I watched Preach enter the room with a sullen expression on her face. With a curious furrow of my brows, I sucked up the last of my vanilla milkshake (the best kind around, in case you were unaware) and moved over to her.
“Preachy Pie, what's going on? Why're you so bummed girl?” I asked as I tossed my empty cup in the garbage next to her. “And why are you hanging out next to the garbage. That's pretty gross.”
“It's Ana!” she wailed, sinking to her knees. I didn't know why she did that, dramatic effect maybe. Regardless, it was dumb, because now her face was right next to the garbage, and knowing the heathens of RPA, well, it was anybody's guess what was now keeping my old milkshake cup company.
“What about her, what happened?” I queried. The last time I had seen her, I'd told her that her presence was required by Preach herself. “Weren't you guys hanging out, burning candles together? Having a séance, summoning the dead, casting a spell or whatever it was you guys did?”
She glared at me. “You can't summon the dead with a candle, you idiot. You need way more stuff than that. And yeah, we were, but then... but then... well, we maybe accidentally started a fire. Like, it wasn't a huge one or anything, but some stuff – I guess it was irreplaceable? - got burnt to a crisp and, well, Nastia got in trouble for it. It kind of was her fault though, I mean she was the one waving the candle around while laughing maniacally...”
“Oh really,” I replied dully. I wasn't so sure Nastia was the one waving the candle around. Preach was kind of known for being unstable, though nobody really said that to her face. What? She's unstable, you'd be a fool to talk shit about her where she could hear you!
“Yeah, and it was Merry's so Ana got the boot.”
“The boot?”
“Yeah, Merry sent her to boot camp.”
“What does boot camp have to do with anything? Shouldn't she have gone to an asylum if she was waving a candle around like a wacky inflatable tube man?”
“The heck's a wacky inflatable tube man?”
“You know, one of those... uh, wacky inflatable tube men things? Ugh, whatever, it doesn't matter. She was waving a candle around like a crazy, so why'd she get sent to boot camp?”
“I don't know, you'd have to ask Merry, I'm not the one who made that decision. BUT ANA'S GONE!!”
I found her random bouts of melodrama to be lacking in entertainment so I hmmed and left her to get more acquainted with the garbage can. It didn't really look like she'd been planning on getting up any time soon.
I was off to find Merry and ask her about the whole Nastia-boot-camp situation.
Instead of finding Merry, however, I ran into Juni who was scampering around after a small fluffy kitten. It was pretty cute. The cat, not the scene in front of me.
“What are you doing, Juni?” I asked loudly from the doorway. I'd stopped to get another milkshake, so I slurped it obnoxiously while I waited for her to respond.
She glared at the slurping noises and lunged after the kitten. She just barely missed, and the animal scurried underneath a chair.
“Dammit, what are you slurping that damn thing for?”
“Funsies, what else?”
“Well stop, you're making it harder to catch my baby!”
“Why do you have to catch it? Shouldn't it just come to you?”
“Are you trying to say I'm a bad mother?!”
I gave her an affronted look. That wasn't what I was saying at all!
“No, of course not, I just thought that if it wanted to spend time with you it would come to you right?”
“I refute your logic on the grounds that you're dumb.”
“Okay, so that's valid... obviously.”
“Of course, it even has the Nazgul stamp of approval, see?” I was shocked to see her whip out a piece of paper with a stamp on it. Upon close inspection, it was rather easy to see that it was a yellow thong, though it looked a bit dirty. Typical Nazgul. Guess the new mods forgot to do his laundry... or wait, would that even matter? It was a stamp, not the real thing. Well, whatever.
“I guess I'll have to have a talk with Nazgul then... speaking of having a talk with an admin, have you seen Merry around? I guess Nastia and Preach were playing with fire and Nastia burned something valuable that was Merry's so she's going to boot camp?”
“Oh yeah, I heard about that. Yeah, Merry's in her castle using V for target practice. She's pretty upset about whatever it was that Nastia burned.” She shrugged and stuffed the paper back in her pocket.
“Alright, thanks.” I slurped once more before jumping out of the room. I really didn't need Juni's wrath targeted towards me.
I entered Merry's throne room and saw her throwing drinking glasses at V who ran from one end of the room to the other. They shattered when they hit the floor, leaving a mess everywhere which I was sure Merry would have V clean up later if she didn't knock him out first.
“Yo, what's up?” I asked, drinking slowly from my third milkshake. Those things were addictive, what can I say?
Merry glared at me, but did cease throwing cups at V. He bent over and breathed heavily. “Ana has upset me,” she said primly, before tossing the cup she was holding at V who yelped and jumped away at the last second. Merry didn't reach for another glass.
“That sucks. So you sent her to boot camp then?”
“Yes, I did, but I should've done worse.”
“Right, boot camp has nothing to do with being a pyromaniac!”
“That is not what I said.”
“So, what'd she burn anyways?”
Merry's face crumpled and she sniffled a few times. Uh oh, guess it was really important.
“She burned my favorite heels,” she said in a solemn tone.
I gawped at her for a second before shouting in outrage, “BUT THOSE SHOES WERE PERFECT!”
“I KNOW!”
“OH MY GOD AND ALL YOU DID WAS SEND HER TO BOOT CAMP?”
“I know, I'm really too nice.”
“I'll say.” I slurped more of my milkshake. V was oddly quiet, but not too oddly quiet that I actually wanted to start a conversation. Now that I knew what happened to Nastia I was content to go home and take a nap. So I did.
“I'm gonna go. Try not to give V a concussion, Merry. I'll need him later for something important!” and with that I left to the sounds of breaking glass.
Man I loved RPA. And naps. Naps were the shit.
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