[The following roleplay is rated [M] for Mature and may or may not contain adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.]
At the very least, he was grateful his almighty god has banished him from the heavens with the clothes still on his back. Even if his muddied tunic and mustard stockings set him apart from how humans usually looked, it was better than the alternative. Ptarsamiel picked himself off the ground and tried dusting off his clothes. His skin was still caked in dried mud and specks of blood, and his clothes were damp and ripped. He would have to find a new outfit before long, or else someone would call the local watchmen on him and he’d get into trouble here, too.
… Wherever here was. Sam took in his new surroundings. There was a river somewhere nearby, and a distant mountain looming, threatening, reaching for the clouds he no longer could. Several meters away, a few small houses lined a broken street, so he couldn’t have been too far from civilization. He would walk to one of those houses, knock on the door, and hope the person living inside—if anyone lived inside—would be kind enough to let him clean up a bit and gather his bearings. After that, he would… figure something out. Never one to plan ahead, Sam was sorely unprepared to deal with the results of what he’d done.
He sighed heavily and turned his gaze skyward, to the bright sky filled with light clouds. He wondered how his family was doing, what his god thought of him. They weren’t family anymore, he reminded himself, not since his trial, not since they’d unanimously voted to excommunicate him from the only home he’d ever known. How would the heavens even get on without him? More peacefully, he thought, a joke that wasn’t a joke, and a mirthless smile spilled onto his lips. But he had no time to think of how he’d gotten here. Sam was lucky to even be alive. His benevolent god, even if he had not thought him capable of being an angel anymore, had neglected to kill him, instead taking his divinity and making him an ordinary, mortal man. Sam wasn’t going to question his good fortune. He just needed to figure out what to do with the opportunity he hadn’t deserved.
But men were nothing like angels, were fragile and emotional and recklessly cruel to each other. Could Sam really survive as one of them?
A dull pain rumbled in his chest, and Sam grabbed at it, confused. Was he dying? Had his god decided to not let him live after all? The pain came from his heart, growing in intensity until it was the only thing he could think about, and he did not know what to do. He thought of the home he had lost, the loving god who had turned on him, the peers who had rejoiced at the news of his banishment. And he thought of the young boy, the one he’d been tasked to watch over, to protect, fragile body barreling over the tameless waterfall, the snaps of bones, the tearing of flesh, the frantic scream drowned out by the crashing of godless waves on jagged rocks. As his guardian angel, Sam had been responsible for his death, but he had not felt the least bit sad, or guilty, or ashamed. Emotions, after all, were a human’s curse.
And now, robbed of the grace of the heavens, without his wings, his halo, his divine abilities, a human was all he was.
He again collapsed on the earth, mud splashing onto his stockings, and he held his face in his hands. This pain wasn’t physical, was the emotional agony that humans often talked about but he had never understood. He had done so much wrong in his life, so much he should have been killed for, and instead, he was here, a man with a new beginning, drowned in the regrets he was only beginning to understand. His heart drummed fiercely in his chest and his hands trembled, but of all the herbology he had studied, he knew not the mixture to fix this. He was no man; he was a monster, and he deserved this torment.
The tears flowed freely, another new experience, and he wiped them away awkwardly. If anyone saw him now, what would they think? They’d be afraid, or they’d pity him, or they’d frantically run to get the local watchmen, and what could he tell them? How would he explain where he was from, or how he’d ended up here? Who would believe him? In this human form, not a soul on earth would recognize him now.
When the tears stopped, and when his heartbeat calmed to more manageable levels, Sam stood up again. The past was irreversible, at least to mortals, and he would have to move on with the knowledge of the things he had done. All he could do was repent, and strive to do better. Prove to his god that he was worthy of being an angel, one who was sorrowful, one who would make up for the mistakes he’d made.
So Sam started for those houses, wiping from his skin and clothes the proof of his mistakes. He knew, whatever he did to prove himself to his god, he would not be able to do it alone. He’d need someone, a native of earth, someone who could get him on his feet until he could figure out a plan. Even if he looked dirty and delusional, he hoped he would find someone, anyone, who could help.
He glanced back towards the clouds, pretending he could see his former home out there between the sunlight. He would make it back. He would prove to everyone, to himself, that he did not deserve to be here, that his home was out there, and he would stop at nothing to be back.
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