Couch King or Queen!!!

[InfraredHero]

Excellent, very excellent.

My advisors tell me you are the current ruling party of the Couch Kingdom. Perhaps we should form an alliance so we can protect each other from any invading forces.

[Alura]

We have heard your overtures of peace and are willing to entertain such an alliance. Please join with me in the time-honoured tradition of Scotchgarding our respective kingdoms as a show of good faith.

[InfraredHero]

I accept your invitation and will send a delegation to meet you and participate in your traditions. I'd also like to set up a trade agreement with you if you are interested. My empire has the best rugs that I would be willing to sell to you.

[Alura]

We have the finest skeins of lint to be found in sofa cushions the world over and our lost pocket change mining operations are second to none. I feel we can do business.

We should discuss travel and merchant taxation on those who will bring other skilled labour and goods to our lands. We are of the opinion that buttons, earring backings, and pocket knives should be given valuation against rarer minted coins and metals so that they can be more easily accessed and used for transactions as a common currency between our great nations. Does this seem agreeable to the Ottomans?

[InfraredHero]

After much deliberation with my advisors and minions, we have decided to agree to your proposal. Thanks to you our lands will enter a golden era of peace and excellent trade. I know that my people will heavily prosper in this time, and I wish the same of yours.

As a sign of this new friendship and alliance I would like to set up end tables in your land that will harbour the most illustrious of items that my lords offer as tribute. Allow me to display my wealth in your lands and I will do the same for you if you so desire.

[Alura]

Excellent! We are truly touched by your generously gifted end tables of friendship and shall accord them the highest pride of place at either end of our plush kingdom, so that all may stand in awe of the skill and magnanimity that the renowned Ottoman Empire has brought to this alliance.

In like spirit, the Country of Couch would like to show its gratitude for the silver age of wealth and culture that you have ushered in by presenting you with one cashmere throw blanket and one service tray of most exotic mahogany so that likewise my knights and nobles might display their finest qualities at your court, if it please you.

[Sinderella]

I'm just gonna lick this one... right.. over... here. ;Flops onto couch.-

[InfraredHero]

Aaaaaaahhhaahhh!! The alliance has been sabotaged by the infamous Sinderella the Licker! Abandon all hope! Flee for your lives!

[Alura]

The mayhem! The carnage!

So many couches flopped, do you even remember which thread you are in presently, Sin-ply Delectable?

*throws one of the seat cushions on top of an end table and perches on it* Some of us were saved, but at what cost? From atop this high place we shall plot our revenge upon the infamous interloper Aleksinder the Great! InfraredHero, fear not! The Country of Couch's rightful ruler shall be restored!

[InfraredHero]

But will these lands even be the same once that happens? My citizens already gain unrest, and have begun revolting near and far. Though I tremble at the thought, I fear I will be dethroned by the time you regain your rightful rulership over your country. It is only a matter of time before I must retreat to my underground network, which I believe will bring an untimely end to our alliance. Once that happens, I fear you will be alone.