Round 4: Reaver (Vee) VS. Druid (Fiona) - Judge Kicks

[Megilwen]

The hummingbirds tweeted in a way that could only be described as laughter as the Vampire shouted at her. Surely she was experienced enough to know that it would be harder than just a foot chase and then she thought to taunt her. Fiona cared nothing about the woman’s jabs, just the game, just the fun. Though it was becoming slowly boring being so many steps ahead of her opponent. She wanted a game that was challenging!

Her bird forms swooped down near the woman’s head twittering and chattering at her in the softest of noises as the little bodies flitted and fluttered about, before gathering together a few feet from the woman. Fiona had one more trick up her sleeve and she was positive the Vampire would hate it with a BURNING passion. The girl landed, bare toes touching lightly at the ground, before she landed completely with a grin. She was getting better at the landings.

Fiona’s childish face smiled up at Vee as she opened her mouth to speak, but a cracking distracted her just as much as it did the Vampire. At first she didn’t know where the noise was coming from, just soft little popping noises scattered around the cube. Then she started to see the cracks forming, sparking colorfully across the floor. Fiona couldn’t help be attracted to the beauty of it all. Then the cube shattered with a rush.

In an instant, the girl felt too things. An insane joy at this new weightless feeling that surrounded her. It was nearly as much fun as flying. Then immediately on its heels, fear as she discovered that she couldn’t breathe…or move. Her hair had fluttered slightly as the oxygen had rushed past, but now it just floated where it had stopped. She wasn’t going to die here!

With the rushing of the oxygen out of the cube, there was a ‘wind’ generated. Wind was something she could work with. Wind was something she knew and could control. With a fierce look of determination, as her body struggled to breath, Fiona pulled back at the oxygen as it rushed away. Causing it to spin around her, slow at first, but as she concentrated she could feel the oxygen condensing within her pull even as she rushed to win against her own oxygen deprivation.

Spots danced in her vision, as she grew closer to passing out completely and she clinched her fist in anger. She refused to lose a game. She refused to die. The seconds seemed to crawl by at a snail’s pace. Then, finally, her hard work paid off and just in time as she’d nearly lost consciousness. A deep breath echoed in her ears. She could hear it within herself, but it seemed to be absorbed by the blackness she floated it.

She continued her work pulling at the oxygen that had been lost until she’d collected all of it in a tight, neat bubble around herself. If she could lean back and relax, she probably would have, floating there in space with her own personal bubble of air. However, she couldn’t really move much. Though now that she wasn’t so focused on her own survival she was able to finally look for the Vampire wondering if she’d fared as well as Fiona had. Did she have some trick up her sleeve to help against the cold, dark, empty vastness of space? Blinking a few times she noticed the woman in front of her had her eyes closed, her chest wasn’t lifting.

But of course it’s not lifting. The girl thought with a little giggle. There’s no air for her to breathe.

The girl chided herself for her foolishness, before pursing her lips in thoughtfully and tilting her head. Did Vampires need oxygen to breathe? They were already dead right? Fiona wasn’t sure. There were so many rumors floating along about the creatures, that no one ever seemed to know which were true and which were false.

So that left Fiona with quite the dilemma. Did she help the woman? Feed her a little bit of her precious oxygen? On one hand she was her opponent. On the other she was a ‘living’ creature and Fiona hated to kill needlessly. She’d wanted to kill the last woman that she’d faced for killing the gentle giant and had instead swept her out to see to allow the ocean it’s revenge should it so choose. However, this woman hadn’t killed any living thing. Sure, she’d try to kill Fiona, but that had honestly never worried the girl.

Looking closely there seemed such a look of defeat on the woman’s face, that Fiona felt her heart tug. The Vampire had put up a great chase, until the very end. For that alone, she deserved to live a bit longer. Drawing on her magic further again, she had kept her magic constantly pulling at the oxygen in order to keep it in place causing her hair and clothes flutter slowly. No use going to all this work only to let it escape again. Fiona could imagine her bubble of oxygen. It seemed to sparkle in her mind, like the cube had done. She pushed directing a tendril with her thoughts. Extending it out toward the woman like one long tentacle of the giant Octopus she’d previously encountered.

Getting to the woman’s face, Fiona directed it to lay across the woman’s mouth and nose forming a mask that lay across the woman’s face allowing her to breath. There was nothing else she could do but wait. She may have reacted to slow sharing her oxygen, or maybe the woman’s chest in front of her would rise once her body realized there was oxygen available again.

[Kicks]

Look for the Judge's Results to come soon!
I took the posts as soon as they came and broke them down, analyzing everything! So the results should come even sooner given that this is the last post I need to analyze!

The results of each opponent will be posted separately. And the final post will be that of the winner.

[Kicks]

First, I would like to start by saying that each of you competed well. And because it is so close to the end, I’ve went post by post and picked it all apart as thoroughly as I possibly could. That means that yes, I was a hard-bucket-of-nails, when it came to judging. I was very, very nit-picky.

Reaver- Mystress of Souls
Total score: 21

Effectiveness of combat
Character consistency: 2
Ingenuity: 3
Interaction: 3
Total: 8

Outstanding, truly amazing display of your character. I could feel what she was feeling, think what she was thinking. You played her off very nicely. Especially in your first post with the description of the high. You hit it right on the nail, portraying her as the bloodthirsty monster she is. Truly, there was no better way for you to depict her. And how she interacted with her opponent was like watching a dance. Between the descriptions of the combat itself and the responses given to battle was A+.

Below, I’ve listed just a few examples of how you portrayed her character well:

“But, she could feel. She could feel when she killed. That persistent rage was only ever replaced with glee as she watched other souls suffer and perish. The tender flesh of even her own kind twisting in unnatural ways beneath her claws, her strength, gave her a high like no other. She was superior to them. She was still surviving while they wallowed in the afterlife.” Given from the first post.


“And she did. As swift as an owl swooping down towards its unprepared prey, Vee attempted to snatch the child by her ankle and pull her off of her feet. Her cloak would vanish after this maneuver no matter if it succeeded or not, but if it did go as planned, not a half second more would pass between the pull and her follow through where she would attempt to place a powerful strike with her claws extended towards the girl’s abdomen or back depending on which way she fell.” From the first post, second to the last paragraph.

“She would rip the wings from the butterfly who dared to show her colors. She would squash the false righteousness from her before anything else. She would not allow a hypocrite to fly free.

Let us watch your world come tumbling down, little insect. “ Second post.

“Ah, that’s right. She was facing a druid, a child. A child! A snobby, ignorant child. She was worse than a butterfly which would actually know what it was doing. This girl, this toddler, was pathetic, always thinking about nothing more than games.” Third post.

The constant rhythm of the insect and child references played very nicely into Vee’s interaction with her opponent. It was very apparent to me how she felt about what the Druid was doing and how she was acting. And just that little dance of thoughts and responses, was exactly what made your posts very powerful. Your character display and the interaction your character had with her opponent was very precise according to her profile, and you played her exactly as how I would imagine a creature of the night.

“Vee was quickly turning into nothing more than an animal. She was slowly being blinded by her incredible hatred for this being and her hatred that she was losing. And, though she wouldn't admit it to herself, she was being blinded by envy of the girl's joy. She had to win. She had to win! She had to win, and nothing was going to stop her!” Third post.

Another example of the interaction I saw and enjoyed from Vee.

Writing Style
Ideas: 2
Flow: 2
Conventions: 3
Total: 7

You made the environment come alive! I could see what was there, feel what was there. You painted a very clear image of the arena. And on top of that, you made it very simple and easy to understand for a judge and your audience. Nothing was too “fluffy” or too much details, too much to take away from the battle. It was solely focused on the battle itself, not the needless details.

“... ran towards the edge of the peculiar cube. As she neared it, she felt for the cover of darkness and drew it around her. At the edge of the cube, there was plenty of darkness from space to utilize, and with a flicker, she disappeared into the solitude of black.” Taken from the first post, fourth from the last.

And while your opponent then surprised you with the sudden illusion of forestry, you were able to acknowledge that and play into it for your character and for strategy.

“She wouldn’t stand for it! Her rage escalated with these thoughts of losing to the animal, and she felt herself gaining strength. Her nails began to extend, just as teeth did, both becoming much more deadly than before. “ Third post.

Taking what was once a dire situation and turning it around through the use of her rage and how she becomes stronger towards her peril, was a beautiful transition and kept nicely with the flow.

““You think that life is all fun and games?” she growled, her voice deep with pain and anger. “Well then, would you like to tell me what it means to have fun without ripping someone into shreds and feasting on their life source? Tell me. What does it mean to be free of blinding rage? Tell me what it means to be happy! Tell me!”” Third post.

This part to me was a bit off-putting, and not just because she turned into a true monster to be feared. It broke the flow of the piece of writing you provided and made it difficult to read the closing paragraph. Had it been placed strategically towards the middle of the piece, it would have been better flowing.

The other time I saw a break in flow in the writing was in your final post with “After all, no one could survive deep space useless they didn’t have a body” just because that “useless” instead of “unless” had me stumbling back to read it over again and decipher what it was meant to say instead.

Control of the Field
Environmental Awareness: 3
Strategic Awareness: 1
Control of the fight: 2
Total: 6

From the beginning I never saw Reaver at the greatest advantage. She was a close combat fighter, and that worked great inside the cube. The real challenge for her came about when the Druid brought about challenges for the Reaver to overcome- and that she did, in the most interesting of ways too, such as using her sudden change of environment (the forest) to her own advantage. That right there signified alone that you still had control, even if for a moment you had lost it.

On top of that, you were very aware of your environment and because of that, your strategies were aligned perfectly. You used your weaknesses to your advantage.

“Of course, she hadn’t left the cube. Space would kill her in an instant! No. Instead, she hung to the edge of the cube as she made her way towards her opponent. She was nimble, each fleeting footfall leaving no trace of sound, and within seconds, the pitiful girl was a mere meter from her. That was all that was necessary for her to strike first.” From first post, third to the last.

“Yes, this fake world needed to go. Vee knew all along it was fake. While she was not one with nature as her butterfly was, she knew a trick when she saw one. After all, she was a Mistress of Tricks herself, crafting web after web to snatch the life of anybody who dared to cross her.

The forest towering over her was well-crafted, but it was only strong in sight. The smell and touch would fool a normal foe, but to someone who had experience in such things, they were off. They were fake, a simulation. And simulations were her thing. Not the girl’s.” Second post.

“The spider was casting the first strand of her web. The butterfly was just as fake as the dim forest she had conjured, and Vee would bring that to light by revealing her cowardly nature.

You can’t run nor hide from your darkest nightmares, but let’s see you try. Let me see you fight what isn’t real.” Second post.

I was entranced by your fourth post. Not only did it dominate the rest of your posts, it took charge of the battle. Here is where the real turn in Vee began. She took control of the battle, was aware of her environment, and she focused directly on her opponent after collapsing any and all human reasoning. She had lost her edge in the third post, but come the fourth post she had grabbed it by the reins and took charge. Instead of being chased, she was the one chasing.

When it came to the concluding post, I was definitely amazed by her awareness of the sudden change in environment. I was expecting players to just ignore it and battle on as if the atmosphere had no affect on them, but that was not the case with Vee. You embraced the change, and somehow managed to keep consistent with your character to the very end. Your post very much scared me. I felt like I was reading “Unwound” all over again. It was so real, and so descriptive that it struck fear directly into me. That was so amazingly powerful writing!

Even straight to the end Vee was fighting to become victor. Even if she could not attack directly, she still had that need to survive, to be the winner, to be the ultimate predator.

[Kicks]

Druid- Megilwen
Total: 18

Effectiveness of Combat
Character consistency: 1
Ingenuity: 2
Interaction: 3
Total: 6

You were off and on again with her character. Some parts you played her rather nicely, but other times you did not stay true to her spoiled character.


Here you made her come off as a trickster which is not true to her peronsality.
“When she next awoke, she found that her mouse friend and her cell were gone again. Meaning it was time. Time for another game. Another challenge. Another opponent. She was ready. She was going to enjoy the event. Really play for it what it was. A game. If anything Fiona was a Master of Play. A Master of Tricks.”

But here you came off as the druid:
“However, that was even pushed away when she realized what the other weird feeling was. She had always been in tune with nature, so much so that she rarely was without knowing where the earth was, where the water was, or without feeling a light breeze against her skin. Here in this new cage there was none of that. No comfort of home. No nature. No water. No earth. No wind. The air felt sharp in her nose and mouth, not even any moisture within the air. It tasted dead. It smelled dead. Though looking over at the woman across from her again. The smell of lingering death, could have been her. “

And this part gave way to her true spoiled personality:
“Another giggle from behind a nearby tree as she taunts the creature.”
I did enjoy where she made her own little oasis, which was true to her bio and character. And especially when I saw the world “selfishly”

This was written amazingly! I felt in tune with the Druid at that moment.

“ She couldn’t die. She was immortal. A dryad. She feared nothing, no animal, no beast, no monster. “ Second post.
I docked you for this. Immortal? This was VERY close to the lines of god-modding. Kris and I were in communication as you were writing this post. I stated specifically that this was god-modding. The druid is already a HIGHLY powerful character. This was unfair and frankly blew off your opponent’s attack. While you did acknowledge it, and she feared for the briefest of moments... It was like you took her attack and threw it to the wind and then went write for the attack to the vampire. At least the fear did acknowledge true to her character towards the nature and its destruction, that I did respect and appreciated.

““A game! I love games!”

Fiona giggled while skipping and scampering through her dark forest.” Second post.
This was very in tune with her personality. Loved it! You played well to her childish demeanor. I also liked that she appeared to throw a small tantrum in this post, because that too aligned nicely with her attitude.

I loved your third post. All of it en-captured who the Druid is. She was playful and impatient and childish, and that was wonderful.

Writing style
Ideas: 2
Flow: 1
Conventions: 2
Total: 5

So my overall impression with this category was somewhat lacking as opposed to your other strengths. The flow wasn't as consistent as it could have been for me to understand what was happening all the time.

There were just minor errors in your writing. Like where the flow was disrupted:
“the once warm feeling flesh vanished in an instant and a childish giggle echoed from somewhere in the forest.”

Or:
“Safe until a hand closed around her ankle to pull her feet out from under here.”

Or:
“Locked away in except for these few times that these game masters had released her into the arenas.” From your third post.

Or:
“The tiny girl sighed and pouted, rolling her head around in boredom, looking though every face of the cube.”
At your fourth post.

“She said suddenly, making a realization as to what Vampire was really agree about and what was the difference between the two.” Also from your third post.

I did enjoy the parallelism I saw in five of your paragraphs. How at the beginning of each of those consecutive paragraphs, there would be “and waited”.

But your fourth post was marvelous. You portrayed the druid so well! That was the best I had seen her. However, it was confusing to read on my part as a judge.

Control of the field
Environmental Awareness: 3
Strategic Awareness: 1
Control of the fight: 3
Total: 7

From your first post you exhibited great control of the field.
Such as here when your opponent tried to grab you:
“Safe until a hand closed around her ankle to pull her feet out from under here. At least, that would have been the case, had she still been there. As the clawed fingers closed about their prize, the once warm feeling flesh vanished in an instant and a childish giggle echoed from somewhere in the forest.”

Playing into the druid’s childish nature in the next post to taunt your opponent. And what really cracked me up (in a good way) was when you took control over the hand reaching for your character.

“Safe until a hand closed around her ankle to pull her feet out from under here. At least, that would have been the case, had she still been there. As the clawed fingers closed about their prize, the once warm feeling flesh vanished in an instant and a childish giggle echoed from somewhere in the forest.”

Even in your third post you took control by capturing the vampire into that coffin. The druid had time to play and grow bored. Until the vampire took back control of the fight and broke free of the coffin. While she remained confident and determined she could beat the vampire in the Chase, it was with the vampire’s third post she took the control and spun it back on you.

My overall impression is that I felt you weren’t living up to what you were fully capable of. You had a lot of things going for you. As I’ve stated above, you had many great aspects in your writing but you still had flaws in other areas. And really, you posed for a fantastic challenger for Vee. I didn't know how this pairing would have worked out, even from the beginning I thought it was an amazing match up because it was the dead vs nature, good vs evil. It was just the greatest match up I could have asked to judge.

Finally, your last post was very fitting to the Druid. She was a playful spirit, a stunned spirit, and then a giving spirit. She was the embodiment of nature. She moved me, making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside right after I felt so scared and in despair after your opponent’s post. It was quite the transition of emotion and you played it nicely!

[Kicks]

Before I announce who the winner is, I would like to say that I did mark you both down for getting caught up in the vampire’s story and semblance of her anger. While it was good to bring it to detail, focusing paragraphs around it detracted from the battle itself.

With that being said, I would also like to say that the battles are judged based on your writing. It’s not a battle between who is beat up the least in the end. It’s about who tells the better story, who makes their characters work better, who can bring the flow and maintain the life of the battle.

But you guys already know that.

When I created the battle field, it was before the Rumble was open to the competitors. This battle field along with five others I had published to choose from, pre-made to make things go faster. A cube in space? It sounded silly to me, so I made it! This one and two others I had left to choose from. I went with this one without a thought in the world about the actual characters that would be fighting in the arena. So when it turned out to be a challenge for both of you, I was so pleased. I couldn’t help but to be pleased! I thought “YES. A CHALLENGE FOR THEM.” because it who could adapt to this challenge, who could make their characters play into it, write according to it... Well that was part of the heavy weighing with this battle.

The Druid portrayed major control of the environment. She obviously had the upper-hand. But the vampire overcame the challenges thrown at her, and forced her own control into the field. Both of you made this battle work in your own ways.

In the end, the winner exhibited was someone that played nicely onto her competitor’s moves. She played her character greatly, brought the scenes to life. Her writing was easy to read, making the flow uninterrupted. And though she focused too much on the back-story and her own inhumanity (detracting from the battle itself), she came out as the winner.

I knew this was going to be a hard battle to judge. So I took apart each and every post, evaluating everything down to the last apostrophe. Which is why these posts have been separated. As you can see, I was very thorough.

There were times when I had to ask another judge for assistance because I either got confused or wanted to make sure I wasn’t reading something wrong. I did not want to judge anything I might have had a question about without a second opinion. Which I was very thankful for! As you both should be too.

Last but not least, I want to congratulate the both of you for having made it this far! The loser of this round will have the proud title of Third Place. The winner of this round will go into the next battle to compete for first first place. Whoever loses that round will come out in second place. I’m telling you this to show you HOW AMAZING IT IS THAT YOU BOTH HAVE COME THIS FAR. I am so proud of the both of you! So proud! Congratulations!

Tl;dr?

Winner:



And in third place:

[Kris]

Appeal stage:

The battle is now on the appeal process which means two judges will post their input on the battle.

The winner will be decided according to the scoring of all 3 judges (the new 2 judges and the original first judges).


The judges will post their reviews in this thread

(The socres are 1= Bad ; 2= Average ; 3= Good).

[G]

Megilwen

The childlike nature was well conveyed, with both the teasing attitude and the short attention span displayed later, after capturing the Reaver in the coffin.

The Druid's quick reaction to being thrown into open space (commanding the fleeing oxygen to encapsulate her, so that she could breathe) was very imaginative.

Short, stilted sentences interrupted the flow of writing for me somewhat.

In your first post I felt you pushed the action/reaction limit somewhat, ie: Fiona grew the forest, teleported away from the Reavers attack and then ran amongst the trees.

The attack with the bark felt unfocused, with you offering two so different alternatives for its purpose; to entrap Vee, or to impale her.

There were multiple spelling and grammar mistakes throughout the battle.

Writing Style: 5/9
-Ideas: 3
-Flow: 1
-Conventions: 1

Effectiveness of Combat: 7/9
-Character Consistency: 2
-Ingenuity: 3
-Interaction: 3

Control of the Field: 7/9
-Environmental Awareness: 2
-Strategic Awareness: 2
-Control of the Fight: 3

Total: 19

Mystress:

Both Vee's bloodthirsty nature, and her rage toward the obvious joy of her opponent were well written and very much in keeping with her character.

The description of the Reavers' reaction to being plunged into open space was realistic.

Some passages felt a little repetitive, for example; "she refused to wait, she couldn't wait, then she wouldn't have to wait" all in one paragraph.

Writing Style: 8/9
-Ideas: 3
-Flow: 2
-Conventions: 3

Effectiveness of Combat: 8/9
-Character Consistency: 3
-Ingenuity: 2
-Interaction: 3

Control of the Field: 8/9
-Environmental Awareness: 3
-Strategic Awareness: 3
-Control of the Fight: 2

Total: 24

Winner: Mystress of Souls.

[dakkagor]

While the outcome is now beyond doubt, here is my own analysis:

Reaver – Mystress of Souls

I'm a huge fan of vampires and vampire mythology, especially the interpretation from White Wolfs World of Darkness setting. I feel that Mystress nailed that vampire, the human with a caged animal tearing at the bars of their soul, so perfectly that I will be referring to this series of posts as reference material. To want to destroy something because it reminds you of life, because of its beauty, to know you are damned and to take joy in damnation, to ride the beast rather than fight it, some would argue that this is what makes a true vampire.

The Reaver was almost always attacking or atleast thinking of attacking throughout, and her thought processes showed an aggressive, dominating play style, tempered with predatory caution that broke down later into near frenzy. The spider and the butterfly woven throughout the posts served to link them together narratively, and played to the Arena when it started to crack. However, I do feel that some posts lacked for decisive action, yielding some of the imitative to the Dryad. The repetive thoughts I quite liked as a shorthand for a mind spiraling into rage (Who hasn't had the same thought rattle through their head over and over again as they chewed over their mounting frustration?) but I felt it could have been handled a little more elegantly in places. Sometimes, analogies where used which I didn't think fit the character (mentions of Steroids and Propellers) but these where minor niggles.

Being only a close combat fighter in a plain-box arena is tough. It requires a good deal of imagination, and while I think Mystress worked hard, sometimes it felt a bit repetitive.

The Reaver is a character I would love to see in another RP, either reimagined or kept as is, and I would love to play alongside Mystress of Souls playing that character.

Writing Style:
-Ideas 2
-Flow 3
-Conventions 3

Effectiveness of Combat:
-Character Consistency 3
-Ingenuity 2
-Interaction 2

Control of the Field:
-Environmental Awareness 3
-Strategic Awareness 2
-Control of the Fight 2

Total - 22

A well rounded contender with a strong writing style, that I feel can go all the way.


Dryad - Megilwen

The Dryad is an . . interesting character, and very powerful. Its range of tricks gives it a huge breadth of writing opportunities, opportunities that it sometimes I felt were missed. While the Dryad played the role of prey well, prey does not please the crowd, prey dies for the crowds amusement. The dryad never interacted with the Vampire, despite several good opportunities to do so, launching one (admittedly clever) attack and the rest of the time running away. Such characters are less interesting, more frustrating. Despite the lack of interaction and control, environmental awareness and strategic awareness where both excellent. The character never felt in any danger, but obviously was not dictating terms or leading the battle.

I think the Dryad, and its childish nature, is a tough character to manage, as writing children realistically in a way that doesn't grate with the reader is a difficult balancing act. However, I felt the portrayal was relatively consistent, though it did switch in some places. Ingenuity was good, with some clever ideas that portrayed the short attention span as well.

In purely technical terms, the posts often had misspellings, misplaced words or even words missing. Flow felt off in places, sentences either running on too long or feeling too short. This can bring you right out of the scene you are trying to set, and resulted in several marks down across the course of the battle.

This was a solid attempt that would have carried you through an earlier round, but at this stage it simply wasn't enough.

Writing Style:
-Ideas 3
-Flow 1
-Conventions 1

Effectiveness of Combat:
-Character Consistency 2
-Ingenuity 2
-Interaction 2

Control of the Field:
-Environmental Awareness 3
-Strategic Awareness 3
-Control of the Fight 1

Total: 18

A promising attempt, but needed polish to take it over the top, and more action and aggression to truly shine.

Finally, allow me to say congratulations to you both. This is a combination writing competition and a test of stamina, and its always gratifying to see a battle fought to its conclusion. The crowd loves your bravery, Gladiators, but in the end, there can only be one winner, and in my humble opinion, that winner is Mystress of Souls.