An Outcast's Revenge - [M] [Grey & Pit] [IC]

[Ashen]

Throughout their trip, Kizasi had had the pack on his mind, even if his feelings of it had been conflicted. He had been caught somewhere between wanting to end it and wanting to be a part of it, though now, he only wanted to find a place in it. When Tala suggested as much, though, he hesitated, not knowing what he should think, or if it was even possible. After all, he was the pack’s enemy, and maybe when he told everyone about the intentions he’d had, they’d see him for the danger he was.

Maybe he would win Convel’s trust, though. He was bringing his daughter back to him in one piece, and that had to count for something. But trust was one thing; would Convel ever come to accept him as family? Kizasi struggled to imagine that, but with time, he hoped that he could make it work.

Finally, after all their walking, and after everything that had discovered, their adventure was drawing to a close. Kizasi was relieved when he could smell the camp in the distance. As much as he had enjoyed their journey, he was happy to rest for a little while, too. To his surprise, Tala stopped and let out a long, graceful howl, and for some reason, he felt inclined to join her. His howl was much lower, much rougher; he wasn’t used to calling out to other wolves. As soon as he stopped, he felt embarrassment ripple throughout his body. What business did he have announcing his return? Why had he thought he would be welcomed? But then Tala spoke, and those simple words, We’re home, made all his worries go away.

Kizasi followed Tala to her parents’ den, though he was sure to keep his distance. He didn’t want her parents to think poorly of him, even if he figured Tala wouldn’t mind him keeping close. She told them all about their journey and the mare they had found, and Kizasi watched her with a small smile. She seemed so happy, and he was happy to have been part of that with her. His smile soon faded when he noticed Convel watching him, making him anxious. He squirmed a bit, suddenly uncomfortable, and when Convel left his mate and daughter to approach him, he only felt worse.

Convel’s request to spend more time with Kizasi surprised the dark wolf, who couldn’t help but think the worst. Had Convel found out about his mother or his original plans? But that was impossible, and Kizasi tried to assure himself of that, though his anxieties didn’t fade. When Convel stopped in front of him, he bowed out of respect. “I would be happy to spend time together,” he said, and he hoped his voice didn’t sound as nervous about the idea as he felt. “What…would you like to do?” he asked.

[giraffesrkewl]

Convel acknowledged Kizasi's attempt at showing the Alpha respect and nodding is head in acceptance. In the wolf world, the Alpha accepting a gesture was a huge accomplishment. "Follow me." Is all Convel said before he turned back to the females and his look softened a bit. "We will be back in a little while."
Convel was always pretty short and to the point and that's all he really said before he nodded at Kizasi one more time to follow him, and then padded off deep into the woods.

The Alpha stayed quiet for a bit as the two males got deeper into the woods. The silence was probably driving Kizasi crazy, wondering what Convel's next move was going to be. Thankfully for Kizasi, Convel wasn't his father.
He finally began to speak, "My daughter seems to have grown quite fond of you." Is all he said at first before taking another pause. Convel's thoughts went back and forth in his mind. "She is a lot like her mother, caring, kind, very giving. She likes to see the best in everyone." He paused again.

"I know she's going to ask of me to let you stay, Kizasi." He stopped in this moment and looked at the midnight wolf that stood beside him. "What I need to know is if that's what you want?" He asked, his tone very deep. "Will you treat this pack as your own? Will you treat my daughter as a mate should? If it were to come to that." Convel asked. If Kizasi didn't feel like he was on the spot before he sure was going to now.

"We have not known you long and neither has Tala. She sees something in you, I do believe. I trust her judgement; as I've taught my wisdom to her. Can I, can we, trust you Kizasi?" There it was. The final question was out there. Convel was offering it but would Kizasi accept was the real question. Would it be too much for him? Would he even know until he really tried? His life would be completely different if he took Convel's offer.

Meanwhile, back at the dens, Tala stood with her mother who she began to confide in. "What do you think he's saying to him?" Tala asked Fae. Her mother smiled, sweetly, like she always did. "You know your father, Tala. He means well." Fae responded. Tala looked back at her mother and sighed. "I hope he allows him to stay. I.." Tala looked down at the dirt floor beneath her paws. She curled her claws so that they dug into the dirt, each claw leaving a little indent. Tala cleared her throat. "I.. I want him to stay."

[Ashen]

There were many things an alpha could mean when he said to follow him. Kizasi tried to keep himself from worrying too much, but too many bad possibilities were racing through his head, and he didn’t know how to quell the anxieties they raised or the migraine they brought. He couldn’t guess at what Convel had to say to him, and away from Tala and his mate at that, but nonetheless, Kizasi obediently followed the alpha. There could be no harm in hearing him out, and if it turned out that Convel didn’t want him here, then Kizasi would figure out the rest.

The two slowly made their way away from the dens and the rest of the pack to venture deeper into the forest where no one would hear their conversation. Kizasi was on high alert, and part of him wondered if this was some kind of test. Would Convel ask him to prove himself out here somehow? What if he couldn’t? Once again, Kizasi scolded himself for overthinking. Speculation would only make his head ache worse, and he wanted to focus on the alpha. Finally, when Convel broke the silence settling around them, Kizasi found it just a bit easier to breathe.

What did he want? That was the question, wasn’t it? He hadn’t been able to consider such a thing while he was a pup, and now, as a fully-grown wolf, he had never bothered. It was true that the pack hadn’t known him long, and that he hadn’t known them, but in the short time he’d spent with Tala, he felt he’d gotten to know her well. He had learned a lot—about her, and the wolves who’d raised her, about wolfkind, about the world. And he had liked what he’d learned and all the possible futures it meant for him.

Kizasi did want to be a part of the pack. He wanted to treat them as his own, to cherish them, to enjoy spending time with them, to have their trust. But he knew there was an obstacle to that. They could never trust him if they didn’t really know who he was.

His fur bristled, and he sat down to stop his paws from fidgeting too much. Antsy, he shifted his weight, a being in constant motion. He knew he had many quirks, and he knew, like his mother, that made him undesirable to any pack. But that was far from his biggest concern, now. “Convel,” Kizasi started, his voice quiet and careful. He didn’t know where to begin, or how, and the weight of his silence settled on his chest. He took a breath, got up, and turned to face Convel again. “Before you consider accepting me, I think you need to know something about me first.”

It was finally time to come clean about what he’d been sent here to do. It was the reason he was here, the very thing he’d been raised to do, though now, it was an embarrassment that he’d even considered it. His voice was low and uncertain, as if speaking too loudly would somehow add more weight to his words and make them more dangerous.

So, Kizasi told Convel about his mother, the wolf who had been banished from her pack—this pack—by his own father for daring to want pups. He told him about her illness, about how it was like his own but much worse. And he conveyed to him her anger, in the way she raised him, in the way she talked about her old family, in the way she viewed the world. She had brought him up with the sole intention of getting revenge on Convel’s pack.

That day, seemingly so long ago but realistically a few short weeks ago, Kizasi had approached the pack with the intentions of gaining their trust and stabbing them in the back. But Kizasi told Convel about Tala, about the ray of sunshine she was, and about how she had shown him there was more to life than fulfilling the wishes of the misguided dead. How she had made Kizasi feel more welcome than he’d ever felt before. How she’d made him see the good in himself, despite all he was supposed to be.

Kizasi didn’t have to follow his mother’s orders—and he didn’t want to. He wanted to share in what Tala had: a family who loved her. He wanted to be part of something, a world greater than he’d ever known, and he wanted to do so with Tala by his side.

When he finished talking, he felt that the weight he’d been holding had drifted off. Never before had he gotten to talk about all that, and now, he was relieved that it was not his burden alone. It was a lot to take in, and Kizasi could only hope Convel saw that he was telling the truth, that he didn’t want to kill them, and that he only wanted to join their family with a clean slate.

[giraffesrkewl]

Convel sat quietly beside Kizasi as he let him speak. He watched Kizasi's slight movements and body language but he himself did not break the stale stare he gave Kizasi. No emotion, just listening and watching. As Kizasi spoke Convel could feel the relief come off of the dark wolf. He did believe he was being truthful. That animalistic sense that wolves had were very helpful in situations like this. It was very hard to fool such a wise creature with how in tune they were naturally. It did make Convel reflect though. He began to reflect to his own pup hood. Convel honestly was glad he wasn't his father and he always vowed that he wouldn't be. His father was a very rough and to the point wolf and he had given Convel a few scars as he grew up, believing he was shaping him into the Alpha warrior he needed to be. It however only made Convel resent him, something he shared in common with Kizasi that was now apparent.

It was a vague memory, very vague, but Convel did remember the story of Kizasi's mother. He was very young when it all happened, like barely leaving the den age, but he remembered. Although Kizasi's mother was unstable and that was a visible trait of hers, she didn't deserve the treatment Convel's father dished out and he would not do that to Kizasi.

"I am not my father and therefore I can not apologize for him. But I am sorry, Kizasi. I'm sorry for the treatment of your mother and how that effected you." He was sincere in his apology. "I also respect your admission and your truthfulness. It must not have been easy and I can see you are genuine." Convel gave a nod in respect to the wolf that sat in front of him. "I believe however, that you should tell Tala yourself. She needs to hear that from you, not me. You have my blessing, especially after all your honesty. You are welcome to call this place your home and us your family." Convel let the smallest bit of a smile break through to finalize his statement. "Tala has the final call. If you'd like we can head back and you can speak with her." Convel then got up from sitting and shook off his pelt allowing the cloud of dust that had built up to fly off of his coat. "If you're ready."

It wasn't long until the two males were back in the den area. Fae and Tala, well more Tala, were eagerly awaiting their arrival. Tala could read the tone of her father fairly easily. Clearly whatever had gone down had not gone badly but she wasn't exactly sure what was about to come. Convel passed by his daughter and joined his mate with an affectionate brush of the neck. "Let's give Kizasi and Tala some time." He said to Fae before they walked off together. Tala looked curiously at Kizasi. "What did he say?" She asked eagerly.

[Ashen]

Convel’s apology was a welcome comfort after years Kizasi had spent not knowing he’d wanted to hear it. He wished his mother could have been there. He didn’t know if it would have made a difference to her, or if she would even believe him, but maybe it was something she had needed to hear too. Kizasi bowed his thanks on her behalf.

Now, all that was left was to tell Tala. Kizasi knew that Convel was right: Tala deserved to know about the wolf she had been spending so much time with, and he was the only one who could tell her. Kizasi couldn’t help but wonder how she would react. He’d been lying to her since he’d known her, and he wouldn’t blame her for hating him. As he thought about it, he realized he was more afraid of Tala’s reaction than her father’s. Letting out a shaky breath, Kizasi tried to clear his mind to keep himself from panicking.

They returned to the rest of the pack, and Convel approached his mate and daughter with Kizasi not far behind him. As Convel spoke, Kizasi was only thinking of Tala. Even if Convel had accepted him into the pack, as part of his family, it would mean nothing to him if Tala did not forgive and accept him too.

After Convel and Fae had left the two of them alone, Kizasi hesitated, not knowing how to talk with Tala. He didn’t know how to answer her questions. He felt embarrassed to be in front of her, and awkward, and he knew the only way to calm down was to get everything off his chest. So, Kizasi drew a breath, and he started.

“Your father accepts and welcomes me into your pack,” he said, and he turned away before he could see Tala’s premature smile. “Ultimately, though, he thinks the decision should be yours. Before you decide, there are some things you should know. I… I am not who you think I am.

“When I first approached you, I did so with the intention of winning your trust so that I could betray you.” Kizasi told Tala bout his mother, but this time, he revealed that the pack that had banished her was Tala’s grandfather’s. He talked about his upbringing, and his mother’s rage, and finally, he talked about his intentions to get revenge on Convel. When he finished, he looked smaller, vulnerable, but somehow relieved.

He turned back to her with a genuine look in his dark eyes. “I understand if you do not want me around your family,” he said. “I hid my intentions and spent time with you while plotting your death. But I am changed. You changed me. And regardless of your decision, I will forever be thankful to you for that.

Kizasi got up and approached Tala, his tail between his legs and his head lowered. “I am sorry,” he continued. “I’m sorry for not being truthful, and for hurting you. For planning all this. I’m sorry.” He met her eye. “But I don’t regret the time we’ve spent together, and I hope you don’t, either. It’s made me a better wolf.” Kizasi hesitated, his gaze falling again before coming back to her piercing eyes. “So,” he said. “Now that you know who I am, what is your decision?”

[giraffesrkewl]

Tala's heart sank the moment Kizasi told her he had to tell her something. She could sense that something was off and every bit of her being in that moment was prepared for heartbreak. She had built so much with Kizasi already and she was scared that was about to get ripped away from her. But, as Kizasi began to speak Tala became less anxious, at least in that way, and more focused on his story.

It was a sad story, honestly. She didn't even really pay too much attention to the part where Kizasi had originally planned to murder her family. She knew that wasn't him and it was all thoughts that his mother had put inside his mind. She had crafted a malicious creature when she was raising Kizasi but thankfully deep down there was a lot more to Kizasi than that. He just had to be shown a real family. He just had to be shown love.

She watched the emotionally battered wolf turn back to her and meet her eye. She could see the defeat he had inside him. She couldn't imagine all that would do to a wolf over time. It seemed like Kizasi got out of it just in time though and for that she was very thankful. She looked back at Kizasi with so much care in her eyes. She rose and before she even knew it she was pushed up against Kizasi brushing her neck against his in an intimate gesture, like a genuine hug.

"I do accept you, Kizasi. You've shown me just as much as I've shown you on our journey together. I'm sorry about your mother, I truly am." She dipped her head quick before looking back up at Kizasi. "No one deserves that type of treatment and I'm sorry you were raised with so much hate. It's very easy for me to say though that that's not who you truly are. I see so much in you." She said with a smile. "I would love for you to spend the rest of your days here with my pack; with me."

Tala was finally letting herself feel the feelings she had been suppressing for a bit now. She had really grown close to Kizasi. She believed she even loved him. She wanted him there for future journeys. She wanted him there for all the pack duties. She wanted him there for potentially.. her own family some day. Kizasi was the unexpected blessing that she thought had just stumbled across her pack. She just found out it was no accident but at this point it didn't matter. They were in each others lives and Tala hoped very much that it would continue that way.

[Ashen]

As Kizasi told Tala his truth, and as he waited in fear for her reaction to all that he had been raised to be, he saw the pain in her gaze. She did feel for him, and though instinct told him to brush off her sympathy and claim that he would rise above his past and get over it, he was warmed that she so easily could tell how genuine he was. When he finally finished speaking, he waited for Tala’s decision. If she wanted him to stay in the pack, he would gladly, and try his best to be part of a family. If she wanted him gone, well. He would respect that, too.

She approached him, her fur brushing against his own in a gesture that was kinder than he deserved. Kizasi tensed, not used to such intimacy, and especially not from someone he had betrayed, but once he realized what Tala meant, he leaned into her too. She did forgive him, and even beyond that, she valued him. It was a strange feeling, being wanted, and Kizasi didn’t know what to make of it, but his whole body felt lightened by this relief. Tala forgave him. That meant that he was welcome into this pack, into a real family based on love, not hatred.

He was suddenly hit with a wave of new emotions. Kizasi wanted to prance or cry or howl or laugh, or some combination of all of them at once. Tala saw the value in their time together, but then, he’d known she would. She was that kind and trusting, and he couldn’t believe how lucky he had been to meet her. He hoped to continue to grow and learn together, because nothing would have made him happier.

~~~

That night, after a long day spent getting to know his new family and adapting to his new home, Kizasi paced his own den. Tala had insisted on sleeping with him, and he hadn’t been inclined to argue, but he was worried his pacing would wake her. There was a smile on her face, and he wondered what she was dreaming about. He wanted to join her, but there was something he had to do first. He slipped out into the night without a sound.

The rest of the pack was sound asleep except for those keeping watch, so it was easy enough to creep between the dens unnoticed. Kizasi went to the edge of their territory, to a cliff overlooking a river and a forest below. He laid his head onto his paws and sighed.

“Mother.”

He knew she couldn’t hear him, and that she would never hear him again, but he needed this closure more than she did anyway. His golden eyes looked to the starry sky, chasing all the constellations his mother had taught him the names of. He shifted. “I am sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. I needed to choose happiness, and I hope someday you will forgive me.” He stayed out there long into the night, speaking with the ghost of his mother, telling her about his new pack, about all the wolves he’d met, and finally about Tala, whom he’d hoped would stay in his life for a long time. He knew this would be the last time he spoke with his mother, the last time he would let her have any hold on his life, even if it pained him to say goodbye.

And when he was done speaking to the wolf who had brought him into the world, Kizasi turned and headed back to his den, where Tala was waiting for him to start the rest of their lives—together.