Genevieve's curt words felt like a slap in the face. Sam stood stupidly in her doorway, stung. So, she was mad about him leaving, too. Hadn't she been the one who had said she needed space from him? He'd only been giving her what she'd wanted. Sam shifted awkwardly, trying to figure out how this had gone wrong too. Maybe, he mused, he would just never understand humans at all.
But as confusing as this all was, he still knew he was at fault. Sam had lied to Genevieve, and he had committed an unspeakable crime besides, and he had dumped all of this on her without giving her a chance to properly respond to him. Sam didn’t know where to begin in addressing all that. He let himself inside her house and let out a long, low breath as he turned his words over in his head. “Genevieve, I…” His voice was quiet, as if speaking any louder might somehow make things even worse. He turned to face her and started again.
“I am sorry. I didn’t want to tell the truth about how I was because even now it still sounds ridiculous. The second angel to have ever been thrown out of my god’s embrace. How humiliating. But while that’s an explanation, it’s not an excuse. You still deserved the truth, and the option to decide for yourself what to make of me.” Sam turned away, his thoughts whirring. She had still let him back into the house, so that meant she wasn’t completely repulsed by him… right?
“I’m sorry for leaving too,” he said, bringing his attention back to her. “Angels don’t have emotions, you see. Not in the same way humans do. So all of the things I’ve been experiencing this past while are completely new to me. I was a guardian, so I worked with humans every day, and I was required to study their emotional responses, but that’s nothing like actually feeling them. They’re disarming, and I feel completely out of my depth.” Sam bit his tongue to stop himself from rambling further. He then added, “But again, that doesn’t excuse what I’ve done.”
This was so painfully awkward. Sam didn’t know if Genevieve would want anything to do with him, or why, and the stress of the situation was making his head hurt. He took a moment to count his breaths and focus on his surroundings, steadying himself. “I don’t…” he started, but that thought died on its way to his mouth, which was now feeling especially dry. Sam looked into Genevieve’s eyes, as if the murky color of them would tell him how she was feeling, but they didn’t. Sam was hopeless at that, too. Emotions were simply beyond his understanding at this point, his and others’.
He did, however, recognize the sadness in her body language, and the regret in himself for putting it there. Unable to handle these things, Sam decided the best thing he could do was communicate with the one he’d hurt. “So,” he said to her, “you know what I am, and you know what I did. What do you want to do?”
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