According to incredibly official-looking documentation, Commander John Luke Kirkland is an enlisted officer of the Union of Federated Planets, which is a highly advanced interstellar power from a distant sector grid. According to equally official-looking orders, John Luke Kirkland and the Union Starship Horrville are on a five-year mission to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life forms, and try not to kill them.
In truth, however, the man assuming the identity of Commander Kirkland won the Horrville in a tournament of "Sorcery: The Collection," a popular card game among the nerdiest of UFP supernerds. The ship was scheduled to be scrapped due to its obsolete design, and the true identity and allegiance of "John Luke Kirkland" is unknown.
Mister Spot hails from a highly intelligent, technologically advanced race of canine aliens. Though he cannot vocalize in any humanoid language, his collar, controlled through neural induction, acts as both a translation device and a means of speaking, as his thoughts are relayed into words through the collar.
A loyal companion, Mister Spot is both the Science Officer and the First Officer of the Horrville. Though he attempts to remain highly logical in both his speech and thought, he cannot fully repress his need to be praised and called a "Good boy" when he does a good job.
Crewmen Eins, Zwei, and Drei have neither first names nor history. They do, however, have very pretty red shirts, which have a tendency to attract aggressive, hostile aliens like a moth to flame.
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