if trying to call to their attention. It was the Ouji Board piece - their second fragment out of six total.

06-10-2011, 06:50 AM
Jay watched on in horror as this "healing" potion did the exact OPPOSITE of healing! This chick was supposed to be their healer before he came along? It had to have been some stroke of luck that he came along with them, or surely the other two would have died from serious infections...or worse exploding spontaneous igniting death potions.

"Oh my GOD bitch, just DRINK IT."


"If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion?" Jay butted in.



"Uhm, there's a better solution than...whatever that stuff is"



Creepy monkey monk? He was not creepy! He shrugged it off, and pulled out a small roll from his side and laid it on the ground now that they had a moment while Jill looked around at the piles of gold and money. She didn't seem to be looking at all the gold, but looking for something specific amongst it.

"Hold on I'll need some preparation time" He pulled out a vial of powder processed from opium plants and took a match and heated the vial to turn the powder into a liquid. "Ahem, I'll need you to undo the chest piece so I can get a look at the uhm..."

"My Tits?"

"The wound! I can't heal it properly unless I can see the whole thing."

"Suuurrrrre...fucking perv." She muttered the last bit under her breath.

Well this liquid was applied straight to the wound so the liquid went into her blood stream, this however by modern day times would be called Heroine.

He sat down and prepared a salve and patch while the liquid seeped into her blood stream and took its effect. This was needed as the work without it was painful since he had to put the salve into the wound and sew it shut, followed by a hint of magic to accelerate the healing process.

But hey! At least ash would feel good while it was getting done! And what better? Jay was actually NOT trying to fondle her tits!

06-30-2011, 01:30 AM
"Holy shit!" Was Jacob's only response to the surprise that him and Ash caught onto. He ignored the others bickering over the potion and stepped forward to take the floating, sparkling Ouija board piece. It was honestly a sight to be welcomed as he knew their trip to this dungeon was over and now they could journey back to town to hunt for the next.

"Alright, losers! Bring the horses down here. We ain't leaving without a good portion of this gold. Hell, this gold..." He leaned over to pick up a coin and began flipping it. "could really come in handy with buying some new gear as well as an army of our own." Jacob looked about for a bag nearby but to no avail, they would have to go up to where the horses are and wagon and bring it all down.

"I doubt anyone will come looking for this gold anytime soon since those that knew of it are dead now... Let's bring that wagon down and fill the fucker up! WE'RE RICH!"

07-02-2011, 11:38 PM
Jill didn't feel like getting the carriages or collecting useless items, but if it was a way to make the boys happy and shut up, then might as well! After Jacob collected the Ouija shard, they made their way to the entrance from the portal that appeared in the boss room. Taking the carriages back inside, Jacob greedily gathered bags of gold.

They weren't even rupees, how were they going to use it? Jill thought of bringing it up, but decided against it. "Well, take what you need," she finally spoke up, "We need to head back to Hyrule Castle and find out where the next shard is located."

After a long hour of just stealing shit, they went through the portal and finally road off and out of the desert. As usual, the men were steering the carriages as Jill and Ash were inside the wagon cooling off.

"Man, that temple sure was aggravating! I need to buy more items now! And make more potions!"

"Leave the potion making to Jay," Ash replied.

"Hell no! My potions are the best!"



"You're learning white magic. The PROPER way!" Ash finally concluded.

"Hah! I'm good," she responded lazily.

07-02-2011, 11:48 PM
"I'd like to call to mind," Ash replied, already feeling her anger rising. "That you nagged me about not carrying a staff, even though you just plain dropped out of the Academy! Either buy a spell book and study it LIKE WE WERE TAUGHT, or the Monk can do all our healing and use his time staring up your tits."


"...FIIIINE," Jill groaned, making a huge deal about it. "But it's so boring!" Ash rolled her eyes and sighed. The opiates were still making her thoughts swim and she couldn't do much else but mildly lift her head. "You'll feel better when you injure yourself and not have to drink algae soup just to heal up."

The trip to Hyrule took the better part of two days, separated by bickering, full on fights and spells gone awry. When they finally arrived, they were exhausted. "My ass hurts," Ash complained, jumping out of the wagon. "Lets find an inn and get some food or something. Then we can go shopping!" The idea of upgrading her spells and armor made her all excited.

07-04-2011, 04:21 PM
Jay jumped down behind Jill off the wagon, he for the most part stayed silent with the exception of the occasional conversation with Jacob.

"You know Jill, if we are all going to the shops I can give you some pointers on recipes for potions. That and just common healing remedies."

"NO FUCK YOU, my potions are perfect!"

Ash glared at her, "JILL LET HIM TEACH YOU! I'll risk having him stare at my tits rather than burst into flames." she muttered the last part.

"BAAAAHHHHHH...fine! Ugh let me take care of some business first. But if I catch you staring down my tunic!" she pulled out one of her potions, "Your gonna go fwoosh!"

"Not like there's much to stare at." he muttered under his breath.

"WHAT WAS THAT!" she barked.


07-11-2011, 03:59 AM
"Damn, what a bitch." Jacob muttered, listening to the conversation while pulling out another bag of gold from the wagon.

"What the fuck was that?" Jill snapped, having Jay react quickly into wrestling with her to keep the angry woman at bay.

"Nothing!" *cough*"bitch"*cough* Jacob carried on his maverick way to a gunsmith shop with a bag of gold hanging over his shoulder. He needed some better tech as well as something with a greater kick... bombs would be nice too. Where ever they were journeying to next was unknown, however, it wouldn't matter with some good armor and weapons.

The sounds of spittoons being filled with chew and the aroma of recently burnt gunpowder gave way to the gunsmith who was outback currently hammering away at some attractive piece. Jacob decided to leave the smith be and enter the building. Stepping up the stairs to the door, several men sat around a spittoon and guitar, watching him. One spat a large piece of chew at the metal container, then looked to Jacob, smiling. The man presented hardly any teeth as the ones left were rotten with the drool making it's way out between the brown stained teeth.

"Daaaaamn, son!" Jacob dragged the moment on and then entered.
The smith walked in from the back with the prostitute he had just been 'fixing'. He fixed his collar and hair while she ran out the front, giving a cautious smile to Jacob before exiting.

"How may I help you?" The aged man spoke roughly, cleaning his glasses. Jacob just pulled out a cylinder of paper and let it roll out onto the counter. The old man gulped in response.

07-29-2011, 08:55 PM
The four of them went their separate ways once they reached the Hyrule Market. While Ash, Jay, and Jake went to restock the items they needed, Jill walked straight to the castle. She'll buy her items later, she needed to speak with the Princess first. They finally found the second Ouija shard! Now, it was time to know the location of the third one.

Into the main entrance, down the hall, to the left, in a circle, up the stairs, and down the hall, getting lost, and finally in the throne room, Jill gave a long sigh of relief. She gave a small bow to the Princess, "Princess Zelda, we have found the second Ouij--" Though, she was only cut off by a high shriek and a tackle hug from Zelda.

“I’m so glad you’re HERE!” exclaimed Zelda, hugging Jill ever so tightly that she almost couldn’t breathe. As she realized her suffocation, she quickly let go, giving her a big smile. “Oh, sorry.”

Jill adjusted herself as she coughed slightly, “Right. Well! We need to know the location of the third Ouija shard! Do you mind telling us so we can be on our way?”



“Ummm, about that,” Zelda responded slowly which only caused Jill to raise a brow. “I, um, I don’t know the third location!” She finally spitted the truth out as she laugh obnoxiously.

“You…You don’t know?!”

“Nope. No clue.”

Jill turned away from her, “What kind of Princess are you?” she muttered to herself. She glanced back at Zelda, “Then, it looks like we have a long adventure. I must go and find the others.” She sighed in disbelief as she began walking out of the throne room and out of the castle.

“And here I was thinking she was gonna ask me out on a date,” Zelda whined as Jill left.

07-30-2011, 05:49 AM
"Listen, it's not a difficult spell component."

"But... but it's just inhumane!"

"Listen bitch. Look around here. Does this look like a place for humane thi - ohhhh shit." Upon further investigation, Ash realized that instead of being in the BLACK magic shop, she actually stumbled into the WHITE magic establishment. That would explain the shopkeepers stupid outfit and horrified expression.

"Ah hahaha...er...I uh. I guess I'll just get going. You know, before the guards show up." She slowly backed up further and further towards the door. "Kthanksbye!"

After running across the road Ash took a deep breath and finally mustered up the dignity to continue into the CORRECT shop. Hopefully they would have some children's tears or at least the mummified remains of a few centipedes.

After exiting the shop with a new spell scroll, new components and some delicious gummy worms, Ash noticed Jill walking towards the street looking pissed. As usual. "Hey bitch! Why the long face? Did Zelda finally try to molest - OH MY GOD A SNAIL!"

"Wait, what?! Did she what?! GODDAMNIT ASH." Jill glared and stamped her foot, obviously in no mood for petting snails. "We're just in deep shit that's all! And all you can think about is a stupid snail!"

"...Stupid?!" Ash looked hurt. "But it's soooo adorable!" She gingerly scooped it up in her hand and squealed. "Look at it's little house!!" Referring to it's shell of course.

"Hey, speaking of houses, this place is pretty cute," Jill pointed to the actual house that the snail was crawling on. "I've been wanting to get a place in Hyrule for awhile. Lets go see if the owner is renting it out."

08-08-2011, 10:21 PM
Jay had been walking around town, a left, a right, straight down the road. Backwards forwards, and somehow upside down. Wait, what?! He was lost where the hell had he gotten himself in this town? He tried getting someones attention to get directions out of wherever he was, but all he saw was a wall of houses. WHERE WAS THE MARKET! That's all he wanted to know.

It was uncomforting to be lost in this place with a small sack full of gold coin and not know where your going. He had rockso up his sleeve at least, literally.

After a while more of wandering he found Jill and Ash outside of a house with Ash kneeling down looking at something. "Oh thank god for familiar faces!" he ran forward. "Why does no one answer any questions around here?! I can't find the magic shops!"

Ash perked up, "Down that way! AND TAKE JILL WITH YOU!" Ash certainly wanted Jill to learn how to properly compose potions. "I can catch up later, I'm busy here."

"You're looking at a snail ash!"
"I'm uhm...thinking of ways to turn them into fight worthy creatures!"
"Right ash, I just want to look at the house."
"House later, potions now! Get her there Jay, take a left, a right, make a turn around..." he said fuck it and took Jill and figured he'd find his way there eventually. To fuck with all the directions.

An hour later...

They were in the White magic shop. Jay kept Jill at arms reach in case she tried to wander off while he explained all the proper ingredients.
"Ok so why can't I use algae in my potions."
"It's too common! Haven't you been listening? The more exotic the ingredient the more potent the spell or potion! The only exception to the rule is purified water!" she just ignored him as he went on about the healing and amplification properties of water and why it was the symbol of healing
and purity. Freaking hippy talk, what was he going to tell her next? Eating lettuce everyday would make her healthier or some bullshit like that?

He noticed she wasn't paying any attention. "Fine...let me show you." he pulled some ingredients off the shelves, solid white star powder, griffon's feather, and other things and crushed them into a bowl. A quick incantation that made Jill turn around and look at him.

"What are you doing?"
He finished and the gunk from the bowl ignited and wrapped around his hands and the flame died quickly. He shot a hand out and nothing happened for a moment.

"Real nice, making yourself look like an idi-" she was cut off when she was knocked off her feet and down the isle and straight on her ass.

"And THAT'S what a proper white magic spell is capable of."

08-14-2011, 02:58 AM
"Here you are, the scoped Spencer repeating rifle. Two snub-nose revolvers, and a scatter gun as well as two bandoleers and some boxes of ammo. Unless you're the king, I doubt you have the money on your for this. Get lost unless you have the money."

With the bag of rare gold collected from the crusaders, it was obvious to Jacob that he could purchase the equipment, however, the clerk was sounding like an asshole (and they lynch assholes back in his home) and Jacob couldn't let it go. Instead a feeling of outright anger overtook him, causing him to lash out at the old man.

"Soooo you're judging me?

"Well I...

"You believe I don't have the money just 'cause the way I look?"

"I" The old man began to sound scared and gripped his chest.

"What the hell gives you the right to think such things? What an asshole of a way to think!!!" Jacob hadn't ran into such an issue for some time and to get back into the thick of it, angered him as made known. The old man replied with nothing but a gasp and fell behind the desk.

Disturbed by the old man's action, Jacob looked over to see the man appeared dead and dared not tough him and decided to just leave with his belongings.

"Thanks, good sir!" He shouted on his way out the door, past the scum who stared him down earlier which now were all asleep. Finding them to not be startled by his loudness, Jacob quickly rushed back into the mass of people to find the gang. Fearing of being accused of killing the man, Jacob left that to be a secret for himself and no one else...

08-21-2011, 05:46 PM
"And THAT'S what a proper white magic spell is capable of." Spoken with such pride made her angry even more as she got up from the ground. Just what was he trying to do? Embarrass her?! Even the white mages couldn't help but laugh at the scene.

"You IDIOT," she scolded at him. "Do you want me to sodomize you with a poison arrow?!" The mages in the store soon stopped laughing and quickly went back to studying their spellbooks.

"Hm, maybe," Jay replied with a grin. His stupid grin, however, came to end when he met a punch to the face.

As he stumbled for a bit, Jill collected her items and glared at him, "If you're just going to hurt me while you teach me, then I don't want to learn!" A flip of her hair, a pivot from her boot, and she walked out of the store leaving Jay alone.

She was back in the crowd, searching for Ash and Jacob. Oh heavens, why was she so short. She couldn't find anyone!

08-22-2011, 02:30 AM
Ash watched the monk wander off with her friend. "You know," she said to the little snail. "I'd ALMOST be pissed that he stole her away, 'cept for the fact that she desperately needs to learn some goddamned white magic."

The snail responded by nibbling on a leaf.

Thirty minutes later, Ash had relocated to the side of the house, in the grass. "Little snail, little snail, you're so cute!" she sang to the shelled creature. "I love your little house on your little back!"

Sure, she was getting weird looks but THEY COULD ALL BURN IN THE ABYSS, COULDN'T THEY?!

Luckily, she looked up long enough to notice Jill wandering about looking pissed and clueless as usual. "Hey bitch!" Ash got to her feet being careful not to trample on her new friend. "How was the white magic lessons?"

"Ugh, that smug ass. He tried humiliating me in the shop! Can you believe that shit?"

She nodded sympathetically. "Yea, you know how men are. STAND ASIDE LITTLE GIRL, FOR I SHALL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF THE ARCANE ARTS! Annnnd then they blow themselves up."

Bursting into a hysterical fit of giggles, they managed to compose themselves long enough to notice they were still in front of the house. "Hey - you still wanna see if it's for rent?" Ash wasn't sure how well the place would be in the rain though - there was a big ass tree growing right in the middle of it!

08-29-2011, 03:51 AM
He pulled himself away from the shelf she had knocked him into, for a small woman she had a punch behind her. Then again Jay never was the type to take a punch well in the first place, it's generally why he tried avoiding getting hit.

A simple incantation and a touch to his face where she hit him, and the mark seemed to pull away. For what it was worth, it hurt while it lasted. Too many people misunderstood white magic for being all rainbows and sunshine and healing, but there was more to it than just healing. That was what he was trying to show her. If she couldn't get a hint like that, for as blunt as it was, fuck that shit.

He gathered his materials, ingredients for potions and spells. Doubled up mostly, and bought a few books, the right kind. He didn't know what she had gotten that one potion from, but it wasn't a reliable source. If all else failed he could appeal to a sense of rivalry, and just show her up and make her want to prove she could be better by actually learning. She seemed more the type to learn just to spite him.

He bumped into Jacob some time later after he left the white magic shop. He seemed to be in a rush to get through the crowds. "Jacob big guy, you in a hurry?"
"Nah, just trying to find you and the girls what's up? Weren't you going to show Jill a few things?"
"I did, showed her one spell physically on her to knock some sense into her and she rushes off after punching me."
"That's your problem, you tried to show her. Be a dick, tell her guys are obviously better at it. It'll piss her right the hell off, she'll learn it out of spite." Though Jacob hadn't told him it would most likely get his head yelled off, a knife to his throat, and the beating of his life. But hey whatever worked right!

09-03-2011, 04:31 PM
After discussing the various measures to be taken in assisting Jay to present himself as a worthy mate to Jill, the duo had managed to locate the girls beside some house. Before approaching and coming into full sight, Jacob offered Jay some advice. "Wait to show your skills in front of her when Ash and myself aren't around. That way her attention is solely on you!" It was true, other than the fact he didn't want to be around during the beatings Jill would dish out since he wouldn't want to waste a bullet or two on a midget like her. "Ooooh my thoughts exactly!" Jay replied and Jacob smirked to confidence he gained with slightly solving issues.

"Well hello, hello!" Jacob and Jay stepped forth to greet the girls. "Why are we hanging around this crapheap for? You looking to buy this junky place?" Jacob winked to Jay, encouraging him to join in.

09-08-2011, 05:46 PM
"Why are we hanging around this crapheap for? You looking to buy this junky place?"

"YES!" Both the girls replied. Jill nudged Ash, motioning her to go inside the cute little house. The two of them ignored the men as they proceeded to shut the door in their face as they went inside. The house (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amXQF6DQjCg) was very quaint with a tree growing in the middle of it. "Wow! So pretty!" Jill exclaimed, "It reminds me of home!"

"When you lived in Rivendell?" Ash asked.

"Yes, except, my room was on the highest tree and I had difficulty coming down."

"Oh? Whose there?" asked a soft sweet voice.

The girls observed the place until they found the young blonde Hylian. Her hair was in two large pig tails and her dress was embroidered with lace and butterflies. "Oh my god Jill, look how cute she is," Ash whispered.

"Ermm, hello! Is this place for rent?"

"Why, of course it is!" The girl replied with a big smile. "My castle has a few extra rooms to spare."

"Ah! Excellent! You see, we're on this adventure and we really need a place to stay when we need a break from--" Jill paused when she saw a golden bug crawling on the tree.

"Oh! Don't mind them! My friends are all here for the ball!" She giggled, her childlike laugh filling the room. "Well, it's a hundred rupees to rent the room."

Jill shrugged and paid for the room. Finding rupees was never an issue as monsters mysteriously dropped them all the time. As for the bugs, well, she only hoped they weren't in their room.

"Delightful! Welcome to your new home!" The girl bowed.

The girls smiled, waved, and said their goodbyes. As they left the house, the boys were outside waiting impatiently. Jill laughed, "She was so CUTE!"

"I knoww! I just want to pick her up and put her in my pocket!" Ash replied.

The girls squealed until Jay cleared his throat to get their attention. "So where are we heading to now?" he asked in a serious tone.

Jill scratched her head, "Wellll, here's the problem. Zelda doesn't know the next location of the Ouija shard. She, uh, forgot."

09-08-2011, 07:29 PM
"SHE FORGOT?!" Ash stomped along beside them. "How can she FORGET? She's supposed to be royalty and all that shit! SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO WIPE HER OWN ASS."

"Jesus Christ Ash, we get it! We'll just have to figure it out on our own." Jill looked around thoughtfully, finger to her lips as she pondered. "Hmm... Well, we were at a really COLD place..."

Ash looked about as they huddled in the street trying to figure out their destination. That's when she saw it - a gold flash on Jill's clothing. Tilting her head to the side, she took a step forward to observe what it could be - before jumping back about three feet in horror.

"...And then we went to a really HOT place..."


"Ugh, wait! So logically, we'd have to go to a place that's... lukewarm?"

Silence. Jay cleared his throat.

"Uhm. That doesn't make any sense."


"WELL!" Jill yelled, throwing her map to the floor. "YOU FIGURE IT OUT THEN!"

Ash pointed, eyes wide in terror, to the golden thing clinging to her sleeve. "JILLLLL!"



She stopped her tantrum to lift her sleeve up, only to come face to face with a



Praying mantis.


09-21-2011, 04:26 AM
Jay thought about their last location and how it was in the middle of the desert and went down through a series of tunnels until they came to that temple-esque area. He thought about some of the stories that those creepy monks mentioned about forbidden temples, one in particular.

Though he didn't quite get the chance to speak up until Jill started freaking out over some pathetic little bug that was on her. Ok so it was a strange color, mantis were no bad bugs, they just looked freaky is all.

"It's just a..."


"But it's only.."


"Jacob get a hold of her! She's giving me a headache from this yelling." God this loud mouth bitch made it hard to think. Jacob got a hold of her after keeping an eye on her flailing movements and Jay went and took the strange mantis off of her and went to put it on the tree.

However it wouldn't leave his hands. "What in the name of?" he tried to push it off, no good. "Stubborn little bugger." he tried picking it off, flicking it, throwing it, no good it stayed on its hand until he just stood there glaring at it maliciously, as if he was ready to kill the damn thing. Though just as he got ready to crush the little stubborn bastard it crawled along his arm and into one of his pouches. He looked down, "What in all that is decent was that about?"

The others looked just as confused that the bug just crawled into his pouch.
"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH" God damnit this bitch still hadn't shut the fuck up?

"Jill it's off you!" ash screamed


"JILL!" ash slapped the half pint rogue "It's not on you anymore!"

"I KNOW BUT HE STILL HAS IT!!!!" she screamed out.

"Anyways..." Jay interrupted. "I think I might have an idea to where we can go. Those creepy monks I stayed with spoke of a Forbidden temple of temptation in the mountains north of the forest we studied in. Never spoke much of it other than it was an 'evil' place." he said plainly. "It's going to be kind of cold but we can check it out. I've been curious what the big deal about it was since I left."

10-04-2011, 01:31 AM
Not minding the girls' screams in the background, Jacob was completely focused on Jay's plan to checkout a mysterious temple of forbidden stuff or something and 'Damn! Check that sweet sexy body walking by. She looks single. Perhaps I'll ditch these losers and see how I can better her day, lickety-split. Besides, nothing important is going on at the moment anyway.' Jacob thought to himself, paying no attention to his friends whatsoever.

Suddenly, the golden mantis had managed to jump back out of Jay's pouch and crawled quickly up his torso and onto the top of his head. Their it perched and observed the too supposed badass ladies give a fear-filled blood-curdling scream in it's presence.

Losing concentration on the hot piece of ass escaping him, he burst into anger and yelled at the two, shouting "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" In a shocking manner unseen by them. He proceeded to grab the mantis and attempted to crush it in his gloved hand. The bug managed to barely escape, having one of it's wings clipped. Following the mantis to the ground was Jacob's boot which met it in time and continued to stomp on it until the golden aura of the bug had faded and all was quiet soon after.

"Alright, I'm hungry! Let's go eat and get heading out on our next quest to wherever-the-fuck-land!" He happily spoke while giving a thumbs up to Jay and wiping his boot of any entrails from the squashed nuisance. He was unfazed by his previous burst of rage and seemed rather joyful after that. He hummed to himself and began a walk back out into the busy streets.

10-28-2011, 12:03 AM
The two ladies were never quite fond of praying mantises; in fact, Ash always wished they were extinct. The bugs had no purpose in life other than to look horrifying. Once after Jacob brutally killed it, the four of them set out to the bar for food and drink. They ate in silence, while Jill shot the occasional glare at Jacob for being rude.

If the boys were truly stuck with Ash and Jill, they had no choice but to deal with their idiocy. It was almost as if Sandra the Mary Sue placed this curse on them!

Damn that bitch! Jill was going to destroy her one way or the other!

But first…she was going to finish her steak.

After eating, Jill finally pulled out her map and placed it on the center of their table. "We need to find the next Ouija shard on our own," she said in a serious tone. She leaned her head on her left hand as she stared at the world map; they traveled through the snow field and the desert. What was next? The forest?

…No, no, no, she wasn't ready to visit her clan yet. Not after one of the Elves burnt down her treehouse because she accidentally did the same to their sacred tree.

"Sooo, anyone has an idea for our next location?"

10-29-2011, 12:15 AM
"What about... MAH DICK?"


"...Fine. It was just a suggestion."

Personally, Ash didn't care where they went. The first place was ridiculously freezing. The second place was ridiculously hot. Therefore, whatever the new place was like, the temperature had to be in the middle, thus suitable.

"Maybe we could try the forreeeeeh lets forget that," she added nervously, after catching the Death Glare from Jill. Dumb bitch just had to go burn down that stupid pansy tree and the elves all shat themselves because they were a bunch of whiny hippies. "Ugh, you know what?! You pick!" she slammed her hand on the map and pushed it towards the Monk. "CLEARLY all MY suggestions are NOT WORTHY."

"...All you suggested was your dick."


11-23-2011, 02:25 AM
Jay looked at the map for a moment, couldn't this group settle and make plans for even a moment? It was always something from what he had seen. Run off with a wagon, get lost, be chased by a madman with a giant machete and a fetish for corpses, then fighting a giant of a man, now their going about town running around like they didn't even know what they were doing.

"I don't know the first thing about what your looking for." He found where they were at and where they needed to go at least he figured they'd need to go there. "But from the sounds of it, what you're looking for you've been finding in temples of sorts." He placed his left index finger on a part of the map that lay within a forest on the opposite end of a large mountain chain.

"Those creepy monks reside in these mountains. They spoke of an evil temple of temptation within. It is said to be set in the middle of a lake within the forest. They never spoke of what lay within, only that it betrayed all they stood for." which pretty much was meditation and sodomy. It was always up to personal perception what there was more of.

"We might try looking there."

01-05-2012, 03:45 AM
Giving hardly any interaction with the group, Jacob just stared off into the distance while sucking down one alcoholic beverage after another... anything put in front of him was devoured. Onward went the ramblings of his companions as he continued his unshaken gaze into nothingness. He was happy in his own little world of nihil... until the word sodomy grabbed his attention.

"What the fuck?" He shook himself back into the moment with the others, the taste of consumed goods turned sour as he left his place of harmony and entered reality. "Alright, what the fuck are we talking about?" Jacob looked to the three with each giving a response of regret to having such a moronic seeming partner. He proved lousy, yes, but it was painful to the point of going into shock for them to even tell Jacob himself that he was an essential part of the team.

"The next shard, moron! Jesus fucking Christ!" Jill shouted, furiously slamming her fists on the table. Jay took over the moment by responding with less of a dramatic reaction. He added the information he recently had given the two she-wolves and waited openly for any comments the gunslinger may have had.

Jacob looked over to a nearby table with his long arms stretching out and picking up a lit cigar from a dirtied ashtray. There was no owner for the cigar in sight but that wouldn't concern the gun-toting inconsiderate jerk that nobody loved anyway. Without hesitation, he took the cigar and had the lit head touchdown in the middle of the map, adding simply "This is all bullshit." With a couple seconds passing, the bits of squashed smoking ash did nothing to the map. He had hoped it would ignite the map to be even more of an asshole but it failed horribly. Immediately after, Jacob dusted off what cigar remnants were left on the map after tossing the cigar over his shoulder and giving the appearance that nothing had happened.

"I agree with Jay's idea for the next location to search. Breaking some monk fingers could get us the info we need in finding the next damn shard. How many Ouija pieces are left anyways?"