[M] In Excelsis Deo [Ashen & Hannelorian]

[Ashen]

Genevieve's curt words felt like a slap in the face. Sam stood stupidly in her doorway, stung. So, she was mad about him leaving, too. Hadn't she been the one who had said she needed space from him? He'd only been giving her what she'd wanted. Sam shifted awkwardly, trying to figure out how this had gone wrong too. Maybe, he mused, he would just never understand humans at all.

But as confusing as this all was, he still knew he was at fault. Sam had lied to Genevieve, and he had committed an unspeakable crime besides, and he had dumped all of this on her without giving her a chance to properly respond to him. Sam didn’t know where to begin in addressing all that. He let himself inside her house and let out a long, low breath as he turned his words over in his head. “Genevieve, I…” His voice was quiet, as if speaking any louder might somehow make things even worse. He turned to face her and started again.

“I am sorry. I didn’t want to tell the truth about how I was because even now it still sounds ridiculous. The second angel to have ever been thrown out of my god’s embrace. How humiliating. But while that’s an explanation, it’s not an excuse. You still deserved the truth, and the option to decide for yourself what to make of me.” Sam turned away, his thoughts whirring. She had still let him back into the house, so that meant she wasn’t completely repulsed by him… right?

“I’m sorry for leaving too,” he said, bringing his attention back to her. “Angels don’t have emotions, you see. Not in the same way humans do. So all of the things I’ve been experiencing this past while are completely new to me. I was a guardian, so I worked with humans every day, and I was required to study their emotional responses, but that’s nothing like actually feeling them. They’re disarming, and I feel completely out of my depth.” Sam bit his tongue to stop himself from rambling further. He then added, “But again, that doesn’t excuse what I’ve done.”

This was so painfully awkward. Sam didn’t know if Genevieve would want anything to do with him, or why, and the stress of the situation was making his head hurt. He took a moment to count his breaths and focus on his surroundings, steadying himself. “I don’t…” he started, but that thought died on its way to his mouth, which was now feeling especially dry. Sam looked into Genevieve’s eyes, as if the murky color of them would tell him how she was feeling, but they didn’t. Sam was hopeless at that, too. Emotions were simply beyond his understanding at this point, his and others’.

He did, however, recognize the sadness in her body language, and the regret in himself for putting it there. Unable to handle these things, Sam decided the best thing he could do was communicate with the one he’d hurt. “So,” he said to her, “you know what I am, and you know what I did. What do you want to do?”

[Hannelorian]

"You came just in time." Genevieve nodded toward the window as the clouded skies finally opened up and rain burst forth from their heavy bodies and fell onto the surface of the earth. "You'd have gotten sick out in that." She seemed, at least for a moment to be distant from the matter at hand, as though she were still thinking of how to appropriately respond to the situation. Seele was lost, it seemed this was all for naught as a fallen Angel held little use unless they truly desired to rise back into heaven, something her own master could not even do.

"You should rest." Genevieve said with a faint smile as she now returned her attention to Sam. "I think God puts too much pressure on his Angels... and even God makes mistakes, yet who is there to punish him?" Genevieve seemed to be showing a degree of empathy, though truly what it was, was an utter hatred of the divine. Had Sam really done so wrong? Yes, a child had died, surely a great loss for someone... but how is one creature meant to be so perfectly sinless? So perfectly aware and able to swoop in at just the right times. Surely Sam was not the only Angel to make a mistake, but he was punished gravely for it. "Surely you are aware... we have two versions of the Bible. New and Old."

Genevieve looked at him with a sigh. "The New Testament paints God as kind and forgiving. Soft. Loving. Whereas in the Old, he is described for what he truly is. A monster. An entity for whom vengeance and justice are important, at any cost. Who has the right to tell us not to make mistakes?" Genevieve sighed deeper still and shook her head seemingly lost in thought, in some kind of emotion that was hard to discern from her face alone.

"As for what now, that is entirely up to you Sam." Genevieve was quite honest, sincere even if one could believe it. "Do you accept your fate and live a new and pious life as a human? Or do you fight to return to your place in the universe? I cannot decide that for you... and in this state neither can you." She smiled and moved to prepare another cup of tea. She moved wordlessly and effortlessly around her kitchen before setting a fresh mug down on the table for Sam. "Drink... and then rest. The world will be here when you wake, and perhaps with a new day... answers will come."

[Ashen]

Sam’s gaze followed Genevieve’s to the window, where he could see the rain now steadily falling to the earth. Irritation pinched his brow; was the weather of greater importance than everything he’d just told her? What did he care about being sick right now? He turned to face her again, wondering what she was stalling for time for. What she was thinking. It was getting frustrating having to guess at her emotions. Weren’t humans supposed to communicate those sorts of things with each other?

When she did address his words, it was impossible for Sam to feel anything but disappointment. He didn’t want to rest. There was far too much to do, too much to think about, and he doubted he would be able to sleep anyway. He needed Genevieve to give him something to work with. As she continued, and the blasphemous words fell from her lips, Sam had to stop himself from cringing. There was a truth to her words, and Sam was ashamed to admit he had thought as much while still working under his god. But angels weren’t allowed to trouble themselves with such petty things as fairness. Their only priority was serving their loving god with undying loyalty. Though… Sam wasn’t bound to those rules anymore. He was allowed to voice his complaints now, and no god would do anything about it. He was a man now. His god had proven he no longer cared about him.

Her non-answer to his question settled between them. Sam doubted he could ever again achieve something close to piety, angel or man, and figured it was time to start looking at other options. He didn’t have to live his life for a god who had punished him. He didn’t need to devote himself to returning to a place that had never accepted him. That seemed obvious now, even if they hadn’t just a few days ago. Sam was about to voice these thoughts when Genevieve silenced him by telling him he couldn’t decide now. Sam opened his mouth to protest—he had had all this time to think, after all—but he kept himself quiet. He gratefully accepted the tea she had prepared for him and sighed again. It had been a long day, a long few days, and he couldn’t wait for all of this uncertainty to be over.

After tea, Sam returned to his bedroom and tucked himself under the blankets. He already knew he wasn’t going to sleep, but he humored Genevieve anyway. As the restless minutes turned to hours, though, his incessant thoughts only grew louder. This entire situation was horribly frustrating. How was he meant to succeed when he was only the second immortal to be turned away from the heavens? It wasn’t like he could follow in the first’s footsteps. He didn’t know how to be a man; normal humans had years of childhood and adolescence to learn that. It was like his god wanted him to fail here, too. Sam tossed and turned, wondering where he would even go from here. His new life had been off to a bad start, but Genevieve didn’t seem to hate him yet. That was good. He needed to find something to do that would pay her back for that. He’d spent a lot of time endangering humans; maybe now it was time to finally protect them.

After a long while of laying sleeplessly, dark resentment for his god building in his stomach, Sam sat up. This wasn’t working. He didn’t know if Genevieve would want to see him just yet, or if he had “rested” long enough to appease her, but if he stayed alone in this room any longer, he was afraid he would go insane. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to be doing here. Thinking about his future? He had nothing to go off of.

Outside of the bedroom, Sam walked through the halls and peeked into the kitchen. He didn’t know if Genevieve was home, so he called her name. It was still raining outside, so Sam couldn’t tell by the sun what time it was, but maybe he could get started on an early dinner. After lying still for so long, he just needed to do something.

[Hannelorian]

The demon had dismissed the now mortal angel. It was an interesting thought. He seemed so sad, and ever so remorseful. What kind of God would punish someone so severely? And had God not learned from the last time he cast an Angel from his grace? The Angel who would become the incarnation of the Devil and become legion. The same fallen angel who she had sworn her allegiance to millennia ago upon the occasion of her own creation. Was it irony? Or was it fate that had drawn them together? Was God above prepared for what would happen if Sam found the same strength of will that Lucifer had? Or did God in all of his arrogance think that Sam was incapable of such power and destruction?

As the later evening hours drew upon them, Genevieve was on her way home from the store when the clouds gathered and rain began to pour. It felt good upon her exposed skin and then seeping into the fabric of her clothes. The rain felt clean, a chance to wash away the sin she had caused if only in her own mind. Seele within Genevieve needed to get a grip, she longed to take control and unleash the hell within upon this small village, to take her rage against the heavens out on those who prayed each day for God's love and mercy. There was no love, there was no mercy there was only suffering. If there were some kind of divine justice would Seele not have been struck down? Smote by the hand of God himself?

Genevieve opened the door to the house and stepped inside, dripping wet and shivering slightly. The frailty of the human form was amusing, a little bit of cold and suddenly the skeleton shakes and quakes and trembles. A deep sigh escaped her lips as she set down her bag on a small bench and slipped out of her shoes. It was around this time she heard Sam's voice calling out for her, but she did not yet respond. Instead Genevieve stood there, paused in thought wondering what she was supposed to do next. How was she supposed to help him? To become human would likely be the greatest mercy. To allow Sam to start a new life, to learn something from those he watched over. Or was she supposed to foment his hatred? Turn him into a monster, a weapon against an angry God.

Come the morning Genevieve would begin to plant the seeds of rot in her garden and slowly allow it to spread across the land killing everything in it's path. A bounty of nature, one she had worked so hard for... and turn it to utter devastation. Kill the crops, kill the village. Show her true power. After all, Genevieve was the one lying now. The one with the big secret, and what would Sam think of her if he were to find out the truth? Seele wielded all the power here. But at the same time she felt utterly powerless.

"Sam." Genevieve called as she made her way into the kitchen, her fingers moving to turn on the light switches. "I shouldn't have sent you away to your room. That was wrong... I suppose if I were you, I'd want time away. But I'm not you. I can't tell you how to cope, how to process, how to handle this life you have." Genevieve smiled. "So... tell me what I can do. And I will help you to the best of my ability. If you want to be angry, be angry. If you want to be sad... be sad. Or if you want to try for a chance at happiness... take control."

It didn't matter that she was wet, but the first thing she needed was to make sure he trusted her completely. And from there she would figure out where to go next...