[IC] Broken Bond [PG-13] ( Kortaga and ADN)

The sound of a ringing went off in the room causing Esme to wake up and push the sheets from the bed. She quickly dressed in some work out clothes then headed out into the other room. The apartment mostly was two bedrooms with a shared bathroom, a kitchen, and a living area. She went into the kitchen grabbing an apple. Then she turned to walked to the door pausing a moment to look at the closed door. It was Vanessa's room and not somewhere she had been in a while. She used to sleep in there most nights. Not since things had started going bad. Esme could tap into her link and see if she was awake but decided against it. One of the things that had been causing problems for them was that they never had a moment to themselves. They were still learning how to control their ability and couldn't always turn it off. Esme used to get so frustrated that it felt like she couldn't have a moment to herself.

She took a bite of the apple and then walked into the hallway. They lived in a Aceso-tech building that housed many of the employees working on the project. Aceso-tech felt it best to keep the two of them close. In fact it was only the upper levels that were used for housing the basements and first ten floors were labs and offices. Esme walked over to the elevator and hit a couple buttons causing a breathalyzer come out of the wall. “Pathogen analyst required.” The computer chimed. Esme leaned over and blew on the device. A moment later it said, “Negative for pathogens.” The doors opened and Esme stepped in hitting the button that took her to the gym floor finishing her apple along the way.

When she arrived there weren't a lot of people there just a few early risers like her with it being six in the morning. She walked past all the traditional equipment and headed to the obstacle course. Just running on a treadmill or swimming laps bored Esme. Exercising was a daily part of her routine and had been her entire life. The enforcement academy had the recruits exercise twice a day and it usually was more than just running a couple miles. After stretching a little she ran towards the course the first obstacle being rope swing across a water pit. She cleared the pit and found herself climbing up a rope ladder.

Van found herself waiting until she heard the computer chime. Once she heard the footsteps leave the room she began to start getting ready for the day. Silence was the main beauty between them now. Now that she was heading to the gym she had some time to move about the apartment. One big fight would not even begin to describe what happened. It started small…then Vanessa could not control her thoughts. Her emotions went wild and…well. Now they barely spoke. It was not just her fault but she imagined it was mostly hers. The researchers said their emotions were going to be the biggest issue. It was true…though not in the way they expected. At first it had been comforting, then it turned to happiness to have someone know your wants and needs. Then it was an intimacy that no one else could know.

What happened…?

As one could imagine the highs were high…but now? The lows were incredibly low. Since the fight whenever she thought Esme was near she would shut down. She would blank her mind as much as possible and she would do everything in her power to remain calm and not feel. As she made her way into the kitchen she started to cook a bit while she herself ate an apple. She remembered what Esme loved to have after working out. Vanessa used to sleep in and then cook and then go to the gym while Esme ate. That was how they did things now so as to keep apart. Before they used to do everything together.

Cooking was somewhat of a lost art…though she did it because one time Esme asked her to make her something and she had no idea how to make anything artsy. Cooking by the book had been the easiest and Esme’s smile…

“Ooohhhh…” a sad sigh escaped her lips.

She ate what Esme ate because it was habit at this point. Half of it she left on a plate for her. She started to get angry as she walked back to her room. Everything here reminded her of what they had. They were partners in their line of work so in case of an emergency they needed to be together. Sure they had been separated for a bit just to cool off one another. It only made things worse…she thought. What the hell did she know? Frustration took over.

She had been staying up later then she should, her test results were going well since she spent so much time studying on tactics and weapons. A result…most notably cause by a lack of trying to be around each other. The only one who was not happy with them was their doctor or more notably their Psychiatrist. Ever since their spree of fighting she had made no progress with Vanessa…Esme was probably getting pressured…she punched a wall nearby and felt a small dent form.

“Oww…oww…Aceso damn it all!” Esme would feel that…great another thing I put on her. Stupid…Pain was one thing the transmitters were stupidly good at send back and forth. Probably so the other knows if one is in danger...

She decided she would take a long shower. Esme would be back most likely by the time she finished but if there was one thing she might have loved evenly to her…it was hot showers. She did not bother locking the door since at the rate their link worked she would know if Esme was coming in or not. Something that used to bring her so much joy now caused her heart to ache and sink. She stripped and just tossed the clothing haphazardly on the floor though she was supposed to put them in the dirty clothing bin. She turned on the music player and start listening to her Techno-jazz list. She loved this and secretly it also reminded her of Esme a bit…happier times…

She used to stupidly sing in the shower...not anymore.

Running the course was just what she needed to get her heart rate up and wake her up. Esme dropped off a rope ladder and stopped to drop and do a number of push ups. After them she jumped up to her feet and ran to a rotating log bridge. It had three sections each one getting longer, the first being eight feet, then twelve and sixteen. Crossing them was a breeze for Esme and she didn't bother stopping between logs. Next was a monkey bar that was angled up then down creating a pyramid. It went up and like the rope swing and a number of other obstacles had water under it. This was to prevent injuries if someone fell and that splash in the water was a good motivator not to fail. They didn't use heaters in these pools and it was quite cold. Esme grabbed the first rung and started climbing up, she was about to the peak when she reached up with her left hand as a pain shot through her right hand causing her to let go. The fall into the water was quick and the water freezing cold. She swam to the surface then to the side leaning on the edge of the pool. Her hand had a light bruising on the knuckles. She hadn't hit anything which meant Vanessa had. Another one of the joys of their connection.

She climbed out of the pool and was handed a towel by a gym aid. It was pretty much only large enough to pat dry her hair. Esme was furious she had been on track to beat her record on the course when she fell. Being wet and cold didn't help any. She left the gym leaving a trail of water drops behind her. The gym attendant let out a complaint but didn't confront Esme, instead he just started cleaning up. On the ride up to their apartment she shared the elevator with several lab techs from the night shift that all gave her dirty looks but the scowl on her face kept them from asking about it. When the elevator chimed at her floor she stepped off the techs moving out of her way not to get wet. At their door she pressed her hand to the panel, “Esme Javert, access granted. Welcome home and be well,” the computer said.

“Yeah, be fracking well.” Esme cursed. Inside she could smell fresh cooked pancakes that smelled wonderful. That was enough to bring a smile to her face. The first time Vanessa had cooked for her was such a surprise and despite neither of them knowing to cook it was pretty good. Vanessa seemed to be a natural cook. As tasty as the pancakes looked Esme needed to get changed first. She didn't want to spend the day smelling like chlorine so she wanted a shower. However it was currently running and she could hear Vanessa's techno-jazz playing. There were no words on the song something Esme had to admit she missed. She used to love hearing Vanessa's singing voice. She could wait until her partner was done but she really didn't feel like sitting there soaking wet. So she walked to the bathroom door finding it unlocked. Inside the mirrors were steamed up, she pulled her wet clothes off and dropped them on the floor next to the laundry bin.

Then she opened the shower door and stepped inside bumping into Vanessa. The shower was big enough for both of them but it was a tight fit. She moved them around so she could stand under the shower head enjoying the hot water. She then leaned her hands against the wall and hung her head under the water. She didn't even seem to acknowledge Vanessa until she projected a thought to her, “Come on it's not like we've never seen each other naked. Besides its your fault I fell.”

Vanessa had been enjoying the water allowing the heat to really seep into her. She often found herself getting sleepy. Being in the shower like this reminded her of when she had problems and she would just exist…it was the shower where she first learned how to focus on nothing. Her own little barrier to make sure she never stepped over into Esme’s space. The military training…helped? Well it hurt at first but no considering their situation they had caused…she supposed it helped. She had always thought that she could endure anything as long as Esme was with her…then she felt there were things she needed to protect her from. Vanessa knew deep down it was wrong to feel that way…she should just be open to her. Conflicted feels like these where what dropped her deep into her work. Running away again.

When the doorway opened up she stiffened. She had been so lost in thought that she ended up not even being aware she had returned. She could feel their connection getting stronger while this was normally relaxing it just made Vanessa tenser. She was trying to keep them separate but at this range…it would be terribly difficult.

As the doorway opened Vanessa made an effort to not look their way. The bathroom was incredibly small though and Esme bumped into her. She felt her heart pang wanting to catch her to make sure she did not fall. She was quickly man handled out of the way so Esme could get under the water. She was so cold to the touch it made Vanessa want to squeak out. She was so surprised that Esme had come in she felt at a loss for words. She wanted to warm her up but found that physical comfort without emotional healing often left to only making things worse. Her diligence got the better of her here and she resisted. Instead opting to give her space. She was finished anyway really so she should get out and leave her alone.

The thought popped into her mind and she glanced at Esme. So that was why…she could feel splashing into that cold water. It had an amazing effect at making sure Vanessa worked extra hard to never fall in. Aside from that though the really amazing thing about the tech they had was that it allowed them to have extremely fast communication when they were completely in sync with one another. It made them very effective since it avoided them needing to talk. Just thoughts and images and…desires…

Her eyes traced Esme for just a quick second and Vanessa decided to speak out load as opposed to opening the channel herself. “Yes…and sorry. It was for no good reason…just lost my temper.” Vanessa had used to be a pillar of control until the incident. She never got angry or acted out. The doctor said that was enough of a proof that she was hurt and needed to fix things but it only caused her to give into it more. Esme had been concerned, all of a sudden Vanessa just started keeping distance with no explanation and then little things became bigger things.

She opened the shower door to get out and made sure to turn the music to something Esme would like more. She went to the mirror and began to wipe it so she could brush her hair among other things. When they were first installed they were told to never speak and to only communicate through thoughts. Vanessa was directly going against the system speaking to her. She had gotten in trouble more than once over it. “You would think…with all these innovations…they could afford a hot tub to at least prevent someone getting sick from being cold.” Vanessa hated the cold…Vanessa had been the instigator to coming into Esme’s room first seeking not only company but warmth. Little did she know how far that would have went? She blushed slightly unintentionally replaying the memory of them cuddled together in a blanket. Her watching Esme reading some tech-thingy. She believed she had some test or something to study for…or some deadline or another and Vanesse somehow convinced her to let her bother her. It was one of her favorite memories.

She suddenly came back to herself and shifted. “Sorry…I’ll umm…go sit at the table…while you finish.” She quickly left the room. Not wanting to be a larger burden then she was already being. She went and made sure to change into comfortable clothing and when she got out noticed that she and Esme got a message from Admin…the little light in the corner blinking as if saying hey! Notice me!

Joy…probably another stupid performance review. She hesitantly opened up the connection and said, “Daddy sent us something…eat first or check it first?” Normally they would check it together considering it usually had stuff for both of them. “Pancakes might get cold though if we wait too long…” It was a tease, they both knew that they needed to check it ASAP just in case it was a summons. It rarely was anymore but protocol was protocol.

Within moments of standing under the water she was warmed up and no longer moving on auto pilot. She thought for a moment that Vanessa was going to embrace her and she closed her eyes wanting to feel her arms around her. It was a feeling she hadn't felt in a while and missed. Though it didn't happen instead she got a lame apology before Vanessa exited the shower and it suddenly felt very lonely in there. Being along had never bothered Esme before, she had been her entire life. Then all that had changed when the project started and she met Vanessa. She learned what it was like to have another person in her life and thanks to the device in their heads she was closer to another person than she ever thought was possible. Everything had been wonderful with Vanessa, and for the first time she was in love. She had dated before but nothing serious, nothing like it was with Vanessa.

The music changed to some classical music heavy on the violin, Esme used this playlist when she was studying, it helped relax her. She wondered if Vanessa put it on to help with her temper, of the two Esme had the shorter fuse at least until the fight happened. Then everything changed. Vanessa made a comment aloud about the cold water and Esme was about to respond through their link but an image of them lying on a sofa popped in her mind. She had been studying a tech journal that she needed for the drill coming up in a couple of days. The system she was to be using was harder to figure out than normal and she had read the journal several times. It was winter, the chill outside had crept into the apartment. Vanessa had wiggled her way onto a sofa with a soft blanket. Esme had conceded and let the other woman cuddle against her. That hadn't been enough for Vanessa and before she knew it the journal was on the floor and Vanessa was straddling her lap as they were both under the blanket.

The image faded from her mind and she noticed Vanessa had left the room. Damn her for putting a thought like that in mind and leaving the room. It seemed that Vanessa did things like this just to pissed her off. It took all her willpower to not to punch the wall. Running away again. It felt like that was all she did now. When they first met Esme had been impressed with Vanessa's skills and prowess. Not like she was now. Still upset she finished her shower and stepped out drying off with a towel then wrapping it around her. She hadn't brought any clothes with her so she had to walk back to her room. She heard the message when she entered their shared areas. “Just read it while I get dressed.” She harshly sent back still angry about that pleasant memory then being abandoned again. Really she didn't even know why Vanessa was like this. Everything had been good then after a hard mission Vanessa had just shut down. At first Esme had tried to figure out what she did but Vanessa wouldn't open up. Things just seemed to get worse from there.

Esme entered her room and started getting dressed not waiting for a reply. It probably was a summons for them to report to their shrink. When the project started they saw the shrink once a week just to make sure they were adjusting to the bond but since the fight they saw the shrink at least three times a week. Once she was dressed she went back into the kitchen and started helping herself to some pancakes. “Well?” She asked across the link.

“Just read it while I get dressed.”

Ouch…yea deserved. She set her fork down and carried her glass of water over as she took a sip. She clicked on the icon and started to read it. She, like Esme, imagined that it was just another summons by their doctor. Honestly her sessions were always longer then Esme. She was the problem after all. She took another sip but this time it dragged out. Concern crossed her eyebrows and she felt the need to puke. She felt herself go weak. She barely managed to get the cup on the table before she started to shiver.

“Well?”

She could not open her mouth, the connection was going to be the only way she could say anything. She took the water cup and splashed herself in the face. She felt herself calm down. She started to clean up the water and sent over, “The shrink’s office is open to us later today. We were invited to come together for once…” Unusual…but nothing terrible. “They have…I guess grown impatient…We have a field test tomorrow together…success means we are considered for a mission but…another failure means…”

Another failure was what started this. She had not exactly cut Esme out directly after the mission. It was when they did a test together the memories came back. She was so scared, so worried about Esme that she knocked herself out rather than cry out or have her see. That mission failure was why they were in limbo now. If they did not work extremely well together and pass…she worried what they would do. She was worried about getting separated…

She could hear Esme just asking her…what is wrong. She remembered how sweet and nice she had been at first. Now it was her just running away. She ran out of room to run. She was out of options. She did not want someone in between them trying to get her to open up. That stupid shrink thought all their problems would just go away. Sure…trust…how could she hurt Esme like that? Would it now hurt her more not to say anything? She felt one single tear fall down her face but she did not even notice it. She could not have them fail again. She could feel that determination building in her. No one was going to tear Esme away from her.

“Em…I won’t fail us like last time…”

She had probably both said that out loud and through connection. She had not managed to separate it that time. Clearly more caught up in the emotion then through her brain. She stared at the pancake like it was the enemy. Only then did she blink letting loose a second tear.

“Better not.” Esme said, across the link. Hearing something aloud and in your mind was an unusual sensation. It was like an echo. They had been instructed to talk to each other via the link and not aloud, these days Vanessa seemed to break that rule often but Esme held true to it and only spoke aloud to Vanessa when others needed to hear it too. “I'm not washing out of this program and getting stuck on guard duty with you. If I'm going to be bound to you the rest of my life I better be doing something meaningful and not standing on the wall.” The link wasn't removable, early tests with mice showed that when separated they went mad while those that had the device removed were lobotomized. Whether this project succeeded or not they were a pair now, where one went the other did too.

After she thought it she realized how mean it sounded but her stubbornness kept her from apologizing. She hadn't started this fight, hell she didn't even know what was causing it. At the beginning she tried like hell to get Vanessa to open up to her and tell her what was bothering her but she had been shut down so many times she had given up. Vanessa hadn't opened up in their joint therapy sessions and when they had their solo sessions the doctors used a disruptor to allow each of them a bit of privacy with the doctor. These sessions were usually short as they couldn't stand it long before both women started feeling the effects of it. Esme had admitted she didn't know what the problem was while she had no idea if Vanessa opened up to the doctor. She was torn on whether she hoped Vanessa opened up to the doctor or not. The part of her that still loved Vanessa hoped she did open up and get help while her jealous side felt pissed that Vanessa didn't open up to her.

She didn't say anything else to Vanessa as she left the room. Esme just sat there eating her breakfast. She could feel her pain through the link and it soured the taste of the pancakes that should have been delicious. Half the plate of pancakes were dropped into the sink as she didn't finish her meal. Like the clothes in the bathroom Esme didn't bother cleaning up they had a maid which tidied up for them. One of the perks of being part of this project. Frustration kept Esme from going to Vanessa and holding her until she stopped crying instead she walked into her room and stood in the doorway. “We should go.” She said, across the bond then left the room.

During the ride down to the seventh level basement Esme didn't speak to Vanessa and managed to keep her own thoughts blank. They both had been trained in meditation to give them a break from the other, the doctors feeling it would be helpful from time to time. At first Esme didn't use it much outside of their training, enjoying always being linked to her love but now she often used it. When they walked into the labs they saw an older Indian woman sitting in a lounge area with a clip board. Doctor Bakshi was one of their shrinks that did both individual sessions and group with the girls. Esme looked over to Vanessa and lightly touched her arm tenderly as her hand lingered softly stroking the skin. “Do you want to go first?” She said aloud but in a low whisper that only Vanessa could hear. As much as it hurt that Vanessa wouldn't talk to her she knew she was hurting and needed to talk to someone. Esme liked Doctor Bakshi and the therapy sessions weren't as bad as some of the other doctors who psychoanalyzed them, Doctor Bakshi mostly just listened.

“Better not.”

She felt the ton of bricks slap her upside her head. Yea she knew she was the problem but it hurt all the same. If she would open up maybe Esme could be sweet again? She felt a tiny bit of panic at tell her anything. She needed to keep her safe.

“I'm not washing out of this program and getting stuck on guard duty with you. If I'm going to be bound to you the rest of my life I better be doing something meaningful and not standing on the wall.”

She felt nausea at that statement. Before when things were better they were actually happy but this relationship…was rough right now. Guard duty, while an honorable profession, was secretly where the drop outs went. Weird considering you wanted the best to protect the homeland but really, their company was aggressive. The best went on offense and they were being trained to go out and be a force for their group. If they, as an experiment, went to guard duty it would stamp a failure sign on them and let everyone else know. The disgrace was bad enough but they could almost never improve their position, or at least not in a meaningful way. Esme had big dreams and she was going to reach them. While it really was not as cold as it sounded, she was going to do it with or without Vanessa. Right now she was being dead weight and Vanessa really did not want to drag her down with her. Old Vanessa would back hand her right now.

Vanessa nodded to Esme showing that she understood, almost like a whipped dog. She ate what little she could but since they were connected if one was feeling pretty sour the other felt the same. Between her sickness and negative feelings she figured neither could really eat. When she was told to go she came out to meet Esme. Yea they were told to go…did they really have to? She hated meeting this stupid lady. All she ever told her were things she already knew. She just hated going to these meetings. Why would she open up to someone if not Esme? It was a silly concept. They should have given up trying long ago.

On their way down the elevator Vanessa wanted to say or do a number of things. Esme was totally blank, normally this meant she wanted nothing to do with her. Maybe…not really but whenever they were close now there was just stiffness. She thought back to the shower and knew that she probably should have at least been nicer to her. She really was just too wrapped up into herself. She held her hands and clenched them to make her focus. She just needed to fake her way through this again and be done with it. Pass the test tomorrow and everything would be great. As long as she did not drag Esme down things would be fine. Right? She was worried and wanted to hold Esme’s hand but kept to herself…like always.

Stupid…

Vanessa saw Dr. Bakshi and scowled. She was probably the smartest and most tactful shrink here. It was hard to get past her without really thinking about what you said and even then, she always caught something. She could figure people out so well. It was annoying. She was also really quite so the silence would normally drive someone mad. Even Vanessa could not argue and snap at her at some points during the sessions.

As she felt Esme delicately touch her she gave out a small gasp. Literally pulled out of her head she suddenly felt really scared. Normally she would be stubborn or mean but something in the air made her want to take a step back. When she heard Esme’s voice she felt tears starting to well up but she pulled her hands up to rub her face. Clearly trying to hide the issue. The normally hard to read Dr. Bakshi motioned for them to come over. A weird concept. Normally they both met privately first and then came together. She was normally quiet but when it was clear she wanted both of them to come forward Vanessa just looked at Esme. Red flags were going off everywhere but what could she do?

As she came over to the lounge area the doctor had her signature listening smile on. Vanessa sat down and made sure to leave room for Esme. There was a pause for a moment that seemed to drag on forever until Vanessa felt like breaking the silence she suddenly heard,

“I called you both here as an intervention for tomorrows test.” She seemed to be writing down expressions or minor things. Vanessa was still as a rock, worried about giving things away. “As you know I care deeply about you two, your performances were quite well before some solo missions you both took.” Her gaze was clearly on Vanessa as these statements were made.

“Considering the risks at this project being a failure I pushed extra hard for details on the previous missions and more than just the basics. I came upon what I believe to be the issue and have as such determined that for the company as a whole this needs to come to light.” She gave a sympathetic look to Esme. Despite the way she talked the doctor made it clear she did care about them. Really treating them as the humans they were. As she looked back to Vanessa she spoke in an authoritative tone, “This is your last chance Vanessa. I want to be soft with you but as Esme and I have discussed that is not working. I hate to be hard with you but right here and now, if you do not work out this problem, I will tell Esme what roughly happened…” As she spoke the last part she pulled out a large envelope.

Vanessa felt that was clearly off, paper anything was so rare now why…!? Could she have actually been given the information? At first she felt it was a bluff but as she thought more and more…this project would have costed those people tons of money. The amount of time and effort, well they would push as hard as they needed to for results. Vanessa looked anywhere and everywhere but at the two people here. Dr. Bakshi was never heavy handed like this…someone must have put here up to it. She felt trapped. She had at one point actually stormed out of a therapy session for when the doctor got too close. If she did that now she would hand Esme the notes…at that point…depending on how detailed…

Denial set in first, there was no way. Vanessa almost convinced herself of that but as she looked into the doctors eyes she could feel the intention. She saw her sigh a bit as she slowly started to undo the envelope. Anger set in after that. There was no way she would do this, how could she do this, maybe if I just beat her up and took it then…then…then what? The energy buzzed quickly out of her. Trapped once again maybe she could delay the doctor…maybe if she promised to do well on the test? No…she really could not guarantee that could she? Doubt filled her belly and she flinched.
“Better not.”

I’m… “Better not.” Please… “Better not.” Esme… “Better not.”

She had no idea if Esme was saying it anymore. She had no idea what she was keeping in check anymore. Her mind might as well have been completely open to Esme. Her defense were all in shambles. She felt herself falling apart. She could not even feel her face…was she crying? Was she holding up well? The Doctor was still opening that envelope…it was when she saw documents being pulled out. That letter head was from one of the papers she saw on that mission…

She was going to tell her…she couldn’t hear it from someone else. I have to…

“No…no…” Probably though both means of speaking…she just felt defeated. The scene from her nightmares began to play…

It had been a couple days since she had seen Esme. Even with the link distance often made it hard. They could sometimes feel each other if they tried and focused but at this point…it was just too hard. Her training was in the field. Shooting, field medics, marching. This was supposed to be simple. Pick up a package and bring it home. What could go wrong? They were a small team of four people. Moving through the area her and her superior had been holding this small house while they waited for the others to return. She could feel her exhaustion. One of the guys who was getting the package had been hitting on her, trying to make her do things she never wanted to do. All she could do was hold him off while thinking of Esme. She figured she would report him after the mission.

Suddenly the two came running into the building. A large sack tossed to the floor and bullets could be hear hitting the side of the building. Vanessa was about to move up and help fend them off. She had shot people, it felt bad but she was numb to it after all the training. Her superior came down to the sack and opened it. She saw the panicked face of a gagged nine-year old boy. He looked so confused bound up and unable to move. As she was about to ask she heard one of the guys yell and fall to the ground. She saw the blood pouring out of him. Her superior took out a knife and told her…
“Take the knife and gut it. We need the technology attached to the heart, we won’t make it out if try to carry it back alive. I need to defend the front. Hurry!”

Vanessa took the knife in her hand but looked at the boy. He was scared and his eyes were huge. He was panicking and looking at her, she could almost hear him calling for help. She wanted to help him…”Hurry it up Vanessa!” She felt her pulse quickening. She could hear the blood in her ears blurring everything out. Just…just…a quick stab to the chest will do it? No she needed to not damage the heart. If there was something important in there. She had never killed with her hands…

As she looked over she saw another one of the guards fall over. Now it was only her and her superior. He was screaming at her and she panicked. She felt the thud of the knife into the boy’s neck. She felt the squirt come up and hit her in her face. She felt no movement and her eyes were closed. She did it…she needed to be quick though. As she opened her eyes she saw the boy squirming. He was looking at her in desperation…she didn’t kill him!? As she looked at him she saw she missed the artery…he was suffering. She could feel herself breathing in sync with her heartbeat. She could feel and hear him and she did not know what to do. She pulled the knife out and saw the blood pouring…he was suffering so much. She felt tears flowing and she cut again…and again…

Eventually the boy stopped. His dead eyes staring back into her…a look she took to mean as…why?

She felt her stomach turn as she looked at him. It was different up close…unclean…nothing could have prepared her. As she puked she turned and started to work crying and for some reason always looking back up into those dead eyes she eventually carved enough open and saw…nothing? The heart sure but nothing…

She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was quiet…why was it so quiet? She saw the guards getting up and dusting themselves off. As she looked to the superior he said, “We already killed the right one and took the device yesterday. This was your final test to make sure you could kill in the field. Good job Solider. You’ve done the company proud.”

Vanessa was dumb founded. She felt herself growing cold and a need to scream filling her lungs. What…Why? Was he innocent? She heard her superior continue. “Get her moving and make sure to clean up that infected scums body. Filthy outlanders…” He spit on the boy’s body. What had he done? What had she done…?
She stared into the boys eyes as she was jostled around…the memory lingering far too long on her bloodied and tissue covered hands with those eyes staring back at her.

She felt herself back…to wherever she was…therapy…

She was curled up like a ball. She was as far away from Esme as she could be on the couch. She was weeping into her arms, snot and tears mixing together. She felt ugly in every sense of the word, unclean, filthy…she could not handle the torrent of feelings pouring out of her heart. The thought of killing someone for a stupid test made her sick. She couldn’t bear to even think about what Esme was thinking or feeling. Did the doctor put up a disrupter once it was obvious they were communicating? If their feedback and forth got to extreme she figured that might be the case. The silence was so unreal and the only thing she could feel was wetness and infinite self-loathing. Gods…Esme…

The doctor motioned them into the lounge and the first thing she noticed is that someone had rearranged the furniture. There had been two individual chairs which now had been replaced with a love seat. Vanessa sat down on one end of the seat and moved as far as she could on the end. When Esme sat down there was a slight gap between them. She longed for the contact between them even if it was just a little thing. For a brief moment she thought about sliding closer and closing the gap but the doctor started talking and pulled Esme away from her desires. The doctor confirmed that tomorrow's mission was important and their last chance. Esme still didn't know what it was but they couldn't fail.

Then the doctor inferred that Esme was putting the pressure on Vanessa which in a way was true. She wanted to know what Vanessa's problem was but she had never expressed that she wanted the doctor to find out and tell her. She knew it would have been better if it came directly from Vanessa. As the doctor opened the letter Esme reached across and placed her hand on Vanessa's knee. The gesture was firm holding Vanessa from bolting but it wasn't forceful, meant to be more comforting. Vanessa tensed and her emotions bounced from fear, denial and then anger. She squeezed a little harder meaning to comfort and hold Vanessa. Then it hit her, they shared images and memories back and forth all the time much like earlier with the memory of them cuddling, however this time Esme felt like she had been hit with a bat. She didn't know if she physically reacted but it felt like she did. The images were all over the place and hard to track. The doctor had mentioned that it had something to do with a solo mission. For a while the project leaders had been testing the limits on their powers. One would go out in the field while the other stayed back. Most often it was Esme who stayed back as her abilities were more of the support side. She wasn't sure exactly what mission this was but each time was the same, Esme was there for communication. They had been having problems with rival companies cracking into their comms and spying in. The goal had been to have Vanessa and Esme use their link to communicate mission details.

Esme had a good idea of which mission had caused their problems but didn't know why. Vanessa had been sent to retrieve some tech from a rival company It had been one of the largest distances they had tried to communicate through, Vanessa being several days away. The mission had started good with the link being open. Esme had to focus harder to reach Vanessa and had a headache that got worse the further Vanessa got away. The nights had been lonely too, since being linked they hadn't spent that much time apart. On the eve of Vanessa's mission Esme had tried something new and had projected thoughts of what she wanted to do to Vanessa across the link. At first it had just kissing and a little heavy petting but after she found it out it worked it had turned into so much more. It had been absolutely amazing then the mission happened and she had been cut out. Nothing came across the link. She didn't think it was because of the distance because of what they did the night before and it didn't get better the closer they got. By the end of the mission Vanessa had passed her portion of it and Esme had failed. She had never failed before and really didn't know why she had. The project leaders hadn't been happy with her lack of explanation and Esme could see something was bothering Vanessa so she didn't put it on the other woman. Instead taking the brunt of the failure on herself.

Watching Vanessa's flashback of the memory was strange, it was fast and ever shifting. The best way Esme could explain it was she was watching television and someone was bouncing between channels never staying long enough on one long enough to see what was going on. They were in a battle, capturing someone and then there was blood, oh so much blood mixed in with the flashes of a young boy. It wasn't just images that flashed around, Esme's emotions flipped all over the place as well. Right before the flashback ended Esme could see Vanessa standing over the mutated body of the body with a knife in her hand.

The flashback ended and Vanessa was curled into a ball on the far side of the sofa while Esme sat panting on the other side. She didn't see Doctor Bakshi flick the switch on the disruptor but felt the chaos of Vanessa's emotions just stop and she could hear the humming of the machine. What the hell did she just see? Even more so what did Vanessa do? She still had a hangover of Vanessa's feelings and the last one she felt was disgust and sickness. Esme barely had enough time to grab a waste basket from next to the sofa before she threw up. During the mission Vanessa had killed the boy. They had never really talked about killing before, Esme had figured Vanessa hadn't done it before. She had over heard the project leaders talking once that there was one task Esme had preformed that Vanessa hadn't yet. Esme had realized that they meant taking a life. She had done it before being selected for the project, when she was still in school.

Esme had always scored top marks in all her classes and in doing so had earned herself a special assignment. She along with four other students had been selected to work for three months at the Pike's Peak outpost. It was a research facility though Esme didn't know what they were studying her clearance wasn't high enough. She had been assigned to a monitoring station near the front gate. It had been a really neat assignment as the Pike's Peak outpost had some of the best tech. They had been there for about a month and the day started out the same as most. There had been rumblings of the outlanders in the area but no one felt they would be anything more than a nuisance. At least until a large force of them broke through the gate. The seasoned soldiers left Esme and the other students in the control room as they went to reinforce the gate guards. They had fallen and the order to fall back had been given. The other students had fled before disabling the equipment leaving Esme to do it on her own. She was moving from station to station entering the destruct codes.

There had been only one station left when the door to the control room was forced open and a young woman around Esme's age of sixteen came in. The woman grabbed Esme and pulled her away from the station before she could hit enter. A struggle started between them and they were rolling on the ground fighting each other. Neither seemed to be getting the upper hand. Until Esme was finally able to reach her pistol then they fought over the gun. Esme seemed to be stronger than the outlander no doubt due to Esme getting three meals a day and the outlander would go days without eating.

The sound of the gun was deafening in the small room and Esme was covered in the girl's blood and brain matter as the bullet went through her chin and out the back of her head. She pushed the girl's body off of her and staggered to her feet. The last station was disabled before she ran out of the control room stopping at the end of several rifle barrels. “Hands in the air!” A man said.

Thinking she had been caught by outlanders Esme let out a swear and dropped her gun. She was tackled to the ground and her hands roughly bound behind her. It was several hours of her sitting in the snow covered in blood and cuffed before someone finally recognized her and released her. At the end of the day Esme had been given a medal for performing her duty while her classmates had been failed out of the enforcement academy and sent to the labor division.

Her own memory faded and Esme found herself throwing up again. She been glad the disruptor was still going as Vanessa was still dealing with her own flashback she didn't need to be bombarded with Esme's. Glancing around the room she could see Doctor Bakshi still sitting in her chair a pained look on her face. The doctor looked away from the girls to a man standing at the window watching them and the pained look turned to a scowl. “Vanessa....” Esme said, aloud looking over to her partner not sure what to say or what to do.

The main negative of the link was only when both of their emotions got the better of them. Normally even difficult mental stress for one person was laughable to Esme and Vanessa. Since they had two minds holding the load they were able to keep each other in check. The mental feedback though of two people breaking down was almost two and half times worse for them. It had a very serious and real mental danger, it was the main reason their love for each other grew to such a degree. In times like this…when she was suffering the training was partially to keep them from going mad. She could feel it happening now…what tiny bit of her rational mind was silly working she could feel Esme bouncing back these feelings. It was not until the soft humming of the disrupter came on that she felt like she could start to manage their breathing.

She had not realized Esme had put her hand on her knee until she pulled it away. Then she heard her get sick, which instantly made Vanessa sick. The doctor was smart to keep two waste baskets nearby. What a pretty sight it must have been seeing two girls each puking…

She was thinking about how disgusting it had been…how she had failed a mercy kill and only prolonged the boy’s suffering. What had it been like…those dead eyes still staring into her soul? She shivered and when Esme puked again she held herself back this time. She reached out with her hand…she wanted to comfort her but…this was her fault. Now she knew how terrible she had been. How terrible she actually was. Nothing clean or happy…gun killing had never bothered her. She was training in military combat. She hardened herself to pulling a trigger and looking away. The next target being her new focus. She did not need to linger. This boy…was nothing like the killing before. None of her training had prepared her for it.

Maybe it was the main reason for the mission that bothered her. Sure they got the tech but what she overheard once really bothered her.

‘If Esme falls in combat at least now we know Vanessa can take the technology away.’

Those bastards…were training her to not care about Esme. Prepping her for the time when they would start to turn Esme and her away from their relationship. To make them weapons. They both knew eventually the company would purposefully try and make them friends at best.

“Vanessa....”

Vanessa having gone through so many crying and puking fits wiped her face. She was recovering quickly…she was used to Esme coming home and needing to cover up the physical things. As she wiped and moved her hand she looked over carefully to Esme.

She gritted her teeth and looked down at her own lap. She couldn’t bear to meet Esme’s eyes. “I’m…I’m…so sorry…” She wiped at her face again…why the hell were their no tissues? They were probably there but she was just blind to them. Much like the Doctor which was very far from her mind. “I know…how ugly…” This would be so much easier to send through the connection but she figured that would still be dangerous to turn off.

She needed to speak and she took in a deep breath and let it out. “It’s disgusting…what I did…I never wanted you to know…I never wanted your smile to go away…”

She clenched her hand onto her lap. “No matter what you got hurt…not telling…telling…I didn’t know what to do. Things just got worse…I hoped if I could bury it away we could mend after…but it never came. I just keep seeing his eyes. He suffered so much…” She sobbed a bit feeling even more tears flowing down onto her lap.

“Nothing I did would ever make that right…but I just couldn’t stand you seeing his face in your dreams too.” She choked back her tears and wiped her face. “But now you know…and however you feel…I hope…I hope…”

She wanted to curl up again. “We can work together…” Work together was the politically correct way they expressed their relationship. Work together meant a great many more number of things. She wanted what they had…Vanessa had caused a massive scary rift to form and Esme would worry something like it may happen again. No matter the reasoning…recovery would not be easy.