<M> Goofy Hell (cutelilredhead and cartel saide) [IC]

[CartelSaide]

"I touched the butt."
~Akitla, 2014


(source)

"SERAPHIIIIM!?" Satan called with crossed arms as he stood up from his throne. He tapped his foot impatiently, looking down at his daughter with a look that said everything before his mouth did. "Where in the actual hell is your brother?"

Before the ice apparition could even reply, a sassy voice replied from the doorway as the unnecessarily large doors closed behind him, "Couldja yell a little louder? I'm pretty sure someone in Heaven didn't hear you." He said, taking the last drag of his cigarette before putting it out on one of the two guardsman's shoulder armor. "And it's Brand now, y'got that? B-R-A-N-D. Not this old age Seraphim shit." He walked down the red carpet all the way to the end of the ridiculously large room to stand beside his sister at the edge of Satan's throne. "This better be hella important, cuz I was in the middle of one fucking amazing massage with Medusa, and you know she's not easy to book an appointment with, even as Satan's son."

"This is hell. Everything's hella." Justin Bieber said from his position chained nude to Satan's throne like an animal.

"Shut up dog." Satan said, and immediately JB obeyed. "I summoned you because your uncle is coming for a visit soon, and I want you two to be on your worst behavior."

"I hope it's Uncle Christ cuz he brings us the best presents."

Satan just rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No, it's your uncle Hades."

Sighing loudly, Seraa put his hands in his jacket pockets and groaned. "I came all the way to the 9th gate of Hell just because Hades is comin' into town again?" He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting it by simply snapping near the end of it. After a quick drag he added, "Is Auntie 'sephane at least comin'?"

Satan paced slowly as he spoke. "I'm not sure, but likely not. We're coming up on the end of Winter in the human world and Persephone is a busy woman. She has duties to attend to such as bringing Spring to them and dealings with her own family and what not. This isn't just a casual family reunion, however, it's an opportunity for you two to ditch the nest and learn how to fly." His children exchanged looks of confusion before looking back at their father. "When I was a young lad I had a talk with my father and it became clear that I had grown up far too much to live at home anymore. It was time for me to move on with my life, get a job, stand on my own two feet."

Brand leaned over and whispered to his sister, "He was kicked out." He cleared his throat and pretended he hadn't done anything, although with Satan's pause it was clear that the Lord of Darkness had heard his son's commentary.

He moved on, ignoring it. "And since then I've grown to have this fine establishment, hustling and bustling with me at the top of the ladder!" He laughed maniacally, full of pride, then turned back down to face his children as he sat in his throe. "Your uncle Hades runs a very important part of Hell and is coming here to look for some new recruits. With the sudden influx in the human population and a great majority of them turning away from the bible and to this new age Pagan thing, there's been a mighty need for some new blood in his department." He smiled. "He and I agreed that it's a family business and should be run as such, so he's coming down here to interview you both and see if you're right for the job."

"What the fuck, I don't wanna be part of the soul clean up crew!" Brand shouted. "Count me out, daddio."

As he was turning to leave, Satan's face contorted unrecognizably, taking form like that of a three-eyed goat, and his voice distorted like an angry spirit through an old tape recorder.

"D̵͓͕͕̟̠̯͍̙́̍ͩͧͪ̎ͧ̚͢O̷̠̳̬͈ͪ ̛͚̦͕̈́͗ͭ̓ͧ̎͂̀̕̕Ńͯͮͬ̐͑ͦ̚҉͕̱̞͢O̊ͤ̿̂͛͠͠͏̠T̸̯̣͕̖̱̫̆ͯͣͅ ͓͎ ̧͓̗̘̘͖͖̐ͬͯ̐̇̅ͤ̒Ṭ̢̼̬̜̮ͪ̌̇Ä͍̩̺̠̣̭̐̿̑͟͢͝L̄͊͏̲̥̖͍̱͜K ̸̘̼̗͎͎̰̻͗͡ ̧̻̞͓͚̥̄ͫ̈͆̾̇̀̀͜B̢̜̞̗̻͉͍̯ͫ̈́͐A̷͖̻̹̦͙͕̰̘ͣͩC̳̺̗͓͇̱̫̿͒̀ K̲̠̪̜̪̇̽́̽̐̑̓ͨ͜͢ ̥̋̃̄͑̊̚͞T̝̲͎̩̠͈ͩ͂̔ͤ͋̔̌́͝O̷̼̻͍̝ͪͨ̎̃ͯ͜ ̷̪̓͐ͬ̓͗ͧͣ̽͘Y̶͚̩̼̮̟̑ͯͨͯ̓͆ͤ́͡Ö̸̱́̍̃ͨ̓̿̚͢͠ͅU̵̡̢̒͆ͪ̽̋ͤ ̦ͅR̮̥̝̘̻̰̻͗̃̓͋͂̉̚͘͝ ̿ͧ̿͛ͫ̎͌҉̹̫̦͜͠Fͤ̆ͭͧ͑ͫ̌̚҉̴̘̻̠̳͖̙Ǟ̴͚̰̥̬͖̥̦͈̉ͥ̾̕͘T͒ͮ ̠̜̰̮ͣ̌͌H̡̛͚̳̞̝̗̲ͮ̾ͦ͡Ẽ̡̲̙̩̱̭̲ͨͦ̑R̭̰̖͑̃̆ͧ͒͗̐̓͡,̣̙̳̑ ͚͎̩̝ ̡͚͚̓̌B̵̡͚̘̳̳̞̖͙̳̅̂̇Ơ̪ͩ̑Ỷ̶̹͓̙͍͟." He scolded.

Seraphim tried to hide it, but he was obviously scared; it never felt good to get scolded by your father especially if he was Satan. He fell silent, just staring at the floor and occasionally taking drags from his cigarette.

Satan calmed down, then turned to face his daughter now. "Dear you've been awfully quiet this whole time. What do you think of this suggestion?"

[CuteLilRedhead]

Brand walked down the red carpet all the way to the end of the ridiculously large room to stand beside his sister at the edge of Satan's throne. "This better be hella important, cuz I was in the middle of one fucking amazing massage with Medusa, and you know she's not easy to book an appointment with, even as Satan's son."

Akilta rolled her eyes and whispered, "You are such a royal pain."

"This is hell. Everything's hella." Justin Bieber said from his position chained nude to Satan's throne like an animal.

"Shut up dog." Satan said, and immediately JB obeyed. "I summoned you because your uncle is coming for a visit soon, and I want you two to be on your worst behavior."

"I hope it's Uncle Christ cuz he brings us the best presents."

Satan just rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No, it's your uncle Hades."

Akilta perked up. Even though Uncle Hades had terrible presents and was sometimes way over dramatic, he was definitely more fun to pick on then Uncle Christ was. Her and her brother loved playing tricks but then again when you are twins, you usually enjoy causing mischief together.
Sighing loudly, Seraa put his hands in his jacket pockets and groaned. "I came all the way to the 9th gate of Hell just because Hades is comin' into town again?" He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting it by simply snapping near the end of it. After a quick drag he added, "Is Auntie 'sephane at least comin'?"

Satan paced slowly as he spoke. "I'm not sure, but likely not. We're coming up on the end of Winter in the human world and Persephone is a busy woman. She has duties to attend to such as bringing Spring to them and dealings with her own family and what not. This isn't just a casual family reunion, however, it's an opportunity for you two to ditch the nest and learn how to fly." His children exchanged looks of confusion before looking back at their father. "When I was a young lad I had a talk with my father and it became clear that I had grown up far too much to live at home anymore. It was time for me to move on with my life, get a job, stand on my own two feet."

Brand leaned over and whispered to his sister, "He was kicked out." He cleared his throat and pretended he hadn't done anything, although with Satan's pause it was clear that the Lord of Darkness had heard his son's commentary.

He moved on, ignoring it. "And since then I've grown to have this fine establishment, hustling and bustling with me at the top of the ladder!" He laughed maniacally, full of pride, then turned back down to face his children as he sat in his throe. "Your uncle Hades runs a very important part of Hell and is coming here to look for some new recruits. With the sudden influx in the human population and a great majority of them turning away from the bible and to this new age Pagan thing, there's been a mighty need for some new blood in his department." He smiled. "He and I agreed that it's a family business and should be run as such, so he's coming down here to interview you both and see if you're right for the job."

"What the fuck, I don't wanna be part of the soul clean up crew!" Brand shouted. "Count me out, daddio."

As he was turning to leave, Satan's face contorted unrecognizably, taking form like that of a three-eyed goat, and his voice distorted like an angry spirit through an old tape recorder.

"D̵͓͕͕̟̠̯͍̙́̍ͩͧͪ̎ͧ̚͢O̷̠̳̬͈ͪ ̛͚̦͕̈́͗ͭ̓ͧ̎͂̀̕̕Ńͯͮͬ̐͑ͦ̚҉͕̱̞͢O̊ͤ̿̂͛͠͠͏̠T̸̯̣̆ͯͣͅ ͕̖̱̫ ͓͎ ̧͓̗̘̘͖͖̐ͬͯ̐̇̅ͤ̒Ṭ̢̼̬̜̮ͪ̌̇Ä͍̩̺̠̣̭̐̿̑͟͢͝L̄͊͏̲̥͜ ̖͍̱K ̸̘̼̗͎͎̰̻͗͡ ̧̻̞͓͚̥̄ͫ̈͆̾̇̀̀͜B̢̜̞̗̻͉͍̯ͫ̈́͐A̷͖̻̹̦͙͕̰̘ͣͩC̳̺̗̿͒̀ ͓͇̱̫ K̲̠̪̜̪̇̽́̽̐̑̓ͨ͜͢ ̥̋̃̄͑̊̚͞T̝̲͎̩̠͈ͩ͂̔ͤ͋̔̌́͝O̷̼̻͍̝ͪͨ̎̃ͯ͜ ̷̪̓͐ͬ̓͗ͧͣ̽͘Y̶͚̩̼̮̟̑ͯͨͯ̓͆ͤ́͡Ö̸̱́̍̃ͨ̓̿̚͢͠ͅU̒͆ͪ̽̋ ̵̡̢ͤ ̦ͅR̮̥̝̘̻̰̻͗̃̓͋͂̉̚͘͝ ̿ͧ̿͛ͫ̎͌҉̹̫̦͜͠Fͤ̆ͭͧ͑ͫ̌̚҉̴̘̻̠̳͖̙Ǟ̴͚̰̥̬͖̥̦̉ͥ̾̕͘ ͈T͒ͮ ̠̜̰̮ͣ̌͌H̡̛͚̳̞̝̗̲ͮ̾ͦ͡Ẽ̡̲̙̩̱̭̲ͨͦ̑R̭̰̖͑̃̆ͧ͒͗̐̓͡, ̣̙̳̑ ͚͎̩̝ ̡͚͚̓̌B̵̡͚̘̳̳̞̖͙̳̅̂̇Ơ̪ͩ̑Ỷ̶̹͓̙͍͟." He scolded.

Even Aklita winced in fear of her father. She didn't understand why her brother always got their dad so angry. Everyone in Heaven and Hell knew how his temper was and it didn't matter if you were family or not, he was willing to dish out his worst punishments when crossed. Seraphim tried to hide it, but he was obviously scared; it never felt good to get scolded by your father especially if he was Satan. He fell silent, just staring at the floor and occasionally taking drags from his cigarette.

Satan calmed down, then turned to face his daughter now. "Dear you've been awfully quiet this whole time. What do you think of this suggestion?"

This was difficult. She was enjoying her life as the Princess of Hell. She wasn't snoody about it but it was a privileged life that she had grown used to for the thousands of years she'd been alive. "Well, Uncle Hades is in charge of soul distribution, right? They're the first stop in their journey to Hell. I'm not too found of the idea of being in the middle of the souls determining their fate. The last time we went to visit Uncle Hades one of the pathetic things grabbed onto my dress and that didn't come out." She growled slightly. "I mean, I don't mean to act like a hoity toity but it's just a little bit of a shell shock to go from the high life then you ask us to go to the bottom of the corporate ladder." She tried so hard not to anger her father but then again it was hard for her to anger him since she really was Daddy's Little Princess. She always had been and it had been the main cause of her and her brother's fights. The last big fight they had ended Pompeii.

Satan stared at her for a moment. "I understand my darling but we all have to start somewhere and I'm not asking you two to do anything that I haven't done myself." He paused. "Besides, it's just an interview and your uncle might not even think you two are good for the job anyway." At that moment it was as if he remembered how terribly cruel his children were. "And when your uncle gets here, do not, let me repeat this, DO NOT, blow out his hair or play any jokes on him!" He stared into the eyes of his children. If they had souls, they would be pierced by his stare. "Now, go to your rooms and prepare for your uncle's arrival. He should be here within a days time." Satan all but shooed his children away.

~~~~~~~~

Akilta was sitting on a bed of fresh snow, which was weird to see in the 7th circle of Hell, staring at the ceiling. Her brother's room was just across the hall and she hated going in there cause of the dreadful heat her had in their. She decided they needed to talk about what they were going to do so she conjured a snow flurry to follow her in.

Once she entered she saw her brother in his lava jacuzzi. "What are we going to do? What if one of us gets it and the other is off in another part of Hell? We've never really been away from each other." She said looking down at the floor. The two were twins although no one could really tell. They looked alike but one was a fire demon and the other an ice demon. They got along most of the time but when they didn't, civilizations were demolished.

[CartelSaide]

As the door opened without a knock, Seraa immediately knew who it was - only family did that and Satan rarely if ever bothered his son in his quarters. Turning to a couple succubi who were occupying the magma pool with him, he sent them off to the back of his room telling them he'd call for them later. The two obeyed, and left, giggling and waving seductively as they left.

"What are we going to do? What if one of us gets it and the other is off in another part of Hell? We've never really been away from each other."

"I wouldn't let that happen. My conditions for working for Hades are that I get to work in The Phlegethon or the Elysian Fields, I sleep in his palace, and I work with you." He pointed at her, lava falling from his arm and fingertip as he did so, then put his hands back in the water, his elbows resting on the steaming, frozen stone behind him. As he waded in the lava, his skin too glowed like the magma did, his eyes shining brighter than they usually did. Intricate marks flowed all through his skin, and if you knew him like his sister did, you'd know that these marks were indeed his veins, flowing lava through him like human veins flow full of blood. His were far more beautiful to look at, full of swirls and turns that humans didn't have - their bodies were different after all.

He sighed. "This is so lame... I don't wanna work there. I always though we were supposedly the heirs of Hell, that either you or I would marry and take the throne, or maybe we'd share it or something." He shrugged. "I guess in hindsight it is a little fishy that he never taught us anything about ruling particularly." He gestured for his sister to come sit beside him at the edge of the pool. When she got closer to him he lowered his voice considerably, looking around to make sure that the succubi weren't peeking in on him. "I've been thinking about checking out Earth..." He smirked slyly. "Hades likes a high soul count, and so does dad, so why not give 'em what they want and have a little fun doing it?" He leaned back.

He'd just proposed a runaway. Not just any runaway, but a runaway to a forbidden place. Sure, the two of them had always been tricksters and troublemakers, but this was a whole new level of trouble. The last time they'd been to earth was their spat that ended Pompeii, and they'd only gone there because Satan was sick of their bickering. It was like grounding them. Earth had changed significantly since then, for one, and for two, it was a risky choice to make. The deal pretty much was that once you enter the realm of the dead, you don't go back.

He went on. "Only if things don't go my way with Hades, y'know, those conditions of mine...or if I get what I want and don't like it." He leaned back, staring at the ceiling full of false stars. "I'll be honest, sweet sister, I am bored of life in the palace anyway. This isn't something I've been thinking about just because Hades is coming around but for a good time now." He chuckled. "'sides, I'm curious about what kind of little shits come out when a human and demon breeds. I'm sure there are a few dark women up there that would like what I have to offer." His face got a bit serious for a brief moment before his smile returned and only a twin could know what he was thinking...he was thinking about their mother, about how they knew nothing about her in the least. How serious he was about that statement was questionable. He was partly joking, but he was partly curious about if he laid with a human woman, would something similar to him come to be? If so, he'd have a clue about their mom.

His sister was a daddy's girl, but he and his father never got along. If he was being honest, he didn't even know if he actually cared about their dad. He couldn't be sure if it was because they were too similar or too different, but Satan and him were always at each other's throats. In turn, Seraphim had always been enamored with the idea of having a mother he could bond with much like his sister had bonded with their dad. He'd never admit that softness of course, but it was true; Akitla could always see it in his eyes. He changed the subject back, not wanting to talk about it anymore. "We could sneak out through the river styx; the tollman will be easy to bribe. He's a quiet guy anyway."

After a short while of talking about this little runaway plan, there was a voice out in the hallway that led to the throne room, muffled only slightly. "LUCY, BABY, HOW YA BEEN?" an excited voice chirped. Though they were too far to hear, Brand could easily imagine his father sighing.

"It's Satan now, S-A-T-A-N. Not that old timey Lucifer bullshit..." Satan replied.

Seraa's smile turned to a frown. "That's my line, asshole." He said, then stood, snapping. The snap was a beckon for the succubi girls, and they immediacy came, drying then dressing the fire apparition for him. He took one of their chins in his hand and stared into her eyes. "Later tonight you can take it off too." She smiled up at him, then the other succubus drew his attention. "Not now, ladies, not now. I have business to attend to." He rudely shoved them off then took his sister's hand, leaving the room quickly. "Succubi are both lovely and annoying." He said, his face contorting into its signature scowl as he let go of her hand and just let her walk herself. They walked into the throne room as the two devils chatted idly, their chatter interrupted by trumpets calling and the grand entrance of Satan's twin children.

This was just a formality, however, and Satan and Hades continued to speak. "You're early, Hades. We weren't expecting you until tomorrow."

"Ah you know me, punctual as ever." Hades raised his arms a bit in a half-shrug, "Anyway, anyway, you are gonna LOVE the plans I have to bring to the table. See there's this thing that-"

"You're just here for the kids, Hades."

"Way to shoot a man down, Lucy." Hades noticed the twins coming in through the door and his face lit up. "Hey, Brand, Kitty!" He extended his arms for a hug.

Brand stood there, bored, not really caring for his uncle's antics right now. "Hades, be honest, was this idea yours or dad's?"

Hades let his arms fall, gaining a rare serious expression. He looked up at Satan, receiving a nod of approval, then turned back to the kids. "Honestly, this was a plan in the works for a pretty long time between the whole devil family." He tapped his fingertips together. "It's was the fates' idea, actually."

[CuteLilRedhead]

Akilta hated the succubi that always occupied her brother's room. They were like cockroaches. Out of pure hatred for them, she turned to one that was a new visitor in Brand's room and her eyes turned to icy blue as the succubi began to shriek as her blood was turned to ice crystals. She was slowly freezing the creature from the inside out. Soon she was just a sculpture. Satisfied with her work she turned back to their conversation.

He sighed. "This is so lame... I don't wanna work there. I always though we were supposedly the heirs of Hell, that either you or I would marry and take the throne, or maybe we'd share it or something." He shrugged. "I guess in hindsight it is a little fishy that he never taught us anything about ruling particularly." Brand motioned her to the side of that God awful pool of his. When she got closer to him he lowered his voice considerably, looking around to make sure that the succubi weren't peeking in on him. "I've been thinking about checking out Earth..." He smirked slyly. "Hades like a high soul count, and so does dad, so why not give 'em what they want and have a little fun doing it?" He leaned back. He'd just proposed a runaway. Not just any runaway, but a runaway to a forbidden place. Sure, the two of them had always been tricksters and troublemakers, but this was a whole new level of trouble. He went on. "I'll be honest, sweet sister, I am bored of life in the palace anyway. This isn't something I've been thinking about just because Hades is coming around but for a good time now." He chuckled. "'sides, I'm curious about what kind of little shits come out when a human and demon breeds. I'm sure there are a few dark women up there that would like what I have to offer." His face got a bit serious for a brief moment before his smile returned and only a twin could know what he was thinking...he was thinking about their mother, about how they knew nothing about her in the least. He was partly joking, but he was partly curious about if he laid with a human woman, would something similar to him come to be? If so, he'd have a clue about their mom.

"The human world? Are you out of your mind?" She paused. "I mean that would be quite fun." She thought about it a moment. She was intrigued about the idea of going there, she had thought about it often in fact, but she knew her father and she knew that once he found them missing... Her eyes widened. He would hide them for sure. But then she thought about what it would be like to lay with a human man. She wasn't as charming as her brother was and she certainly didn't care for the creatures that Hell had. The closest thing that was even remotely attractive were the incubus, which were basically the male versions of the succubi. She was tossing the idea around in her mind, although she already knew what was going to happen. He was going to convince her to go, or he's going to go alone and she's going to go with him to make sure that he doesn't destroy the whole human race.

Before she could answer though, she heard the voice of her uncle. They walked into the throne room as the two devils chatted idly, their chatter interrupted by trumpets calling and the grand entrance of Satan's twin children.

This was just a formality, however, and Satan and Hades continued to speak. "You're early, Hades. We weren't expecting you until tomorrow."

"Ah you know me, punctual as ever." Hades raised his arms a bit in a half-shrug, "Anyway, anyway, you are gonna LOVE the plans I have to bring to the table. See there's this thing that-"

"You're just here for the kids, Hades."

"Way to shoot a man down, Lucy." Hades noticed the twins coming in through the door and his face lit up. "Hey, Brand, Kitty!" He extended his arms for a hug.

Akilta sighed, "I hate that nickname, Uncle, and you know it." She crossed her arms in frustration.


Brand stood there, bored, not really caring for his uncle's antics right now. "Hades, be honest, was this idea yours or dad's?"

Hades let his arms fall, gaining a rare serious expression. He looked up at Satan, receiving a nod of approval, then turned back to the kids. "Honestly, this was a plan in the works for a pretty long time between the whole devil family." He tapped his fingertips together. "It's was the fates' idea, actually."

"The Fates?" Akilta blurted out. "They don't involve themselves into meaningless matters such as the family business. That makes no sense." Her mind was racing for an answer. "What did they say?" She asked, realizing the flurry was still above her. She shooed it away and stepped closer to her father, hoping he wouldn't lie like her uncle had a tendency of doing.

Satan looked down at his daughter. "That is between your uncle and I, but you two will be safer in the eyes of one of us and your uncle really does need the help down there."

"No." Akilta rarely spoke back to her father but she was getting angry and it was noticeable since the rooms temperature was beginning to drop dramatically. "We are no pawns in a game of chess and how dare you treat us as such. Just because the Fates said whatever they said we are heir to the thrown and I refuse to allow this." She took a breath, noticing that she could see her breath.

"You will bite your tongue, Akilta." Satan warned.

But she was not backing down, "You mean to tell me that a mortal princess doesn't need to work for her rightful place at the thrown but I, daughter of Satan, need to work in the shit hole of Hell in order to earn my place?"

"Akilta-" Her father was getting angry but she didn't care, she turned away and walked out of the room. As she passed her brother she gave him the look of agreement. They were leaving. Tonight.

[CartelSaide]

His sister had no interest in bickering with her father when they had quite literally just discussed their plans to sabotage their father's. Seraphim wanted to play their little game a bit longer however. "Look, pops," he spat the word as though it was an insult, "if you and Hades wanna involve us in your shit, it's time to start explaining."

There was a brief pause that was so tense even the guards were considering leaving their posts.

Satan turned to Hades. "So you were saying something about plans?"

Frustrated and pissed off, Seraa lit himself aflame, his hair igniting with it much like his uncle did when he got irritated. He thought about his and his sister's plans, and that was enough to cool himself off; now was not the time to get sent to the dungeons for frustrating his father. Unable to contain his anger enough to completely restrain himself, however, Brand casually walked over to his father's throne, grabbing hold of Justin Beiber's collar. He pulled the horrid creature up by the neck and whispered in his ear, "Run," then unhooked the leash.

"YOLOOOOOO!!!" And the nude pop idol was out the door, running through the gates to his short-lived freedom.

Smirking as he saw his father's anger at his favorite pet slipping through his fingers, the frustration in trying to decide which was more important - punishing his son or getting JB back before he royally screwed over Hell's delicately balanced totalitarian-ran anarchy - but his smirk turned into pure laughter as the three-eyed goat decided to fly out the door yelling "After him!"

Hades couldn't contain himself, busting a gut as he watched the overlord running out of his palace after a lost dog. "Absolutely golden, pony boy!" He said, making a lame reference to the pony tail Seraa sported. Brand's scowl quickly returned and with it, as did Hades'. "Tough crowd...but to be fair, I've had better jests." He shrugged. "Look kid, I like ya, but these lips are zip-PUH'ed." Hades made a popped sound with the last part of the word, gesturing along with it. As he continued to speak he hovered over to Seraa with his strange smokey-black tentacle robes. Seraa had but a moment to step back uncomfortably as Hades wrapped an unwanted arm around his shoulders and pinched his cheeks. "Look Fee-Fee, can I call you Fee-Fee? I'm gonna call ya Fee-Fee. Anyway, look fee-fee," He shook Brand's face a little bit, his look of disgust growing more and more into a look of pure rage as Hades continued on, "I can't tell you anything cuz I've made a few deals here and there that involve you and that sugarplum sister of yours...BUT. It's as easy as 1-2-loophole to get yourself out of this contract you never signed." Seraa, who had long accepted that Hades wouldn't let go until his cards were on the table, raised his eyebrows to show that his interest was piked.

After his uncle let go of him, casually lacing his fingers together and awaiting Seraphim's reply, Seraa backed up, wanting more than his fair share of personal space now, but he thought about it for a moment. His uncle wasn't known for making deals with people, though he did every so often. There wasn't a long history of those going well for the contractee, however...then again, Hercules was able to out-smart him, who was to say Seraphim couldn't too? "Lay it on me, uncle."

Hades' lips curled into an evil smirk. "Goood..." He wasn't good at being subtle, but Brand was a demon; there was no need for suitability here. "Pain, Panic!" Hades called, and just like that two small, pink and blue imps appeared. They were clumsy about it, but Brand paid them no mind; he'd met Pain and Panic before and knew of their pathetic antics long before. Hades just sighed, reaching out his lanky hands to both of them. "Pen, paper, chop chop!" The two took a moment, but they complied soon as they could, handing their master what he asked for, then walking away to stand off to the side.

Seraa crossed his arms. "What am I, a mortal?"

Hades' smile grew. "That's exactly what you'll be, yes." Hades held the pen and paper in one hand, flicking with the other. Flicking seemed to be a universal hell language, and this time it translated into, "Show 'im boys."

Pan and panic giggled a bit, transforming into the succubi from his room not that long ago. They waved at him, seductively licking their lips and acting out a scene of Seraa's earlier antics. Hades explained, "I had Pain and Panic here infiltrate your room, listen in on that little conversation you had with sissy. Now I won't tell; all you gotta do is sign on the dotted line and bah-da-bing, bah-da-boom, you can head on up to earth, charge free, soul included, mine for the taking upon your return. Easy deal, am I right or am I right?" He shoved the paper in his nephew's direction, extending the pen out for him to sign with it.

Seraphim merely raised a brow at the big reveal, unimpressed. He needed not say a word.

Hades' smile faultered for a moment, but as he came to the realization of what was happening his smile returned anew. "Oooh I see..." He chuckled darkly, "You played me pretty good there, Fee-Fee."

"Call me that again and I'll tear you a new one." Seraphim said casually as he smiled back.

Hades didn't budge, pretending he never heard his nephew's threat; he'd learned from Satan long ago that that was usually the best course of action much like with a bully on the playgound. "Humor me, boy, what was it that you were seeking by getting me to pull out this contract?"

Brand shifted his weight. "Exactly what you're offering, but with a few adjustments." He walked towards his uncle, snatching the paper from his hands and skimming it through. "Heavens above, this will not do."

Hades frowned, snatching the paper back. "Hey, I worked hard on that you know."

Not caring, Seraphim put his hands in his pocket to grab a smoke. "Call for Crowley." He uttered simply, looking down at his fingers as he continuously flicked them like a finicky lighter so he could light his cigar.

Pain and Panic's jaws dropped, shocked at the suggestion, and Hades started to freak out as if Brand had just suggested committing a virtue. "Nonononononono you reeeeally don't wanna do that..."

"And why not?" Brand said as he looked up, finally lighting the cigar. The furrow of his brow said it all.

Hades smiled nervously. "Well uh, y'know, ya got me and-"

"Cut the crap, Hades. Call your boss. I don't want a drive-thru meal, I want to dine in tonight." He took a few puffs of the cigar then blew a few rings into Hades' face.

Hades didn't know how to react to his nephew right now and settled for coughing a few times and waving the smoke from his face. Should he be angry that he'd lost a deal, or impressed that the boy chose to go straight for the big guns? He settled on shocked, but before he could vocally express it, Seraphim was headed back towards his sister. "Call Crowley, send him my way if he comes to you first. I know he'll show up as he pleases so I won't waste time waiting around with you." He held up a hand in the air as a wave goodbye.

"I'm flattered." Hades said flatly as Seraa got just out of earshot, then turned around to go find his own quarters. Before he could do any more than turn around, however, he found his face in Crowley's.

"You called?" Crowley practically sang.

Hades shrank back. "Boss, long time no see!"

Crowley's false smile plastered to his face, he continued. "You had one job, Hades. One job."

[CuteLilRedhead]

"Listen, Crowns, baby-" Hades began.

Crowley stepped closer to him. "I want their souls, Hades. With those souls I can be the new Satan and everything around here will work better. Will be better, for everyone."

Hades shrank back, "I know, I know. But he's a tough cookie to crack."

"Then try the girl, if she does it then Seraphim will follow in her footsteps. The two won't leave each other." Crowley leaned against the wall casually.

Hades thought about it for a moment. If Crowley gets the twin's souls then... "I am not watching those two brats for the rest of eternity!"

Crowley gave a sly smile, "But Hades, baby, you're their uncle. Who wouldn't love babysitting their favorite niece and nephew for a few millennia?"

The blue haired underlord's spirit's fell. He may be one of the keepers of Hell, but he would be in a Hell of himself for a very long time if he got the twins souls. "Riiiiight. Well, Corwney, I'll just go talk to the little princess..." He began to walk away but Crowley stopped him.

"Hades, I am serious. I want those souls and I promise, you won't have to deal with them. I can get other to do that for you. Now, Seraa ha probably gone to Akilta's room and they are talking about the exchange that just took place, so you need to offer her a trial period. Tell her she can see the place for what it is, have some fun, and then come back in, lets say 10 years and decide if they want to continue. With as much fun as they're going to have, they will want to go back. I have men that will be willing to make their experience more delightful. Once hey come back, they'll be eager to make the deal, no matter the cost."

Hades nodded slightly. "That seems all fine and dandy, but do you really think that they are so naive?"

With another famous sly smile, Crowley continued. "There's more though. We can sweeten the deal a little bit. They don't really have souls, but I can give them souls. With those souls, I have possession of them anyway. They can be crossroads demons. They bring me more souls and they get to have their little party on Earth and in the long run I have ammo against the big guy himself."

Hades nodded again and this time smiled. "That works for me, all I need is a con-" Crowley held up a new and improved contract with two lines for the twins. "Yup, that's what I needed. I'll be in touch Crowney."

[ceneter]~~~~~~~~[/center]

Akilta was still fuming. She was pacing back and forth listening to her brother talk about the conversation between him and their uncle. She nodded here and there but never really talked. When he was finished she turned to him and sighed, "There are only two ways to get out of Hell. Number one, Dad is not going to let us just walk out of here with our middle fingers in the air. The second option-"

Hades busted through the door and winked at the two siblings. "Hey. Kids. SO I have a better idea. How about you become crossroads demons? You get souls with this package and that'll be something you want up on Earth. With being a crossroads demons you guess would be capturing souls as well, giving them to Crown... I mean, Crowley... Everyone walks away a winner here. Whaddya say?" He asked pulling out he contract and basically shoving it in their face.

Akilta stared at it and then asked. "We'll have fun access to be human but we'll keep our powers, yes?"

Hades nodded excitably, knowing that she was considering. He turned his attention to her brother and he was reading the contract as well. "Come on, Brand, it pisses off Daddy and you can have more fun then you can even imagine down here."

Akilta walked up next to her brother. "I mean really, what is there that is bad? We can have fun and still make a profit for the business."

[CartelSaide]

Reading over the contract, Seraphim looked up from the paper. "I told you to send me Crowley and you sent me a piece of paper with two lines instead of one. Close but," He held up his cigar before putting it between his teeth again, "no cigar." He folded the paper in two and handed it back to Hades as he walked out the door. "We'll talk more later, sis. Just don't do anything stupid." He said as the door closed behind him.

Hades was fuming on the inside, but kept in mind what Crowley had said. "Focus on the girl..." He mumbled to himself quietly, then turned to her again, handing her the folded contract before continuing to discuss business.

~~~~~~

Right outside Crowley was already waiting for Seraphim, leaning in his bedroom doorway patiently as he admired his fingernails nonchalantly. "Ah, there you are." Crowley said as Seraa approached, but it was obviously an act; normality was a game he enjoyed playing but rarely ever won. "Hades get back to you about the contract yet?" He got a bit of a worried expression, one that looked similar to what one looks like when they watch someone else get hurt and vocalize their sympathy. "I do hope you didn't sign anything yet, not without talking to me anyway."

Seraphim just puffed the last bits from his cigar before putting it out on the ash-stained walls outside his doorway and pocketing it to enjoy later. "Nope." He said, motioning for Crowley to move.

Crowley didn't comply. "Ah, that's good, because that contract was made for your sister and if you signed," He chuckled, "well I'm pretty sure you're not that interested in being a part of the ice age that's coming in a few thousand years."

Raising a brow and motioning more sharply for Crowley to move, Brand again just said, "Nope."

This time Crowley stood straight, actively blocking the doorway. "...but a supernova, now that has to be right up your alley."

Seraa closed his eyes as he sighed, opening them again in frustration. "You have three seconds to move out of my doorway before you have hair like Uncle Hades."

Crowley took a second to wonder if he should put the boy in his place yet or keep playing the charm. Knowing the latter would get things done in a far more timely manner, Crowley turned so he was out of the way, opening the doorway for the young fire prince and gesturing as he said, "After you."

Not making any indication that Crowley was unwelcome in his pressence, Seraphim entered his room and began to strip down again so he could relax in the literal hot tub he had set up at the back of his room and Crowley followed him. When the Prince stripped even his underclothes, Crowley merely looked down, chuckling, then back up at Seraa's face. "What?" Brand practically spat, waiting for Crowley to belittle him by making fun of his size even though he was rather large, just to have a stab at his self esteem.

"Nothing, nothing...I just find it ironic that a Prince actually got a Prince Albert." Crowley shrugged.

Serphim's face softened slightly, then he smiled. "Care to join me?" He asked, jesturing towards the hot tub.

Crowley chuckled, shaking his head. "I know a certain human who would get jealous if he found out I'd been naked with another man." It was clearly a joke said to avoid the awkwardness of admitting that he'd burn alive in there.

"Suit yourself." Seraa said as he got in. "Anyway, gimme the pitch."

"I'm horrible at singing."

"No, no, the-"

"I was kidding." Crowley pulled up a chair from Brand's obsidian desk and sat in it backwards. "Hades gave you the general idea when he went to see Akitla; you two human forms to get up to Earth, and unless you started as a human you don't have those. So the way I see it, you can rent bodies from me as long as you pay me appropriately...like renting a suit, really." He primarily rested his arms on the back of the chair but still used his hands to gesture every so often. "So you work for me for say 10 Earth years. It gives you a feel for Earth and working at crossroads, and you pay me in that time for the bodies I give you. You don't like it, the deal's off and you either find your own way to stay on earth, or you come back to talk to daddy - whatever you wanna do. But if you do like it, you can keep your new bodies and continue working for me as usual for as long as the contract holds." He started to reach into his pocket to get the contract he'd written out as well as a pen Seraphim could use some blood to write with. On Earth things were bound with a kiss, but here in hell blood was far more valuable since not everyone bled here. He explained more as he prepared this stuff, skimming the contract as he did so to remember all that he included. "Also you get to be part of the demolition crew, creating disasters like that supernova I told you about earlier, depending on how many souls you get me of course."

Leaning back, closing his eyes, and relaxing, Seraa said, "Hades said you're giving us souls, not bodies. Explain that."

The crossroads king chuckled, "Well bodies, souls, what's the difference really?" Before Brand could make a sarcastic comment back, he continued. "What we're giving you is sort of both. Pure demon souls and human souls gone demon are different, so what we're offering is the opportunity to be a human gone demon despite being a step ahead of the game." He paused for dramatic effect, hoping Seraa was interested.

"Go on." The fire apparition said as his veins began to glow.

Crowley's lips curled into an eerie grin. "I thought that might interest you..."

The two went on and on for what remained of Hell's day, discussing different arrangements and things involving the contract. Crowley played friendly the whole time even when Seraa got a bit moody, but overall kept up with his straightforwardness since it was going rather well and gave Seraphim the impression he was being honest. After quite the time of discussing it all, Seraphim finally gave in, signing the contract.

Crowley walked out of the room saying he'd meet them at the River Styx and that Hades would have the rest of the details under control. However the moment he closed the door behind him, Seraphim felt a pang of guilt. "I...I didn't even talk about this with Akitla..." He slumped down into his bed with only some pants on, guilt-tripping himself until he fell asleep for the night. "I'll talk to her in the morning...' He mumbled to himself as he dreamt; even in his dreams he was beating himself up over it.

(Sorry it's a piece of shit post; I'm just tired but I wanted to get us moving on to Earth already cuz I'm impatient lolz)

[CuteLilRedhead]

As Hades talked to Akilta about the opportunity she had she pondered it. Why did she feel like there was a catch just waiting. She wanted to talk to Seraa about this but as she went for the doorway she was stopped by her uncle. "Sorry, Doll, I need an answer." He said trying to keep his cool. "I'm your uncle. I care for you and your brother. I don't want you two to be in a place you don't want to be. So why not have fun on Earth, make a little profit and cause an ice age if it pops up?" He asked.

Akilta frowned, "Why do you need a decision now? You aren't leaving for another day."\

The blur flames that acted as Hades' hair flamed up slightly but he regained his temper. "Unfortunately that isn't true. I was informed by Pain and Panic that there are issues arising that I need to attend to." he held up the contract once more and pointed to it. "So I need an answer now. Going once."

Akilta's mind was racing. She needed to talk to Seraa.

"Going twice," Hades continued.

Before thinking any more she dipped the floating pen that was beside the contract. It was dripping with fresh blood and she signed her name. "There." She all but hissed and Crowley poofed into the room.

With a wide grin he stepped towards her, "Excellent choice, my princess." He gave a half bow as he stood before her. "I trust that Hades explained it well enough that you understand all that comes with this."

Akilta nodded and was backed against the wall. Crowley was not the scariest demon in Hell but there was just something about him that always gave the ice princess the creeps. Crowley continued to ease closer to her and the sly smirk on his face never faltered. "Good." Now all you'll be needing is this." Before she could stop him he kissed her and a warm liquid went down her throat and slowly started to seep into her. It was not a pleasant feeling but she knew that she now had a soul that allowed her to go to Earth. She would be excited if it weren't for the fact that she started to fall asleep. Crowley caught her and whispered that when she awoke, she would have a new appearance and she would be on Earth. Before she slipped away into her dream land though, her last thought was, Seraa is going to kill me.

~~~~~~~~~

Akilta awoke to sirens screaming outside if a window. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. It smelled like piss and dust. She was laying on a couch that was very uncomfortable in an apartment that was something out of the projects. She raised up and winced in pain. This was not starting off very well. She stood and walked around the new environment. First she encountered the bathroom and she soon figured out why it smelled like piss. There were stains all over the place and the toilet wasn't even flushed. Next was the kitchen where there were broken glasses everywhere. Whomever this bodies once belonged to, she would assume that she was fighting before she was possessed.

Akilta walked into the bedroom to find another human laying in the bed. Her eyes widened as she examined the body. It was a male and he was sound asleep. He was kind of sleeping like her brother. Limbs spread in every direction and a god awful snore coming from deep inside his body. If she didn't know better she would swear that her brother was here with her. For now though she had to think of a way to wake this creature.

She poked the face of the human but he was unfazed. She she tried once more but again to no avail. She sighed and then thought it would be a good idea to try her powers. She placed a hand on his back and started to form ice crystals. She grinned and with that she stood and began to brew a snow storm in the tiny room. Suddenly there was a huge thunder noise. If this continued she knew that this mortal would be awake in no time.

(Mine is kind of shit too but now they are in the HUUUMAN WOOORLD!!!)

[CartelSaide]

It had to be the worst night's sleep he'd ever had in his life. First came the dream of Crowley and him making love in his hot tub, followed by the warm feeling that filled his body - the strangest sensation in his life, and it felt incredibly real - then came the dreams of his sister disowning him for going behind her back, cursing him for leaving her alone on the side of the River Styx with Hades of all people. The last dream, however, was the worst... he was falling, falling down like an angel falls to earth, but...different.

Waking up with a start, Seraa all but screamed at the obnoxious sounds of screaming, traffic, and most prominent of all, thunder. The swirling cold around him made him shiver, and he swatted at each and every snow flake around him like they were flies. After a few seconds of looking stupid doing this, he got his composure back, realizing how much pain he was actually in and how dumb of a choice he had made swatting at snowflakes of all things.

He was sore all over, and that primarily his knuckles and face hurt. He felt his scruffy chin, adjusting his jaw and realizing that that pain was what he felt when one of his lady friends punched him in the face. Looking over his bruised knuckles he came to realize that was what it felt like the morning after punching someone else in the face. "Mystery solved..." He whispered to himself, but he continued to look over himself, knowing after just a few moments of looking at his arms, something had changed about him. So he looked down at his new body, and immediately he gained a look of confusion, though it wasn't necessarily displeased.

His once thin and toned body was bulky and full of muscle, his shoulders wider set and his pecks far more prominent. A grin forming across his face, he looked up at the woman who was standing beside him. "Well Hello there sexy." His grin remained as he looked her up and down, but then he re-noticed the snow falling inside an inclosed space and his expression grew dim. "I mean, not sexy! I mean, yes sexy but not to me! I mean... shit..." His face fell in his hands for a moment as he took a deep breath, then looked back up at her. "Akitla?" He inquired, the suspense of knowing whether or not his sister was possessing the woman before him killing him inside.

Once she replied he sighed in relief, interrupting her if she had any more to say. "Oh thank Hell..." He looked back up at her. The puzzle pieces were starting to fit together and he knew exactly what was happening right now, but there was still one thing pressing on him - what did he look like? "Alright, alright, now where's a mirror?" Without her really pointing him anywhere he started to look around, and with the pathetic size of the apartment they were in and the single bathroom, it wasn't hard to find. Taking a look at the toilet with a grimace, Seraphim reluctantly took a step into the shit-stained mess and turned towards the sink he'd caught a glimpse of around the corner. As he looked up and saw his face, he unleashed an ungodly scream of pure horror.

As he caught his breath, standing here nearly hyperventilating, he held up shakey hands to his face. "I... I..." He stuttered, feeling the stubble on his chin and moving upwards, locking his fingers in his messy bedhead. "IT'S DIRTY BLOOOOONDE!!!!" He cried out in disbelief and terror. He fell to his knees in defeat and whimpered, almost as if he was holding back tears. He stared at some of the blonde hairs in his hands that had come out as he ripped his hands away, just muttering to himself like a madman. "I'm blonde...and I have short hair... I have short hair...and I'm blonde..."

[CuteLilRedhead]

A grin forming across her brother's face, he looked up at Akilta. "Well Hello there sexy." His grin remained as he looked her up and down, but then he re-noticed the snow falling inside an inclosed space and his expression grew dim. "I mean, not sexy! I mean, yes sexy but not to me! I mean... shit..." His face fell in his hands for a moment as he took a deep breath, then looked back up at her. "Akitla?" He inquired, the suspense of knowing whether or not his sister was possessing the woman before him killing him inside.

When the man in the bed said her name she was shocked, "Serra? You signed-" But she was cut short by him demanding a mirror. She followed him into the bathroom where he examined himself. As he caught his breath, standing here nearly hyperventilating, he held up shakey hands to his face. "I... I..." He stuttered, feeling the stubble on his chin and moving upwards, locking his fingers in his messy bedhead. "IT'S DIRTY BLOOOOONDE!!!!" He cried out in disbelief and terror. He fell to his knees in defeat and whimpered, almost as if he was holding back tears. He stared at some of the blonde hairs in his hands that had come out as he ripped his hands away, just muttering to himself like a madman. "I'm blonde...and I have short hair... I have short hair...and I'm blonde..."

Akilta rolled her eyes. "Of all the problems we have, you are upset cause you are a dirty blonde? You don't even look bad. In fact, I think it's an upgrade. You should thank Crowley next time you see him." It was then she caught a glimpse of herself and she almost screamed.

She held up a stand of hair, "The fuck is this shit?! Brunette?" She took a moment to cool down before she overreacted like her brother. "You know what, it's only temporary. No big deal." It was then she smacked her brother. "You signed without telling me?! You were going to leave me down there to be shipped off to Uncle Hades' neck of the woods?! You are a jackass." She smacked him again and again. "I cannot even believe you."

He replied to her and she rolled her eyes and walked away. "This place is a dumb, we need to find a bigger place cause this will never do." She headed towards the door and she heard a rumble come from her stomach. "And we need food." but she looked down at her present outfit. "But first we need to change."

She headed into the other room and began looking through clothes. There were quite a few options and she figured these clothes were the reason that these humans lived in a tiny apartment. She began tossing clothes here and there trying to find the perfect match. She had probably gone through 50 sets of attire before she screamed. when her brother came into the room she was sitting among the clothes with her arms crossed, pouting. "There is nothing to wear!"

After their long talk about decent outfits she finally picked the 'perfect' attire. "Ok we can leave now." She smiled as she did a twirl in front of the mirror hanging on her closet door. "But we definitely will need to go shopping later. Actually, we should go shopping now!" She turned to her brother with excitement. "Can we, please, please, please?"