8/25/17 Venality: OMG, What is Merry Hiding??!

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:05 AM

Table of Contents

JUST THE TIP

VICE

FOREPLAY

PANDEMONIUM

SOLICITATION

THE CLIMAX

UNCENSORED

KARMCLAIMER

LASCIVIOUS

This magazine is best viewed on the RPA default skin

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:08 AM

Things get slippery in the shower.

Don’t do it.

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:13 AM

As the song suggests, we want to know all your secrets! What is your vice? Is there something you’ve always wanted to say, but were too afraid? Something you need to just get off your chest? PM these to one of us (whoever you feel more comfortable with) and we will post them anonymously. This is similar to the Whisper App if you are familiar with it. You can say things and no one knows where they come from other than Karma and Chat Noir and we’re sworn to secrecy!

Come whisper in our ear...

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:17 AM

You can’t skip the foreplay - let’s take a look at who might be on their way to hooking up behind locked threads here on RPA!

-One story removed due to member request-

According to some juicy gossip the rumor mill’s been spitting out, Scottie was seen leaving the library where she was studiously working on her dissertation to rekindle her relationship with Sloth. Who is this Sloth? It’s quite nearly impossible to get the scoop on this mystery man. Although, it seems that Scottie relishes in the enigma that this ‘Sloth’ seems to be. Will she take a break from her diligence and delve back into this possible liaison? Will he continue to be indolent or put in the effort and energy that is required for this kind of commitment? For now we can only speculate but.. Oh the intrigue!

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:24 AM

Welcome to the life of staff, where nothing is ever as it should be and everything is always in chaos. This week, let’s look at how the staff members prepare for an event.

Kris: I think we should host an event for next month.

Chat Noir: Alright, that sounds great, but the first of the month is the day after tomorrow. Do we actually have time to plan something out?

Karma: Yeah, I’m not so sure about this…

Kris: It will be fine, do not worry! I already have it all planned out it will be easy as pie! We just need 4073198 banners! Okay?

Chat Noir: *slowly backs out of the room* I’m gonna go write up RP of the Week, you got this, right Karma?

Karma: Wha?? But, that’s a lot of banners!!

Kris: Perfect! Thank you so much! I will get started on the threads, here is what I think the banners should look like…

--2 Hours Later--

Kris: ...and that’s how the final one should be, ok?

Karma: …

Kris: Great!!

--The Next Day--

Karma: *drags herself into the room* I.. I did it. I made all 4073198 banners! *collapses*

G: *enters the room, looking tanner and more vigorous than ever* Alright, I’m back from my vacation! What do you need help with!?

Chat Noir: *enters the room eating a corndog* Oh hey, G! Welcome back! Karma, I’m gonna need a banner for RPotW, ok?

Karma: *screams*

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:29 AM

We have questions, do you have answers? We want to pry into the deepest, darkest parts of your mind. We cannot do this without someone who is fearless when it comes to our difficult inquiries! If you’re interested in this kind of interview, please post here or PM Chat Noir or Karma. Make sure to have Venality or Solicitation somewhere in the title so we know what to expect!

How brave are you?

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:34 AM

Are you prepared for the hottest, juiciest, most moist gossip of all week? Well then you’re in the tight-- I mean, right place. Get ready for the climax of the week, because boy do we have a story for you.

It has come to our attention that Merry has been acting a little strange; going on “weekend vacations” to the “beach” or “camping,” yet never gives any evidence to prove she was there. We also offered wine at our last staff meeting and she chose not to partake - one of the cardinal sins of admin-dom. We thought that was interesting so we took to asking the other staff members what they thought of the whole ordeal. Here’s what they had to say.

Scottie: Y’know, I also saw her shopping for new clothes the other day while I was prowling the downtown section. They looked a little different than usual! You don’t think that has anything to do with this, do you?

We’re not sure, Scottie, but we think it might.

Nazgul: Maybe she just had a headache and that’s why she didn’t have any wine?

That may be so, but usually nothing stops Merry from having wine.

G: She didn’t have any wine that night but I kept an eye on her to make sure she was okay and I saw her take a ton of food from the buffet. It was almost like she was eating for two! Do you think she hid some in her purse for later?

Well, we think she probably ate it all herself and you’re not too far from the truth. The fact of the matter is… MERRY IS PREGNANT! (Probably.)

Yes, folks, you heard it from us and you heard it here first! MERRY IS FULL ON BUN IN THE OVEN PREGGERS. (Most likely.)

So the real question here is who’s the father? There’s always been a strange connection between Merry and Sikstaslathalin, but have they really been doing the horizontal tango behind our backs? Siks has been very busy lately but according to his partner in crime, Black, he hasn’t been online much recently! Perhaps he’s off with Merry, visiting the doctors?

She’s also very intimate with HoleyPaladin - have you read their RP? Steamy! Maybe they took it to the next level when nobody was looking? It seems unlikely, knowing Merry, but we also thought she’d never give up wine and here we are!

We’re not a hundred percent sure on anything, but next week we plan on getting a deeper scoop - and not of ice cream! Hopefully we’ll have direct quotes from Merry, so keep tuned!

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:38 AM

This is where we need your submissions! Need some help on what to do if your boyfriend says the L word too quickly? Do you not know if you should go ahead and get pineapple on that pizza? Or maybe you just want to know the answer to the age old question, ‘does this dress make me look fat?’ Ask us here! We will give our advice on how to handle any and all situations (within RPA rules) but beware, it may not be what you want to hear!

**Chat Noir** · 08-25-2017, 05:43 AM

You know what bothers me? Entitlement. No, not actual people who are entitled, but the idea that all millennials are entitled shits that just want the world handed to them and eat avocado toast. I’m sorry, Janet, but it’s not millennials that are yelling at their cashier because their Capital One credit card isn’t working.

Whenever I hear this discussion come up, it always involves some kind of ‘participation trophies’. News flash, baby boomers, we were kids. We didn’t choose to have them ourselves. That came from you guys. So who was entitled? Who thought their kids needed trophies, win or lose? Also, focusing on those participation ribbons (trophies, etc.) I for sure didn’t want one! Why? Not because I don’t think kids should get something for participating. It was because it was downright embarrassing! Yes, yes, we absolutely loved the tiny trophy while the winners were waving their 3 foot hunk of plastic around. Even in school on field day. You had the colors for first, second, and third. Everyone knew those colors. Anything other than those? You were hiding that shit! Thank you for giving me purple to announce to everyone at school that I got 7th in the 50 yard dash… Out of 7 kids. That wasn’t for us, nor did it create a sense of entitlement. It was embarrassing at best, and more than likely for our boomer parents to remember the event with.

You know what I think? I think entitlement doesn’t know an age, and there wasn’t anything that specifically created ‘entitlement’. It wasn’t trophies, ribbons, or medals for participating. Some people are just assholes. Some people of all ages think they can just act however they want and have the world handed to them. I think that telling millennials, or anyone else for that matter, that somehow they are entitled for thinking different than you, or fighting for something like fair wages for not having to work 35168 jobs, or to be able to buy a house without selling your first born and pitching in your soul for the insurance… That’s entitled. You feel like you are entitled to tell other people that the shit they’re going through, is nothing. That their struggles aren’t struggles. That’s entitlement. By all means disagree with each other! Discuss and talk to one another, but we can do that without judging a whole generation as entitled, when there are assholes of every generation, color, and creed. There are people that work hard in every generation, and people that are going through things that you don’t understand when they try to talk to you about something you think is ‘entitlement’.

The moral of the story. Don’t be an asshole.