There was nothing but darkness.
Nothing.
She clawed at her mind desperately, searched every crevice, but that was all there was. That and the indisputable feeling that something should be there. She could feel the blood pumping through her body, coursing like a wildfire that burned every inch of her figure. Each pore was a pin-prick of pain, like a needle slowly driving itself against her skin, the sheer number causing an agony of such intensity that, for that moment, it dominated all her other senses. She convulsed in her distress, blind, deaf and mute, mentally ripping at the emptiness inside of her.
She held no concept of time but any onlookers would have witnessed her writhing last only a few minutes before her remaining strength diminished. Her body fell still although inside she remained in turmoil, a tortured soul without hope of escape.
Relentless - After hours of slashing through the void in her mind, the barriers began to break down. One emotion seeped through.
Fear.
The feeling held no logic, unaccompanied by a reason, but her instincts told her it was justified. Whether in truth the danger was real or imagined, her body made no hesitation in visually displaying her terror to any around, reacting to the threat as though there was no doubt to its existence.
Her heart pounded violently against her ribs as though attempting to break free from confinement, her entire body trembling, and her breaths reduced to weak, yet hastened, pants. Perspiration clung to her, each drop like boiling water burning at her flesh, yet deathly cold whenever the capricious wind would buffet her. Each alteration was like torture, every change causing her more and more agony. Tears welled up in retaliation but they scalded her eyes. It made no sense to her.
Slowly, she became more aware of herself, more in control of what she was doing. Her nostrils twitched, inhaling the musty odour, repulsed by the underlying smell of mould and rot. Her fingers jerked erratically, tearing up the damp earth beneath her hands. It was silent except for the gentle whistling of the icy wind that stung her cheeks and sent shivers down her nude form.
She didn’t know who she was and she didn’t know why that mattered but it felt wrong not to have an identity. She searched her mind for knowledge or memories but was faced again with nothingness. The least she could do was figure out her location.
Tentatively, she opened her eyes, as though only just remembering how to do so.
The first thing to grab her attention was the absence of colour. The bark on the trees was black, the leaves that grasped their branches a drab grey. They were strong, climbing up further than she could see - given her position against the forest floor - but the aura they gave off broke her heart. It was as though nature itself was slowly dying, leaving an atmosphere of despair. Fog clung to the surroundings, pressing down on her and hindering her ability to breathe. She felt smothered and the taste of the air felt strange, almost metallic. No matter where she looked, she was unable to see through the canopy to the sky. It caused her fear to spike further although she couldn’t work out why. Her eyes swivelled in their sockets, attempting to take in more of the environment, but lying on the floor as she was, her vision was limited. There were flickers of white all around but her eyes were too sore to make out detail.
The helplessness of her situation tormented her. She pushed against the soil feebly with her palms, elevating her torso a few inches from the ground before her muscles gave in. Her face slammed down into the mud. If not for the fear burning inside of her, she would have abandoned hope.
Again, she attempted to push herself up.
The Hoover whirled in her hands, sliding over the carpet smoothly, devouring the mess that had been left by her family. Crumbs and dog hairs alike fell victim to the attack of the machine in her hands as she drove it chaotically around the furniture without mercy. She never thought she would be the type of woman to get excited over a new household appliance but the vacuum cleaner was like heaven compared to her previous. No need to go over the same spot a hundred times, this one got the same results in just one swoop! She giggled in excitement as she realised she might now have time to watch Loose Women, practically jumping up and down happily in the middle of her living room without a care as to who might see her through the drawn blinds. The radio played uselessly in the background, drowned out by the Hoover’s gurgling, but she didn’t like the music they played anyway. Pop songs and romantic lyrics were too naïve for her taste… or at least the new ones were. Fourteen-year-olds singing about heartbreak seemed almost a mockery of love.
She chuckled as she thought about it, switching off the Hoover just in time to catch the phone ringing. Sometimes she thought she would kill for a moment’s peace. She had to sprint across the hallway so as to answer the call in time, leaping over the array of toys and unpacked luggage. She almost wished she hadn’t made the effort.
“Hello, is that Mrs Davies? We are ringing to query whether you are satisfied with your current car insurance policy. Here at ‘Drive and Save’, we can offer y-…”
She rolled her eyes and hung up on them mid-sentence.
It wasn’t lack of strength that caused her to fall back to the ground this time, but shock. The memory flooded back to her without warning. Instead of comforting her, it just elevated her panic – Like a candle in a pitch-black cave, all it did was emphasise the emptiness in the rest of her mind. She curled into a ball, limbs continuing to jerk involuntarily, coughing fits racking her body, as the wind grew harsher.
She wanted to lie there, refuse to move until her memories had returned, but the raging fear in the pit of her stomach called out to her, whispering one word,
Run.
A few minutes of frantic clawing at the dirt and she was finally able to summon the strength and knowledge to pull herself to her feet. Her success was not pleasant, met by stiff muscles and sore joints; it was tempting to lie back down again. Something in her mind encouraged her to move, however, despite the spasms of pain that shot up her thighs and back at every twitch of her body. She hunched over as liquid launched itself up her throat, scorching the inside of her mouth. Her recent lack of food and water meant that she was able to produce little in the way of vomit but that which she could was choked up over the forest floor without hesitation.
The colourless leaves were so fragile that they began to rot the moment the fluid touched them.
She clicked the button to lock her car, abandoning her vehicle in the middle of the shopping centre car park. Her children had just been dropped off at school, giving her the time to collect the food they would be needing that week. He would be returning home on Saturday so she would need to make sure to buy enough to feed all five of their family. She had to remind herself that her daughter had asked her to pick up orange juice. As usual, she had forgotten to write herself a list, instead attempting to remember the items off the top of her head.
However, she was momentarily distracted by a small girl, perched on the wall outside the supermarket. She only looked to be about five years old, her blonde hair whipped by the breeze, the dress she wore smudged by grass stains. She casually ate sweets from a white paper bag clasped in her grubby hands. Her parents were nowhere in sight but she seemed at peace. Her unwavering faith in their return, a display of childlike innocence. The smile that appeared plastered on her face, proudly showing off the gaps in her teeth, a hint at her naivety. Kathryn diverted her gaze and entered the supermarket silently.
When she exited two hours later, the child was gone. She could only pray that it was the parents that had picked her up.
The forest weighed down on her, trying to drag her to the floor with its atmosphere. She refused to yield, the urge to run still burning inside of her. The memories that flashed before her eyes felt like those of a stranger, as thought she was watching someone else live their life. She couldn’t feel an emotional attachment to the children she knew she had and that was perhaps the worst thing of all. Her heart felt empty.
Why?
The question seemed to hold some depth. It repeated over and over in mind, drumming itself across all her thoughts. She did not know why she asked it but it seemed the very essence of the pain raging inside her. She wanted to force it from her mind. To distract herself. She squinted around the clearing, wanting answers more than anything.
It was a shock to see so many share the space with her. They were people; she was sure of that fact. They jerked, their eyelids flickered. A few had even found their way to hands and knees as they tried to stand. They seemed… ghostly in appearance - The ground could be seen, albeit misty, beneath each of them. Was she the same? She looked solid to herself. A gut reaction of maternal instinct caused her to stumble towards the boy nearest her, a young thing with a blonde mop of hair. She only wished to help him to his feet, ignoring the thoughts – Why? Why? Why? - that pounded through her head without alteration. She stretched out an arm.
Her hand went straight through him.
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