J
12-01-2010, 11:15 PM
Hey everyone! So, my English teacher assigned my class to write a horror story. WITH A THEME. I mean, that's just ridiculous to me. In addition, we only got three, count 'em, THREE days to write it! So, anyway, I did the best that I could and scraped together what good writing I had in me geared towards this genre and the terrible theme I ended up picking, but it still ended up awful. If you could, please revise/edit my short horror story; that would help me a lot. Thank you SO much! C: (Ack I'm going to lose a lot of respect after posting this T_T)
This story's setting is a small, secluded town in Poland, with a family of now three. The main character is a young, paranoid girl named Sen whose sister died in her sleep, and eventually you find out what really killed her.
Enter Sandman
Everything is pain. Everything is gone. The little girl can’t… can’t take it anymore. The monster has taken everything from her, with its sun-bleached bones barely covered with white skin stretched too tight, with its deathly long hands adorned with fatal claws. No one else can see it, but she can. It laughs at her. It is pure evil, it is what wanted to kill her quickly but failed, and it is what decided to torture her for eternity instead. It is what put her in the asylum. It is what everyone thinks she made up. It is her worst nightmare. She has tried everything to get rid of it, all failures that throw her deeper into the eye of the storm. But now… now she can escape. Smiling with tear-filled eyes at her final attempt to be free, she drags the blade across her pale, thin wrist.
Sen jerked into a sitting position on her bed, breath coming in short, panting intervals. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat, throat sore from screaming all night, her stringy, short blond hair stuck to her skull. The little girl shivered, gathering the damp covers around her. Sometimes she’d wish Sama was still there to tell her that it was just a nightmare, everything would be okay... but since Sama had... passed... Sen could only rely on her parents for help. Turning in her bed towards the blackness that was the hallway, she gulped.
“Mama?” Her voice came out as a squeak. “Tata?” Sen waited for the normal wild string of Polish curses to emit from her parent’s room that usually followed being woken up by their daughter, but the night was still silent as the grave.
The small girl whimpered, pulling her comforter tighter and tighter until she had completely cocooned herself within. Yes, the nightmares had gotten worse since Sama’s death, but she could never remember them being this bad...
“MAMA!” The more she thought about it, the more she was afraid. “TATA!”
Sen nearly jumped out of her skin when the alarm clock sitting next to her bed ended up being the one to respond to her pathetic-sounding plea. As the first ring echoed throughout the room, Sen tried to jump out of bed and away from the noise, but being wrapped up in her comforter made that an extremely difficult task. This action caused her entire body to be propelled forward into the wall next to her, then, due to the impact, tumble back across the matress and finally land on the wooden floor below; all while struggling against her binding and screaming at the top of her lungs. Finally, she untangled herself, hesitantly grabbing the clock from its perch on her nightstand and snatching the batteries out as if she expected them to bite her delicate fingers off.
Now, surely such a din should have woken up Sen’s restless parents… But the household remained quiet.
Sen had already been scared senseless, but the fact that her parents were so reserved made her even more frantic. She scrambled out of her bed and into the dark hallway of her home to find the door to her mother and father’s room tightly shut; and as she tried to wrench the door open, she realized that it was locked as well. Her parents had always left their door open- since Sama had died, they found it was a necessity to keep it ajar so they could quickly reach their nightmare-ridden girl.
Fist balled up so that her knuckles were almost white, Sen tapped on the door, still whispering their names.
By the time she had given up, her hands were raw in some places, yet all she could feel was the numbing sense of dread encompassing her shaking body. Where were her parents?
It took a little time for Sen to convince herself that they were probably just out- however, the door to her mom’s room had been locked from the inside; a fact the ten-year-old could not ignore. Now not only was the poor girl shaken from the nightmare, but add the strange lack of parents and that just put Sen over the edge.
She bolted back into her room, changed, and was out the door before she had even eaten breakfast, on her way to school. (It was a small place for 150 kids to be educated; however 4 classrooms and a gymnasium seemed to be enough. Schools in Poland were never that large, anyway.) For once in her life, the little girl wished she lived in a big city, where it wasn’t so empty… and she wasn’t so vulnerable and exposed. All the way, walking rigidly along the path to school, she felt someone’s eyes on her back, just out of sight. She also wished she had a cell phone, like Sama used to, so that she could keep in touch with her parents and find out why they had been ignoring their daughter- or just not hearing her at all.
Still, Sen constantly whipped around to see if anyone was following her. Being so uptight was a norm… but she had never really been this paranoid. She could swear that there were eyes following her every step, trying not to be seen…
Her pace quickened and she arrived at the school house in the next half hour. As she stepped onto the property, she immediately felt safer, and calmed down. But, suddenly-
Sen…
She jerked around to face where the voice had come from but once again saw nothing. Her wide, fearful eyes scanned the perimeter. But… she hadn’t imagined it. It was too real.
Sen…
Backing away towards the school, Sen breathed, “Who’s there?” The voice, however, did not answer her question.
Ssssen…
Now it had started to sound like a snake whispering her name through two long, deadly fangs. Sen pivoted around and sprinted towards the school, trying not to scream. It’s just the wind in the trees! she told herself, but she still didn’t believe it.
Heart beating in her ears, stomach in her throat, she shoved open the huge wooden door marked ‘Welcome’ and slammed it behind her, breathing hard.
None of the other students had yet arrived, but she felt safer within the protective walls. Soon, she wouldn’t be alone. Trying to put the strange event in the back of her mind, she hastily sat down in one of the desks.
Throughout the entire school day, Sen tried to convince herself that she was not, in fact, crazy. But it seemed an increasingly difficult task to do as the day went on. She could swear that someone really was following her. Finally, the school bell rang and kids started to rush to their cubbies.
Sen could not have been more eager to go home as she pranced down the steps in front of the small school. Her parents ought to have gotten back by now, and she could tell them about how crazy the day had become.
Sen.
Her name didn’t trail off this time, like it had before. It was more of a statement. Even more frightened then this morning, the cowardly 5th grader cringed. As she turned, she became totally, 100% convinced that she was crazy.
Standing in the far corner of the school property was that thing from her nightmare. She shrieked, and suddenly, it disappeared just as freakily as it had arrived- whispering her name.
Sen ran all the way home, screaming and crying. She jumped through the threshold of her home and ran frantically to her room, stumbling over the mess on her floor, then diving under the covers.
Sama would have never let her be this afraid… Sama was always there for me. Thoughts racing, she called out for her sister.
Sen.
The voice sounded like it was right above her this time, and she burrowed deeper into her bed.
Sen.
Its voice seemed to get more and more agitated after each Sen. Petrified, she hesitantly poked her head out of the cocoon she had made of her covers and looked up.
Exactly like the repeat of this morning, she tried to jump away from the undead-looking, pale creature, but ended up slamming into the wall behind her, tumbling back, and hitting the floor still trapped in her covers right at the moster’s feet.
Horrified by the monstrosity in front of her, Sen cried, “W-what are you?”
I am the one who killed your sister… and I am the one who will kill you…
“N-no!” Sen protested, then choked, “SAMA DIED IN HER SLEEP! You couldn’t have killed her!” The creature only stared at her, before letting a cruel smile play across its lips. It pulled back a clawed hand.
Warning bells started to go off in Sen’s head. She finally released herself from the covers and rolled away just as its hand came down and cut clean through the wood she had been laying on only seconds before, claws jammed deep within the oak of the floor. It jerked away viciously and glared at her, advancing again.
“No!” she repeated. Darting to her door, she rounded the corner, feeling the creature still following her. It killed Sama… It killed her… She took the steps five at a time, flying down as if she were freefalling.
But it was faster. Its hand latched onto the skin of her shoulder and yanked her back. Sen shrieked and fought to free herself, but only succeeded in tearing off more of the skin on her shoulder. The monster drew back its hand once more and tried to push its claws into her tender neck, but she reacted just in time, ducking her head down. The needle sharp claws dragged down the wall behind her, leaving three deep gashes in the plaster.
That could have been my neck.
Struggling even more, the tissue that had been penetrated completely tore off. Now free and with blood spilling everywhere, the agonized little girl ran for the exit in a desperate last attempt for survival.
She burst through the door screaming, ‘HELP!’ hope filling her chest as her vision blurred from salty tears, still running at top speed.
But then, she hesitated. There was… no one. There was no one there to hear her screams. No neighbors for half a mile. No parents to come and save the day. No sister to tell her it would be all right. Jestem sama. I am alone.
This little falter was all the monster needed to catch up. Sen fell flat on her face, and it pulled back its hand to deliver it’s final blow. She screamed, eyes on the bloody claws, watching as they flew forward in a direct line to her head. It was over.
But those claws never did reach their destination.
Sen jerked into a sitting position on her bed, breath coming in short, panting intervals. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat, throat soar from screaming all night, her stringy, short blond hair stuck to her skull.
“W-what?” She immediately let her hand stray to her mangled shoulder… but it was healed. And her hands were fine… “It… was only a nightmare?” She climbed over to the other side of the bed and checked the floor, where the creature had almost killed her the first time. The holes were gone as well. Too good to be true…
“Mama? Tata?” A chorus of grumbles could be heard coming from the other side of the hallway, and the parents debated whose turn it was to comfort their daughter. “It’s okay, I’m all good,” she mumbled, walking down the stairs into the kitchen just as the alarm in her room started to go off.
“It was just a nightmare…” She felt an unending wave of relief flood over her. Looking around the kitchen, she breathed in some cool air and turned around.
And right there on that plaster wall were the three gashes that drove Sen Nowak totally insane.
Thanks again for reading! I'm all open for criticism, so please be as harsh as possible. C:
This story's setting is a small, secluded town in Poland, with a family of now three. The main character is a young, paranoid girl named Sen whose sister died in her sleep, and eventually you find out what really killed her.
Enter Sandman
Everything is pain. Everything is gone. The little girl can’t… can’t take it anymore. The monster has taken everything from her, with its sun-bleached bones barely covered with white skin stretched too tight, with its deathly long hands adorned with fatal claws. No one else can see it, but she can. It laughs at her. It is pure evil, it is what wanted to kill her quickly but failed, and it is what decided to torture her for eternity instead. It is what put her in the asylum. It is what everyone thinks she made up. It is her worst nightmare. She has tried everything to get rid of it, all failures that throw her deeper into the eye of the storm. But now… now she can escape. Smiling with tear-filled eyes at her final attempt to be free, she drags the blade across her pale, thin wrist.
Sen jerked into a sitting position on her bed, breath coming in short, panting intervals. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat, throat sore from screaming all night, her stringy, short blond hair stuck to her skull. The little girl shivered, gathering the damp covers around her. Sometimes she’d wish Sama was still there to tell her that it was just a nightmare, everything would be okay... but since Sama had... passed... Sen could only rely on her parents for help. Turning in her bed towards the blackness that was the hallway, she gulped.
“Mama?” Her voice came out as a squeak. “Tata?” Sen waited for the normal wild string of Polish curses to emit from her parent’s room that usually followed being woken up by their daughter, but the night was still silent as the grave.
The small girl whimpered, pulling her comforter tighter and tighter until she had completely cocooned herself within. Yes, the nightmares had gotten worse since Sama’s death, but she could never remember them being this bad...
“MAMA!” The more she thought about it, the more she was afraid. “TATA!”
Sen nearly jumped out of her skin when the alarm clock sitting next to her bed ended up being the one to respond to her pathetic-sounding plea. As the first ring echoed throughout the room, Sen tried to jump out of bed and away from the noise, but being wrapped up in her comforter made that an extremely difficult task. This action caused her entire body to be propelled forward into the wall next to her, then, due to the impact, tumble back across the matress and finally land on the wooden floor below; all while struggling against her binding and screaming at the top of her lungs. Finally, she untangled herself, hesitantly grabbing the clock from its perch on her nightstand and snatching the batteries out as if she expected them to bite her delicate fingers off.
Now, surely such a din should have woken up Sen’s restless parents… But the household remained quiet.
Sen had already been scared senseless, but the fact that her parents were so reserved made her even more frantic. She scrambled out of her bed and into the dark hallway of her home to find the door to her mother and father’s room tightly shut; and as she tried to wrench the door open, she realized that it was locked as well. Her parents had always left their door open- since Sama had died, they found it was a necessity to keep it ajar so they could quickly reach their nightmare-ridden girl.
Fist balled up so that her knuckles were almost white, Sen tapped on the door, still whispering their names.
By the time she had given up, her hands were raw in some places, yet all she could feel was the numbing sense of dread encompassing her shaking body. Where were her parents?
It took a little time for Sen to convince herself that they were probably just out- however, the door to her mom’s room had been locked from the inside; a fact the ten-year-old could not ignore. Now not only was the poor girl shaken from the nightmare, but add the strange lack of parents and that just put Sen over the edge.
She bolted back into her room, changed, and was out the door before she had even eaten breakfast, on her way to school. (It was a small place for 150 kids to be educated; however 4 classrooms and a gymnasium seemed to be enough. Schools in Poland were never that large, anyway.) For once in her life, the little girl wished she lived in a big city, where it wasn’t so empty… and she wasn’t so vulnerable and exposed. All the way, walking rigidly along the path to school, she felt someone’s eyes on her back, just out of sight. She also wished she had a cell phone, like Sama used to, so that she could keep in touch with her parents and find out why they had been ignoring their daughter- or just not hearing her at all.
Still, Sen constantly whipped around to see if anyone was following her. Being so uptight was a norm… but she had never really been this paranoid. She could swear that there were eyes following her every step, trying not to be seen…
Her pace quickened and she arrived at the school house in the next half hour. As she stepped onto the property, she immediately felt safer, and calmed down. But, suddenly-
Sen…
She jerked around to face where the voice had come from but once again saw nothing. Her wide, fearful eyes scanned the perimeter. But… she hadn’t imagined it. It was too real.
Sen…
Backing away towards the school, Sen breathed, “Who’s there?” The voice, however, did not answer her question.
Ssssen…
Now it had started to sound like a snake whispering her name through two long, deadly fangs. Sen pivoted around and sprinted towards the school, trying not to scream. It’s just the wind in the trees! she told herself, but she still didn’t believe it.
Heart beating in her ears, stomach in her throat, she shoved open the huge wooden door marked ‘Welcome’ and slammed it behind her, breathing hard.
None of the other students had yet arrived, but she felt safer within the protective walls. Soon, she wouldn’t be alone. Trying to put the strange event in the back of her mind, she hastily sat down in one of the desks.
Throughout the entire school day, Sen tried to convince herself that she was not, in fact, crazy. But it seemed an increasingly difficult task to do as the day went on. She could swear that someone really was following her. Finally, the school bell rang and kids started to rush to their cubbies.
Sen could not have been more eager to go home as she pranced down the steps in front of the small school. Her parents ought to have gotten back by now, and she could tell them about how crazy the day had become.
Sen.
Her name didn’t trail off this time, like it had before. It was more of a statement. Even more frightened then this morning, the cowardly 5th grader cringed. As she turned, she became totally, 100% convinced that she was crazy.
Standing in the far corner of the school property was that thing from her nightmare. She shrieked, and suddenly, it disappeared just as freakily as it had arrived- whispering her name.
Sen ran all the way home, screaming and crying. She jumped through the threshold of her home and ran frantically to her room, stumbling over the mess on her floor, then diving under the covers.
Sama would have never let her be this afraid… Sama was always there for me. Thoughts racing, she called out for her sister.
Sen.
The voice sounded like it was right above her this time, and she burrowed deeper into her bed.
Sen.
Its voice seemed to get more and more agitated after each Sen. Petrified, she hesitantly poked her head out of the cocoon she had made of her covers and looked up.
Exactly like the repeat of this morning, she tried to jump away from the undead-looking, pale creature, but ended up slamming into the wall behind her, tumbling back, and hitting the floor still trapped in her covers right at the moster’s feet.
Horrified by the monstrosity in front of her, Sen cried, “W-what are you?”
I am the one who killed your sister… and I am the one who will kill you…
“N-no!” Sen protested, then choked, “SAMA DIED IN HER SLEEP! You couldn’t have killed her!” The creature only stared at her, before letting a cruel smile play across its lips. It pulled back a clawed hand.
Warning bells started to go off in Sen’s head. She finally released herself from the covers and rolled away just as its hand came down and cut clean through the wood she had been laying on only seconds before, claws jammed deep within the oak of the floor. It jerked away viciously and glared at her, advancing again.
“No!” she repeated. Darting to her door, she rounded the corner, feeling the creature still following her. It killed Sama… It killed her… She took the steps five at a time, flying down as if she were freefalling.
But it was faster. Its hand latched onto the skin of her shoulder and yanked her back. Sen shrieked and fought to free herself, but only succeeded in tearing off more of the skin on her shoulder. The monster drew back its hand once more and tried to push its claws into her tender neck, but she reacted just in time, ducking her head down. The needle sharp claws dragged down the wall behind her, leaving three deep gashes in the plaster.
That could have been my neck.
Struggling even more, the tissue that had been penetrated completely tore off. Now free and with blood spilling everywhere, the agonized little girl ran for the exit in a desperate last attempt for survival.
She burst through the door screaming, ‘HELP!’ hope filling her chest as her vision blurred from salty tears, still running at top speed.
But then, she hesitated. There was… no one. There was no one there to hear her screams. No neighbors for half a mile. No parents to come and save the day. No sister to tell her it would be all right. Jestem sama. I am alone.
This little falter was all the monster needed to catch up. Sen fell flat on her face, and it pulled back its hand to deliver it’s final blow. She screamed, eyes on the bloody claws, watching as they flew forward in a direct line to her head. It was over.
But those claws never did reach their destination.
Sen jerked into a sitting position on her bed, breath coming in short, panting intervals. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat, throat soar from screaming all night, her stringy, short blond hair stuck to her skull.
“W-what?” She immediately let her hand stray to her mangled shoulder… but it was healed. And her hands were fine… “It… was only a nightmare?” She climbed over to the other side of the bed and checked the floor, where the creature had almost killed her the first time. The holes were gone as well. Too good to be true…
“Mama? Tata?” A chorus of grumbles could be heard coming from the other side of the hallway, and the parents debated whose turn it was to comfort their daughter. “It’s okay, I’m all good,” she mumbled, walking down the stairs into the kitchen just as the alarm in her room started to go off.
“It was just a nightmare…” She felt an unending wave of relief flood over her. Looking around the kitchen, she breathed in some cool air and turned around.
And right there on that plaster wall were the three gashes that drove Sen Nowak totally insane.
Thanks again for reading! I'm all open for criticism, so please be as harsh as possible. C: