Knowing that Issa had been unable to find any new information to help them was as much a relief as it was a disappointment. It meant there were no new earth-shattering revelations that would again threaten Lec’s sanity, and that they could learn about what they were up against at their own pace, through consulting the books and people they had already been looking at. There was comfort in that, in being able to walk away from those, if only for a little while. They wanted to avoid having another breakdown in front of Issa, and at least for now, they could breathe a little easier.
He then mentioned his elder wanting them to visit, and Lec laughed before they could stop themselves. It was such a strange suggestion that they couldn’t believe she would have said such a thing. When they realized Issa was being serious, though, the smile left their face. “I don’t…” they started, trying to find the words to express their discomfort. Issa’s elder knew about them? And wanted to meet them? But why? They were nothing special, and besides, Lec couldn’t imagine themselves setting foot in that forest again. Surrounded by creatures like Issa—or perhaps unlike Issa—with those blood-red eyes, and their changing skin, their weapons of teeth or talons or claws… They subconsciously fingered the scar at their neck. They would blame their lack of enthusiasm on the prophecy and the urgency with which they needed to leave, and they quickly dismissed the idea altogether.
In the silence that followed, both their gazes turned to Lec’s notes. They worried about how many of them Issa could even understand. Maybe Issa thought them annoying reminders at his illiteracy, or unintelligible ramblings from someone who didn’t know what they were doing. He looked over them, and Lec’s anxiety started spiking again. They wondered again why they had been chosen for this, and what must Issa think of them. He was quiet, antsy, contemplative. Did he already find them unbearable, with their agendas and their over-planning, their insistence on leaving? And by sitting here in silence, Lec was just making that worse—
When Issa spoke, Lec startled. They recognized the barrage of negativity in their mind as pointless overthinking, but they still had trouble clearing their thoughts. If they were being honest with themselves, they hadn’t done what Issa had asked. When he had brought news of their marks and their duties two days ago, Lec had committed to the only option they thought they had. If they were needed to save the world—to save Soren—then they would do what they had to. Meeting the dragon where it was had seemed the most logical choice rather than waiting here and letting it destroy everything in its path. But Lec hadn’t let their thoughts linger long on what it meant to leave. What they would be risking, and what they would be leaving behind. They didn’t want to think about those things, because they were afraid that if they did, they would convince themselves to not act at all. To let the world die. And unlike Issa, they didn’t think themselves strong enough to do a thing after that.
They swallowed the lump forming in their throat and absently stroked the table. “Yes, I do think we should still leave,” they answered, intentionally avoiding mentioning Issa’s request. “It will be hard for me to leave, too. I’ve spent my whole life here, and it terrifies me to leave my brother all alone with a man who can’t even communicate with him. But…” They turned away, their gaze sweeping the park. There were a few families here today. One was having a picnic; another was tossing around a flying disc; another still was sitting around enjoying the time they spent together. Lec didn’t recognize any of them, and they wondered how many had been displaced. If the dragon—if it really was a dragon—got here, where would any of them go then?
They looked at Issa again. “Besides,” they said. “You wanted to see the world outside your forest, didn’t you?” A shaky smile met their lips. “It’s already been agreed that I’m your guide, and I can’t just leave you to go find out about a dragon without me. It might be the blind meeting the blind, but…” Their voice trailed, and their attempt at making their discussion more lighthearted slipped through the cracks of their wavering confidence. They straightened, hating how awkward they now felt.
Lec cleared their throat and looked back at the map they’d made. “I haven’t begun saying my goodbyes,” they admitted. “I don’t know where to begin. But they won’t be forever, you know? Even if it looks bleak, I think… I think it’s important to hold onto hope. …Right?” They looked up, hoping Issa wouldn’t see the sheen of tears in their eyes.
They grabbed for one of the lists they’d made, and they read something they’d underlined. It was a reminder to ask Issa about something before they parted today. Their cheeks grew hot, and they stammered for a moment, not knowing how to frame their question. None of the books in the library had been useful, and Lec didn’t know how to ask about this without sounding like an ignorant moron. They hesitated before finally blurting, “How well can you fight?” They thought about the paragraphs detailing the Lucet’s war customs as “barbaric and ineffective,” but bias dripped from every word. Lec didn’t know if Issa had been trained to use his ability, or if the Lucet were a fighting people at all. Discussing such a thing with an enemy of their state felt inappropriate if not downright traitorous, but they had decided it was an important thing to discuss nonetheless.
They trudged on, trying to explain the logic of their questioning. “I think your transforming will be useful to us out there, but once we find it, the beast…the dragon…well, we’re going to need to defeat it, right?” They made small, subconscious gestures with their hands, but if they were still, Issa would be able to see they were shaking. “I don’t use my magic for violence, but as you’ve seen, I use it for work. I’ve practiced for what feels like all my life, and I’ve gotten good at controlling it even during strenuous physical activity. I’d like to think, if I really, really had to, I could… When we fight it, I mean, I could…” The idea of using their magic to hurt a living being pained them, but if this was their purpose, and if this was the only way to save the world, then they would do what they had to. “We might want to train our abilities,” they suggested quietly. “Before we leave and after. I just… I’d rather be prepared, is all.”
Bookmarks