Drowning in a Kiddy Pool
Freestyle and Freeverse
This bashful soul has longed for so long to explode from my body, to reverberate and escape these vocal chords out the lips, sound wave across the galaxy of airspace finally grace your ears. Instead I say nothing, with arms wide shut, hands tucked into pockets, head tucked into shoulders of a man worn timid by time too scared of his own voice and judgement packed behind foreign eyes. I’ve...forgotten what my own voice sounds like. I've...forgot what my own spirit feels like. I’ve lost all touch with reality, this is the reality of drowning in a kiddy pool.
I remember when life existed beyond my bedroom. I remember when there was more beyond the border of these four walls; but I outgrew the monster under the bed, traded it in for the monster beyond the door. As a result, I have no path but nowhere while accepting the cowardice before me. I, alone, am to blame. My voice was made by God, and so my voice thundered like God, but I’ve been scared silent for so long that the lion just past my lips has been tamed. I, alone, am to blame. My shackled soul, battered brain, mangled mind are just too tired to fight. I’ve lost all semblance of self, and have therefore given up and in to self preservation. It’s just easier to be a coward than to fight to win. This is the reality of drowning in a kiddy pool.
I remember when I used to swim with the sharks. Every word, every verse took a chunk of flesh from the skin, every syllable sunk their teeth in until my flesh was pulled apart revealing the skeleton within. I penned my soul to every single page. Now I miss days, entire weeks pass by in the blink of the eye and I just sit silently shut up in the corner. There is no responsibility to bare, no dream to chase, and reason to care, and no skeleton in the closet that I am man enough to face. I used to swim with the sharks; but this...this is the reality of drowning in the shallow end of a kiddy pool.
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